Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Every time a cork pops, a wino gets his wings

Chicky is a child of routine. We can deviate from our usual schedule every once in a while and she adapts pretty well but not until she's had a minor meltdown. She's a kid, she likes predictability. I can't blame her one bit.

The other night Mr. C and I took her Christmas shopping with us. Nothing extreme, just a quick trip to one of the big warehouse stores looking for bargains on electronic gadgets, but she was already showing signs of crankiness. Low blood sugar. Big warehouse stores suck when you're in need of a Goldfish cracker fix.

The item I was looking for was out of stock and we didn't need four hundred pounds of diapers or giant vats of ketchup so we left empty handed, which is unusual for us. Before T.B. Wams was conceived we would have at least made a stop in the caged off liquor area for our monthly case of cheap wine.

Ah, the good old days.

As we walked out hand in hand in hand, Chicky started crying, "Noooo!"

"What's the matter honey?"

"Mama and Daddy's wiowueroujrofjsf!" she said through tears.

"What?" It's hard to understand a screaming toddler sometimes.

"Wine! Mama and Daddy need to get wine!"

"Oh, wine." We were dragging her to the car by this point, fat tears streaming down her face. We were snickering in the falling snow, proud as peacocks and not even a little embarrassed. Our kid really had our number. But Chicky was digging her feet in. How the hell could we leave without wine?

"No, hon. We're not getting any wine tonight."

"No wine?" she asked, incredulous. You silly people, she seemed to think, you live on this stuff. "Nooo! Need to get some wine!"

"Well, since Mama has a baby in her belly she can't drink wine."

Sniffling, she thought this over as Mr. C buckled her into her car seat.

She cast a longing glance through the window as we started to drive away.

"Nooo! Daddy can have wine! Daddy need wine!"

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

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38 comments:

motherbumper said...

How long did it take Mr. Chicky to train her to say that one?

Major Bedhead said...

Hysterical.

Your local warehouse store (is it the one with the raunchy name?) sells booze?? My local raunchy warehouse store does not sell booze. I feel gypped.

Blog Antagonist said...

Well I'm sure that's the last time she'll embarass you in public. :?)

Christine said...

Good Chicky!

Everytime I grab a 12-pack of Pepsi at Stop and Shop, RC says "You get Daddy's beer?"

Yeah, they've got our numbers.

Binky said...

The Boss is similarly sensitive to the needs of others. It warms the heart, it really does.

Don Mills Diva said...

Ya - I'm thinking Mr. C may have been doing some coaching - hilarious!

Jess Riley said...

I LOVE this story. Oh, and PS: you win the inmate name contest! :)

Kyla said...

Hahaha! Wine is to grown ups what goldfish are to toddlers. Chicky is wise.

FENICLE said...

My husband and I always say we need a little wine to get through the whining!!!!!

~JJ! said...

That kid is brilliant!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Boy, kids really have our number don't they?

Rachel said...

LOL! That is hysterical. Aren't you glad you blog so you can save these treasures forever!!

Pinks and Blues said...

Very funny.

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Hmmm.... Jane, Audrey or Sharon?

Magpie said...

Tears are rolling down my face.

kittenpie said...

Now I need wine... Big box stores can't carry wine here. Hence why I only have a few bottles in stock right now.

mamatulip said...

*snort*

justmylife said...

This is so funny, kids really do know their parents don't they!?!

Wendy said...

I love that title, but I think it should be Everytime...a wino gets his bag. If they had wings their feet wouldn't be so dirty.

Mom Ma'am Me said...

That is TOO funny. Heh.

Lawyer Mama said...

That is HYSTERICAL!

AnotherMomCreation said...

Ummmm, wpw.

Just the title gave me a chuckle.... then the mental picture of a little cutie telling pregnant mom, to go back and get some wine.....

Too funny!

Heather B. said...

Your child and I would be great friends.

Crystal said...

Hilarious.

I wish I still lived in a state with the caged off liquor areas. Sigh.

Julie Pippert said...

Absolutely perfectly classic, LOL!

Julie
Using My Words

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Yeah, Baby's speech is still somewhat garbled, but man, he can say "Momma's yum yum juice" clear as a bell.

Ruth Dynamite said...

Yes. Daddy needs wine, dear thoughtful little Chicky. And mommy will get hers soon enough.

In the meantime, send some to Ruth Dynamite.

Manic Mom said...

Ohhhh boy. You are in soommme trouble!

And congrats on getting your inmate names chosen by Jess! That's tres cool!

Mom101 said...

The only thing better than this story is the title. Bravo.

Stimey said...

This is excellent. At least she's looking out for you.

Redneck Mommy said...

You're raising her right.

Snicker.

Life As I Know It said...

Love this.

My son asks us if we'd like wine with dinner lately...

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Awesome. Just wait til she starts asking for sips. Our neighbors found their 5 year old in the garage with some dixie cups and the 'box o' wine'. Oh, and a red moustache. Kids.

Christina said...

Such a thoughtful Chicky, making sure her parents didn't forget their wine.

Heehee...so funny.

gorillabuns said...

i would have complied with her demands.

Mommy off the Record said...

LOL. It is nice that Chicky Baby looks out for you guys like that.

petite gourmand said...

that is hillarious!

lildb said...

yep. sounds about right.

mo-wo said...

I think you should save this as the future legend of how Chicky found out she'd be a big sister.