Monday, August 20, 2007

A sign of the apocalypse

I'm on a lot of retail email lists and gajillions of notifications a day about products and sales flood my inbox. I get so many that I usually delete them all without looking. But the other day one in particular caught my eye. There was a new toy that had won some prestigious editor's award for best toy of 2007.

That piqued my interest. I'm a concerned parent. I only let my kid play with toys that contain only the smallest traces of lead paint.

How many of you parents went out and registered for/bought one of these gymini things before your first child was born?Or how about one of these adorable interactive playmats for your infant's burgeoning curiosity, complete with teethers and soft, crinkly books to help their growing minds learn their 1,2,3s before all the other babies in your playgroup?



Cute, right? I'm willing to bet a lot of you have these things for your babies. Nothing but the best for our kids.

Except they're not for kids. Not the two-legged kind anyway.

Because these:



Are actually supposed to be for these:


To be used like this:



Now I have seen everything.

Some genius thought it would be fantastic to take infant toys and repurpose them for puppies. This is not a new concept by any means, every time I'm in a pet supply store I'm struck by how many toys my dogs and my kid have in common, but to be so blatant about it...

Well, it's no wonder why my classes are always full.

Listen, I'm all for treating your dog like a member of the family. I teach classes specifically designed for the family dog, for chrissake. But to treat your dog like a baby?

You might as well dress him up in one of these:


And please don't call me when your precious wittle baby puppy who you cuddled and loved and treated like a baby grows up to be a couch-eating beast, because I will tell you I told you so.

Then I'll charge you double.

I'm actually a very sympathetic dog trainer. I keep my opinions to myself and only get snarky when I can't hold it in any longer. And to prove how sorry I am to be so tough on you, here's a lovie for you:

Oops, that's actually for your dog. I found that at an online pet store too. Fooled you, though, didn't it? My kid has three just like this.

But my dogs do not. Because they're dogs.

---------------------------

My family, my dogs, and my snarky butt are all heading off to Cape Cod for a few days. We're going to infiltrate my sister's perfectly clean house and dirty it up with messy paw prints and stinky diapers. She has no idea what's in store for her.

Heh.

In the meantime, if you're new to my blawg feel free to peruse some of my archives. Or you could just read some of the posts I like the best:

2004

Dog is not a four letter word

Dear Friend

Just Me

Alpha Bitch

This will get me kicked out of the sorority for sure

See you all on Friday. Or Saturday. Or September. I may never come home. You'd miss me though, right?

52 comments:

Avalon said...

Have a great vacation! And, um, could you tell me where the Princess costume is from. I think Trevor would look great in it for his first Therapy Dog visit!

Pattie said...

Of course we'll miss you ;-(
Have a wonderful time. I hope you don't have car trouble this year on your way to visit your sister!(see, I read and remember! It was a Jeep, right?)

Oh, The Joys said...

I bet the dogs play with it longer.

Lawyer Mama said...

Of course we'll miss you, you snarky biatch.

I'll have to accidentally on purpose leave this post open for my mom to read.... The dog has more outfits than I did as a child.

Blog Antagonist said...

Have a great vacation!!

Those dog toys are...interesting.

carrie said...

Those poor puppies.

Have a great vacation!!

Christina said...

I'm speechless.

(but have a fun trip!)

JayJenny said...

Enjoy your trip!

Manic Mommy said...

Looks like the doggie toys are far cheaper than the baby versions. Hmmm. How soon before there's a John Lennon set of these??

Have fun on the Cape!

Queeny said...

I bought one of those gyms for my oldest ... he turned out to be a barker. True story.

mothergoosemouse said...

Competidoggies!

(Yes, I'll miss you. Unless you decide to take a westerly route to the Cape. WAY westerly.)

jen said...

i'm with OTJ on this one.

and cape cod? you lucky, lucky girl, you.

slouching mom said...

This reminds me of how disgusted I am when I see a dog in a stroller.

Dogs can WALK. WTF!

It's all I can do not to point and giggle.

flutter said...

Have a wonderful time, you and try not to buy your dog a hummer, hmm?

Alex Elliot said...

What's wrong with that company? Don't they know that those are perfect toys for cats :) Have a great vacation!

yh said...

Well, what did you expect? They have dog masseusses.. masseuers? (Massage people)... they have gourmet dog/cat food... they have hotels now that accept dogs with their guests.. It was only a matter of time that they developed stimulating toys for dogs too...

If only they can properly train a dog to pick up after itself, then we'd have something. :)

my minivan is faster than yours said...

OMG this is great news! Does it work in reverse, too? Can I give dog toys to my kids.

I can? Cool. Excuse me while I go wrap a squeeky bone for my daughter.

kittenpie said...

That is weird, and yet I'm not surprised. People are buying all kinds of crazy dog accessories lately. Check Gucci and Burberry's dog sections, alone. Yeesh! How 'bout somebody buy ME some instead?

Did I ever tell you I bought a mini nylon bone for my daughter? It's true, but it's really for her doggybaby, since she kept telling me dogs eat bones.

Serendipity, baby! said...

Just wait until you hear the neighbour baby-talking to her pitbull on a retractable leash and the dog pays NO attention at all. That's when it gets fun.

Heather said...

That's like those dog toys that look like shoes. And then people wonder why their pets chew up their Manolo Blahniks?

Julie Pippert said...

1. Will miss you. Will try not to envy you on the Cape (Southern one) while I continue to dodge hurricanes being lobbed at me by small angry meteorologists.

2. Whatever will you think if I confess that (a) I do not buy my dog toys at the pet store (I mean, why? Labbie will eviscerate it in under 10 seconds) but (b) do buy toys for my children there because they look the same but cost less?

3. Did you see your friend Mike plead guilty? And admitted to the cat thing too?

On that high note, HAVE FUN!!

Julie
Ravin' Picture Maven

casual friday everyday said...

Oh my word. lol Doesn't that just beat all?

HAve a good vacay!

Nell

painted maypole said...

the real question in, which one is more overpriced?

The Estrogen Files said...

Hee hee hee - this is something my empty-nesting mother would purchase for her 2 little rat dog babies.

I know you can hear me... said...

I have that same outfit for my dog!

Only kidding. But I think that all the things that you found are totally hilarious!

Enjoy your vacation!

Sarah said...

Have fun "down the Cape".

Now please tell me why all New Englanders use that phrase? Shouldn't it be "down AT the Cape"? or "down ON the Cape?"

I just don't get it. We HARDLY speak funny in upstate NY where I'm from.

moosh in indy. said...

There's a lot of people that love dogs more than kids, and most days I can't blame them.

pinks & blues girls said...

Have a great time on the Cape!

I will make no apologies for the fact that my dog wore that very outfit for Halloween one year! She will not admit to it, but it's true. :)

Jane, P&B Girls

Alley Cat said...

What is a DOG gonna do with a frickin' gymini? Mine would probably try to lie on it, wondering if it was some sort of day-bed.

PunditMom said...

I will miss you, but I know you probably have some great wines line up to drink, right?

As for the toys, is there something wrong wiff indulging da puppies?? ;)

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Will miss you. Have fun dirtying up that house!

Those dog items are c-r-a-z-y! But, it makes me think I should've held on to some of my baby things in case we get a puppy someday!

yh said...

They (pets) seem to be just like kids though.. You get them an expensive toy, thinking they'll looooooove it.. and all they want to do is play with the paper box the toy came in...

~JJ! said...

Yeah, until the dawg mistakes the baby's toy for his and now both are trashed.

Have fun on vacation...You will be missed.

Smiling Mom said...

You know, if you were a better mother-I mean pet owner- you'd be buying this sh*t up. My lab has three of everything you posted there! ;-)

BOSSY said...

Aw fer chrissake, next thing you know they'll be saying dogs should sleep inside the house!

mamatulip said...

Enjoy your vacation!

Next thing you know doggie soothers will be on the market. Mark my words.

Lisa said...

Have a fun vaycay.

I can't wait to see Puppy Orajel on the market....

Piscesmama + One said...

Hi, I'm a mommyblogger, and wanted to let you know that I have added you to my blog. I hope thats ok.

I read you almost daily, and it makes me miss being in Boston :(

Have a great day!

-Hanna

MaryJo said...

While I think repurposing the baby toys is sure to lead to future issues, my shepherd mix thinks it's a great idea and has repurposed a few over the years. Of course they get taken away and then no one gets to play!

Damselfly said...

That German shepherd in a ballerina costume is just wrong!

winslow1204 said...

What great toys for the kids!~

Nichole said...

One word: WOW.

Have a wonderful vacation!

motherbumper said...

I love your inner snark. Happy vacation time Chicky Clan, leave lots of hand prints everywhere!

Susan Getgood said...

I think I got this in the mail too, and just laughed. My puppies are happy enough with old gym socks and paper towel tubes.

But for true wretched excess, have you seen the furniture? Mini versions of beds and armoires and god knows what else. We don't even let our dogs upstairs, let alone buy them furniture-quality beds for pete's sakes.

And now a moment for an endorsement (and I have no affiliation, this is purely as a consumer) --best prices on dog toys is through petedge.com. You can get the same stuff as in the pet stores, but for $1 instead of $6, especially if you are willing to buy "back to school" in May and Halloween in January. Trust me people, the dogs do NOT care. The squeaky dies the same death regardless.

Have a great vacation!

Velma said...

It's been a little chilly down here on the Cape this week, no? Have a great vacation anyway!

Jenifer said...

THAT is just plain weird.

My Mom has a dog that she treated like her wittle baby and he has grown up to be a little baby eating (Ok not eating, but biting) monster. He is not allowed near my kids ... and it just amazes me how these people just think they are not to blame at all for the dogs behavior!

Rusti said...

Have a fabulous trip! (And I'm almost ashamed to say that after the posts I've read and the archives I've read to try to get to know you, I NEVER realized you trained dogs... I can't wait to read more!! Our 8 month old choco. lab keeps me on my toes, but I need to read up and make sure we're doing things the right way!! :) I did read 'Dog is not a four letter word' though and thorougly enjoyed it!) Are you opposed to being asked questions about training & tips (just for future reference??) :) I hope you get your sister's house all muddy and stinky! and enjoy yourselves!!

Mamacita Tina said...

Crack me up! People just crack me up! Someone please smack me upside the head if I ever purchase something like that for one of my dogs. No, I don't have a dog yet. I'm waiting for my kids to be old enough/responsible enough to help out with one. But if I ever...

CroutonBoy said...

Nothing freaks me out like people treating their pets like they're human. Unless of course you feed them beer and watch them stumble around your apartment, which I would NEVER condone. Again.

Hope you're having a great vaca!

Marci B. said...

I am laughing so hard - how bizarre!!! The world is so funny sometimes. Thanks for brightening my day :)

edj said...

I've recently been living overseas in an underdeveloped country where the dogs run wild in the streets, and this is a part of American culture that still has my head spinning. I remember, after I'd been in Africa for a couple of years, reading an article in an old Newsweek about dog's birthday parties. My sense of disconnect was so strong it was painful!
I enjoyed your funny take on the weirdness of it all.

Erin said...

When my 3 year old was one, we visited my aunt and uncle who have dogs. She kept trying to steal the dogs chew toy. So they found a "spare" brand new identical one for her to have...now it is my 8 month old girl's favorite toy. If I had known about the dog/baby toy thing, we so could have made a trade. One awful noisy gym thingy for one small orange squeaky carrot.