Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I've got it, and I've got it bad

Writer's block sucks. It sucks hairy monkey butt. It sucks sweaty bull testicles. It sucks four day old dirty toddler diaper.

Okay, it's not that bad. And? I just threw up in my mouth a little.

This happens once in a while (the writer's block, not the throwing up) and I've found that's it helps to just write... Anything.

The post I almost published?

"Ican'tthinkIcan'tthinkIcan'tthinkIsuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. The End."

It resonates with you, doesn't it? Hits you right here. (pointing to chest) And here. (never mind where I'm pointing right now.)

Instead of going with that post I decided to take my inspiration from you guys. Every now and then I get a comment that cries out to be addressed, but more times than not I don't have the commenter's email. As much as that vexes me it has given me some decent material.

Here are the answers to some of the questions left in my comments over the past couple of weeks.

Bon said on this interview post: "A fine grilling, but i think the thing what left me most fascinated of all have friends in Bouctouche?!?"

Sort of!!!

The town I grew up in is predominantly made up of Canadian immigrants and their offspring (and the Polish too but, ssshhhhh, they don't know that*). It took me years to learn that "Trow me down da stairs my keys" was not a proper sentence.

Even though my own great grandparents came to this country by way of Canada it was my friends' families who really gave me a taste of the true North Country. Usually in the form of bastardized English, but they threw in some geography lessons, too. Every summer my friends and their parents would make their yearly pilgrimage to their favorite vacation spot - Bouctouche. I've never been there myself (I've always been bad with geography) but I hear it's horribly dull.

But that's from the point of view of a 13 year old. I could be wrong.

(If you're from the Bouchtouche Board of Tourism don't blame me. I'm just going on what some chick with the last name Leblanc told me.)

Dodo said on this post in response to my quest to start a business: "Can i reciprocate with some puppy related questions?"

i may be misinterpreting this comment but it's my blog and i'm going to use it to serve my own purpose. like not capitalizing if i don't feel like it.

Many of you know that I am a dog trainer. Occasionally I get an email from a reader with a frantic question on how to get their dog to stop (or start) doing something. I'll let you all know right now that I welcome your questions. I really do enjoy helping dog owners. And I really love being a know-it-all.

When waiting for my response please give me a few days to get back to you with an answer (especially for the really tough questions - Hi Southern Mom!) and realize that you're getting free advice. So if I send you a reply with just a link to a particular book to read or a website to check out - or a simple "Get thee to a professional dog trainer. STAT." it's not because I'm blowing you off. It's probably because your problem requires a lot more than what I can write in an email. And again, the advice is free. Take what you can get from it. I can assure you my recommendations are sound. And, if I failed to mention, free.

Mr. Big Dubya responded about what he and Mrs. Big Dubya gave up on this post about giving up coffee for Lent: "Ice cream for me and the missus - and fries. No Ben and Jerry's; no Edy's; no Friendly's; no Cold Stone. And what's worse? DQ opened one week after Ash Wednesday! Who's freakin' idea was that?"

The Devil's. He wants your soul. Why else would he make Ben and Jerry's Creme Brule ice cream so damn tasty.

You didn't think God created something so sinfully delicious, did you?

ECR said on the same post: "Impressive! Isn't it amazing what we can do when we put our minds to it?"

I'm sorry, what did you say? I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking about ice cream.

Jen said on this Real Moms post: "someday you will need to let me show you just how much red sox knowledge i have stored in my head."

You're on, baby. At Blogher, fer sure.

Anyone else want to swap stories at Blogher? Who's going?

Kevin said on this post I wrote after my dogs ate my Girl Scout cookies: "Hey, you know that chocolate is extremely toxic to dogs, right?"

Kevin, what do you take me for? I know that chocolate is toxic to dogs. So I only feed them chocolate for breakfast and dinner. If they're snacking between meals that's their fault.

As for the amount they ate on that particular day, there wasn't enough chocolate in those cookies to make the average 80 pound dog sick. Not to mention that one of my dogs can eat raw sewage and never get sick, her stomach is that strong. And I doubt that she shared enough of those cookies with my other dog. When it comes to ill gotten booty she doesn't usually share. She's like her mama that way.

MotherBumper said on this post about our short stint with sickness: " Do you think it (Bobby, Chicky's favorite stuffed bear) could survive the gentle cycle if it was in a delicates net bag or a large sock?"

I'm happy to say that Bobby survived the sickness being washed off of him and will live to snuggle another day.

I tossed him in a pillow case and washed him on the gentle cycle (oh, how I love my front loading washer). Thank you all for your great advice. And who knew the guys would come out with such great recommendations, too? That's what I like to see, a guy who is not afraid to say "Yeah, I wash clothes. I dig chick flicks too." I could marry a guy like that.

Oh, wait. I did.

Hi, Honey! I've got "You've Got Mail" ready to go on the Tivo. I know how much you love that one.

Ali said on this post about the ROFL Awards: "i sent mine to metro already. do i still get to spank your ass?!?"

[baring my left cheek]

Right there, baby. *I deserve it for that poor attempt at a Polish joke. Don't blame me, I was raised in a Canadian/Polish family.


Girlplustwo said...

dude. home game season opener Monday afternoon. it's a national holiday out here in California.

dude. you are so on.

Blog Antagonist said...

What about another wine post? Currently, we've been groovin on some really good Kendall Jackson Pinot, but I'm always up for trying something new.

Hang in there. It'll come. :?)

Anonymous said...

HA! Too funny. That's a great idea to post the comments you can't answer in e-mail...

Jennifer said...

Like Janet said, great idea to talk about your comments in a post. Your answers are hilarious!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Are dogs easier to train than kids? I've never owned one but have desparately wanted one since my shelter days. We're waiting for my two elderly cats to move on to the afterlife, and then we'll seriously think about it. I'll just shoot myself if I end up with a fourth "child" who doesn't listen to anything I say.

Anonymous said...

God I can relate to the writers block.

Here's another question for you...what's the most illegal thing you've ever done?

mr. big dubya said...

I'm happy to see my suggestion about the pillow case worked. And, for the record (he says turning in his man card) I can do laundry and I like romantic comedies, long walks on the beach and "just cuddling."

Anonymous said...

does that mean i DO get to spank your ass??? :)

Julie Pippert said...

Oh bring out the sox (red of course).

And I think since (I'm assuming) the Dog Blog is still defunct, you should have something like Dog Day Afternoon once a week in which we can all talk about dogs like many of us really want.

Here, first questions:

How can I give my dog a leg up in the battle with the tree rodents who keep pelting his head with acorns?

And what do I tell him about the stinking toy poodle from next door who is always let loose outside---because he's LITTLE and everyone knows LITTLE dogs don't need leashes, why they can't do any harm---and who has dug a hole under our fence and lets himself in and out of our yard at will?

Is it bad manners---if the aforementioned dog lets itself into the yard or worse the house via the cat door---to quit preventing my 105 lb lab from eating it as a snack? I know, it's not the dog's fault, I should let my dog eat the owner, right?

Finally, what consolation can I provide to him when the pack of beagles behind us start their Bark Chain and Moon Howl at 10:30 p.m. and he's not allowed to join in?


FENICLE said...

You could always start blogging about your past dog training experiences. You know the owners who had no skillz...maybe I could learn something to put to use with our new puppy.

OhTheJoys said...

Hmmm... I could learn from this example. I just write more about poop when I feel stuck.

Wendy said...

I dont mind sitting patiently and waiting.

I think it is really a matter of cant teach a dog to change it's stripes or something like that. Besides, Boudin likes his little kennel since I put a TV, some mags and a radio in there.

Now putting the kids in a kennel would be wrong, right? Just asking.

Kyla said...

Excellent conquering of writer's block!

Redneck Mommy said...

Did I ever tell you I'm a Polish Canadian???

And since we are sharing a room at Blogher, does this mean I get to spank your ass???

If I insult your precious Red Sox will you spank mine?


karengreeners said...

this is the best damn case of writer's block i've ever read.

Run ANC said...

Yeah, I'm with kgirl. If you call that writer's block, then I should just go home now. And stick my head in the ground.

Anonymous said...

Not going to BlogHer, so I want details from you. DEEEE TAILS.

Amie Adams said...

Well for someone with writers block, that was an entertaining post indeed!

Hope to meet you at BlogHer!

Anonymous said...

Hey! I'm Polish! And my family? Sooooooo talks dat way. For realz. ;)

motherbumper said...

Well you are welcome and I'm so glad to find out it worked (because Bumper just threw up all over her stuffed toys today - figures).

And regarding this quote "If you're from the Bouchtouche Board of Tourism don't blame me. I'm just going on what some chick with the last name Leblanc told me." I just about died laughing. But are you sure it wasn't a chick with the last name Comeau? (I'm 'n East Coaster, eh)

wayabetty said...

Yeah, me too. I've been having a bit of the "fart brains", nothing up there except stinky air.

dodo said...

My question is still formulating but it's to do with what to look for when choosing a puppy

Anonymous said...

Well if that is writer's block in action, you're a lucky girl! Very funny post!

Did someone say "another wine post" - oh, yes, always looking for good recommendations. Only red though. St. Josef Pinot Noir is our current fave.

Lisa said...

Oh Chicky, you crack me up. You are so awesome even when you have bloggers block

Anonymous said...

I'm from an American polish family-I didn't know poles elsewhere also couldn't produce a "th" sound. ("Trow me down the stairs my keys")Also big in my house: Bat-tries, the number Tirteen and saying 'hey?' after a statement, i.e., it's hot, hey?

Mad said...

Well blow me down. I could pretty much spit on Bouctouche from where I am. And they're all Leblancs in Bouctouche. Every damn one of them. Except for the Arsenaults.