Monday, July 23, 2007

A warning to you Muggles

The purchase of the latest and final Harry Potter book could result in the following:

  • Extreme exhaustion - Due to the reader's reluctance to put the book down and, therefore, get some damn sleep already.
  • Migraine headache - An unfortunate side effect resulting from the constant refrains of "MommyMommyMommyMommyMommyMommyMommyMOMMY! Pay attention to ME Mommy!" coming from the reader's child or children. And, eventually, because the young child or children, once realizing that the attention they so badly desire is not forthcoming, throws her or himself down on the floor in a full-fledged tantrum. Under normal circumstances a simple tantrum would not induce such nagging pain, however these are not normal circumstances (See Extreme Exhaustion above).
  • Sore jaw and dry eyes - Both suffered by the reader - who stares in amazement, unblinking, while absorbing every heart-stopping chapter with jaw slack and hanging to floor - and by the reader's child or children who will spend far too many hours in front of the television until the book is finished (and we all know what young kids look like while watching TV, don't we?).
  • A sense of disconnectedness from the outside world - Due to the reader breaking all contact with family, friends, the television and internet, and of course newspapers (why would you reader anything else when you could be reading Harry Potter??) until the book is finished.
  • Skin irritation, redness and itching - Because the reader, in her excitement to finally start reading the last book in the series, forgets to put on sunscreen before sitting in the sun for three hours, resulting in a horrible sunburn across her chest.
  • A horrible sense of loss and mild depression - When the reader is reaching the end of the book and realizes that this is the last time she and Harry, Hermione, Ron, and the rest of the characters she's come to love, will never meet again within the hardcover pages of a book. Sigh.
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms you may be suffering from Harry Potter-itis. Do not consult a doctor - because your doctor will probably laugh you out the door, if they're not already too busy with their own nose stuck in the last Harry Potter book - but know that you are not alone. We'll get through this together.

Just another Public Service Announcements from your friends at Chicky Chicky Baby.



(I'm almost done with the book. I know some of you have already finished it. I don't want it to end.)

(Hold me.)

33 comments:

Whirlwind said...

Hahaha -

I loved it.

I stayed up to midnight last night to finish the darn books. Then, wouldn't you know it, the girls were wide awake and ready to go at 6:30.

I have mixed feelings about the book - maybe we can discuss when your done.

Avalon said...

My daughter got it Saturday afternoon in the mail and was finished by Sunday morning. She was slightly disappointed with the ending.

For the Love... said...

I loved it! Got it about 6am sat and was finished by 5pm...had to cook for the flyingmonkeys and all.

I really loved it, best of the series!

It has taken two days to get feeling back in my parts of my arse and my "dry eye" under control.

Kimberly said...

I'm in the same boat. On one hand, I want to savor it--read and re-read every glorious word. On the other, I just want to finish it ASAP so as not to have it spoiled for me (and also to find out how it ends of course).

Major Bedhead said...

Heh. I read it while preparing meals and if I could have managed, I would have read it while changing diapers. I didn't put it down until I was done. I will freely admit to getting very weepy in places.

It was 95% excellent, 3% clunky and 2% what-the-hell-was-she-thinking, does-she-not-have-a-continuity-person?

I am very sad to see the end of this series. I loved watching the characters grow up and I feel like a little bereft now.

Oh, The Joys said...

Must get a copy...

cape buffalo said...

I am so torn now between my desire to leave work and sleep (sweet, precious sleep, how I do miss thee) and read work and finish the damn book.

will you please cross-post this at the bookclub?
www.supercoolestbookclubever.blogspot.com)

Jenifer said...

I just got it and plan on starting it tonight. I have told myself that i AM NOT ALLOWED to pick it up until the house is clean and the kids are in bed...... but it's there.... calling me....... come read me!!!!!!!!!

At least I know I still have all that new Harry Potterness to enjoy while a lot of people are right now feeling the let doen of it being "over."

Happy reading!

flutter said...

I finished it, I loved it, and I am so sad the series is done.

mamatulip said...

So, what happened in the end?! I've never read any of the books, ever.

kittenpie said...

i'll hold you, as long as you DO NOT tell me ANYTHING about it. My husband is reading it first, and I'll be too busy at BlogHer to be reading, so I'm waiting to get back. as I said to Sandra, I am dreading that inevitably, some big mouth will spill the beans in Chicago and I will have to kill them and then I will have to wait 25 years to life to read it...

Tina said...

I bought the book early Saturday morning and have been reading ever since. My husband and kids pouted yesterday when they realized their dinner was going to consist of a fist full of pretzels and some stale Corn Pops...I'm reading Harry Potter, after all! I admit, I read the last two lines BEFORE I started so I knew how it ended. I love the book, and plan to have it finished by Friday (at the latest). There have bene a couple of parts where I've read with one hand over my eye...you know, scared of what's going to happen next...

Redneck Mommy said...

Okay, I'll spill...I'm not a Potter fan.

But I'm dying to know...does Harry bite it?

TELL MEEEEEEEE!

GRAY MATTER MATTERS said...

You left out one of the most important side effects--
Reduced Sexual Appetite
My husband was so preoccupied with the book that he didn't make his usual Sunday night overtures
Harry, you really are magic!

Christine said...

I almost closed this - I want NO spoilers. We're on vacation next week and the plan is to wait until then. Doubtful at best.

We own two copies each of the last three books so we don't steal from each other.

Yeah, Gray Matters, Harry = No Sex.

SPILL NO BEANS!!

BOSSY said...

bossy isn't really into it yet... She's waiting for the movie version of Nora Ephron's "I Feel Bad About My Neck."

Kevin Charnas said...

I think these symptoms are going around...

consider yourself held.

canape said...

Read it. Loved it. Sad now.

pinks & blues girls said...

I just never got into Harry Potter! But I am obsessed with many things, so I don't begrudge anyone for going nuts for the Boy Wizard!! :)

Hope you enjoy the rest of the book!

Jane, P&B Girls

andi said...

Thanks for the warning. If only I could actually use your advice, but alas, that stupid Canada Post has foiled my plans again. And I am still waiting for the book. It's killing me, I tell you. Killing me.

moosh in indy. said...

IF my copy ever comes it will be CASEY CASEY CASEY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

Alex Elliot said...

I really enjoyed it. I do have a couple of questions that I'm waiting to discuss. I'm sorry to see the series end, but I think she ended it well.

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

I'm on page 356. It's gonna be a few days more for me, fitting it in during the hour I have every night.

Lawyer Mama said...

I just bought it. The kids are sick today & I'm home with them so I'll probably start it at nap time. Do you think the odds of them taking a 15 hour nap are good?

Hannah said...

Finished it Sunday afternoon during toddler naptime. Read it too fast so as to get to the end before someone spoiled it for me. Now reading it at a more leisurely pace and am already enjoying it more the second time around.

Let us know when you've finished so we can discuss it without spoiling it for others.

Lisa said...

Wow. Its like an epidemic. You are in good company as I've heard of tons of people with the same symptoms! :-)

Hope you'll be all cured and ready to go for BlogHer!

Jenny said...

I so get this. I had Hailey literally JUMPING on my while I finished the last chapter and I couldn't even put it down long enough to distract her with a Spongebob video.

Now I feel all depressed though. *sniff* Someone do an imperius curse on JK Rowling and make her write another one.

Kyla said...

I definitely have it. Or had it. I finished the book Sunday. Can't believe it is over. *sob*

Sarah said...

I did the reading-outside thing with Goblet of Fire and found myself COMPLETELY toasted when I was done. I've learned my lesson.

FENICLE said...

I was on a trip & the airport was SWARMING with people of all ages carrying Harry Potter books Saturday!!! Me, not so much a fan.

Kristin said...

Um, please add "feeling like a big bully as you snatch the book out of your 10 year old's hand with the pronouncement: I read faster!

Nadine said...

Hahahaha! Too funny! Enjoy those last pages of Potter :)

Maureen said...

Summed up perfectly. Thank you.

I dare say I was suffering on the weekend, and now am in the throes of withdrawl.