Thursday, September 13, 2007

Where's Jake Ryan when you need him?

Yo, it's my birthday.

I'm gonna party like it's my birthday.

Which is to say, not at all. My husband is 3000 miles away so it's just me and Chicky. And the dogs. Maybe I'll throw us a bacon party. That will make everyone happy.

Bacon makes everything better.

We'll be like the pigeon in the Mo Willems books, except instead of a hot dog party we'll have a bacon party. And of course we'll invite Knuffle Bunny. Because nothing says a swinging good time more than a children's book about lost bunnies. I hear copies will be handed out at Diddy's next party.

And cupcakes! We can make cupcakes and gorge ourselves on frosting.

Bacon and cupcakes. Two great tastes that don't really go well together. But we're going to try it just to make sure.

Yeah, so, 35. I'm 35 years old. I wanted to write some grandiose post looking back on the last five years since I entered my thirties but it's really kind of a downer. Lots of death, lost jobs, a bit of depression, a butt load of uncertainty and self doubt. In other words things I'd rather not think about today.

I met my girlfriends and their kids at the park this morning and they brought me a coffee cake with "Happy 35th" and my name written in frosting on the top. That was nice.

My Nana left me a birthday message on my answering machine this morning, complete with music from her amazing singing birthday candle. That was nice.

Mr. C just called and sang the first two words of "Happy Birthday" to me. That was really nice. For about two seconds, until he told me he went to a totally nude strip club last night. In his defense I know he hates those places. It was "business". And I'm sure a lot of "business" is done in places where women flash you their coochies. I wonder if I should be worried about the flowers that were just delivered.

Where was I? Oh, my birthday. Yeah...

It's 78 degrees and sunny today. That's nice too.

Bacon and frosting and flowers and cake and musical candles... I should be happy right? Yeah, not so much.

I don't know why I always feel so blah on my birthday, it's not like traffic cops and mail carriers are going to stop what they're doing and serenade me from the street, complete with a dance routine and jazz hands. Though how cool would that be?

I think it started way back when I was 16 and nobody wished me a happy birthday until well after I had returned home from school. I shit you not, I was Molly-freaking-Ringwald for a good ten hours.

Or maybe it started on the day I turned 13 and my mom made her famous shoe leather steak and I choked on a bite, necessitating a maneuver cum Heimlich at the hands of my father. I still eat my food in really small bites.

And you'd think being that my birthday is on the thirteenth that the ones falling on Fridays would be horrible. Nope. Just the opposite. Those are always the best ones. Today is Thursday. So what does that tell you?

Screw it, I'm going to make my own party. We will have the aforementioned bacon and cupcakes party (but not together because the more I think about it it's really making me nauseous) and I'll cop a squat on the couch this evening and watch John Hughes movies. I've already been listening to albums from my youth for the past 24 hours and I will continue to do so even if my air keyboard solo during "That was Yesterday" only got me eye rolls from Chicky. She didn't even like my Lloyd Dobler impression during "In Your Eyes". I suppose something is lost when you're holding an iPod dock in two hands instead of a boom box.

But for now I'll just take a nap and hope to dream about Jake Ryan whisking me away to private birthday party for two in his little red Porsche. I won't even feel awkward about thanking him for getting my undies back.

62 comments:

Mrs. Chicken said...

Praise the lord and pass the bacon, woman.

I hope the second half of your 30s is filled with pork products and cupcakes.

Have a good day.

And remember, a nap is a nap is a nap, no matter what day it falls on. :)

heathersway said...

You say it's your birthday na na na na na na it's my birthday too yeah!

I thought I should inject a little Anthony Michael Hall in there for ya. So Happy Birthday and while bacon and cupcakes may not make it all better, it certainly can't hurt to try :)

Oh, The Joys said...

I'm pretty sure a Mo Willems party is a Hot Dog party.

(Can I drive the bus?)

(Rooster goes around saying, "I have dreams, you know!)

Happy Birthday my Virgin friend. Mine is Saturday. The big For-tay!

temporarily me (sam) said...

Happy Birthday Chicka!!! I hope you have a great one. Indulge in some bacon.

Avalon said...

You sure do celebrate your birthdays in some odd ways.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MRS.C!!!!!! FWIW, I have informed all the traffic cops and mail carriers in my immediate vicinity. They send their birthday wishes too ( and a few of them were HAWWWWTTTT)

Redneck Mommy said...

Happy birthday Chicklet!

I'd sing to you but then the dog would bark and then jump, the paint can sitting open would get knocked over and the birds would stop chirping.

Better to just say it nicely.

But I'm totally flashing you my boobs.

Right now.

Enjoy. And may this be your best year yet.

Nancy said...

Happy happy happy birthday, happy happy happy birthday, happy happy happy birthday, to you to you to YOU!

(hopefully you can hear the melody I was intending!)

I've got a thirteenth birthday too -- and I agree, the Friday the 13th ones seem to be better than the others. (Why is that?)

Hope you have a fabulous day! And BACON!!

mothergoosemouse said...

I will giggle for the rest of the day, picturing you holding an iPod dock aloft.

But that means I'll be thinking of you and wishing you a happy birthday too. Mmmm...bacon.

Magpie said...

Here's to bacon and cupcakes, and wine.

Happy Birthday!

jen said...

happy, happy birthday sister. a thousand blessings to you this year.

Julie Pippert said...

Happy Birthday!!

Here's many wishes for lovely Jake Ryan daydreams, tender meat, and more thoughtful parts of your day.

Julie
Using My Words

JayJenny said...

Happy Birthday!

PunditMom said...

Hmmmm -- would I serve a red or white wine at a bacon and cupcake fest? I've got it -- something with bubbles! Prosecco all around! ;)

Happy b-day and big hugs, Mrs. Chicky. I'll toast to you tonite.

kittenpie said...

I'd share a cupcake with you any day, birthday or no. But tongiht? I'll raise a glass of wine in your direction, because I know you like your wine. Happy Birthday, lady!

Kyla said...

Happy birthday, Mrs. Chicky! I hope it is wonderful.

jennster said...

happy birthday!!!!!
it goes mom101.. me.. then you!!!!!

Kizz said...

Happy Birthday!

You might be surprised how well bacon and cupcakes can go together. It's all about getting the right cupcake. Yum.

Now I'm hungry.

My pattern has always been to have a weird/not great/disappointing birthday on the BIG birthday and then the one right after that is always awesome.

Hope you manage to squeeze in some fun.

Mommin' It Up! said...

Happy Birthday! I just had my 30th last week. I'm sorry your hubby won't be there, but I hope you DO do some very fun, bacon-and-cupcake-related things!

Mark said...

Happy Birthdat CCB!

Yes us September babies have it rough (mine is the 19th). It seemed I was always so new to a school or a grade or a homeroom that no one knew enough about me to say Happy Birthday. Although there were 5 in my same grade in HS that held the 19th as a birthday. We banded together and celebrated our day in our style.

Queeny said...

Dang, I was gonna use the Anthony Michael Hall reference, but Heather beat me to it.

Oh well, I'll offer this sage advise. Party like you're a ROCK STAR and it's your birthday!!!!

HAPPY HAPPY

FENICLE said...

Happy Birthday! You're a good woman letting your man tell you he was at a strip club the night before your b-day! Too funny.

As for the bacon & cupcakes....can we add pickles and call it a party?

~JJ! said...

Happy Happy Birthday Mrs. Chicky!!!

I hope you and Chicky enjoy your frosting!!!!

Wendy said...

You are kidding, right? You were born on September 13, 1972?

I know one other person born on that day during that year...ME. I doubt I will write anything. Maybe I should just link to you, because I feel very blah on my b-day, too. I did get flowers, but no cake. I will get to eat in a lovely New Orleans restaurant, tomorrow, but no strip clubs.

Happy Birthday from me to you and hope that both of us can have happier b-days next year.

P.S. I did find out that I won a pair of Ryka shoes, today, too. Not a total crapfest.

motherbumper said...

Oh happy birthday Mrs. Chicky and I think your rendition with the iPod above the head is a modern classic.

BTW - Jack Ryan would have kept your panties to hold close while he was dreaming.

Blog Antagonist said...

Happy Birthday Mrs. Chicky. My bday kind of sucked this year too, so I understand being down. I wish I could take you out for some girl talk and a ___________(insert alchoholic beverage of your choice).

Jake Ryan was da bomb, man. Whatever happened to him?

Jenifer said...

Happy Birthday fellow Virgo!

I am so sorry you are feeling bummed today. I felt SO BAD last year. It was 3 days after my son was born... everyone basically "forgot", I was in the throes of post partum hormones.... REALLY NOT COOL. I worked for 16 hours this year, yeah, that was thrilling. I think as we get older the unfortunate reality is that our birthday is just another day, and it can be a rotten one just like any other.

(((HUGS)))

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Fairly Odd Father and I met on a Friday the 13th and our son was born on a 13th, so we really like that day. Maybe I'll serenade you through the apple orchards tomorrow.

Hope the bacon and cupcakes were divine.

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

Happy Birthday anyway!

Nothing like lots of bacon and cupcakes to soothe the soul -- and hugs/kisses from little ones!

Alley Cat said...

I think a bacon and cupcake party sounds divine! Happy birthday!

Mamma said...

Mmmmm. Jake Ryan. No other boy could hold a boombox to him.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A41194-2004Feb13?language=printer


Hope you're feeling less funky buttercup.

Alex Elliot said...

Happy Birthday! Cupcakes make every day better.

Heather said...

I'm with you, birthdays are a real crapfest for me too.

Happy Birthday anyway!

mayberry said...

You may not be having a good day, but between the Lloyd Dobler and Jake Ryan references you really perked up MY evening. (Which goes to show you what an exciting evening it is.)

How did I make this all about me?! Happy birthay to YOU!

Miguelina. said...

Happy Birthday! So I did figure out your cryptic Twitter message!

petite gourmand said...

I just love you!!! you are so damned funny.
happy belated birthday.
I hope you enjoyed some good bacon.
I agree nothing is better than bacon.
except maybe Canadian bacon.

whatever happened to Jake Ryan anyways?
I loved that guy.

Hannah said...

"I suppose something is lost when you're holding an iPod dock in two hands instead of a boom box."

And that's why I love you, Chicky - I snorted coffee all over my shiny new laptop over that one.

Hope your birthday was a good one in the end, and that you don't have a bacon & cupcake hangover this morning.

Cakabaker said...

Happy Birthday (a day late) It was also my father's birthday, and he was born on a Friday :) My husband's bday is 12-13, and he was born on a friday also. I guess great things do happen on the 13th!

Christina said...

Happy (belated) birthday! Hope you had a great evening!

Binky said...

Happy Birthday! I'm always a day late and a dollar short. Hope you don't have too bad of a bacon and frosting hangover today.

Momish said...

Happy Birthday to you! I have a 13th birthday as well and the Friday ones are the best!! I had my 13th birthday on Friday the 13th and have yet to top that one!

ali said...

mmmm...jake ryan...
:)

winslow1204 said...

Hope you have a wonderful birthday!!

PDX Mama said...

Late to the party, but hope it was a good one.

I totally think we should make a bigger deal out of bdays than we do. It seems to me we stop making a big deal out of them the older we get and then we just get more and more disappointed with how lame they turn out. Bring the party back, I say!

Jenny said...

See, this is why I wished you happy birthday on Wednesday because I knew that I'd be a dollar late and a day short on your real birthday.

sorry. Must have been all those muscle relaxers I took for my cramps.

Sarah said...

I SO had no idea it was your b-day yesterday! I'm totally baking you a cake....
Apple, of course!
(What the hell am I going to do with all these frickin' apples???)

something blue said...

Hmmmm... cupcakes. I'm going for a marble cupcake and peanut butter icing. I have to say that I share your opinion on bacon.

Do you see me? I'm singing Happy First Friday as a 35 year old.
**Jazz Hands**

brandy said...

I hope you had a bacon- filled birthday. I think I'm one of the 4 people in the world who doesn't like bacon, so let my birthday present to you be that you can have my share of bacon in the universe. Whoa. That sentence sounds really... odd.

mamatulip said...

Ah, Jake Ryan. I'm picturing you sitting across from him on a glass topped table with a glowing birthday cake in between you. Good thing both of you are wearing flame-retardant clothing.

Happy (belated) Birthday. :)

Pinks & Blues said...

CRAP!
I meant to wish you Happy Birthday today!!
Great day you out on... it was nice to put a "real" face to Mrs. Chicky!
Julia is a doll. My middle guy Alexander got in the car and kept asking me where "ew-lia" .. I think he has his first little crush.
Perfect day... I would love to post some photos. Do you have a problem with me posting any of Julia on our blog?
Again, great day!
- Audrey

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

Well, sucky birthdays no longer!!! You share yours with my son!!! He was 5 yesterday *and* was born on Friday the 13th! We consider it the luckiest day evah!, even though he was born 8 weeks early... Go read my sappy birthday tribute from yesterday, AND check out his drawing of my boobs and your spirits will be totally lifted, dude.

Till then, happy birthday!!!!!!!

creative-type dad said...

happy (belated) birthday! 35 is a milestone.

Yes, bacon does make everything feel better. And that 16 story is pretty funny. My parents forgot my 14th-18th. I remember 15 vividly - about 3 days later my Dad said to me "when's your birthday?"

BOSSY said...

Aw fer chrissake, happy birthday Miss Chicky. Bossy loves her some Jake Ryan. She even loved him a few years later when he turned up in a movie about Aids and seemed more comfortable kissing his male costar than he did Molly Ringwald if you catch Bossy's drift.

And speaking of women strippers - wha? What kind of business demands stripper club participation? Just goes to show you all the Power Corps are still run by and for men.

Major Bedhead said...

Dammit, I missed your birthday! Happy birthday, a couple of days late. I hope it was a good day.


Mmmm, Jake Ryan.

EE said...

Happy Happy Birthday! I'm a bacon woman, too. In fact, I may just go have a few slices in honor of your birthday;)

Mommy off the Record said...

Love the last para of this post. You funny, woman!

Happy birthday!

Mom101 said...

The headline alone made me all squidgy inside.

Hope it was a great day, fellow Virgo (I knew I liked ya!)

Jake Ryan said...

I don't care that you're in an ugly pink taffeta dress or that the wreath of dried flowers in your hair is crooked, you can still totally ride in my car.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xhj69iIX7Fo

P.S. I can drive faster than your husband.

P.P.S. Bring some of your sister's muscle relaxants

Rusti said...

You share the date with my grandpa - who happens to be a fabulous man - it's a good date. I think a bacon & cupcake party would be wonderful - bacon & cupcakes - what's not to like?

I hope you were able to enjoy some of your birthday, even if it was on a Thursday... :)

Happy belated birthday Mrs. Chicky!

carrie said...

Sorry I missed your big day! I love and understand all the references to the 80's music and flicks!

"Make a wish"

"But it already came true."

*swoon*

What ever happened to Michael Shoeffling anyway?

Damselfly said...

Happy belated birthday! Sending you lots of Mo Willems-type thoughts....

Ruth Dynamite said...

Happy Birthday Mrs. Chicky! Sorry I missed it.

(I don't suppose there's any bacon left over?)

Velma said...

Belated Happy Birthday! Mmmmmmm, bacon - my kids will do just about anything for bacon. Cheetos, too.