Thursday, June 15, 2006

This will get me kicked out of the sorority for sure.

In her never-ending quest to bring everyone together in a virtual happy assemblage of bloggerly love, HBM is calling for all da ladies to give a shout out (or two) to the Dad Bloggers we read and adore. Great idea, right? Unfortunately for me, with the exception of Crouton Boy over at Cheeky's Hideaway, I don't really read Dad Blogs on a regular basis.

Gasp!

I know. Sure, I've got Sweet Juniper on my blogroll, and I do visit at least once a week, but I haven't made an emotional connection with his blog or with any others of the male persuasion. I don't know what's the matter with me. The men are just as good at this blog writing stuff as the women (maybe better, given that I just used the word "stuff" to describe putting intense feelings about our lives and families into words and then sending them out onto the web for random strangers to read. Nice.). I try to read and support the guys but I find that I'm missing... Something. I don't know what it is. There are some fantastic Dad Bloggers out there, I can't stress that enough. So what the hell is the matter with me?

As a woman whose formative years were spent mainly around boys and men, I should be the first person to jump on the Daddy Blog Booster Bandwagon. But instead I've focused all of my attention on other women bloggers and its tripping me out just a bit. I've never wanted to admit it (out loud) but I must confess...

I don't really like other women.

[ducking the coffee cups, high heels and flat-irons being thrown at me]

Okay, okay. Before you hit the back button, please let me explain. I should probably add a caveat to that statement. I didn't really like other women, but that was before I became a mother. And I have some very good reasons so, please, give me a chance to explain. Please? Sit and listen to my woeful explanation. Maybe, if I can get you to understand, you'll gain some insight into the inner workings of Mrs. Chicky.

(Oh God, please don't leave me. I need you guys.)

(I need. I need.)

(I'll make you cookies if you stay.)

(Oh man, love me. Validate my existence. Don't leave. Gaaaaahhh....)

(pathetic.)

And here's my pitiful explanation as to why. Women scare me. They always have and they probably always will. I have a hard time relating to them as a group. Singularly they're okay. Together, a bunch of women are a force to be reckoned with. I've always felt more comfortable with men for the very reason I alluded to already. I was brought up around boys and men. I spent the majority of my preschool years around my dad and his buddies, with the sons of my mother's friends, and with my 3 youngest uncles. For whatever reason, there just weren't that many girls my age to foster the bonds of sisterhood with. Since I didn't have a female sibling until I was 4, I didn't have another accessible girl to play with on a regular basis until I was approximately 6 years old. I think the door was closed on my imprinting stage at that point. I had best girlfriends in elementary school and up through college, but not large groups of female friends because I learned very early on, as most of us do... That girls? They're cruel little bitches.

Seriously, da girls are spooky. But so is my mom before she's had her coffee.

Girls are cliquey and catty and manipulative and they hold grudges.

Girls believe in pack mentality. Its like a religion to them. All pray at the altar of the Alpha Female.

Girls listen as you lament your breakup with your first high school love one day and then the next show up at school wearing the sweater you lovingly bought for your now ex-boyfriend as a Christmas present the year before. Loudly announcing without words that she was now dating him. Yeah, like I wasn't going to notice that one.

Sorry, I was going to keep it unspecific.

But can you believe the nerve of that bitch?

Anyhoo... I've always enjoyed having male friends. For most of my adult life I worked in industries where I was the only woman or, at least, one of a small handful. In my twenties I surrounded myself with male friends, but always keeping one or two female friends around for advice and support. And for someone to go shopping with. Men hate shoe shopping. Its a fact, look it up.

There's little or no politics involved when you are the woman friend in a group that is predominantly men. You can pretty much be yourself with a group of guys. You talk about what you want (as long as it doesn't involve feminine hygiene products or make-up shades), toss around off-color jokes without feeling the need to censor yourself, and talk about high level things without having to share your deep feelings. Gag. The only thing you have to worry about by being the only female in an all male group is someone wanting to get into your pants. And you're pretty much guaranteed that at some point, every one of them has thought about what it would be like to get you into bed. But as long as that fact is known but never spoken, and no one steps over that line, everything is copasetic.

Now, I love sharing. I am, after all, a woman. I'm all for it, but sometimes that shit gets tiring. And if you allow another woman into the deepest, darkest recesses of your mind you can almost guarantee that somewhere along the line what you shared will be used against you in a court of feminine law. Unless you find one or two people of the same sex who you can trust. And, seriously, I wasn't too convinced that they existed and if they were out there, those wenches were hard to find.

Then I became a mother and women started coming out of the woodwork! My God, where the hell were all of you hiding?

From the looks of my stat counter I'd say Canada. But that's the subject of another post.

Now that I'm a Mom there are women, other mothers, in my town who are offering to babysit my kid so I can run to a doctor's appointment. Women who send me emails or call me on the phone to say "Hey, I'm bored and I was wondering if you were too. Wanna take the kids for a walk?" There are women whose blogs I'm reading who are sharing (there's that damn word again) their thoughts on motherhood and marriage and so many other topics and, I don't know about you, but no one is emailing me about what so and so said and engaging me to gossip about them behind their back. I'm stunned. I still don't believe that all women are as great as the ones I've been running into recently, but I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Until they pick on my shoes and then all bets are off.

So my point of all this drivel (and I didn't mean for it to go on and on like this. Really.) is now I'm primarily reading Mom Blogs and that leaves little time for the Dads. Sorry guys. I'm going to make a concerted effort to seek out some Dad blogs to read along with all the Mom and Women blogs I ravenously consume.

And if you've stayed this long I'm sure you have realized that the I can't easily get you the cookies I promised. It is the internet, after all, and warm cookies make a hell of a mess when jammed into the computer's CD player.

Well, where else would you have me put the cookies?

Instead, and this was something else I wasn't planning on, I will offer you this...





Please keep the pointing and laughing to a minimum because I'm fragile and I carry a lot of baggage. And if you're planning on talking about me behind my back don't let me find out about it.

61 comments:

Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said...

Mrs. Chicky, Mrs. Chicky ...
You've taken up space in my head again. I even have to ditto the remark on great Canadian mom bloggers!
Watch out or I will charge you rent!

mamatulip said...

LOL...all the good ones hide in Canada. ;)

Nancy said...

Wow, I was nodding and smiling in agreement throughout the post, and formulating this great and thought-provoking response in my head, but I got to the picture and...

it's just so good to see you. :-)

lildb said...

I have a feeling that a lot of the other commenters are going to say some variation of this: I, too, was free from the trappings of a girlfriend "group." At all stages. I had a male sibling, and the neighborhood kids were all boys, and I hated cliques in school, and didn't like the gossipy shit, and in my twenties, I found some dudes that I felt comfortable around and hung out with them. Sure, I had some girlfriends, but they weren't friends with each other.

Your post made me realize this - I'd never put it together on my own. I've never been a member of a girlfriend group.

Until now.

And I consider you one of my girlfriends in that group - oh, and btw, can you please move next door to me so we can have dog/child/wine/Sell This House marathons? Thank you. :p

lildb said...

p.s. um, your daughter's irresponsibly adorable punim? inherited from you.

bubandpie said...

Coming from the other side of the tracks, gender-wise (does that make it seem like I'm saying I'm a lesbian?), I found this post fascinating. I tend to assume that the other members of this estrogen-laced cyber-community are girly-girls like me. I've never had a male friend, if by friend you mean someone I would call up just for conversation, or hang out with one-on-one. I have endured my share of girl-meanness, but always from those outside my circle of trusted friends. Of course, I AM from Canada, so maybe that explains it...

And that picture of you and Chicky Baby? It's like one of those ink-blot butterflies that you make by folding a page down the middle while the paint is still wet. Lovely.

mothergoosemouse said...

I have to admit that I've been lax in my reading of daddybloggers too. Chag has seen a few visits from me, but that's about it. And like you, I don't know why, since my friends and comrades always seem to be men.

You two are beautiful. I have something to send you (finally).

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

I only read one daddy blogger as well. I've never had a problem with woman. Maybe I'm one of the ones you hate! Naw...I don't think so. I think that's a great pic! You're so silly!

I'm having a prob with the word verification today...need. more. coffee.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

I never liked women either - well, except for Angelina Jolie (rowwwrrrr).

No really, women can be a tough crowd - just gotta find the right ones. And didn't you know, they're spread all over the US and Canada (who knew?). Thank god for blogs.

I love me some daddy blogs - but I need to read more. But there is something about a person with a vagina that makes me want to read them.

Go figure :)

PS. LOVE THE PIC!

Dutch said...

I don't think you haven't found an emotional connection with me because I'm a man; it's more likely because I'm a quixotic pretentious prick.

It's okay, Sweetie said...

I think you made some terrific points here. Women in groups CAN be a tough crowd. Vultures. I'm sure we all have war scars. Especially if you're the new kid on the block. But that's what makes blogging so terrific. You can be a new face to show up in the comment section and no one's gonna judge you, outcast you, wear your x-boyfriend's sweater. The more the merrier! Cool beans to you for sharing these feels.

Ashley said...

i've always been a male person myself. my husband and i were talking about that the other day. most all of the females i talk to say the same thing (so it is kinda funny that we talk at all). i tried reading one guy's blog and all i got was something about video games that i didn't understand. if it isn't about sleep deprivation and diapers, count me out.
such a cute picture!!

Mrs. Chicky said...

Dutch, ladies and gentlemen!

I think I could learn to love that guy.

blush

Christina said...

I honestly think the point of mommy blogs is to bring together all of the women who had trouble with the female cliques. 'Cause we know the bitchy prima donnas don't know the first thing about blogging.

Until 6th grade, I had only boy friends and one other tomboy girl friend. That was it. I wanted to be a boy - they had it so much cooler.

And now I find myself hanging with the mommy bloggers. Maybe it's time to branch out some more.

Christina said...

PS - Great to "see" you! You're both beautiful!

Matthew said...

So you love us guys but don't read our blogs? =(

Is there any way I could get cookies out of this?

Elizabeth said...

I should have known that the adorable Chicky Baby has an adorable Mom!

May I suggest making the acquaintance of Briantologist at www.byrneunit.com? It's actually a Dad AND Mom blog, the category called Beans! is their gorgeous son Henry. Brian is unabashedly head-over-heels in love with Henry. And he does wicked funny BH 90210 recaps with screen shots taken from Soap.net.

Damselfly said...

Hey! Nice photo. I know what you mean about how it's easier to be friends with men/boys. I really had to learn how to be a good girlfriend. I think it's just part of growing up. Some women/girls get it easily, and some of us take a while.... Glad you've got some helpful mom friends you can count on!

Mommy off the Record said...

Yeah! What a nice surprise to see your photo at the end of this post! Beeeuatiful!

I rarely read daddy blogs either. I'd like to branch out more, but if I take the time to read one new daddy blog that would mean I would probably read one less MOMMY blog and I just can't seem to do it--there are so many nice mommies and so many good mama writers out there that it's hard to fit more in even though I'd like to.

Jenny said...

Oh.my.god. You are so my new best friend. I just wrote a post about evil women picking on my shoes and here you are sharing my brain.

Glad I'm not alone in there.

Her Bad Mother said...

Sistah-friend, I am just in the process of writing a post about blog politics and you made part of my point.

This was just so great, and so spot-on.

And everything else that want to say about it has been obscured by THE PICTURE.

Thank you. You and the Chicky are beyond gorgeous.

And I would never make fun of your shoes.

Heather said...

I can see the family resemblance for sure - you're both totally cute. My trick has always been to hang out with women who were mosly friends with guys - less drama really. I've always been a tomboy anyway, but as get into my late twenties (but still kidless) I find I can wear pink and enjoy the company of lots of women who are more like me - not into the cliques or proving myself to anyone.

Binky said...

I've always been surrounded by women. I went to an all-women college and then worked first in the corporate sector, then in non-profit, with all women. I have a daughter and a female Pit Bull. That being said, I don't really relate to more estrogen-laden sex. My biggest peeve is the way women tend to dance around things instead of just telling it like they see it. I know that's a generalization, but I think my resume puts me in a pretty good position to indulge in a little stereotyping. The reason I love the blogs I read is because none of their authors are afraid to tell it like they see it. That's also a trait that's common to the few close friends I have, whether male or female. Great pic, by the way. Mother and daughter are wicked cute!

something blue said...

I've been lucky to find some incredible soul sistas in my life. Unfortunately most of them live too far away to share a bottle of wine on a Friday night.

However, there are always the hilarious, insightful, gorgeous, wine loving blogging friends. Mrs. Chicky you are a natural beauty much like the adorable Chicky Baby.

Mrs. Davis said...

I can relate so well to your experience with male friends vs female friends. I found myself relating to women in a whole different way after I became a mother, and my friendships with women were so much stronger.

I think motherhood can be a great equalizer among women, allowing for better/stronger friendships, but unfortunately it can also bring out more of the insecure, catty, judgemental sides of women.

Wow, your picture! You are beautiful! And so young!

Pendullum said...

Great Blog...
So very engaging...
And the only thing I would say bedind your back is how amzing it made me feel as we know Candians have their modesty!
and of course I would also mention behind your back the only too cute photo....
Keep it up... Enjoying every minute!!!

wendy boucher said...

Such a cute picture. Thanks for sharing and keep up the great blogging!

Mr. Chicky said...

yup ... them's my ladies :)

BTW, Mrs.Chicky is not cute. Ducks are cute. She's exotic and mysterious ... *smile* ... Who am I kidding. My wife's cute ... damn cute, and I like it.

It's funny, she has always had more male friends and I've always had more female friends. As much as she has never related to "Mean Girls" I, though always into sports and other typical "guy" stuff, never actually related to jocks or the "frat boy" mentality.

I guess, in the end, it works though. She is most comfortable in friendships with men and I with women. Small wonder we ended up with each other huh? We're a match made in heaven. ... hey ... Mrs. Chicky, stop the snickering :)

Anonymous said...

Don't have many friends in real life... but always knew the mean ones growing up!
Just love going and lurking... makes this mommy thing a lot easier some days!
Wonderful to see you with the chicky! Just beautiful!
k

sunshine scribe said...

Yay!!! I was planning on calling you on your "if you post a picture I will" from a few weeks ago. And you did! And what a gorgeous picture of you and Chicky Baby. Thanks for sharing another bit of yourself, my friend (aka one of your Canadian stalkers).

Thanks also for writing this post. I "get" it completely. Women friendships are not always easy. I do have some wonderful women in my life but most live so far away.

Ruth Dynamite said...

Yes, women on the whole are tough. And annoying. But taken individually, they can be real. They tell it like it is. They offer to bake you cookies!

And, like you, they write some really good, relatable stuff.

MrsFortune said...

Oh my!!! You are so beautiful. But not what I thought you looked like. I can relate to everything you're saying about "girls" and that's why I didn't have any female friends until I became comfortable (or sorta) with being a "woman." I'm still working on it though. I heart you!!!

But I gotta give props to John (daddy detective) and Chag (cynical dad), MetroDad and BigTony (creative types). Those are some rockin blogs, you gotta read 'em. I know, not the point of your post but hey, they bring me much amusement.

radioactive girl said...

I totally just wrote about the whole girl thing and how I never really had many close girl friends until recently. I agree exactly with what you said, including the whole "where the heck were all the normal girls hiding" part. I think maybe we were all hiding out waiting for the internet so we could connect with each other! Your picture is adorable too by the way!

Mother Bumper said...

One of your Canadian lurkers here! First off, you are both beautiful ladies. That photo is an excellent end to an excellent post.

Toxic relationships is my past speciality and they all were female "friendships". Girls are mean. So I had the guy friends. My husband had to get used to the fact that some of my best friends in the world are guys. And he did. And now they are best of friends. But I digress. This post really struck a chord with me and I guess I had tried not to think about how well everyone was getting along because I didn't want to analyze it. In the blogsphere, I roam around from place to place and I've discovered this great meeting hall full of fantastic and supportive women. More then once I've thought "what would happen if we did all live on the same block?" and then I stop myself. I don't want to think about what might happen.

Excellent post, excellent post. Cheers :)

Izzy said...

Loved this post! I've always had girl friends and guy friends equally but I would never deny that you speak the truth about women in general.

And I wouldn't dream of laughing at your photo. You and Chicky Baby are quite a lovely pair!

carrie said...

Oh, what a great pic of you and your daughter!! I love it!! Your post was so well-put and totally honest. I've always been leary of women who surround themselves with male friends, but you've explained it in a way that I can now understand and not feel like they are just attention-getters! Thank you because you, most certainly are not that kind of person and I am glad that you've made some solid female friendships out there because somethimes a man just will not do! You are a great writer and I look forward to reading all of your posts!

Carrie

mo-wo said...

For efficient and effective monitoring of daddybloggers go with the Dad Classic dadcentric.

For the girl stuff... true oh so true. But isn't it funny how we like each other so much more on line? Is it the defrocking of the medium? The fact I am in touch with you from a chocolate spotted nightie. What role does the flat prestige structure of posting?? Then of course I am like 200lbs and will NOT be posting any photo shoot quality headshots of me'self and the offspring, like you -- fancypants.

But, back on point.. I -- as usual -- blame society!

ps.. you know I'm waiting for that why Canada loves CCB post! (did you ever watch news radio)

Jozet said...

Oh my gosh...now what did you say?...I got sidetracked by the photo. Gorgeous!!!!

Oh...women...yes...I'm slow to warm up and feel intimidated by anyone who knows what to do with their own hair. I have a few SAHD friends, but I'm learning to let go of my insecurities with women after reading so many blogs written by FREAKING BEAUTIFUL WOMEN and knowing that they are just as bizarre as I am.

I mean that in the best way possible.

But Daddy bloggers...well, there's my husband, but lately he's been on this Bin Laden kick. Although, he did review the movie Cars. His blog is a bit all over the place.

Anyway, great post and greta photo.

Pattie said...

Mrs Chicky,
You are adorable! So glad you posted the picture.You look like one of my old friends, Chris.

Anyway, the thing with women...yes, they can be catty. And mean. And unsupportive. Yes, there are pack mentality issues sometimes. Yes, they may hold grudges. I have been through some painful experiences with women over the years. BUT, they can also be the most supportive, loving, caring people, when you find the right mix. Of this, I am sure.

mrsmogul said...

LOL that is something I would write LOL I like the ducking the coffee cups line.

CroutonBoy said...

Mrs. CCB,

I'm touched and honored to be spoken of so highly (and thrilled to get picked ahead of MetroDad and Chag....in your face, suckas!) And reading this reminds me of why I keep coming back to yours, too; thoughtful, funny, and endearing.

And let me also honor the fine mothers of the blogosphere as well. It's hardly a sword-fight out there, but there's a critical mass of smart, fun women whos trials and tribulations I really enjoy reading about.

Now why won't any of them offer to take care of Cheeky for a few hours? Come on...she's really cute....pleeeeease?

Gina said...

Well I read this thought provoking post and I have read all the comments. I ditto what Domesticator and Croutonboy had to say. Right on!

It's so true about women and their witchy ways. Sadly I am not smart enough, sly enough or mysterious enough to be cruel and manipulative like most females. I'm SO naive that I say things I think are harmless and my own hubby will read too far into it. What the...

Anyway, thanks for putting such thought and so much time into your posts! I am such a big fan!

Kristen said...

I've seriously been there with catty girl friends, and I never got along with other women very well myself so I totally understand. I have 2 female friends who are like sisters (I've known them since birth, literally) but other than that, I trust few women, and befriend few. That's why I love being a blogger- I've met so many amazing women- and I appreciate it so much!

Jess said...

As I get older (ack!) I'm finding better women out there to be friends with. Now that's not to say some stray whacko won't pop up, but I handle it.
I had tons of guy friends before I got married...we moved, they scattered.
I still find it easier to hang with the guys though. ;)

Chicky Baby clearly gets her looks from her mother! Great pic!!

J's Mommy said...

I had a similar experience growing up. Even though I had a twin sister, I always felt more comfortable around guys. It was easier to be myself. I didn't like all the politics involved in female friendships. I only have 2 girlfriends now and that's the way I like it. But I do feel, reading all of my favorite mommy blogs, that I'm missing out on something. I still haven't found my mommy soulmate yet, a real-life person who shares my feelings on motherhood. I know she's out there though because all of you women are out there, telling it like it is - like it REALLY is! Great post!

Caryn said...

I want to hug you. Seriously. Because you put into words much of what I've felt. Girls scare me, too. And I'm living in a small town and lonely because I don't know many people, and blogging has helped me feel much less isolated. You gave me hope, too, that things will be less lonely when my husband and I do have children.

As for finding the blogs out there, I don't know if there are simply more blogs by females because a) they are more likely to enjoy writing and b) blogging is a way of sharing and connecting and women love to connect...or if it just seems like there are more female bloggers because we're all linking to one another.

kittenpie said...

hey, is that you? You're so cute! Damn, I am never puttin gup my picture.

Yeah, I only read about 3 or 4 dad bloggers, too. Only a few funny ones.

Mega Mom said...

You are both adorable. I'm so late on this, but I am so similar in that I love hanging out with the guys and am not much for girl stuff. I do have some lovely friends though.

I love MetroDad, but that is all I read even though I'm sure they're great too. I only have time for so much!!!

Petite Mom Blogger said...

It's always nice to find someone you have something in common with. I'm not sure if I didn't like women or they didn't like me before I had kids. Somehow I just couldn't relate very well.
I'm thankful for the Internet and mom blogs and now that I am a mother I'm finding it easier to make connections. BTW, I just read my first daddy blog the other day. I guess I'll try and find a few to read.

Love the pic! It's gorgeous!

Kristin said...

What a darling photo... you and Chicky baby are pretty damn cute!!!

Mom101 said...

If you're one of the boys, I hope you'll make an exception for me. If you don't, I'll talk about you behind your back and steal your boyfriend.

Way to top an already super post with a big reveal, you sly dog. No pointing or laughing here.

PoopyDigs said...

I was, well still sometimes am, the same way. I preferred to hang out with boys, as women always found a way to criticize me or talk about me behind my back. Now that I"m a mom, I see it sometimes. You know the types. The "perfect" mothers that hang out together and like to talk about how awful you are, how you're still wearing your maternity pants, and how your daughter has a little squash up her nose.

Domestic Chicky said...

Aw, Mama, you look bee-yoo-tiful. And I swear I could have written this post myself, including the man stealing girlfriend. I don't think you are even remotely alone in your thoughts. Great post!

krista said...

I have never once visited a dad blog. NO reason specifically, I just haven't.

Lisa said...

Awww. I love this photo of you both.

And I know what you mean. The women in my neighborhood are wonderful (except for the neighbor I bitch about.) I've yet to hear an unkind word from any of them in regards to the other ladies. I really love and appreciate that.

lynsalyns said...

I'm late to the party here but I feel the same. Never had super-close girlfriends and I still only have one or two. Never trusted 'em. Girls will pull the rug out from you as often as they can. Can you say best-friend-stole-my-second-ever-boyfriend?

But you? You I love. And what a pair of cuties yoiu two are. Sorry about the drink - definitely in July when I get back there. I couldn't figure out how to explain you to my mother (the teenager).

Carrcakes said...

Sorry to start off my comment with a superficial note but you are beautiful. Like strikingly, naturally beautiful, not "Wait! I need makeup and an hour in front of the mirror before you take this picture" beautiful.

Moving on, I never would have guessed you were raised by a gaggle of boys. You seem so comfortable among women and mom bloggers. I'm glad you have embraced the concept of female friendship, it makes life more rewarding doesn't it?

Carrcakes said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
reluctant housewife said...

Look at this! I go to Miami and miss all the fun!

You are so very pretty, my friend.

MiM said...

Woman, it's like you, me, we're the same person.

Except my hair is darker and longer. But otherwise . . .

Oh, The Joys said...

I read an HBM post at BlogRhet that led me here and though it is MONTHS later - wanted to a) offer appreciations for the post and b) tell you what a pleasure it is to see your face... your lovely face.