Monday, December 03, 2007

Because everyone knows that the holidays are a gas

Last year around this time, although a week or two sooner in the season, I was freaking out about Christmas cards. Because that's what I do. I freak out. About stupid things that have no bearing on the rest of the world. Because I can.

This year was no different, except instead of realizing that I didn't have a Christmas card prepared to order and then send out to the multitude of friends and family that were no doubt waiting with baited breath at their mailboxes to receive my inspired holiday greetings (you can totally imagine them waiting on their front porches in the snow, right? I can.), then simply taking my cherubic angel of a toddler out into the backyard on a ridiculously unseasonably warm late November day and snapping 200 pictures until we made her cry (yeah, that was a good day) and making the damn card in a flash (because technology is cooool), this year was more like this...

Week before Thanksgiving - "Holy shit!" *retch, cough, gag* "We need to take pictures of Chicky for our Christmas card!" *retch, retch, gag*

Week of Thanksgiving - "Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick!" *retch* "We still haven't got a decent picture of that little shit for our card!" *gag* "Because she won't stop squinting at the camera and making goofy faces!" *retch*

Week after Thanksgiving - "For Chrissake!" *retch* "We're never going to get these goddamned cards done in time for Christmas!" *gag* "And we will burn in parenting hell because everyone is expecting some goddamned cute photo card like last year." *gag, retch, retch*

As you can see I really invoke the spirit of the Lord at Christmastime. No wonder I hear thunder when I get within a hundred yards of a church.

And no one is expecting anything. That's just part of my psychotic break.

We finally got our damn card prepared last night, no thanks to my daughter who is going through that "I will not look cute in front of the camera any longer, you cute mongers. I will instead squint and look really weird every time you try to take my picture just to spite you. And then I'll try to hit you because I can" phase. See?

I'll add that to the group of pictures to bring out when her first boyfriend comes to visit. And her hair needs a trim. Christ on a mule.

This is the final result:


I take no credit for this picture, it was all Mr. C. He took Chicky outside with that poinsettia on a 30 degree day without a coat. And he burped to make her laugh. Because that's what it takes to make our kid laugh these days. Fear of freezing to death and gas. Happy Goddamned Holidays.

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Oh, hey! Don't forget, we're giving away stuff over at the New England Mamas all this week. It's our official blog-opening for the new site. Please stop over and say hello, 'kay?

36 comments:

BOSSY said...

Oh. Gah. Christmas Cards. Bossy is remembering to fret over lights, and plans, and trees, and presents, and shopping -- but she forgot to fret over the cards. Thank you for adding to Bossy's fret list. Jaysus.

Kizz said...

Oh you know, I like the first picture a lot, too. Burping is fair game. You're lucky, she may grow out of that phase, I've dated guys who still required that sort of motivation for a pleasantly genial photo.

slouching mom said...

She couldn't be any cuter!

Whirlwind said...

It's very cute! Anything that works, right?

If you thought taking pictures of one child was hard, try getting three to cooperate! I dragged my three girls into the woods on a cold (32 degree) morning last month and told them we weren't leaving until I had pictures of them smiling real smiles and cooperating! Within 5 minutes I amazingly had quite a few great shots. And they were totally engrossed in the ice covered pond to want to leave.

All Things BD said...

I'm impressed that your pictures actually portray the Christmas (or fall/winter) season. I can never get a planned photo of the girls looking pleasant and happy to be together (not to mention that you can't really portray winter in California, from which we just moved), so I ended up using pictures of them at the lake, wearing summer's finest. I at least put them in black and white so they sort of went with the Holiday background.

Cute pics!!

JMC said...

Shit! I STILL haven't taken my picture! And there are four freakin' kids to organize!

Don Mills Diva said...

Love that picture - it's perfect!

Rusti said...

I'm trying to figure out how to get my husband in a picture with myself, the dog & the cat... he hates pictures.... I am glad to see yours turned out though- Chicky is so darn cute! Your post had me laughing the whole way through, thanks :) And keep up that holiday spirit! You're doing a great job!! ;)

moosh in indy. said...

Poopy doopy poopy head works too.
Toddlers are such simple folk.

Magpie said...

That is adorable.

Right now, I'm leaning towards using a devilish picture of my child - but she's wearing this god-awful white undershirt, which is holding me back.

Lawyer Mama said...

After all that work up? She looks so damn CUTE! Seriously, Hollis is in that strange face stage and not even burping will get a laugh out of him.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

Love the card, she is gorgeous!

kittenpie said...

OMG not only have I not taken the photo, I don't even have the address list set up yet. I am so fucked. I am just not feeling like it this year. Instead, I feel like lying down and drinking quarts of milk to soothe my throat, which is burning like a thousand suns. God, will it ever end? Will you and I ever be healthy enough to get off our butts again? How will we ever get to next year's BlogHer if it doesn't get better?! (Hey, I need to live for something long-range. Keeps me going.)

Julie Pippert said...

Hey at least you got a cute one! I consider (a) facing the camera and (b) not picking noses a good photo. She looks too cute for words in that photo!

And you did cards!

I am not even THINKING about Christmas any more until after the Big Shebang Birthday Party.

And that includes cards, which might not go out until Valentine's.

Julie
Using My Words

Kyla said...

She's grown so much! I still think of her as last year's munchkin!

Mac and Cheese said...

For a smile like that, I'd belch the alphabet.

Elizabeth Edwards said...

She is SO CUTE! What a great smile! I never start Christmas cards until at least the second week of December, and I never have all three kids a. looking directly at the camera b. smiling c. having a normal hair day. So I just take what I can get!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

CUTE photo. I had such a hard time finding a good one of the kiddos (and I was too lazy to actually plan a photo); the photo we're using is from June. Good thing they haven't changed too much since then.

The Hotfessional said...

Love the picture, but y'know, you could have saved yourself some trouble and simply taken a picture of you retching. And Chicky making a face. At your retching.

Hee.

creative-type dad said...

Wow! That's a really great picture (too cute)

kgirl said...

the end result is super-cuteness, and that's what counts. if it makes you feel any better, tonight is the first night of hanukkah, and i didn't remember until i read it on another blog. whoops.

Hannah said...

*snicker* Jesus Christ on a popsicle. Giggle hee hee.

Gorgeous card. We paid a professional truly scandalous sums of money to take Isaac's picture - and then we'll have to mail them to same day, because they won't be done until Dec. 13th. Nothing like the last minute.

Oh, The Joys said...

I'm supposed to send out cards?

Mom Ma'am Me said...

That's a great picture!!

Christine said...

Our picture is from this summer on the Cape. We were going to try a little more seasonal but RC scratched HRH's cheek, then fell on his own face, so there you have it.

ps The goofy face lasts for years - right up to missing, then overly large front teeth.

Melinda Zook said...

I can honestly say this is the first and I mean very first time I have gotten my X-mas cards done early.

Usually I am fretting..I try to take it myself, which usually ends up pitiful with the kids all over,crying, the backdrop silly looking and the lighting horrible. Then I go and pay $100 to have someone else do it in which the kids are still all over, crying but at least the fake trees in the background look pretty.

Your pic turned out great and with plenty of time!

Mary Alice said...

That is an angelic picture...who would have guessed it was inspired by a burp? You do what you have to do. I still remember the day my best friend and I took all our kids out to take Christmas pictures by the ocean....figured we could get both families done in one roll...I remember laughing 'til I cried after she screamed at them - "Smile damn it, so people can see how cute you are for Gawd's sake!" Nice. That's the Christmas spirit!

motherbumper said...

wait a second, I just did this shit like, a year ago or something - what do you people want from me???

Stacy said...

I did mine a few days ago and it was so stressful. Your final result is gorgeous!

Rachel said...

That's one cute kid!
I would have sent out the scrunch face card. It's precious!
But, the burp smile is pretty adorable, too.
Christmas cards... criminy. Hope the little rats smile with Santa today, please, please, please.

Cakabaker said...

And Happy Holidays to you too Mrs. Chicky :) Kids are so much fun when you are trying to take a pic aren't they :) Just think, next year you'll have two to deal with :)

Life As I Know It said...

THAT is an adorable picture!

Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Save a tree. Save the forest.

Stop sending Christmas cards.

It's been my excuse for years now. No, no cards y'all...it's for the environment!

snort

wayabetty said...

THAT is too funny! How about that times four kids, we took about 88 pictures with me in the background saying "stop sucking your thumb!" "sit still", "look up", "look down", "look this way", so in the end...not one freaking picture. We finally got a great picture when we didn't try so hard! The torture we parents go through!

b*babbler said...

Ohmylord the cuteness. The cuteness!

Maischinfl said...

After all that work up? She looks so damn CUTE! Seriously, Hollis is in that strange face stage and not even burping will get a laugh out of him.