Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I've got a what?

A cavity. I have a freakin' cavity. Two actually. Two cavities.

I've never had a cavity before.

Screw you, Karma, stop laughing.

I've just returned from an appointment with an ice pick wielding Marquis de Sade Dr. Phoebus Farb my new dentist where I was told that yes, I have not one, but two cavities. And that I don't floss enough.

Hi! Thanks for choosing Dr. So and So, it's so nice to meet you. Now open wide while we drill and pick the holy jeebus out of your mouth. Have a nice day and don't forget to refer us to your friends!

Sorry, the blood loss is making me woozy.

There is a possibility I have more but because of my history of never having had a cavity in my freakin' life - Ahem - the nice lady decided that she didn't want to load me up with fillings just yet so we're going to "watch them". Which is code for "I hope you like needles being stuck into your gums because we'll be seeing a lot of you in the future".

And for the record, no, I do not like needles, especially when they are anywhere near my tender parts.

Also for the record, I am a delicate flower so I have many tender parts. Which is to say...

Stay the fuck away from me with your needles you sicko.

I'm scared out of my sneakers. Is there anything I should be particularly worried about or prepared for? Give it to me straight, I'm a delicate flower but I can take the bad news. I want to know what I'm in for. Oh gawd please tell me it's not as bad as I think it's going to be!!

-------------------------------------

We interrupt this whining to send a very huge thank you to Tori of Radioactive Girl for the ROFL Award she decided to bestow upon me.




She decided that Chicky Baby's follicle mutilation at the hands of her own father was worthy enough to be singled out.

At first I was all WTH?! HOAS. IYSS. But then I was all XLNT! TYVM!! I'm SETE. Then I thought WWJD? And that's TBD so I should quit while I'm behind.

SIS*.

THX, I mean, Thanks Tori!

If you want to know more about the ROFL Awards go see Mommy Off the Record and Izzy.



(*for those of you not up to date on the lingo, Like me. I had to look this stuff up:

WTH = What the hell
HOAS = Hold on a second
IYSS = If you say so
XLNT = Excellent
TYVM = Thank you very much
SETE = Smiling ear to ear
WWJD = What would Jesus do?
TBD = To be determined
SIS = Snickering in Silence)

37 comments:

Kristin said...

It's a great post... I know it made me laugh! Congratulations and BUMMER on the cavity!

something blue said...

Cavity, schmavity. Toughen up you delicate flower. Don't worry, giving birth is still more painful.

Anyways cavities are to be expected. I know that while I was sitting around with my children watching Oprah and eating bon bons, I must have got at least two new cavities. ~cheeky grins~

Congrats on your award!

Aunt Chicky said...

Awesome. Now you can feel my pain. I'm loving this.

Heather said...

I inherited my dad's teeth, which is to say that they're essentially a cavity factory, despite vigilant brushing (electric brush!), flouride mouthwash, and flossing. I get cavities all the time. As an expert I say not to worry. It's really not that bad, and if it's needles you hate and the cavities aren't that deep opt for no freezing. Congrats on the award!

meno said...

I have two words for you; nitrous oxide.
Then you won't care what they do, trust me!

ewe are here said...

Ugh. Sorry about the cavities. And really sorry you've reminded me I must find a new dentist myself.

Sigh.

But hey - congrats on the award!

IAI said...

I got one cavity last year - the first one since I was 10. Yeah, that long. I think I teared up a bit at the thought of having my perfect teeth marred by another filling ... making two in my whole head. Yeah, that dramatic. And yeah, my hygienist laughed at me. Anyway, was THRILLED to find out they use tooth-colored fillings these days and not the toxic mercury amalgam I've been sucking on for my entire life. That's the good news. The bad news, you drool like a motherfucker for the whole fucking day. But other than that, the worst part was me digging my fingernails into my hands while waiting for pain that never came.

PunditMom said...

Congratulations! And thanks for the tutorial on the shorthand ... I needed it. The only one I knew until now was LOL!

scribbit said...

My uncle is my dentist and he's great, but as I'm the only family member who seems to be obsessive about flossing he is rather obvious about how I'm his favorite. Yes I know, a strange family but there it is.

jen said...

open up and say.....never mind, lest you turn the ice pick my way.

congrats on the other...you crack me up all the time, so it's no surprise.

Mommy off the Record said...

WWJD? LMAO

Anyway, about the cavities. Don't worry. The needle probably won't hurt at all. Dentists usually use excellent technique so you can't feel a thing. Seriously. Just make sure they jiggle your cheek while they're putting in the needle. That's how you'll know they are using the right technique. Something about jiggling the cheek makes it not hurt. You think I jest, but I do not! It's true!

wendy boucher said...

They make a special gas for delicate flowers like you (and me). Just get somebody to drive you. And congrats on the ROFL award!

MotherBumper said...

congrats on the ROFL - I still think and laugh outloud over that post so it was totally worthy.

Anyhow - I have more cavities then the grand canyon (british bad teeth) and you have nothin' to worry about. But if you can get the gas - take it.

sunshine scribe said...

Congrats on the ROFL my friend :)

And I Hate dentists. With a capital H. And I hate flossing lectures. And needles. And people putting their hands in my mouth. And people talking to me when their hands are in my mouth. And drooling. And ... well ... its been a whole lotta years since I've been ... I bet I have a mouth full of cavities!

Velma said...

All you grown-ups with your perfect teeth - what the hell? I've never even heard of people reaching their 30's without getting a single cavity. You guys are freaks of nature...or maybe I'm just wildly jealous? Yeah, probably that.

mothergoosemouse said...

Cavity? TWO of them?

Dude. Fillings are nothing compared to the dental work I've endured. You'll be fine. These days, they swab your gums with analgesic before inserting the novocaine needle.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I'm not the right person to ask. I am not afraid of cavities. Needle my gums, I feel nothing but a pinch and I'm good to go. I was never afraid of needles. Weird?

Good luck.

I thought I was losing my mind with all those abbreviations. I thought I was up on that stuff...guess not.

julia said...

You've never had a cavity?? I think I may have to hate you a little. I have so many, it's ridiculous. Years of grinding my teeth have caused stress fractures which have led to multiple cavities.

Ask them to numb the spot where they're going to inseret the novocaine.

Dana said...

I'm afraid to go to the dentist, because I KNOW I have a cavity. I just know it. Fricken Halloween candy....

The sucky part is I brush my teeth three times a day. I just can't say no to chocolate.

mo-wo said...

Congratulations Chicky! Great news.. BTW I have just been thinking I need to post in a similar vein about my post-natal root canal. Is there any creedence to breastfeeding taking a toll on the teeth. You know sometimes I can just feel the enamel peeling from my teeth as my kids suckle.

lildb said...

I think every single one of your posts ought to be awarded for one reason or another.

I suppose I'd better come up with some kind of new, special, just-for-you award, now, to back up my words with something. not that I've ever bothered to do it before (back up my words) so why would I freakin' start now?

p.s. OH GOD nooooo on the dentistry. I'm so so so sorry. would it help if I brought over some cake to -- uh, heh. yeah. that was inappropriate.

look what happens when Debbie doesn't comment for awhile. she totally forgets her manners and blows chunks all over nice people's comment sections. sorry, lady. I mean well, fer realz.

xoxox

MrsFortune said...

Never had one either. I thought I was in the clear but now I realize one can develop them FLIF (freakishly late in life). Good luck. Hope you get good drugs.

creative-type dad said...

What?!!

How can you never have had a cavity?! You must have super-human alien teeth.

Or maybe you've never eaten Pixie sticks for dinner.

Avalon said...

Didn't your parents ever put you to bed with a bottle ?!? What the hell kind of person survives childhood with no cavities?!? I am in awe!

Pendullum said...

Try...
I had to take my nine year old daughter to have two fillings...
And the dentist insists thatI sit and watch as he gives my daughter the needls... then the drilling, the blood...ohhh... the blood... and that smell...
and all the while I am supposed to say 'Ohhh Honey its okay !'(without hurling my cookies!)
Loved your dictionary with the lingo... think I willprint that up for our next appointment,,,

Jenny said...

Crap. I too have never had a cavity before. And I have a dentist appointment next week.

Sigh...bad karma.

Binkytown said...

How is it possible that youve never had a cavity? Dude. I've had like 57. Fillings are fun! Ask for the gas!

Ericka said...

congrats on the award.

and on making it this long cavity free. it's not that bad, really. except for the drill sound, and the burning smell, and that taste in your mouth, and drooling for the rest of the day, and the pins and needles when the novicane wears off. except for all that, it's not a big deal. really.

just eat something before (novicane [novicaen? novacane? dammit.] on an empty stomach makes me queasy), and wait until you can feel your face to eat again - otherwise you could chew through your own cheek and not realize it. not fun.

CrankMama said...

Just ask for the magic gas and everything will be pretty & new again...

Dentistry is SCARY

Mamacita Tina said...

I had two cavities in my baby teeth, but they were replaced, so no filling. Last summer I had two cavities taken care of. What's up with that? Is it that having babies and nursing drains your teeth of their nutrients? I remember as a kid that it really wasn't that big a deal to get the shot and have them drill and fill the holes. I went in confident it was no big deal. OH.MY.ACHING.GUMS. I hurt for a week afterwards. I swear they bruised my mouth. Not too fond of that dentist, will be looking for another one. Good luck with yours.

kittenpie said...

I'm shocked you've never had even one cavity before. Wow.

Really, the needle is the worst part, and it's over pretty fast. If you could stand all the blood tests and so on that attend being preggy and birthing babies, you know how to take a deep breath, count to ten, and then be happy in the knowledge that part is done.

Ruth Dynamite said...

Sorry about the teef, but thanks for the online acronym definitions (that's slang, baby!). Congrats on the ROFL - that post was truly hilarious! ("Just step away from the baby and put the scissor down.")

Michelle O'Neil said...

Make sure you get porcelin and not silver amalgams. The silver ones have mercury in them and it is a potent neurotoxin. Only a select # of free thinking, intelligent dentists are mercury free.

Her Bad Mother said...

That I laughed during a post about dentists is testamnt to a certain level of genius.

halloweenlover said...

I promise, cross my heart, that it does not hurt AT ALL. I am terrified of dentists, and it doesn't hurt a bit. Getting blood drawn or a shot is 10 times worse. They either jiggle the cheek like someone said and then you literally don't feel it at all, or they numb it first with gel and then you don't feel it. SO much easier than going to the regular doctor.

Christina said...

Cavities aren't all that bad to fix. Far better than any other kind of tooth fixing.

I have weak teeth due to braces as a kid, so I've had more fillings than I care to admit. Enough that I now occasionaly have fillings done without being numbed. I'm just used to it.

It really isn't bad at all. There's a tiny pinch when they numb your mouth, and that's it. No pain afterwards at all.

carrie said...

No sugar coating going on here: I had my first 2 cavities over the summer at 33 (are we related??) and it SUCKED!!!!

Ask for valium, skip the nitrous it made me nauseous.

And when it is all said and done, go to Costco and buy floss, you will need it and grow to love it.

Good luck and congratulations on your award, your posts always make me laugh, even this one!!!

Carrie