Because if you don't help me I will be forced to go into great detail about my sex dreams

News Flash! Life with a preschooler and an infant is not conducive to writing.

No, really. I'm not making this up. It's really hard to string together a coherent sentence when you spend most of your days either making baby talk or saying nothing but "No. I said, No. N-O. No. No! NO!!!" to a three year old who obviously has the hearing of an octogenarian. The other precious few hours are spent drooling on my pillow dreaming of hot sex with John Krasinski.

What is it about that guy? Most of my sex dreams involve him or Neil Patrick Harris and nasty acts in barn lofts. Usually with a cow present. But I digress.

I have at least four posts in the hopper, posts I have spent some significant time on. But honestly, at this point I can't stand the sound of my own voice, so the sight of my own words? Please. Reading them makes my eyes itch.

The problem may be that I haven't been reading books lately.

Really? No time for books? Get outta heah.

I know, right?

During the recent move and first few months after C.C. was born I somehow managed to read all four books in the Twilight series - and sadly enough, none of my sex dreams involve hot vampire love with a certain undead named EDWARD. Nom nom nom - but I haven't found a decent book since. It's not for lack of trying, I'm just so out of the loop that when I enter a Barnes and Noble to check out the stacks, the sheer volume makes me run away screaming.

Or maybe because I'm embarrassed someone there will recognize me as the thirty*mumblemumble* year old woman who reads teen lit. Whatever.

The fact of the matter is, I'm a better writer when I'm reading. And this is where you come in.

(You didn't know this was audience participation day, did you?)

I need book recommendations. Preferably new releases so I can find them easily. Something that will make my brain work a little is not a bad thing. Chick lit must be kept to a sane level, so Jodi Picoult and the like will be considered but it won't go to the top of my list. I'm not oppossed to chick lit, I like chick lit as much as the next chick, but some makes me want to throw up in my mouth and, really, the last thing I need is to be known as the woman who reads teen lit, has sex dreams involving gay men and farm animals, and smells like vomit.

So tell me about the book you're reading or have recently read. Tell me about one you've got on your bed side table and haven't gotten to yet but you're dying to dive into. Hell, while you're at it tell me about the last hot sex dream you had and whether or not you think I'm crazy as a shit house rat for thinking Neil Patrick Harris might go straight for me one day.

Hey, it could happen. Bovines are optional.

MotherTalk Book Tour Review - the Daring Book for Girls

I don't usually do reviews on this blog, saving them instead for my reviews-only site. But I don't want you to think of this as a review but a sincere plea for you to go out and buy The Daring Book for Girls by Andrea J. Buchanan and Miriam Peskowitz for any of the girls in your life.

I had so much fun reading The Daring Book. Chicky is only 2 and a half and far too young for this book yet (I would say it's better geared toward 8 year old to about 12 year old girls) but when she's old enough I'll be ready. The book is a nice combination of old fashioned fun - like making friendship bracelets, I don't think I ever knew how to make them correctly even when I was a girl - and inspirational true stories for the empowered woman-in the making. For instance, there's a section on historic women pirates. How cool is that? Pirates! Yar. And it's immediately followed by a chapter called "A short history of women inventors and scientists". Cool x Pi to the fifth power.

I will admit that as a forever tomboy I'm more drawn to the chapters that seemed to say "Yeah, you're a girl but that doesn't mean you can't have as much fun as the boys" and less interested in the sections like writing letters and making daisy chains. But let's face it, when I was a girl, skinning my knees and racing my pink Huffy with the boys in my neighborhood, I was also interested in many of the stereotypical girly things like trying to master a cartwheel. I never did, but there's a section in the book that teaches you how to and how to do a back walk-over. I guess I'll have to stick to making ivy crowns. It's probably safer that way.

If I had nieces I would be buying them The Daring Book for Girls for Christmas. It's a blast. I don't, but when Chicky gets older she's going to think I'm the coolest mom ever when I help her make a fort in the backyard and we pretend to be spies. I'm looking forward to that.

A warning to you Muggles

The purchase of the latest and final Harry Potter book could result in the following:

• Extreme exhaustion - Due to the reader's reluctance to put the book down and, therefore, get some damn sleep already.
  

• Migraine headache - An unfortunate side effect resulting from the constant refrains of "MommyMommyMommyMommyMommyMommyMommyMOMMY! Pay attention to ME Mommy!" coming from the reader's child or children. And, eventually, because the young child or children, once realizing that the attention they so badly desire is not forthcoming, throws her or himself down on the floor in a full-fledged tantrum. Under normal circumstances a simple tantrum would not induce such nagging pain, however these are not normal circumstances (See Extreme Exhaustion above).

• Sore jaw and dry eyes - Both suffered by the reader - who stares in amazement, unblinking, while absorbing every heart-stopping chapter with jaw slack and hanging to floor - and by the reader's child or children who will spend far too many hours in front of the television until the book is finished (and we all know what young kids look like while watching TV, don't we?).

• A sense of disconnectedness from the outside world - Due to the reader breaking all contact with family, friends, the television and internet, and of course newspapers (why would you reader anything else when you could be reading Harry Potter??) until the book is finished.

• Skin irritation, redness and itching - Because the reader, in her excitement to finally start reading the last book in the series, forgets to put on sunscreen before sitting in the sun for three hours, resulting in a horrible sunburn across her chest.
  

• A horrible sense of loss and mild depression - When the reader is reaching the end of the book and realizes that this is the last time she and Harry, Hermione, Ron, and the rest of the characters she's come to love, will never meet again within the hardcover pages of a book. Sigh.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms you may be suffering from Harry Potter-itis. Do not consult a doctor - because your doctor will probably laugh you out the door, if they're not already too busy with their own nose stuck in the last Harry Potter book - but know that you are not alone. We'll get through this together.

Just another Public Service Announcements from your friends at Chicky Chicky Baby.



(I'm almost done with the book. I know some of you have already finished it. I don't want it to end.)

(Hold me.)