Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A series of unfortunate and unfortunately wonderful events

**Updated!**

Lovely, lovely people of teh internet, what is there to say besides Thank You for all the kind thoughts and personal emails you've sent me? I wonder after receiving them all what I have to give in return, besides stories of just how drunk one woman can get when let loose in Chicago. But even though my heart is still very heavy you've all raised me up enough so I can no longer wallow in my own misery. And if I start quoting Josh Groban songs you're all invited to throw rotten tomatoes at me.

Blogher, oh Blogher. What is there to say about Blogher that hasn't already been said? Most has been recapped by other bloggers so I suppose my post will have to be a personal message to those wonderful women (and men) I was fortunate enough to meet this weekend. My apologies to those of you who weren't there but I have pictures, if that's any consolation for making you go through this again. Fortunately, none of me as I was the morning I left for home, puking into a plastic bag in the cab to O'Hare. Not kidding about that. Not even a little bit.

But, dammit, they were free!

This is a thank you note, a love letter, to you all:

To Sarah, Devra and Izzy - who stayed with me while waiting for my lost luggage. You're all gracious and one great regret from this past weekend was not being able to spend more time with you. But, Sarah, you're right - Blogher was way better than seeing Sting. Even if I went without all my cute new clothes for the better part of two days.


Me, Devra and Sarah.

To Nancy - who made me a mix CD - which I'm loving! - but, unfortunately, I was only able to grab it before we were whisked away from each other. Why, oh, why was Blogher not longer? Didn't mean to grab and run, hon.

To Debbie - who gave me one of her shirts so I would have something to wear besides the clothes I had traveled in. Soul sistah, I envy your cheekbones and your spirit. If you're ever in Mass. you've got a place to stay.


To SueBob - I think I licked your stapler, but then we only had few moments to smile and wave to each other. I wish we had a chance to talk about our pooches together. And I'm referring to our dogs, not the fat rolls around our bellies.

To Bossy - Oh, fer chrissake! I wanted to put you in my pocket and take you home with me. But she's far too fabulous - and tall - for that. And did I mention beautiful? And tall? Jeezus christ!

Bossy and Mom 101. And right after I took this picture my camera blew up from all that fabulousness.


To Moosh and Jessica - the two women who kept me giggling all weekend because the two of you put the fun in "funny" (well, duh). One can not be in the company of these women without cracking a smile.

To the TO Mommies - I hate to lump you all in together because you're all amazing in your own right (and because it's a cop out, but I'm getting tired of all this linking), but together you're a force to be reckoned with. I'm not sure if it was their collective intelligence or their beauty that stunned me more. It doesn't really matter, though, because it all ought to be illegal.


Chicky thinks you're pretty cool too. And very fish kiss worthy.

To GGC and BMC - Mere words cannot describe them and that's all I'm going to say. Except, the cookies were yar. Believe me, you're sorry if you didn't meet those sexy bitches.


"BMC" now stands for "Bite My Cone".

To Lawyer Mama - Who knows deep down that I'm really a snarky bitch, and Pundit Mom - the sweetest woman in DC, and Ruth - who really is freaking dynamite... Many smooches.


CPA Mom, PunditMom, Lawyer Mama, some soon-to-be-drunk woman, and Sarah

And to everyone else - and you know who you are - you made it very easy for this social misfit to feel like her friends from the internet could be friends in real life if there had only been more goddamn time.


A bit of promotional product from Kristen. Eh, at least Chicky didn't put the other side in her mouth.

Oh, and to T., the best roommate ever - You and I could be the text book case of how two women from across a continent can meet online and become best buds. You may not know it yet, but you're going to Blogher again next year just so I can reciprocate your kindness. And please, if someone has a picture of the two of us can you send it to me? With the exception of our photo booth pictures, I did not get one single shot of T. and me together and that is tragic.


Yeah, I totally thought I was hot shit. Was I drinking too much at this point? Yes. Is there far too much licking? Yes. Do I care? Surprisingly, no.

Now I'm going to rest. If it wasn't enough to break out like a fourteen year old boy who had rubbed pizza on his face and have the skin around my lips flake and peel off right before Blogher, then lose my baggage, have to deal with the soul crushing humidity of Chicago (Oh fer chrissake! Someone get me a damn squeegee. Jeezus!), get horribly drunk and then horribly sick before having to fly home and then losing my grandmother less than 24 hours upon returning, but now I have a really bad head cold and I'm achy. It really is a wonder that I ever leave my house.


Can I has one? Pleeze.

I'm going to try to upload all my pictures so you can see them just as soon as I can figure out where to put them so my family doesn't find out I blog. Any suggestions?

**I started a new Flickr account and uploaded most of my photos. Go check 'em out.**

43 comments:

BOSSY said...

Aw fer chrissakes, woman, jest poot yer darn photos up already, wouldya? Jaysus.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Oooh, fun!!! Thanks for the pictures. It's nice to live vicariously through all you attendees!

flutter said...

Oh the fun...You guys are all so gorgeous!

Alex Elliot said...

It was really great to meet you!

Chase said...

I'm cracking up at the Cheezborger comment! LMAO!!!

And...how is it that I've never once seen a picture of you until just now? Odd.

BTW...I'm having one of those photobooths at my wedding. WOOOOOOO! Can't wait to get the family as drunk as you were. ;)

Kyla said...

I love the photo booth series. Awesome.

God it was fun, wasn't it?

PunditMom said...

So much fun! Thanks for the nice words -- does this mean I'm not allowed to fight with you over the last glass Barbera?

Assertagirl said...

Chicky: Someone PLEASE make me stop drinking!

Assertagirl: (takes nine thousandth glass of wine away from Chicky)

Chicky: (doesn't even seem to notice and goes on to hug someone, probably Bossy)

Wish I could have met you on the first day instead of the last!

metro mama said...

But it was free! What else can a girl do?

jen said...

you know, i miss being licked quite a bit. i keep trying to lick myself but it's not the same effect at all.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Assertagirl - No! Say it isn't so. Well, at least I had the good sense to ask someone to help me stop drinking. Thank you! And right back atcha.

~JJ! said...

Man oh man...that sounds like so much fun!!!

BlogHer hasta get to NYC!

mothergoosemouse said...

Does it help at all to tell you that I had not one clue how drunk you were? And it's not as if I was drunk myself, so you'd think I could tell.

But then again, were I not in my delicate condition, I would have been immersing myself in a glass of white right along with you.

Very much looking forward to seeing you again next year, if not before.

Lawyer Mama said...

You're right. It was too damn short! I keep telling everyone "I wish I'd spent more time with you" because there really just wasn't. enough. time. I'm feeling all depressed now because it's over. Sob!

I have a picture of you & T. Julie's in it too & you're all looking snarky & bitchy. I'll email it to you if I can find your email address. Or you can lift it from my flickr. Start your own Flickr account & just don't tell the family!

I had a hell of a hangover on Sunday. No projectile vomiting or anything, but I did throw up in my mouth a little when my plane took off. TMI?

Sarah said...

Green with envy. I sorta feel like I missed the prom or something! I am soooooo going next year.

kittenpie said...

Build a special extra Blog page! Or better yet, put them at my place. I had no damn camera.

We all talked about how much we loved you all the way home, honey. TO loves ya, baby!

Christina said...

I'm so glad you could make it this year!

And seriously? How much did you drink to make you sick on the ride to the airport? I drank several glasses of wine and two cranberry and vodkas, and woke up just fine. I think my party baby gave me back my alcohol tolerance.

I seem to have picked up a head cold, too. Ugh.

Karl said...

It was marvelous to meet you, a screeching hot babe. You were so gentle and refused to rip my clothes off in front of all those people. What great restraint you have.

Lara said...

i'm glad you had such an awesome time! next year, i'll get to meet you in person, instead of just via a card. :-P

kgirl said...

Are you ever GORGEOUS!! Glad Miss Chicky liked the swag :)

pinks & blues girls said...

Hurray, lots of pictures! Wow, what a fun time! So happy you had a fabulous time. Chicky is such a great model. But I do think that "lollipop's" expiration date will expire way, way, way before she is ready to use it! Time for the birds and the bees talk already!?

Jane, P&B Girls

cape buffalo said...

Hey,Sarah and Chicky- Sting was pretty... but not as pretty as all of you. Sounds like a great time. Can we all vote to have it on the east coast next year?

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

WAY BETTER THAN STING.

Sorry about the puking in a bag in a cab thing. I've puked in a bag in a car before.

NOT PRETTY.

ewe are here said...

Sounds like you had a fantastic time.

mayberry said...

It was freaking awesome to meet you although I don't believe I got licked. There's always next year.

dana said...

I can't believe I missed you. You were probably only steps away from me!

gingajoy said...

you were one among my list of people I wish I could have sat down with for way way longer. i loved seeing these photos, though:)

so sorry about your gram, T.

Heather Bea said...

Sounds like you had a fabulous time. All of this Blogher talk has gotten me back into the swing of things with my blog. After a little hiatus I feel like I am finding my way home.

Heather said...

My best friend and I met through blogging and live 1500 miles apart. Isn't it interesting how much people can bond over the internet?

BlogHer sounds like a great time!

motherbumper said...

I cannot think of a lovelier and nuttier group of ladies to be lumped in with - seriously, we are all freaky individuals but as a collective - DAMN! you'd better watch out. I'm so stoked that I now "know" you (ohhhh that sounds so carnal) and I will always consider you an honorary Canuck.

Mom101 said...

I have always thought that you have one of the most authentic and dynamic voices on the internet and it was such a pleasure to put a face with that voice - and find out that you do not, in fact, wear big pink sunglasses. I only wish we could have spent more time together amidst all the hoopla.

Hoopla! How often do you get to use that in a sentence?

Paula said...

Glad you're back.

Now I'm going to turn my green nasty self back to writing about my own fabulous weekend saga...of doing absolutely nothing.

cape buffalo said...

http://capebuffalo.blogspot.com/2007/08/and-i-lovingly-presented-her-swag-in.html

carrie said...

Seriously, y'all do not look as drunk as you were (or as drunk as I'd look with all that free wine, heck - free or not, I'd be snockered and it would show!) - which is a sincere compliment. You ladies know how to party and look gorgeous (all of you).

And your girl, she is cuter than ever, no?

Carrie

Momish said...

It is so great to see all these photos and the faces behind the voices. It sounds like you all had a great time! Thanks for sharing!

Lisa said...

I have to say... Being petted by you and Sandra at the same time on Saturday night... Was an experience. (I don't know if you even remember that. But I'm STILL laughing whenever I think of the two of you patting my head.) heeheee. I wish I could have spent more time with you both.

Julie Pippert said...

Sounds like a great time! Thanks for telling!

And showing!

But you won't lose the nice thing. Sorry.

;)

Julie
Ravin' Picture Maven

moosh in indy. said...

I didn't want to be the prude on Saturday night to say "SLOW DOWN ON THE DAMN WINE THERE CHICKY." But maybe I should have? Doubt you would have remembered my prudishness anyway eh?
I'm a little peeved about the Wunderbars, but AREN'T THEY AMAZING?

Redneck Mommy said...

The conference experience would not have been the same with out having to stumble in the dark to bring you a blanket while you were passed out in the...well, you know where you were.

LOL.

I love you. From the bottom of my hillbilly heart.

Better watch out for Moosh. She's still pissed you ate the Wunderbar I brought for her...

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Very fun BlogHer wrapup!

Kim said...

First time here! It sounds like you had a great time in Chicago. Sorry it was marred with the mishap of losing your luggage. And very sorry about your grandmother, too.

Nancy said...

I'm sorry we didn't see each other more, too. I know you weren't just trying the grab and run, though -- it was me that was mostly unavailable. Maybe next blog get-together?

mo-wo said...

I am so gonna Photoshop myself into that one with Sarah and Devra