Thursday, July 05, 2007

A Pregnancy Refresher

When Mrs. Chicky and I met, we both commiserated about recounted our pregnancy experiences. Needless to say, neither of us really enjoyed being pregnant. Ok, fine, we hated it.

Since I personally will never again be pregnant (cue the “Halleluiah Chorus” please) due to Hubby’s snip-snip procedure (that’s the proper medical term, right?) immediately shortly after the birth of our third son, and only Mr. and Mrs. Chicky know whether Chicky Baby will one day be a big sis, I wanted to compile a list for Mrs. Chicky to commemorate our “hating on pregnancy” conversation.

So here you go:
What to Expect When You’re Expecting—A Refresher
By Sarah at In the Trenches of Mommyhood

GOOD: The obvious one, eating for two. Another helping of dessert? Yes please, this one’s for the hungry fetus, of course.
BAD: The raging heartburn that follows the inhalation of the second burrito (because you were eating for two).

GOOD: Bathing suits with skirts.
BAD: They’re necessary for coverage of your ass that suddenly looks just as pregnant as your belly.

GOOD: Having a valid excuse to shop for new maternity clothes.
BAD: Regular clothes become annoyingly tight and slutty looking are simply no longer an option.
GOOD: Shopping for new shoes!
BAD: Because in the third trimester, your cute tootsies suddenly look like Fred Flintstone feet.

GOOD: No vacuuming! It becomes way too heavy, don’t you know?
BAD: If not you vacuuming, then who? Dammit.

GOOD: Thicker hair, longer fingernails, clear skin and a rosy complexion.
BAD: Hair falling out, food embedded in longer fingernails (see eating for two above) and a face now prone to teenage-like acne breakouts.

GOOD: Feeling those butterfly flutters in your belly for the first time.
BAD: Looking down at your belly and seeing and feeling elbows and feet protruding out of it.

GOOD: Having your spouse or family members rub your belly and feel the baby kick.
BAD: Having random strangers come up to you and do the same.

GOOD: Bigger, perkier, voluptuous boobs rivaling those of a Playboy centerfold.
BAD: *Sigh* They don’t last.

GOOD: Finally going into labor after 10 months (because we all know it’s not really 9) of highs and lows, ups and downs, mood swings, forgetfulness, and clumsiness.
BETTER: The epidural.
BEST: Becoming a mommy. Whether it's for the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time. Just that indescribable feeling.

18 comments:

sam said...

OMG ROFL!!! LOVE it!!!

Binky said...

I have to admit, I loved the sight of little elbows and feet poking at my belly. It freaked the f--- out of my husband, though.

Lawyer Mama said...

Awwww! What a sweet post. Of course now I'm remembering why I hated being pregnant so much....

Krajcimama said...

They SO don't last - and to tell the truth...they will probably never be the same again. :(

This post is a great reminder of why I said (with both babies) I'm never doing this again - and why I'm even thinking I may want to in a few years.

kaliroz said...

So I'm not the only one with acne after having a kid?

This was hilarious!

painted maypole said...

very funny. my baby liked to kick the cats who would lay across my belly. The cats would then jump up and look at me as if I had kicked them. Alas.

Julie Pippert said...

LOL...LOL!!

This is a great list. I think you just recited both of my pregnancies, well, except for the bedrest part.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Why didn't I get this refresher course before Number 2? Amazing what you forget after giving birth.

Worker Mommy said...

You said it! Thank goodness I only had one pregnancy and got two out of it.

Well considering that my pregnancy was plagued with trouble from 17 weeks on...I guess it felt like a lifetimes worth of pregnancies though...

Em said...

Oh hunny, you've clearly forgotten quite a bit! (Which happens to be one the items!)

Take it from a currently pregnant woman (3 weeks to go!):

Good: Your wonderful husband telling you that you look "Sooo cute" when really don't feel that way.
Bad: Your stupid husband teasing you about being so big in front of friends. (BAD choice, baby-doll!)

Good: Being waited-on by others
Bad: Not being able to do a damn thing for yourself anymore.

Good: Beginning to bloom and not worrying about having a not-so-flat tummy anymore
Bad: Being in FULL-bloom and continuing to grow way beyond what is even remotely comfortable.

Good: Getting sincere compliments from nice people
Bad: Getting stupid remarks from blithering idiots.

Good: Eating whatever you want, whenever you want.
Bad: Throwing everything up and not being able to eat ANYTHING good because of morning sickness/food aversions.

Good: The second trimester
Bad: The first and third trimester

Good: Built-in entertainment (ie. baby flutters)
Bad: Built-in punishment (ie. the miniature kick-boxer in your belly)

Best: The miracle that happens inside you.

*to baby* Yes, that's right, I called you a miracle...now stop beating me up in there!

mamatulip said...

LMAO! I love this list!! Especially the 'bathing suits with skirts part'.

In the Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Oh Em--TOTALLY can tell you're preggo right now! You are sooo right. I was nodding my head vigorously as I read your comments. And having flashbacks to all 3 of my pregnancies. It will be over soon honey! Best wishes!

pinks & blues girls said...

GREAT list! I've never been pregnant, so I tend to focus on the BADs here and say to myself, "Um... I think I'll adopt!"

I just posted my first entry on NE Mamas... go check it out! :)

Jane, P&B Girls

mo-wo said...

I must admit I like not cleaning the cat box.

Queen Heather said...

Thank goodness we forget the bad after #1, huh?

Annie said...

Hilarious! and oh so true.

CG said...

I was laughing so hard at this and EM comments. I just have to add that the epidural is good, only if it works.
I do concure with you both on the BEST though, totally a miracle.

My Mininvan Is Faster Than Yours said...

Great points! And how come nobody ever told me your feet may get permanently bigger? PERMANENTLY?! Oy, oy, oy.