Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I knew Orville Redenbacher was too nice to be believed

Now, that I am calm I can say with some rationality that I'm done trashing Whoop-dee-doo and Vick, the puppy killer.

I still stand by what I said: she was defending him. Even though she was not defending his actions she was defending his reasons for doing so, his judgment if you will. He didn't know it was wrong, my sphincter. If he didn't know it was wrong he wouldn't have lied about doing it. End of story.

But as much as I moan and groan that I never get trolls on this site (my kingdom for a troll! you've really arrived when you get one of those bad boys) and everybody is always so positive and affirming, it's great that commenters feel like they can disagree with me or just choose to not comment at all. Since I was raised to be a good do-be, I usually subscribe to the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" approach to communication. I don't expect people to agree with me all the time. I do, however, expect you to be nice when you disagree. Be rational. Be thoughtful. And that's what I got. Thank you.

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In other randomness:

Beware of microwave popcorn fumes!

Popcorn lung, that's an actual documented disease. It could be potentially fatal to breath in fumes from microwave popcorn. That's right, kittens, that shit'll kill ya. But my question is, who makes more than one bag of microwave popcorn a day, every day? I eat half a bag and I get so bloated I look like I swallowed a soccer ball.

Um, too much information?

It's not bad enough that there's lead paint in, like, everything our kids play with (I knew that damn pooping dog of Barbie's was suspect) but now we have to worry about breathing in that deliciously yummy popcorn scent that makes you salivate like one of Pavlov's pooches.

I remember when I worked for a large corporation, when someone made a bag of microwave popcorn people would come out of the woodwork following the scent trail like a pack of bloodhounds. Heads would pop up out of cubes like groundhogs. It was a gloriously thing. Now they'll probably ban popcorn from work spaces.

Pretty soon we'll all be drinking water from special, heavily sanitized drinkware, munching on dry crackers and our kids will be playing with organically farmed tree stumps.

I think I'll go back to bed. Or maybe not. I bet the fabric softener I use is toxic. Maybe I'll just lay on the naked bed frame.

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One more thing (I know, I know):

I'm over at New England Mamas today talking about school uniforms. Do public schools have the right to enforce the wearing of uniforms upon their students? Would mandatory uniforms have saved me from most of my unfortunate 80s wardrobe?

24 comments:

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

Oh too funny! That pooping dog! I think when I saw the ad for it the first time, I thought, "Holy Crap" and then realized... yes...

Lisa said...

Oh wow. You brought back a fond memory -- of working in an office filled with popcorn fumes and seeking out the buttery goodness. Or being sought out because someone was hoping you'd share.

Assertagirl said...

Does this mean I get to eat my weight in movie theatre popcorn instead? Yes, I think it does.

~JJ! said...

Not if the naked bed frame is made of lead....hmmm

I eat plenty of microwave popcorn...if it's not the microwave...it's the popcorn..Jesus.

What's next? My water has crap in it now too?

Tuesday Girl said...

Is your bed frame treated wood? I think not then!

BOSSY said...

You may want to order a double whiskey when you find out you and Bossy are thinking alike today (and linking to the same articles.) Come on over to her place for the launching of the new fashion doll: Lead Poison Barbie:

http://www.iambossy.com/i_am_bossy/2007/09/lead-poison-bar.html

Lawyer Mama said...

Ooh! You got a troll! Word of your snarkiness must be spreading.

So I guess when the partner in my section of the office haughtily banned microwaves (because of the popcorn fumes), he had our health in mind. Good to know.

carrie said...

Brett told Katie last night that if she went to bed without a fuss for 7 nights in a row, he'd buy her a poison Barbie.

Geeeeeez . . .

PunditMom said...

Popcorn, Barbies, plastic baby bottles -- isn't anything that's processed sacred anymore? ;)

b*babbler said...

Ooh, the smell of popcorn in the workplace. I couldn't *stand* that smell. I never went as far as my predecessor, though. She, apparently, claimed she was allergic to the smell of popcorn, thus ensuring no one would ever pop a bag while she was around. Genius!

Alley Cat said...

I've already been scared away from microwave popcorn after some report about the chemicals used in the making of the bag. It's all oil-popped for me. The seasoning sticks better to oil-popped anyways, just to add a few more calories.

slouching mom said...

I know! I saw that popcorn story today, and I had to read it twice!

It's that random.

Pinks & Blues said...

Oh I know... what's next?

Is my keyboard made with some sort of toxic plastic?

Are the wet wipes chemically based with some awful-crazy moistness that will hurt the boys?

Is the toothpaste toxic?

Are my kids? Is that what will be next?

I missed Whoopi yesterday... I wished I had seen it, I've read tons about it.

- Audrey
Pinks & Blues

Heather said...

It really is a wonder we're all still alive, isn't it?

SUEB0B said...

I KNEW it about the micro popcorn. It makes my chest seize up...I start wheezing...I am like the canary in the coal mine, apparently.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

You with the popcorn, mom-101 with the plastic. . .lead paint on toys, e.coli in spinach, mosquitos with EEE. It's a very, very scary world. Pretty soon, it won't be good to sit and stare at a computer screen for hours, and then what'll I do??

margalit said...

When I was pregnant with the twins, I sat directly across from the kitchen in the office building I worked in (the shiny silver one on 128 in Lexington). After a month of sitting there, my asthma was so bad I had to get handicapped parking because I was barely breathing. It was popcorn that did it to me. When I finished working at 28 weeks, it went away in about 3 days. That popcorn is LETHAL.

Tiffany said...

WOO...haven't laughed that hard in ages.

Love coming here for a chuckle and something new to think about.

Tiffany

Pinks & Blues said...

Oh, don't go naked on that lead-painted bed frame.

Sharon - Pinks & Blues Girls

jen said...

my kingdom for a troll. had me laughing on that one, woman.

Sarah said...

Um...I can eat a whole bag of (apparently poisonous) microwave popcorn.

Easily.

Ack.

Lill said...

Okay, breathe deeply and don't despair. There's natural fabric softener. You don't have to buy shlock toys from China. Kids can play with toys made in other countries with better oversight. Maybe not so many toys, but better quality toys. It's not all that hard to ditch the bad stuff for good stuff. You can really keep a house clean with white vinegar, castile soap and baking soda. Honest. Add a few essential oils like tea tree and lavender and you have disinfectants and air fresheners. You don't need all that other crap. Your bed frame is probably fine. Just don't eat it.

Shine On,
Lill

something blue said...

I heard the popcorn news on the radio. Two hours later I had to pop myself some microwave badness. I guess I like to live dangerously.

Alex Elliot said...

My husband eats popcorn almost every night. I also found out this week that I am poisoning my kids by letting them use plastic bottles (at least we've been done with those for a few months now) and plastic sippy cups. I'll just have to make sure that the next time I swing by Target I pick up a half dozen glass sippy cups to remedy the situation.