Friday, November 17, 2006

Life sucks and then your car dies

I know, I know. Life doesn't really suck; not all of the time anyway. But our car did die, more specifically Mr. C's car, and that's sort of clouding our outlook on things today. When he paid the ridiculous amount of money for this German car it was with the understanding that it would be driven into the ground. It was with the thought of him one day appearing in one of those testimonial commercials:

"I've driven this car 2 bazillion miles and have only replaced the oil once and it still runs as smoothly as the day I brought it home."
(
Insert oh-don't-you-wish-you-had-a-car-like-mine shit-eating grin here.)

It's some weird problem involving drains and freakish amounts of rainwater pooling on the passenger side floor. No one knows why it's still happening (it's been in the shop three times for this problem in the last few weeks) or how to fix it once and for all and it's starting to look like we'll have to dump this problem on some unsuspecting schmuck buy another car soon.

I've got an ATM hidden in my spare bathroom so the cost of a new car shouldn't burden us at all. Especially with the holidays coming up. I'll just pull out the magical money tree that I keep stored in the basement for emergencies to cover the cost of presents when the ATM money runs out.

Sure, there's lots of money to spare.

I wonder if it's too late in my life to consider a job as a stripper?

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All of your suggestions on timing our Thanksgiving dinner were truly appreciated. I had no idea how many people were anti-stuffing in the bird. It seems like many of you are afraid of food poisoning. Wimps. I bet you don't bungee jump or skydive either.

(uh, yeah, wimp here. I think we'll be cooking the stuffing outside of good old Tom Turkey.)

Some of your recommendations on what to prepare for sides and desserts made Mr. C and me salivate. BA, I'll be emailing you for that pumpkin cheesecake recipe per order of His Royal Highness, my husband. If I don't prepare that for him I fear that he will withhold sex from me.

Okay, that last sentence made me snicker.

If you have not done so yet, and you're planning on hosting your family Thanksgiving dinner this year or ever, you really should read some of the interesting things that others wrote. Bacon, Amber?! Bacon?!!! I'll be scheduling my angioplasty for the following day.

I'll take many pictures of the food and festivities to commemorate our first Thanksgiving. Or to remember the day we spent together at the emergency room getting or stomachs pumped as a family, depending on how things really turn out.

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I need to leave you with one last thing. Do your kids watch that new show on Noggin, The Upside Down Show? I'm loving it, Chicky is loving it, and most important I get a full 30 minutes of peace because she stares at it, slack-jawed with a line of drool coming from the corner of her mouth.

After watching for a few minutes you can see why they gave Shane and David, aka The Umbilical Brothers, their own television show. They're engaging, they make strange sounds and weird body postures, and they're funny as hell. But what you might not realize is they're not always G-rated. Oh, sure, on the Upside Down Show they're as tame as Mickey Mouse, but on tour they're a little more... Adult.

Heh. I'll never watch that show the same way again after watching this:



I'm willing to bet you won't see anything like that from a certain annoying purple dinosaur or insipid red Muppet.

(Thanks, Velma, for pointing me to this clip!)

31 comments:

Kate said...

Funny! My 5 year old, CJ loves that new show, too. Noggin rules in our house.

And I hear ya on the car issues. We need a new tire on my husband's "beater" car (and I hate putting ANY money into that beast), and a brakelight needs fixed on the family car. My crystal ball says that those things will not be fixed until AFTER the holidays.

SJ said...

My house loves Noggin as well - and the Upside Down Show! It's great.

This clip was amusing - thanks for sharing it!

And I hope the car troubles end soon...

creative-type dad said...

Hey if Eddie Murphy can do Disney movies after doing "Raw", anything is possible.

Totally sucks about the car. It seems like everything hits us all at the same time (unexpected expenses)

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Now I have an even bigger crush on these two guys...more than that crazy Noggin show...they are right up my alley!!! (I knew there was something more to them) SF though...she loves these guys too..I'm in trouble when she's a teenager.

I think you'd be a good stripper...heh. What do I know really, I just wanted to say that!!!

Izzy said...

Dude...my daughter loooooves that freaky upside down show. They remind me of the Wiggles weird pot smoking little brothers or something!

As for money trees, I hope yours has an especially lucrative bloom this year. Mine seems to be stunted!

ewe are here said...

Oh God, they're hysterical!
Thanks for posting this.

Christina said...

OMG, seeing the guys from the upside down show like that was hilarious! I must go find more of their "non-kid" routine.

Good luck with finding that money tree. And if you do find it, can I have a starter sapling from it?

mothergoosemouse said...

Is it a Mercedes? One of my partners in crime back east had a total lemon, and the company was a huge pain in the ass about it. Apparently their customer service can be a bit lacking...

Kristi said...

I find that stripping on the side is always a great source of additional income. There's a whole contingency of sickos who go for the mom-types.

Good luck!

berklie said...

aaauuugggghhhhh! That is totally "adult".. oh my! But my two year old is addicted as well.
That vid reminds me of the one of a backstage Disney one... with all the peeps in costumes getting it on (reminds me in that I pray my kid would never see THAT version of these characters). hhmmm... I'm off to find that link.

Berklie said...

Here it is: http://www.flurl.com/item/Paris_Disney_Porn_Mascots_u_194322

IAI said...

Hey, you have that magical ATM in your bathroom, too? Problem is, mine's always stealing my card and then spitting it back all chewed up, what the fuck?

Velma said...

The really funny thing is if you can imagine me playing that particular clip on the laptop for my husband, and having the kids overhear it and run downstairs yelling, "Shane & David! Shane & David!" and watch the two (ahem) adults try to close down the clip before one of the kids sees it and commits it to memory!

Chrissy said...

OMG- Thanks for sharing that clip. I love these guys and it's great to see their other side. My little guy could have a bomb go off next to him and wouldn't notice when they are on.

T. said...

Oh, I can leave a comment now! I love my computer. Blogging off a cell phone really sucks hard.

But alas, now that I'm free to leave a message, I've got nothing to say.

But I'm here, waving my arms wildly, trying to figure out where you got a damn money tree.

All I have is monopoly money and the exchange rate on that kind of sucks nowadays...

Mommy off the Record said...

Sucks about the car. There is no excuse for a German-made car to kick the dust that soon!

And we don't watch Noggin, but after seeing that clip I am curious about what their G-rated show is like. They are talented. I mean, who can do a whole show about flipping the bird and make it that interesting? Now that's talent!

Pattie said...

Who would've thought that giving someone the finger would be so wildly entertaining!? I somehow can't see Elmo ot Barney pulling that off.

scribbit said...

I keep seeing these guys all over the internet, I'll have to give them some closer inspection.

Tabba said...

Our house LOVES Noggin. And my kids hard-core belly laugh for the entire duration of that show. I even enjoy it (hmmm, should I admit that publicly??). I did an IMDB search on them, just to check them out. And I saw that they had something else going on. I figured it was more R rated or something. I'll have to check out the You tube link you have up.
And is it just me or is the bald guy (is that Shane or David) a cutie? Probably just me. I'm a freak

BTW - sorry about the car.

Amber said...

I HEREBY STAND BY MY BACON CLAIM. We don't eat the bacon, we just toothpick it around the turkey to give it a bacon-smoked flavor. Best turkey I ever did have. And that angioplasty will be scheduled next week, along with the folks who deep-fry it... :-)

Lawyer Mama said...

I could not survive without Noggin & PBS Sprout. I have no idea what that says about my parenting abilities, but I love them anyway.

Can I have a branch off of the money tree?

Dana said...

Sorry to hear about the car!

What a funny video clip!

Her Bad Mother said...

You got seeds for that money tree? Sharesies?

Jenny said...

Holy crap...I love that clip...and I love those boys.

PS. If you decide to go into stripping take me with you. I need some spare cash for xmas and I'm good on a pole.

I think.

MrsFortune said...

I read about that show ... somewhere, can't remember. But hey can you send me some of that cash from the magic money machine? Mine is in the shop. Should be getting it back soon, but just in case, you know.

Lisa said...

I wish we had cable... Never heard of the show...

lildb said...

*makes red-faced, futile attempt to clean up pee on chair before the other commenters notice*

that was funny.

and I just found that show, too. I wish, wish wish wish wish J stared at it like C.B. does.

I don't have a money tree, but I'm trying to grow one on my sill. should I start with the denomination that I want to have on the limbs? because I don't have access to benjis. I guess I'll settle for a dollar plant.

and if it works, I'll def. let you know how to do it, too.

Mama of 2 said...

You think you could give me a branch off of your money tree. I need to supplement my family's income?
And please tell me where I can locate one of the ATM's you have stashed away in your room.

Good luck with everything and looking forward to hearing all about your Thanksgiving Dinner.

Felicia said...

Funny...but I hope Noggin doesn't pull the same crap as PBS and fire 'em like they did Melanie over at Sprout. JUST because she did a funny clip on anal sex...Pahlease!

mo-wo said...

Our German car crapped out a few too many times before our daughter was born. I bought two Japanese cars 2 weeks before she arrived.

And, I taught her the word Fuckenoeuven this morning. WHAT> IS > WRONG WITH ME????

Bobita said...

The Upside Down Show is the absolute favorite in this house...that may have been the funniest video clip that I have ever seen!!