Monday, June 12, 2006

Meet my friend: Murphy S. Law


On the wall of my orthodontist's office, next to the reclining chair where I, as a child of 11 years to 14, sat far too many times to have my palette expander checked or have yet another bracket replaced, was a large poster of Murphy's Law. Possibly placed there to alleviate the tedium or to lighten the mood, but whatever the reason, there it was in all it's Times New Roman glory for me to gaze upon. Since there's really not much else to do when you have the large, hairy hands of a wanna-be comedian turned oral sadist in your mouth but stare at the same poster, time after time, by the end of my orthodonist's reign of terror on my mouth I had committed many of the laws to memory. Since I was a young and easily influenced young lass, the covenants of a man named Murphy left an unfortunate lasting impression on my life forever after. There beginning a lifetime of looking at life through crystal clear glasses. My husband calls me a pessimist but I disagree, preferring instead to refer to myself as a realist. Does life suck? Sometimes, yes it does. Do shitty things happen to people who don't deserve it. Yepper, you betcha. Is it really impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious? Ooh, that's a head scratcher! Is the glass half full or half empty? I don't really care as long as I don't have to pay full price for whatever is in that partly filled glass.

For those of you not familiar with my friend Murphy and his axioms, his philosophy on life can be summed up with one line:

"If anything can go wrong, it will."

Oh, yes. It will.

My husband, a man who was born with a set of perfectly straight teeth, therefore never necessitating a visit to any orthodontist, jocular or otherwise, should have been given a pocket copy of that Murphy's Law poster. Then he might have known that the very act of getting wrecked on cheap white wine on a Sunday evening would guarantee that our daughter would pick that night to spike a high fever while simultaneously cutting most of her baby molars and spend the entire night waking us up with her wails of pain.

In case you were wondering, I also partook of the wine - like I was going to say no to wine, cheap or otherwise? Psssh. - but I knew when to say when. My man, who had gotten complacent because our child is a wonderful sleeper, tossed down a goodly amount of the drink. Not only that but he decided that he wanted to pass out sleep on my side of the bed that evening, convinced that he is that its the more comfortable side, and my side has the baby monitor next to it. I told him that the person on that side is responsible for listening for signs of baby distress and he said he was worthy of the task.

Murphy's Law, honey, Murphy's Law.

Do you think I let him off the hook, when at 1am Chicky Baby sounded the first alarm? If you said yes then you don't know me very well. He has to learn that life is not all sunshine and ponies. He has to learn that sometimes shit happens.

And I took my side of the bed back.

30 comments:

Gina said...

Sorry for your sucky night... Murphy has no mercy!

motherhooduncensored said...

Yes. You must spread the word of Murphy to those who know nothing of him.

PS My crackers and bagels ALWAYS fall face down. Bastards.

radioactive girl said...

I read somewhere that the mom usually has the side of the bed closest to the door. The study said that without doing it on a conscious level, women usually choose that side of the bed so that when a child comes in, they will stop at their side first. Either that or men consciously choose the side farthest from the door... Sorry for your yucky night in any case!

Ashley said...

i never sleep good if i fall asleep on my husband's side of the bed. speaking of kids waking up when they aren't supposed to--my daughter just started crying. she went to bed an hour ago...she should still be sleeping *sigh*

icancarryallthebagsandthebabiestoo said...

I used to do all of the laundry in our house. Then one day, I shrunk one of my husbands sweaters into a teeny weeny baby sized sweater.

Well, he made fun of me to just about everyone who would listen. He told them all about how I never separate anything and how I just toss anything in the dryer.

I asked him if he felt he would be able to do a better job with the laundry.

He did.

So, I (who did a load of unseparated laundry every day) stopped.

From that day on, our laundry has been a mess. It just piles up and up and up and up and up and up and up until finally my mom comes over and says, "listen, you HAVE to have clean clothes," and helps me do it.

Recently I told her to stop. I just let it all go until finally there weren't any more clothes to wear.

And when my husband finally said something and I explained that I would not be helping him anymore he said, "I don't understand why you're being so vindictive about this."

I said, "No, it would only be vindictive if I actually made more dirty laundry for you. But you laughed at the way I did them, said you would do them all, and so now you can."

Sometimes people need to learn to do what they committ to.

mothergoosemouse said...

Oooooh, harsh. But effective.

It's a crapshoot at our house. My side is next to the monitor, but Kyle's side is next to the door (where a certain four year-old invariably enters at an ungodly hour and demands to sleep with us because she is scared.)

Kristin said...

LOL! Sounds like our house on Sunday! Hugh was over-served on Sat. night but I could find no kindness in my dark little heart and left him at the mercy of the kids for the afternoon!

liberalbanana said...

That's great - good for you for not letting him off of the hook. I'm sure he'll think twice before doing that next time!

something blue said...

That's the price to pay for the comfy side of the bed!

Hope Chicky Baby is not suffering from those nasty teeth pushing their way out. Teeth are a necessary evil.

mamatulip said...

Yup, sometimes shit happens, and Daddy has to deal with it. You go.

Her Bad Mother said...

Well done, girl. How else will they learn?

(Was there a hangover? Did you take mercy?)

sunshine scribe said...

Shit happens.

But man, I think if I didn't like ya before (which by the way I sure did), I am bowing to you now. Well done. Well done.

carrie said...

Ooooh, one of THOSE nights!!! I totally understand and I wish that I cound blame it on the booze when my husband can't seem to wake when we have kid drama in the middle of the night! He's a really sound sleeper, I would give anything...

That Murphy is a cruel bastard.

Mommy off the Record said...

Oh boy. I am getting a headache just thinking about how bad you must have felt the next day! My little guy is teething right now so after reading your post, I must say I won't be drinking large quantities of wine in the near future...just in case!

Christina said...

Holy shit, did we have the same orthodontist? Mine was also hairy, thought he was a comedian, and had a poster of Murphy's Law, too! (just like the one in the picture) Maybe it's required to be an orthodonitst?

And yeah, your husband got what he deserved on that one. Hope Chicky is feeling better soon.

Ruth Dynamite said...

Every time our kids have a midnight crisis/awakening, my husband is conveniently comatose. Sound asleep. Snoring. Guess who always gets up? (Not that I'm bitter or anything.) And he doesn't even drink. Whadaya say to that, Murphy?

Binky said...

My husband's nightlife is all dreamy sunshine and ponies, until he has to wake up at 7 to go to work. Not only has he never gotten up to tend to our crying baby, but the incessant wailing doesn't even wake him half the time. I know it's true because he just keeps on snorin'. Oh well. I'm sure he has some redeeming qualities.

wendy boucher said...

Lesson learned by your hubz, I hope. I also hope Chicky Baby feels all better. My Hubby sleeps like the dead. No sounds wake him up. A foot in the back works when necessary.

lildb said...

mmmm. huh.

(gets out notebook, scribbles pertinent information down.)

thanks for the tip.

*winks*

CroutonBoy said...

Oh man, I've been where your husband was, and that's hard hard hard.

I generally don't mind Murphy so long as I expect it. I always get caught in one of his corollaries: Everything takes longer than you think, or twice as long as it should, except that which appears easy, which takes three times as long

Blog Antagonist said...

I've been there, and it totally sucks. That's why my tolerance to alcohol diminished to the point that I can drink approximately 3 teaspoons before become extremely intoxicated. Parenting drunk sucks, but parenting with a hangover is even worse. Hope chicky baby is well and husband is remorseful. Remorseful husbands are pretty userful, I've found.

Jenny said...

Someone needs to find this "Murphy" and assassinate him

SUEB0B said...

My mom is a classic pessimist. Yesterday I was leaving her house and there was a siren way off in the distance.

"Oh no," she said. "Be careful!"

Mama C-ta said...

We run in the same circle b/c Murphy is a dear friend of mine as well. My husband always says I'm a pessimist and I always respond saying I'm a realist. Shit does happen, way too often!

Hope your babe is feeling better!

Jess Riley said...

Haha! Oh, too true. That Murphy is one stone-cold SOB. My parents used to have that poster hanging in their bathroom. I was a cynic by age 6.

I hope Chicky Baby is feeling better!

Karla said...

Murphy's Law is the cloud that hangs over my head. I hope your baby is feeling good soon

Lisa said...

Heeheee. My hubby would have NEVER woken up. Sober or otherwise. :-)

J's Mommy said...

Good for you for waking his ass up. He must have felt awful the next day! hahaha!

kittenpie said...

a) Good for you! No shirking allowed.
b) So sorry.. Is she okay now?
c) This is the thing that I am scared of and so I never get more than mildly buzzed now. I just know the minute I'm not really prepared for her is when she'll need me. Murphy's Law indeed - I'm a believer.

mo-wo said...

Not all sunshine and ponies... I am gonna have to use that.