Friday, March 02, 2007

Always look for the silver lining (around the ring of the toilet seat)

Pukefest '07 seems to be over, thank you jeebus. And thank you all for the kind words and the comments from those of you who have been through something like this. I'm still not one hundred percent positive that it was food poisoning - and I'm certainly not 100% back to my old self - but I don't know what else could so forcibly rip one's guts out through their throat, leaving one a lifeless pile of skin on the bathroom floor.

Every experience is a learning experience and for every crappy thing that happens to me at least I get a good story out of it. I have to admit, in real life I'm a bit of a black cloud (stop snickering, husband of mine) but on this blog I tend to come across as the freaking blue bird of happiness in comparison. So why not combine the two in regards to my recent date with the porcelain goddess? I'll be the happy little bird... who shits on your head.

The Pro's and Con's of having Food Poisoning

Con: Abandoning the perfectly good glass of wine that was just poured because stomach is feeling queasy.
Pro: Stopping at just a few sips, so there's no hangover!
Con: Think again. The next morning it still feels like you drank two jugs of Boone's Farm.
Pro: Who knew vomit could be so vibrantly colored. It lends interest to an otherwise horrible experience.

Con: You puke up an entire day's worth of food in one five hour period. The next day it hurts your stomach to eat one piece of toast. It'll be a few days before you can eat a decent meal and a few weeks before you can make oatmeal for your kid.
Pro: You drop a few pounds and your jeans fit great!

Con: You become intimate with your toilet.
Pro: Once you can stand the sight of it, you will be forced to stop procrastinating and will have to blast clean your entire bathroom. (Don't ask. It's not a pretty story.)

Con: You find out the hard way that since having a child... well, one word - Incontinent.
Pro: At least you didn't have to remove your head from the toilet seat.

Con: Having to "sleep", and I use that term loosely, on the bathroom floor inches from a nasty john.
Pro: Aw hell, I got nothin'. I'm still recovering from losing an entire night's worth of sleep.

Pro: After spending the night on the bathroom floor you get to spend the next day in bed or on the couch watching your Tivo'd episode of "America's Next Top Model" hurling insults at the 20-something with the impossibly flat stomach who had a baby just seven months prior.
Con: Your toddler, who has never seen you sick or resting for that long in one place will become incredibly agitated and demand that you get up by forcibly removing your blanket and then try to pull you from the couch by your toes.
Pro: She'll learn some colorful language from you screaming obscenities at the ridiculously thin 20-something mommy model.
Con: She'll learn some colorful language which she'll probably use on her parents one day.


Onto the links.

- Blogger has not let me comment for the past two days. It's truly amazing how many entries you get when you Google "Blogger Sucks". So if you've "seen" me around and wondered why I haven't commented, that's the reason. Blogger sucks. There's one more for Google.

But seriously, is anyone else having this problem? I go to comment and the stupid visual verification isn't there. Oh, it says "visual verification" but it's in the place of the jumbled letters that I need to type in to have my comment saved. Turn off the visual verification on your blogs, 'kay? Yep, just for me.

- Was I happy that "The Departed" won the Oscar for Best Picture? Fuck yeah. The nuns at my elementary school would be so proud of this link. (Best not to watch it at work or with the wee ones around, because this is a bit like last week's Oscar iFilm.)

- More proof that Hollywood will take something that's fairly humorous and novel and beat it into the ground so that you never want to see it again.

- Finally! Dancing with the Stars just got interesting. Big Pussy is out, Cliff Clavin is in.

- At least these poor people were given the option of digging up their pets before the condos went up. That's gotta count for something.

- Since I'm still recovering from this week (Did I need to get sick on the same week as the anniversary of my mother's death? No. Does it surprise me that this happened? No. Am I scared for next year. Yeeesss.) I'm going to include a recipe, yes a recipe, on this week's list o' links. This has quickly become one of Mr. C's favorites. I think mainly because it's one of the five things I'll prepare for dinner. With one of the five being cold cereal.

He comes home from work yelling "Meat pie!" which I suppose it is, although it's really called Spiced Beef Corn Bread Cobbler. It's super easy, a little different due to all the spices, and thoroughly satisfying. Try it, you'll like it. Unless you're a vegetarian. Or a communist.



carrie said...

I missed your last post, but am very glad your tummy is feeling better -- at least it better be if you're thinking about recipes already!

If it's any consolation, I had food poisoning in Vegas after eating at "Mideval Times" (note to self: do not eat in strange cities without utensils). Let's just say that it's a damn good thing the toilet was right next to the bathtub, and I had a maid.

Keeping fingers crossed that it's gone for good!


Her Bad Mother said...

YES - blogger has been doign the same thing to me. HELL.

AND? (more caps) HOLY HELL the ANTM model with the SEVEN MONTH OLD AND THE FLAAAAAAAT TUMMY? I don't even have words. My jaw hit the floor Wednesday night and I still haven't been able to pick it back up.

(glad that you're feeling a teeny bit better.)

OhTheJoys said...

Blogger is a giant PIG. Yes.

Glad you are feeling better.

Making the beef cobbler NOW.

Will you get a load of the photo for "Auction Donkey" in your recent readers list. Holy BIGGUMS.

Blog Antagonist said...

BLOGGER SUX LARGE HAIRY DONKEY BALLS. I have only been able to comment sporadically. On OTJ's blog this morning, I kept getting the message that I had not typed the letters in correctly. I must have reptyped them about 20 times before I realized there was no way in hell I typed them incorrectly 20 times.

We'll see if this comment goes through.

Glad you're feeling better!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

OMG, the incontinent pro/con is brilliant. Puh-leeze, my youngest is TWO and I still have issues. God, I hate button flies.

Glad you are back to the land of the puke-free. Enjoy and breathe deep.

Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said...

All I've been talking about is that chick with the fantastic abs at 7 months post-partum. What the fuck?
Do all 19-year-old who have babies automatically bounce back to shape? Because 30-something new mommies aren't parading around in bikinis with 7 month olds. Are they? Are they? Or am I the only freak who wasn't?

Christina said...

I had a similar type of bug/food poisoning on Jan. 1, and your recap makes me queasy thinking of how bad it was. Here's hoping we stay healthy for awhile.

And yeah, Blogger is sucking right now. I turned off my word verification after having trouble with other people's blogs.

cooler*doula said...

Oh... Yes, and yes again.

Blogger does that to me too. I have found that if I type in random crap, it gives me a second set to try again, which usually show up.

And during my heaving due to stomach flu (brought into our home by my darling husband) I was, well, yes. Just out and out peeing on the floor.

Must. Do.Kegels.

Will attempt meat pie soon. Glad you're on the mend.

Radioactive Tori said...

That recip looks amazingly good and I AM a part time vegetarian. Part time because sometimes I really crave meat, and just eat it, but most of the time no meat.

I am glad you are feeling better. That must have been really rough. Getting sick with kids is an entirely different thing isn't it!

Anonymous said...

That reminds me of the stomach bug or whatever it was that I had just last month! It first started with my fiance bringing it home, and then our son caught it, and being that I was taking care of the little guy 24/7, I caught it, and that's not fun when you are pregnant and starting to forget what the morning sickness was like at the beginning of the pregnancy!

I hope you stay well!

Kyla said...

Blogger is evil. Most definitely.

Vomit = incontinence here too. *sigh*

And my toilet bowl was never more sparkling than when I was in the throes of morning sickness (read as all day sickness)...I spent so much time there I couldn't stand to look at the rings and such.

Redneck Mommy said...

I was 20 and 21 when I gave birth to Fric and Frac. Did I mention I was back in my jeans (a size four) two weeks after birth. Which was great because for a short period of time I actually was thin with big boobs...Until the milk went away...Sadly.

(As I duck from all you angry mommies...)

Don't worry, Mrs. Chicky. I've got me a big ass and saggy boobs now.

It's got to be an age thing. Cuz if I gave birth now I'd be a freaking whale for the rest of my life, my metabolism is so slow nowadays...

I'm gonna try that cobbler thing for supper. If my kids hate it, I'm gonna make them send you emails...

Mitch McDad said...

Can you sneeze on my blog? I really need to drop about 15 lbs.

Anonymous said...

Mmmmm meat pie - I'm neither a vegetarian nor a communist, and one of my favorite meals is something I call "White Trash Casserole." It is somewhat similar to your meat pie.
Thanks for the link to the Short Version - filarious! Now my s/o is sitting next to me saying "fuckin fuckin fuck fuck fuckin" in varying tones and volumes. He can shut the fuck up any time now ;)
(And yes, I do feel some guilt that the first time I'm commenting on your blog, I have used the F word six times. omg.)

Lawyer Mama said...

Oooh. I had food poisoning a few weeks ago. Ick. Ick. Ick. I'm glad you're feeling better.

Oh & I've had that problem with Blogger before. It's annoying as hell!

Major Bedhead said...

Blogger has been sucking rancid balls for me lately, too.

I make a similar dish to your meat pie, only I cheat and use Jiffy corn bread mix because I am lazy.

And that Geico ad tv show? Stupidest idea ever.

Glad you're feeling better.

Namito said...

If I didn't know you were feeling better, the words "Spiced Beef Corn Bread Cobbler" would have given a big clue. The recipe looks mighty tasty!

If my husband called out "Meat Pie!"
upon coming home, beyond laughing my ass off, I think I'd be in for a fun night!

mamatulip said...

I've had food poisoning twice in my life and both times I thought I might die...and prayed for it, actually. The first time I got it I was about 9 and was able to block most of it out, but it all came screaming back when I got it again in college, while living in residence, and literally laid in the parking lot vomiting on myself waiting for my BFF to pull the car around and haul my lifeless, vomit-covered body into the backseat. And then it was on to the hospital!

Blogger is ALWAYS giving me a hard time. Always. Sucks.

And Renee, on ANTM? I'm kind of rootin' for her, because she has a baby and all, but FUCK MAN, I'm preeeeety jealous of her seven months post-partum ROCK HARD ABS.

Unknown said...

I've had salmonella. *Before* kids. I don't think I could have coped if I'd been a mother. BIG HAND to you, lady. (poor thing).

Dancing with the Stars? You Like? Me too!!!!!! I think we need to compare notes on a weekly blog basis;-)

Sparky Duck said...

um, if you sleep on the bathroom floor, your face is nice and cool?

I love love love the cornbread/chili combo, especially with fritos on the bottom

FENICLE said...

Food poisoning sucks! Really I guess I should say it "blows" uh? Did the creme pie come from a restaurant or store? Glad you're feeling better. I've been throwing up too...but not from F.P. but rather a kidney stone. No fun either!

Blogger does suck....I used it for a while until I get too aggravated with it and cusses it out.

The Domesticator said...

Tried to comment appropriate and timely your blogger sucks post is!
Anyway, I am so sorry you were so ill. There is nothing worse than vomiting your guts out. Yuck. And Boston Creme pie no less. My bet is you won't be eating that any time soon!
Feel better, Mrs. C...

Jonathon Morgan said...

That was an incredibly visceral description of puking...

I think I'm a little queasy now, excuse me...

Anonymous said...

Throwing up so much you pee on yourself.

Oh God, I feel your pain, sister.

mo-wo said...

All that and free recipes? Where's the readers digest announcer?

ps.. I can only comment if I sign in from my blog frontpage and then surf

Girlplustwo said...

nothing screams patriotism like good corned beef.

glad you are on the mend.

Kate said...

I could use a little food poisening because nothing seems to be keeping me from a meal these days. (Think: not a 20-something model that still has 20 pounds of baby weight stuck on her middle)

Glad to hear your feeling better! As for blogger, the same thing has been happening to me, but I go ahead and click on publish comment, which will make the comment box come back up, and usually the visual verification will come up on the 2nd try.

Avalon said...

Umm,, Mrs. C~~ I don't mean to be all rude, but that recipe.....well, just looking at the picture gives me food poisoning.

Anonymous said...

Blogger is pissing me off too. And love the recipe!

Anonymous said...

You poor poor thing. That is my worst nightmare. It's amazing what a mom has to do to get a day to lay in bed isn't it? I went through this last year. I know your pain.

Debbie said...

you forgot, "or hates America."

and I'm so very glad you're thrivin' and survivin'. (god but I loves a good, cheap rhyme.)

just be sure your stomach's back in tip-top condition for drinkfest, oops, I mean blogher 2007!

boones for everybody!

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