Alpha Bitch

Who doesn't like being a bitch from time to time? I certainly wouldn't want to pass up the opportunity to be asked to let my bitch flag fly, so thanks to Jennster for dragging me into this one.

That beeyatch.

Apparently, the point of this is to come up with 20 things that I hate with a fiery passion of 10,000 suns. To narrow the list a bit, and to build upon one of my recent posts, I'm going to make this the 20 things I hate about dog owners (get it? Dogs? Bitch? Ha!). I'll try to keep it as light hearted as I can while still letting out my frustrations in a friendly forum.

deep breath

Okay, here goes nothing...

1. Having a dog means being responsible for that animal. Don't pretend shit doesn't happen, pick up the poop! Gawd, I hate that.
2. I hate owners who insist on letting their dogs wander the neighborhood unleashed. Hey, jackass, if my dog bites yours it won't be my fault because she'll be leashed and licensed and yours will be illegally off-leash and unregistered.
3. "Down" means lie down on the ground and "off" means get your paws off of my chest. I cannot stress this enough. If you keep telling your dog "Down" when you mean "Off" and your dog ignores you, it's your own damn fault that he's confused and he's ruining your good linen pants.
4. Take the dog out of the purse!
5. Stop carrying the dog in your arms!
6. Let the dog walk on the paws that the doggie God gave him and let him retain some dignity.
7. Take the dress off the male dog. Please. I'm begging.
8. If I see another dog tied up in a yard with a long leash attached to a prong collar, I'm calling the ASPCA.
9. If I hear another owner in my class bitch about giving their dog "people food" for treats, but then listen to them tell me about the shitty grocery store dog food they serve their beloved pet I'm going to choke them with some freeze-dried liver.
10. While we're on that subject - and this is more about the dog food makers, distributors, and advertising - if the food has colorful and fun shapes the food is crap. Its the equivalent of serving your kids nothing, and I mean nothing, but tv dinners for their entire lives. Sure, the dog will survive on the food, and your kids could survive on microwave meals, but they wouldn't be getting the nourishment they need. Okay, that's not really hating something, but it offends my sensibilities.
11. Your dog does not need nail polish.
12. The dog park is not a free-for-all. Pay attention to what your dog is doing.
13. If your dog is humping another dog do not stand there and say "Ewww". Take your dog by the collar and remove him (or her - yes, that can happen) from the situation. Its not about sex - unless it really is and that's a different story entirely - so you need to step in to show your dog that it is not appropriate. Think how the other dog feels. C'mon.
14. If your dog is outside, barking his head off, have the decency to take him inside. He's bored and he misses you. And your neighbors are pissed. Don't be that neighbor.
15. Repeat after me - Crate training is a good thing. A crate is not a prison. A crate is not a jail.
16. A dog is not an accessory. Get a dog because he fits with your lifestyle not because he goes well with your wardrobe.
17. Paris Hilton.
18. Just because you have a dog at home does not mean you can let your kid go running and screaming up to my dog. No it is not okay to do that because your kid loves dogs. My dog may not love strange kids.
19. No, it is not okay if your dog loves other dogs, don't let your pooch get all up in my dog's face. See #2.
20. My yard is not your dog's toilet! Pick up the freakin' poop!!


I hope I didn't offend too many people, I could have been a lot bitchier! But I do enjoy being an alpha bitch every once in a while.


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Oh shit, I'm supposed to tag others, aren't I? I'm going to tag some other alpha bitches (don't take that the wrong way, ladies. That's a huge compliment in my book.). I tag...

Mother GM
Mom 101
Mama Tulip
Please disregard the tag if you've already done this or if you hate memes.