Monday, November 20, 2006

C'mon, are the TV people really that bad?

I've decided that life with a young toddler is much like living in a house that has a poltergeist.

The constant worrying about what is going to set Chicky Baby off is exhausting. Why is she angry? Is there a chair out of place? Was a picture moved? All I know is that she babbles something incoherently, then the moaning and wailing starts quickly followed by the ear piercing screeches. If I don't find the cause of the problem I get a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach, like icy fingers clutching at my gut, and soon severed doll heads are flying through the house.

I know she's trying to tell me something but I just don't know what that is. I'd be willing to break out the ouija board or wear a tinfoil hat if I thought it would help us to communicate.

This language barrier is frustrating for Chicky Baby too; she has needs and desires that she is trying to convey. But I really wish she would learn how to ask for what she wants instead of lifting the cat off the ground by its tail.

Unfortunately, the violent episodes often work to her advantage. It's impossible to miss why she is displeased in certain circumstances. If she wants to get out of bed she rattles the sides of the crib violently and tosses her stuffed animals across the room. If she wants more milk she'll fling her cup in the direction of my head. If she wants to read a book I'll catch the corner of it in the chest.

The only thing that will appease her in these situations? The television. Hmm...


Maybe it's not her fault, after all. Could someone put me in touch with Tangina Barrons? I need to exorcise a demon.

27 comments:

T. said...

I still have nightmares about getting sucked into the telly. After reading your post and seeing the graphic, I'm sure to have a sleepless night. Thanks.

As for your little poltergeist, I hate to break it to ya, but once they find their words, things don't dramatically improve.

They just get a little more articulate as the milk cup flies towards your head, or as they age, the eyeballs roll backwards.

Maybe we should call the Ghostbusters and they can suck the bad attitudes into their plasma loving vaccuums...

something blue said...

The television baby poltergeists should be blamed on Julie Aigner-Clark and her Baby Einstein idea.

Although I have been told that you have to say a word five hundred times before a child will add it to their vocabulary. With that theory No would top Dadda every time.

Jonathon said...

Little-E is actually old enough that she CAN ask for what she wants when she wants it.

Often she's just not inclined to do so.

When she really flips out? (Doesn't want to go to bed, or whatever) The only sure-fire way to leverage her to act like a "big kid" is to offer some time with her beloved Shrek 2.

I swear there's something addictive in that glowing box.

Jess Riley said...

I still can't watch "snow" on TV because of that movie. (And now because of "White Noise," too.)

I feel kind of guilty chuckling at the idea of Chicky Baby being such a tyrant; does she throw things with a gleam in her eye, like she's really enjoying it all? ;)

Beck said...

I saw that movie when I was... 10, maybe? and screamed like a big freak when the clown popped up from under the bed.
Happy memories.
My toddler is a gentle lass, but her head is unfortunately made out of solid marble and she's always smashing it into my delicate jaw/mouth area. OUCH.

MotherBumper said...

We are both home sick today and I swear that if it wasn't for the TV I'd be more insane then I already claim to be. And if the TV started to talk to us I'd probably ask it to babysit while I went and had a nap.

Maybe we moms should start a union to help fight the tyranny?

Christina said...

Ah yes, we still deal with that here, too. And it is amazing how the TV will solve nearly any problem.

Of course, now she can talk, and often the solution to any problem she has is to beg for "Bwues Baby Bwudder?" (Blue's Baby Brother - Blue's Clues 10th anniversary episode) Hearing that over and over and over again is almost worse than a sippy cup flying at my head.

beth said...

It's so hard. Sam just points and yells "eeeeh!" until I figure out which of the 35 objects he is gesturing toward is the one that is currently "eeeeh." And yes, as soon as that tv goes on the jaw is slack with a little dribble of drool.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Then send her this a way...my daughter is possessed too....

K said...

it gets better soon. I promise - it's a hard time for them - the growing, the teeth, etc.

just enjoy a stiff drink (or 14)and realize it will pass.

Kristi said...

We don't use tv, but videos are just as effective. My kids become little zombies when I put in a dvd. AND I LOVE IT!

mothergoosemouse said...

I think Chicky Baby and CJ are twins separated at birth (by a few months). I've got the same kind of behavior here, and there are times when I feel the same frustration rising in my chest that I did when she was an infant. That urge to scream "What the fuck do you WANT?!"

And then there's the guilt when I put on the TV just to appease her and give us both a break.

nomotherearth said...

That's funny, I was going to post something identical to what you just wrote! The boy gets upset, and so I start naming all the things he might want and he just says "NO!" and wails all the harder. It's challenging.

Maybe we should get the babes in a room together and let them talk to each other?? Yeesh

Ruth Dynamite said...

Whatever works, my friend! I got over my tv-associated guilt as fast as I did the non-organic baby food and McDonalds pitfalls.

I failed. So there. But I kept my sanity (sort of - minus the tics and hallucinations).

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh god, I LOVE the TV. Couldn't parent without it! But seriously, Big H still has those days. Even though he can usually tell us what he wants, he's usually telling us he wants something we're not going to give him. Cue tantrum.

I feel your pain, sista.

Mommy off the Record said...

Ah, toddlerhood. Ain't it grand? I've had a few books hurled at me too. Hang in there. It should get better. And if all else fails, just turn on the TV. I won't tell. :)

Kate said...

Please, nothing wrong with a little PBS Kids amongst friends. Would we still have our sanity without it?

Velma said...

Our first kid was an early talker, and we had no idea how good we had it. Our second child barely spoke more than single words until he was 3 years old, and he had a MUCH more difficult toddlerhood. The good thing is that, eventually? The toddler stuff? It ends! Really! I promise!

Mama of 2 said...

Having similar troubles with my Girlie Girlie at the moment. At least you get the reprieve with the TV. For me there are times when nothing works and all I want to do is run away screaming myself but only in the opposite direction. LOL!
Good luck to you...and if you figure any of this out - please pass along the secret okay?

jen said...

ahhh. yes. i can commisserate. today, nothing was right. except dragon tales. a pox on us all.

creative-type dad said...

Too funny!

Yes, we're going through that now. I think if I walk a little to the left the toddler daughter whines and gets upset.

My wife was giving me a much needed backrub early today and the daughter whined like we were selling her to the gypsies.

Maybe we could get a group discount with the Tangina Barrons

Mamacita Tina said...

Yikes. When Ian wakes up at 1 or 2 in the morning, it scares me. I know it's him, but the sound of his pounding feet running across the hallway, soon followed by his scramble to climb into our bed, always freaks me out.

IAI said...

Sorry, we have an incessant communicator. But thanks for the Poltergeist imagery. Fuck. Now I;m gonna be jumpy all day.

Pattie said...

As long as Chicky Baby's real name isn't Carol Ann, and she doesn't want to sit in front of a snowy tv screen, I think you are safe.
:)
It does get MUCH easier when they can talk believe me. There will be days in the future when she will chatter incesstly, you might actually yearn for the days when she didn't speak! *LOL*

ewe are here said...

Oh God, can I relate to this post. MF isn't talking yet so I have to guess why he's wailing. Or what he's pointing out. Or why he's screaming and looking indignant about.

Of course, once he starts talking, I'll probably wish quite the opposite at times... ;-)

carrie said...

I can't remember life before talking in our household, but I know that I was just as frustrated. This will come to an end, as soon as she can verbalize her feelings - and then watch out! She'll be speaking circles around you and asking "what's that?" at each and every object you have, about a thousand times!!!

Carrie

Jenifer said...

I can relate. My daughter can speak amazingly well for 2 and a half, but that doesn't mean that a kicking,screaming,crying tempertantrum is the communication method of choice.

And as for the TV.... you mean you're supposed to turn it off???