Sacrifices

At this very moment my husband is probably telling his would-be boss that he can't take the new and exciting job that was offered to him. There is a very good chance that right now my husband is sitting in a chair in front of a man, not much older than he, who has the position and power that my husband wants for himself one day, thanking that man for a job that was tailor made for him. Thanks, but no thanks. Because my husband doesn't want to be a weekend father.

A few months ago Mr. Chicky was offered an opportunity to take his vast store of technical knowledge and put it to real use with real customers and, potentially, begin would could be a steady climb up the corporate ladder. It took some volleying but ultimatley the job offer was sweetened with a slight bump in pay as well as potentially higher quarterly bonuses. But it also meant up to 3 days and nights away from home at least 3 weeks out of every month. And the days that he was working from the local office he'd be away from the house, including the unpredictable commute, 12 to 13 hours a day. Or, to put it into better perspective, all of Chicky Baby's waking hours.

A couple of years ago the offer of this job would have been a no-brainer. We both would have been working long hours, but we would have found time for each other after work. An hour here, two hours there, a long weekend trip to reconnect. We could be selfish with what little time we had. There would have been two incomes for two people (and a menagerie of pets) so the money would have stretched farther. There wouldn't be the stress of caring for a new little person who required diapers, milk, new shoes, and three square meals a day - plus healthy snacks - along with constant attention and love from both her parents. There was no thought of life insurance, wills, 529 plans. We both worked hard, because that's the kind of people we were. Are. That's the kind of people we are. But we're not working for our selves anymore. Now we're working for our family.

Before Chicky Baby was born we had made plans to handle the changes in our lives. I would go back to work, part-time, and our daughter would split that time between daycare and daddy-care (my husband would leave work a few hours early two days a week to care for her and keep costs down). When I got home at night he would resume work through the magic of wireless network connections and his cell phone. It would mean working late into the night, but we would make it work. The rest of the missing money would be made up for with the small inheritance I received after my mother's death the year before. It seemed like a good, solid plan. Then I delivered a seriously colicky baby who needed to be nursed constantly. Once I returned to work, pumping was a nightmare (one bathroom off the main lobby where everyone who came in could hear the breast pump working its magic was all the privacy that was available to me). I was so used to nursing every hour or two that I ended up with at least one nasty infection that kept me out of work for a few days. And then, the final kick in the head, I was ultimately forced out of that job, leaving us with slightly less money than we had intended. Due to my choice of work for the past few years I had left myself less than easily employable and, even if I chose to go back to work full time, finding a daycare that wouldn't take more than 80% of my take home salary and accepted colicky newborns was impossible to find.

That's when my dear, wonderful husband was forced to take on the bulk of our financial responsibilities.

Poor planning, higher-than-expected costs, and some necessary but expensive (oh my God expensive!) home improvements have forced us to tighten our belts. The amount of money I bring in every week from my training classes barely pay for gas for our cars. On top of that, I haven't worked for two months. My husband, feeling the stress of financial obligation, initially thought this job would affect us positively. Unfortunately, the equivalent of an extra $15 a day as a pay raise (plus those no-guarantee bonuses) couldn't possibly make up for missing out on his daughter's life for the next few years and the pressure it would put on our marriage. But my husband is an honorable man, and he feels horrible for letting the company he works for think that he was going to take that new job. Not to mention the possibility that, by turning it down, he could be sending the message that he's not the upwardly mobile team player that everyone thought he was. Is it career suicide? Its doubtful, he's too well-respected to have this negatively impact his career for too long, but there's always the chance this could chance his job track and make it harder for him in the future. The decision to not take this job has been agonizing, for both of us sure, but mostly for him.

There are no guarantees in this life, only sacrifices. My husband had to make the tough decision as to which part of his life he was going to sacrifice. By taking the job there was only the possibility for good career advancement and one day - who knows when? - more money and more prestige. But right now, Mr. Chicky, though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya honey (okay, sappy. I know.). I'm proud of the decision, the sacrifice, you're making. We'll tighten our belts even more. It may feel like we're suffocating at times but I think it will more than be made up for with all the opportunities you'll have to kiss our daughter goodnight without fear that you'll wake her from a deep sleep. Being a weekend father, a part-time husband wouldn't be enough for you. Being the husband and father you are right now is not only better for Chicky Baby and me but also for you. We'll have to sacrifice a lot, but at least it will be together. As a family.