Wednesday, July 18, 2007

We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.

So the other day I was thinking that I really should post a few things about myself that someone meeting me in person for the first time - say, at Blogher for instance (9 days! 9 freaking days!! oh my christ, I don't have cute shoes yet.) - might need to know, lest they get the wrong idea from my blog that I'm actually fun in person and then be horribly disappointed when they find out the truth.

(That's me, the eternal optimist. Hasn't occurred to me that you all might actually like me. No. That would be silly.)

Then Deb, that damn women who for months taunted me with her "I'm going to Blogher", "Oops, no I'm not going", "Okay, maybe I will go", "No, I can't go", "Hooray! I'm going to Blogher!", kindly asked me and some other ladies to provide some insight into who the hell we thought we were. So I figured it was time to write it all down. You know, so everyone doesn't have to wait until I've had a few drinks in me to find out.

(And, no, this is not a meme. I refuse to call it that because there is a moratorium on memes on this here site until further notice. Unless I get tagged with a really good one - like "What five Hanna Barbera characters would you be" or "Name your four favorite pubic hair styles" - then I'll temporarily lift it.)

You're just breathless with anticipation, aren't you?

  • First of all, I'm shy. Really shy and incredibly self conscious. If I'm out of my element -which is any situation that happens outside the four walls of my home or in my dog training classes - then I tend to be pretty quiet. I'm an observer, y'all. I like to people watch. And yes, I'll be watching you.

However...

  • (I must preface this next tidbit with this disclaimer: I'm very interested in the Blogher conference itself and all it has to offer. I'm very much looking forward to hearing from the speakers and learning how to be the very best blogger I can be.)

    Ahem.

    Have you seen the movie "Blind Date" with Kim Basinger and Bruce Willis? You know, what ever you do don't get her drunk? Well, it's been years since I've spent more than a day or two away from my husband and my kid. Since I went on a short trip to Cancun with a girlfriend to celebrate our divorces, as a matter of fact. Let's just say I don't remember parts of that vacation and we'll leave it at that.

  • Did I mention I was shy? Yeah. You might not notice it, though. You might just think I'm "reserved", "aloof" or "a snooty bitch" but I'm not. Well, I am reserved but I'm not a bitch. All of the time.

Remember, I'll be watching you. (two fingers pointing to my eyes, then to your eyes, then to my eyes)

  • It's one thing to refer to myself as "Mrs. Chicky" online but it is completely another to refer to myself as my blog moniker in person. I've done it once or twice and it makes me feel extremely dorky. I may just introduce myself by my real name and let you all figure it out.
  • On that note, I suck at remembering people's names. If you're wondering why I'm staring at your chest it's because I'm rereading your name tag for the millionth time. And because I'm jealous of your rack.
  • I can put a lipstick in my bra and paint my lips upside down with no hands.
  • Turn-ons: The movies of John Hughes. John Cusack. Anthony Bourdain. Jeremy Piven (in his pre-Entourage days. Cupid, anyone?). Cookbooks and tell-all novels about the restaurant industry, wine snobs, or foodies in general. Men with nice legs. People who love dogs. And long walks on the beach at sunset.
  • Turn-offs: Rude people. Ralph Feinnes (outside of his work as Voldemort I've never cared for any of his movies). Colin Farrel (besides the accent I just don't see the attraction). Cruelty to animals. Skinny jeans (mainly because I can't wear them). Any cocktail that doesn't have vodka or gin and dry vermouth but are called "martinis" just because they're served in a martini glass. (Not that I won't drink them - they are mighty tasty - it's the overuse of the term that bothers me.)

So that's me in a nutshell (Oh no! I'm stuck in this nutshell!). Now I'm calling upon the Canadian contingent to play along (that would be you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and maybe you if you've decided to go after all. And any other Canadian lady I've missed). It's not a tag since this is not a meme. I just want to know more about all my Canadian sisters who will be attending the conference. And because, secretly, I want to be an honorary Canadian. I'm hoping someone will bring me a maple leaf pin or a toque or something. Maybe some poutine. Although, when I think of poutine, I think of poutine rapee. Mmmmm, poutine rapee. Now that is good food to eat after a night of drinking.

(And a huge shout-out to the person who can identify the quote in the title of this post. I felt it was quite relevant to the situation. Clues are sprinkled throughout this post.

Way to go Avalon and Painted Maypole. They knew the title of this post was a quote from The Breakfast Club. Not very hard, I know, especially with all my hints. But I'm standing by my lack of interest in Ralph Feinnes. Quiz Show was good, I'll give you that, but he just doesn't do it for me.)

(And I should mention that Redneck Mommy was nice enough to correct my poor Canadian cuisine lingo. Poutine is never spelled with an "S" no matter how many you order. My bad. But I don't know, I distinctly remember some pretty drunk Canucks ordering those in the diners after hours and it always sounded like "Poutines". But that could have been them slurring their words. Yeah, that's probably what it was.)

40 comments:

Avalon said...

Damn Mrs C., or whatever your name is on your rack. Too easy with the quote.

That would be the Breakfast Club.

And, I thought I liked you, but with that snarky Ralph Fiennes slap, I'm not so sure. Didn't you ever see Quizshow?

painted maypole said...

Damn. I had breakfast club, too, and it said no comments, so I thought I'd get here first, but someone must have been typing while I was reading.

Ralph Fiennes? OOO... I beg to differ. Although he has been in some bad movies. Like that one with the usually lovely Juliette Moore. (juliette? that doesn't seem right? arg. s omething like that)

Julie Pippert said...

I can't type due to tears clogging my eyes because you sound so fun and cool and I wwwwooooooon'tt kkkkkk-nnow because I ccccccc-can't goooooo (trails off into sobs, great huge self-pitying wracking ones)

kittenpie said...

Alright, I'll work on it. But mostly? I fall into the shy category, too. And I have crazy hair. I'll try to think of more for my post...

Motherhood Uncensored said...

Damn those Canucks. They always get all the love.

flutter said...

*sniffle* I can't go eeeeeeitttheeerrrr!

Kris said...

I'm shy too, and people sometimes think I'm aloof. Or a bitch. Which I'm not, at least not all the time. :)

Have a blast!

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Well, I'm neither shy, nor Canadian, but I'll be there. And if you DON'T say you are Mrs. Chicky I won't know who the hell you are. So you have to. Dorky or not.

You will get used to it. I sweart to God if I can get used to saying "Hi. I'm Goon Squad Sarah." anybody can get used to anything.

Just like how at the end of Mardi Gras nakedness seems natural.

mamatulip said...

Dude, you could pass for a Canadian here, if it weren't for that accent of yours. ;)

Have a great time...now quit reading this comment and go get some cute shoes!!

Mommy off the Record said...

Man oh man. With the exception of the lipstick thing, you could have been describing ME! I wish I were going but I'll be a little too close to my due date to fly out. :(

Redneck Mommy said...

Dude, I get bonus points cuz not only am I sleeping with you (snicker), I knew the name of that movie! Damn all ye who answered before I even knew the question...

So you love us Canucks eh? You're just saying that so I don't post pics of your hairy back on the net...

I'll do it. But only because I'm vain and egotistical and want the whole world to revel in all that is Redneckish.

(And by the way, introducing yourself as Mrs. Chicky is a whole lot better than introducing yourself as a redneck upon immediate introduction. Should have thought of that when I named my damn blog...)

Her Bad Mother said...

Well, lady, I'll say this: our turn-ons and turn-offs are EXACTLY the same, EXACTLY, except for one little skinny jean thing, which I have to fess up to, because my sorry ass can't (literally) carry much else off.

But if you can overlook my trousers, we can sip dry vodka martinis and discuss the ouevre of John Hughes and the brilliant hotness of Anthony Bourdain.

(and, yes, I'll take this up chez moi. ;))

In the Trenches of Mommyhood said...

That's it--we're totally going out drinking! Soon. Like after BlogHer so you can tell me all about it!

Kyla said...

I'm so excited. Can't wait to meet you.

jen said...

BC is one of my all time favorites. screws fall out all the time. it's an imperfect world.

can't wait to watch you watching everybody, dude.

moosh in indy. said...

Now that I'm aware that you won't be a snotty bitch, you don't like Ralph Finnes or skinny jeans we'll get along just fine. Plus we can try to whip up some poutine. Yank style. (I want to be an honorary Canadian too.)

mothergoosemouse said...

What the hell's poutine anyway?

I look forward to watching you watch me, although I'm fairly sure that thanks to sobriety, I won't be doing or saying anything all that interesting.

lildb said...

is it sad that I was immediately absorbed by your breakfast club title? that I was all, oh, that reminds me of the breakfast club?

yes. it's sad. it's sad that I have seen that movie more than -- probably a really quality, really mind-blowing one(s).

that and ferris.

too. many. times.

*when cameron was in egypt-land... let my ... cameron ... goooooo ...*

Sandra said...

You had me at the title girl friend. Am I revealing how much of a geek I am if I admit to watching it just last week?

And it's official as of late last night ... I AM GOING.

And I am bringing you a pin to make you an honorary Canuck my friend.

And I'll do your non-meme meme soon ... promise :)

~JJ! said...

Did anyone get the 'Oh No! I'm stuck in a Nutshell' quote from So I married an Axe Murderer?..bet not.

And yet, another reason why I'm pissed that I'm not going...I wanna goooooooooooooo!

something blue said...

Hey Chicky! (See it's a cool moniker) My husband's bad. He kept eating the chocolate that I had for you so I haven't sent the package which means I can soon hand deliver you a bundle of Canadian chocolate bars!

You can count me in on playing along.

Tuesday Girl said...

Have fun, I am jealous!

Hannah said...

This BlogHer thing, I'm jealous that I can't go. Have fun!

mothergoosemouse - Poutine is french fries, cheese curds, and gravy. Or a heart attack on a plate. It's a French-Canadian thing, only it's spread. We Canucks love to take an unhealthy, yucky-looking dish and turn it into a national obsession.

Was "I'm stuck in a nutshell" in I Married An Axe Murderer too? Because it was also in the 1st Austin Powers movie... oh Mike Myers, how could you??!!??

Binky said...

If it wasn't for the fact that we are currently balancing two mortgages, I would not be able to resist the temptation to book a last minute flight to Chicago. I should've done it before we got ourselves into this predicament. But I was too shy. Alas.

Damselfly said...

A shy girl who can put bra-held lipstick on with no hands?! Somehow, that's hard to believe.... ;) Hope you have fun!

Cris said...

LOL, too funny. I hope you have a great time. :)

Kvetch said...

I can't wait to meet you. But only if you stare at my chest. I'll take whatever I can get! :-)

MotherBumper said...

Oh my - I'll do my best...

I'm with you on Fiennes and in total 100% agreement on poutine being tops for post-drinkapades. We will get along just fine.

cape buffalo said...

As someone who knows what you look like in person, you could TOTALLY pass as Canadian. Walk around with a Molson and a box of Kraft Dinner and some milk in a bag. They'll never know.

You, Me, Sarahviz, and a night out after you return :)

Elizabeth said...

Poutine is french fries, cheese curds, and gravy? Cheese curds, like cottage cheese? That sounds...um...

Anyway! I'm looking forward to meeting you at BlogHer! If you are standing right in front of me and you tell me your real name, I WILL have to first stare at your nametag. But please find me, somehow-I'm staying at the W, if that helps!

andi said...

I could have written this post - well, except for the whole going to BlogHer thing. I fear the silly infant will not travel well. Perhaps we can meet for a martini at next year's conference?

pinks & blues girls said...

We can't make it to BlogHer this year (or any year, if it always falls on the last weekend in July... we have a standing family vacation that weekend) but I'm looking forward to hearing all the wonderful stories about blog friends meeting in person. I would love to drive cross-country sometime (it's always been a dream of mine) and meet some blog friends along the way!

Jane, P&B Girls

Oh, The Joys said...

Dude. I am not shy. Glue yourself to my side and I'll do all the work. (Cause I lurve, lurve, lurve you.)

Amber said...

Such a lovely stroll down getting-to-know you lane. I, too am EXCITED for BlogHer next week. And if I were you, I would consider myself IN with the Crazy Canuck Contingency. Kudos on the correct use of toque and poutine. Well, minus the 's'....

PunditMom said...

That lipstick thing ... VERY talented! :)

Bobita~ said...

I wish you could have seen my face when my Canuck BFF ordered poutine in front of me for the first time. Which she did for the sole purpose of seeing my reaction...because "poutine" sounds so similar to a naughty word. A word that has no business in the same sentence with "fries."

I hope I don't scare you when I run up and smother you with kisses at Blogher. I promise to come armed with a real Martini or a glass of red. Or both. Heh.

Lisa b said...

I agree with so much of this, especially about Fiennes.
Are you sure you aren't really Canadian just pretending to be a yank to throw your blog stalkers off?
I hate being called a socialist even though I am one. I turned down a job in the US and the would-have-been-boss called me one. I imagine she didn't even have a passport.

Lisa b said...

PS Kittenpie does NOT have crazy hair. I have no idea what she is talking about. (a boot)

Ruth Dynamite said...

Yeah - I'll be skulking around, quietly observing all weekend long.

Lawyer Mama said...

Ooh, I'm shy too. So I'll have to come sit by your side and silently watch everyone. Unless I get drunk. And dude, you like martinis too???? SQUEALLLLLLL!!! I mean real martinis?

And I think it's totally cool that you can do the Molly Ringwald lipstick thing. My boobs have never been that talented.