Friday, March 24, 2006

Shanghai Noon

Recently, a friend of mine gave birth to adorable twin boys. I couldn't be happier for her and her partner (actually, her wife. That's legal here in MA!) because they had such a hard time conceiving. This time around was easier than when she was trying to get pregnant with her first son, but it was by no means a simple process. I know that I will never truly understand the hardships she and her wife had to bear while going through the trials needed for her to get the children she so legitimately deserved (the Hubby and I did it the old fashioned way and even that was hardly needed. I think he looked at me the wrong, or right, way and I got pregnant. It was that easy for us.). She deserves all the wonderful things in the world to happen to her and her growing family.

But did she really need to take my baby name?!

There are certain things you don't take from a good friend.
For instance: her boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or partner, her job, her hairstyle, her killer red sauce recipe without giving her credit, her killer red heels that you borrowed but never returned... Just to name a few. Add to that list: Your friend's possible future baby's name that was already picked out and shared with you in confidence never thinking for a minute you would actually have the gall to give your baby that name.

I'm a wee bit ticked off.

Before Chicky Baby was born I had picked out a girl name (which I wrote about here) but the Hubby and I had a harder time coming up with a boy name. We shot names back and forth at each other more times than a ball in a Chinese ping pong tournament. It took months but we finally settled on a name... Oh no, don't think I'm going to share it with you guys. Once bitten, twice shy. If this friend of mine is going to go all "Ocean's 11" on me, well that just proves that you never can tell some things about some people.

Maybe I should have expect this as she's done strange stuff like this before. When her first son was born she named him after a good friend of ours. I've always felt strange when referring to her child. I constantly need to clarify whom I'm talking about - Little "J" or Big "J". Kind of like when you're at a family reunion and you call out to your uncle Mike and Mike Jr., his son, answers and you say "Oh, no, not you Mike. The other Mike." But in this case Little J is not even Big J's kid! That I know of...

Now, when she and I talk about her sons, one will always stand out as the "Kid who has my possible future Kid's name". Not that I'm planning on having another baby. But its still got my panties all in a bunch.

Wouldn't this piss you off?


MrsFortune said...

Yes, absolutely. It would REALLY piss me off, especially if it was something unusual, unlike David or Jack which I then couldn't use. I'd be totally mad.

But hey, wanna tell me what it is cuz ... uh, we still don't have a name for our son yet. Wink wink. I live in a totally different state from you, anyway!

Remember the Seinfeld where George wants to name his kid Seven and Susan's cousin steals it ...

Anonymous said...

It would TOTALLY piss me off. That stinks.

Christina said...

That would totally piss me off as well.

A friend of mine had a daughter after Cordelia was born and named that daughter Katherine. Now, Katherine was the other name we thought of for our daughter.

I was a little miffed that I now can't use that name if we were to have another girl. But it was the discarded choice, so I can't blame her for it.

MrsFortune - Oh, I could give you all kinds of boy names! We had several picked out!

SUEB0B said...

Aw, just name your boy - if you choose to have another child and IF it is a boy the same thing. It'll be confusing but whatever. It's a big world.

PS It does kind of suck though.

ms blue said...

It was inconsiderate of your friend. The only way to get past this issue is to try to think of it as flattery. She must really admire you.

Anonymous said...

OK, I have to be the unpopular vote here. My 1st child was to be named Jake/Emma. We had a boy. My best friend then got pregnant. 3 days before her c-section she came over and said sheepishly "my husband just agreed to name the baby Emma if it is a girl, would you be so mad?"

My reply (I was pregnant with #2 at the time) was "No, it is a name. If I ever have a girl I could still name it Emma if I wanted. I love the name and I will love your baby". Interestingly enough, I had a boy, followed by: another boy. But now I have this wonderful little girl "Emma" in my life and that is more important.

I do understand why you are miffed, but in the long run you can still do whatever you want.

I hope this wasn't as annoying a comment as it sounds to me when I read it back. I didn't mean for it to be, just to make you see it from a different angle.

Mom101 said...

Yes it would annoy me. My best friend almost named her daughter Dhalia and considering mine is named Thalia, that alone freaked me out.

But the truth is, as one of many Elizabeths growing up, it's just not a big deal. Your daughter will have her name much longer than she'll probably have your friend's daughter in her life. We all make a bigger thing about this kind of thing these days than anyone ever used to (see also: anyone named Jennifer in the 70s).

Her Bad Mother said...

I totally hear you. I've avoided telling *or* asking (don't want any accidental name thefts) for exactly this reason.

As it happened, one of my favourite girl names was the name that my best friend wanted to name a daughter if she and her husband had a girl. I totally ceded on that one, even though she said that she didn't mind sharing the name. It just felt wrong.

End of the day, though, I agree with others who say that it really isn't a big deal. It just feels like one.

Chaotic Mom said...

What an exciting time for your friends! Yeah! Are they getting any sleep now?

But back to your question. They KNEW the name you guys had picked out and CHOSE it for their OWN CHILD? That's just strange. If I had done something like that for my own child, I would always be thinking about one of your potential children. It would come back to haunt me, I couldn't separate the two.

I guess they have the right to choose any name, but sheesh, that would tick me off a bit, too.

Stacy said...

it would def. bother me. it's so hard to pick out a name and when someone snatches it out from under you it's disappointing.

IzzyMom said...

If the other person knew I wanted to use the name I'd be annoyed. REALLY annoyed.

Bobita said...

I have a very close friend who has names (boy and girl) picked out...and I hate to admit it...but I thought about stealing one! They were just soooo cool! And I am not nearly as creative as she!

But, in the end I didn't...not because I didn't want to!

However, this happened to my sister-in-law. She and husband had chosen a name for their baby boy...long before they even considered getting pregnant. The name? Diego. They LOVED it...and told everyone. Well, one year before they had their son...a cousin snatched the name! THEY WERE PISSED! And from their point of view...they had already bonded with their baby-on-the-way as Diego...and when they had to change it, they felt almost violated.

So, even tho I've considered doing it myself...I REALLY get how sucky it feels to have something like this happen. I'm with Sue, tho...use the name anyway! Why not?

My sis-in-law had a hard time initially, but they came up with a REALLY cool replacement. Gabriel. And their baby is the most wonderful Gabriel I've ever just doesn't seem possible he could have been a Diego!


Anonymous said...

I don't blame you for getting your panties all a-bunchin'.

I'd be miffed, as well, but as the others have mentioned as time goes by it will probably become less of an issue.

Although if the situation arises again I suggest you tell her what a lovely name you think 'Engelbert' is.

Sandra said...

My panties would be in a bunch too. They sure were when a good friend stole my best girls name without even an acknowledgement or apology. Turns out in retropsect my best name would have rhymed (and not in a cute way) with my last name so she probably did me a favour :)

Anonymous said...

Well I just told my friend who is expecting what I plan on naming my child someday and she loved it. She promised not to steal it and then last week she informs me she is using the name for her child. It is not a common name. I am seething.