Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Just put me out of my misery now, please

My husband is on vacation this week.

We're not really going anywhere, just puttering around the house, taking a few day trips, doing some minor home improvements. He's taking this opportunity to catch up on time missed with Chicky Baby. He's connecting with our child in ways he hasn't been able to do as a full time-plus working man. He reads her books and plays roll-the-ball with her. Now that she's a full-fledged walker, he takes her on walks (actually, I should call them "toddles") up and down our street. In return, she's reaching for him more and more. She brings her favorite toy to him instead of always bring it to me. It is truly a wonderful and glorious thing to behold - the relationship between father and daughter.

But even though he's spending much more time with her, he's still the same guy that wants to get accomplish as much as humanly possible in the short time he has away from work. He wants to clear out the spare room and make it into a third bedroom (for guests. no, I'm not pregnant) instead of a 9 x 11 trash heap of long forgotten books, old tax returns and paperwork, an older Bowflex machine that we like to call "The Clothes Rack", linens we haven't used in a dog's age, and cat hair. Mountains and mountains of cat hair. He wants to weed the yard, clean the garage, and keep our pool sparkling clean so we can swim in it (twice, we've swum - swam? - in it twice since Friday, all that chlorine and electricity to run the filter for naught). He also wants to spend time with me, sans child, as well as quality time together as a family and he wants to visit relatives and old friends.

And he's driving me insane.

Remember, I said he had 10 days off from work. Ten days is not enough time to do all the things he wants to get done without needing to take another ten days off to recover from exhaustion. And just so he doesn't read this ('cause I know you're reading this right now, Mr. C) and misunderstand, I am thrilled that he wants to do all those things and more. I just need him to understand that, though this is a vacation from work for him, this is every day for me. With another body thrown in to screw up my routine.

My routine. My precious, oh-so-necessary routine. My life-saving, sanity-saving routine.

In the mornings after getting Chicky out of her crib we usually go downstairs to the kitchen where I make breakfast for her. A few mornings this week Mr. C took care of this and I got to sleep in an extra half an hour. But even after waking up, fresh from that extra 30 minutes of slumber, we still follow a routine. Feed kid. Feed dogs. Let dogs out and make sure they go to their "spot" to do their thing so they won't piss on our new lawn, leaving large, circular burn marks in our otherwise luxurious, green grass. Make coffee. Drum fingers on counter while coffee is brewing because It's. Not. Brewing. Fast. Enough. Resist the urge to pull the pot of coffee out from the machine and inserting head under the stream of hot java to expedite the process. Play with kid. Change poopy diaper (you could set your watch by my kid's bowel movements. Uh, too much information?). Sit and read paper, online, and start in on my daily blog reading....

And that's where the problems start.

My husband, though he does occasionally read some of your blogs - especially is you leave interesting comments - is not a blog reader. He is not a blog writer. He doesn't understand the time it takes to read, comment, write, re-write, work out writer's block, write again, read and comment some more. He finishes reading the Boston Globe or ESPN and he's done and ready to move on to the first big task of the day. I, however, like to read blogs while drinking my coffee and eating my I've-convinced-myself-it's-healthy cereal. And I'll finish when I'm good and damn ready, thank you very much. Let's just say this is not going over very well with my dear husband, the Task Master. Honey, that spare bedroom has looked like a Super-Fund site for at least a year and a half, it can stand to not be completely spruced up in two days time. Martha Stewart is not coming to visit anytime soon.

So, for the rest of the week my reading, commenting and writing will be sporadic at best. It's good timing, I suppose, because there's this stupid, little conference going on this weekend and a lot of the bloggers I read will be at it probably having a horrible time in climate controlled hotel conference rooms.

Was that convincing? Hell, I didn't even convince myself. I'd give my third toe on my left foot to go to Blogher. What? You didn't think I was going to say 'right arm', did you? Its just a conference, people. A conference where fantastic women are knocking back martinis and wine while comparing notes on all us losers that aren't going. Who am I kidding. They'll be too busy luxuriating in their own fabulousness to even notice we're not there.

Oh, the jealousy though, it is oozing from my pores.

I've got to get a grip. After all, I've got my husband all to myself for the rest of the week. The rest of the week. Oy.

That's if we both make it that long. If he gets on my nerve I can always bury him under that huge mound of cat hair I have yet to vacuum up.

24 comments:

Mother said...

We wish you were going to be there at that awful thing this weekend suffering with us :)

lynsalyns said...

Yeaaaahhh. I know about this. My hub is off for the whole summer. THE. WHOLE. SUMMER.

radioactive girl said...

On the days my husband is home with us, it takes us so much longer to get anything done! I'm not sure if it is because we both expect the other person to "pick up the slack" or what, but it is aggravating that when I am alone with all 4 kids, we can be up and ready by 7:30 and when he is home we can barely get out the door by 12.

Mama of 2 said...

Can so sympathize. It seems like when hubby is home for any other days besides the weekends my nice ordered life comes to a screeching halt and it drives me completely off my rocker!
I can't imagine what I would be like after 10 long days of it. Hell you'd probably need to book me a rubber room.

Good luck with all of it and look forward to reading all about it in depth at a later time.

metro mama said...

I'm jealous too.

Good luck with hubby. Get him to finish the chores early one day and knock back a martini with you.
Next best thing.

Jill Urbane, The Mentor Mom said...

Why is it that they are so good at planning what we need to do with our time? I hear it every week, "is that all you're going to do today?" when found sitting reading the paper or online reading blogs. This despite the fact that I work full time, have a house to maintain, three animals to clean up after (you want to talk about hair), and the list goes on and on.

And yet despite all this, I love him and couldn't live without him...well maybe just a few weeks would be nice :)

Waya said...

That's funny! He's the opposite of my hubbie, Mr. slumber-whenever-I-can-when- I'm-on-vacation. Well, if Mr. C wants to do all those tasks, you don't have to help him do you? He's welcomed to do it all by himself, No?

Chaotic Mom said...

My hubby has three weeks off. We, too, are putzing around doing home improvements. But he's been gone doing army things for 8.5 weeks, comes in after I've done EVERYTHING with the boys, and starts directing the household. Transferring the reigns of "power" over to him has been frustrating, to say the least.

Then he went out and bought me two new monitors and a video card to run them. DANG if the frustration doesn't just melt away that quickly! I secretly wonder if he wants the new graphics card to better run his game... ;)

Michele said...

Ok, you just gave me a painfully clear idea of what it is like to live with me. I am the spastic "MUST ORGANIZE, MUST CLEAN, MUST MAKE GOOD USE OF TIME OFF" person in our family.

This is not a pat on my back. I am a pain in the ass, and I dont know how to relax. My husband will DEFINITELY want me to go to BlogHer next year just to get me off his back.

(sigh) - grass is definitely looking greener on your side of fence right now. Even with dog-pee-burns.

CPA Mom said...

Too funny. Funny because it is so true. Funny how we long to have them spend time with us and when we are actually all together we want to take our (lesser) better half outside and shoot them. In the (groin) foot. To put him (me) out of his (my) misery.

Pattie said...

Hehheh...
I can relate all too well to this. I love being with my husband as well...BUT, after a few days, I cannot seem to get anything done and my routine is totally screwed up. Oh and blogging??? No WAY....

Do you think if you did, let's say, have to bury him under that pile of cat hair, would the Dyson be powerful enough to suck him up? :)

Christina said...

I'd give my left pinky toe to have you be at BlogHer as well! Maybe next year, right?

Sorry that the hubs doesn't understand the need to relax and read blogs. My husband can sometimes irritate me when he's home as well, although it's usually because he's not doing anything, instead of doing too much!

sunshine scribe said...

It is oozing from my pores too. I'd give a toe or two to go!!

My hubs is the exxact same about "vacation" time - makes me nuts!

Take care :)

julia said...

My husband gets those grand plans, too. Problem is, they never get done. Or, worse, they get half done and then they get left there. For months. Half-assed, jury-rigged crap. It. pisses. me. off.

Can live with 'em, can't sell 'em for science experiments.

Lisa said...

I KNOW. SO envious of the chicks going! Maybe we can come next year to?

Also, wow. Your hubby is no slacker. Mine is. And the result is that NOTHIGN gets done. Ever. We moved out of our old house in November of '05. It is STILL not ready to be put on the market because he's not finished painting the damn fence!

Mamacita Tina said...

Funny, I use to think weekends would be easier with my husband home to help. Truth is, it's harder. He interrupts the flow and I get frustrated. It seems things take twice as long to get done because he's in the mix. Would I have it any other way? NO!

Mommy off the Record said...

I wish I could have met you too...I've enjoyed your blog from the beginning of my bloggin days.

Have fun with the hubby though. Totally focusing on just you and him sounds like a good week to me. :)

lildb said...

may you not develop apoplexy from watching the huz overextend himself.

it's beautiful watching the kidlet bond with the Dada, isn't it? sometimes I feel ill, it makes my heart burn so from the sheer, freaking BEAUTY of it.

sigh.

mo-wo said...

P-man has been home an extra 10 days so far. It is wacky... And if he uses the phrase 'just do it' one more time I will shave his ball hair with a dull kitchen knife. F'off Captain timesaver.. I HAVE A SYSTEM here!

kittenpie said...

HOney, this is your cue to say, in a bright and cheery tone, "Well, since you are enjoying your time with Chicky so much, I'm going to run out and do a few things!" And go sit by yourself with that coffee and a good book. Go meet up with a friend. Go buy yourself some cute shoes. Just GO! Seriously, it feels so good to do things for yourself, and this is your chance. Even if it doesn't include that conference. (We don't need no stinking conference!)

Her Bad Mother said...

We are pretty busy missing you, chica. Totally.

Little know fact about BlogHer? We totally do cluster together and say things like, 'OMG don't you totally wish that Mrs. Chicky was here?'

No lie.

Kristen said...

Hey, he wants to get stuff done, so make him a list to keep him out of your hair! LOL.

mamatulip said...

I always simultaneously look forward to the weekend because my husband is home and hope it goes by as quickly as possible because my husband is home. And when he's home, the routines that I have carefully crafted for my children (well, for Julia...Oliver's not really what I'd call a 'routine' child) go straight out the window.

When I had Oliver, Dave took six weeks paternity time. I loved having him home...for the first week. LOL.

Kristin said...

I hear you... which is why my true 10 days of relaxation happen before my husband joins us... once he is here we will be up and figgin ACTIVE.