Sunday, August 12, 2007

Further proof that European dictators are just two year olds trapped in the bodies of grown men

Funny thing about this mommy blog of mine - I can go days without posting anything about Chicky. It's not that I don't want to write anything about her, I do. That kid is an endless source of entertainment, as most toddler are, and that's what makes it so difficult to write anything about her. She's constantly doing something funny or amazing or supremely frustrating that it's hard to keep up.

Two, in general, is hard. It's hard for me but, more importantly, it's really hard for Chicky. There's growing pains to contend with, like the two shoe sizes Chicky grew this summer alone. There's new words to learn. There's learning how to put the emPHAsis on the correct sylLAble, and getting phrases just right by repeating them 20 gajillion times in a row. There are social norms (in our house we don't throw blueberries into our drinking cups just to watch the milk splash) and mores (it's really not necessary to announce, loudly, every time someone burps or breaks wind) to adjust to.

And then there is the word "No".

Poor Chicky, she hears that word a lot.

"No, don't give your carrots to the dogs."

"No, the couch is not a trampoline."

"No, Mommy's CD's are not to be used as frisbees. Especially not in the house."

"No, the cat is not a trampoline."

"No, you cannot play with the fireplace poker."

"No, Mommy is not a trampoline."

No is bandied about quite a bit in our house, it's just amazing that Chicky hasn't come to believe that "No" is her name.

And just as you might expect, No is quickly becoming one of Chicky's favorite words, second only to the phrase "It's mines!". Or as I hear it, "Ets Meins!". Further proof that I am in fact raising a small dictator.

Also, for more proof of the dictator who resides in my home, this picture that was taken last year and was not I repeat NOT altered or coaxed in any way, should have clued me in to what lay ahead for me.

I swear, this was a fluke. Imagine my surprise when I looked at the pictures after I took them and found this.


"No, Mommy, no!", is also a favorite phrase of hers, whether she's directly referring to me or not. The phrase comes out a lot when her father tries to do something for her. "No, Mommy, no!", can also mean, "No, Daddy, I want Mommy to do it so just step off", just as much as it can mean "Dammit, woman, stop kissing me already" or "I really wanted to use that sharp knife I stole off the counter to cut my own finger off, so give it back."

What's a mother to do?

Two, you are a difficult task master and you make my child's life miserable. Sometimes. But most of the time, Two, you crack me up. I follow behind my child in amazement, wondering just how and when she became this little person and I know you had a lot to do with it. I know it's impossible to stop time, but she's growing and changing so quickly and I wish you could just slow down a little.

Especially since Three is coming up next. And I hear she's a real bitch.

52 comments:

Momslifesavers said...

This cracked me up...brilliant writing and great subject...glad that dictators come in many shapes and sizes, I've got a couple right here! :)

ginko said...

I left a comment on your blog...this is GREAT!

moosh in indy. said...

Gather a whole bunch of two year olds in a room and it starts to feel like the G8 summit without the catering. (Which is how I spent my morning.)

flutter said...

oh my crap, that picture is too much. I love "It's mines!". A friend of mine has a very cute son who says the same thing rather frequently, to which she always replies "Oh really? You didn't pay for it, get a job!"

Sandra said...

At least she knows what she wants. Got to respect such a cute dictator, no?

We rocked three's ... it just keeps getting easier and more fun.

Julie Pippert said...

Awwwwwww...so cute. Yes two, what a mixed blessing two is. And halfway to three (and then some) with some of 3 mixed in...oy.

You captured two just right. :)

Hey my two y.o. speaks Italian and is also a dictator...maybe they can be allies. ;) LOL

P.S. Queen of the Mayhem got a new dog. I referred her to your Dog Blog. She's at http://millermayhem.blogspot.com/

Julie
Ravin' Picture Maven

Velma said...

Three was a total bitch in my house, but I hear others have a better relationship with her.

Alex Elliot said...

Wait, your dog actually eats carrots! That's the one food that our dog refuses to eat no matter how many times my boys throw it on the floor in an attempt to convince me that they've eaten them :)Love the bit about the trampolines and of course the picture.

Three was a bitch for us, but 3.5 I swear has been a beauty. We'll see what happens the second time around.

slouching mom said...

Greatest. picture. EVAH!

ewe are here said...

"NO!"

MF hears that word a lot, too. As do we in return. Sigh.

And yet, in so many ways, two has been so much fun!

Ok, and a lot of work.

That picture is fabulous. The littlest dictator.

Oh, The Joys said...

Three is kicking my butt... and I'm NOT speaking figuratively.

Whirlwind said...

Ugh three is coming real soon and in some ways it good, in other ways it's bad. really bad. I remember when Einey hit three and I thought - everyone tells you about two but no one warns you about three. And it's much, much worse! But the later threes (closer to the fours) are great. They turn into human beings whose company is rather desierable t obe around.

andi said...

I also hear three is a super bitch. Two has been no picnic so I shudder at the thought of October arriving when the little lady embraces the hell that is three.

MadMad said...

Awesome pic! And yeah... the bad news is that three is far more terrible than two. But perhaps better with a girl than a boy?

Blog Antagonist said...

Diminutive One's therapist once told me to say one positive thing for every negative thing I said. It wasn't until I tried to put this into practice that I realized just HOW many negative things I say. It's hard to strike words like "No" and "Never" and "wrong" from a Mommy's vocabulary.

Three isn't bad. Four...now that's a big old bitch with attitude.

jen said...

i don't know four. and i am 3 weeks out from three but i'll tell you she's come over for longer visits lately and i can't wait for her to leave. i hear she's moving in for an extended time though.

am stocking up on wine now.

mothergoosemouse said...

I'd be happy to dole out the no's if I could only understand what she WANTS.

But I agree that observing the discoveries of Two is pretty amazing.

mamatulip said...

That picture is PRICELESS.

(and god, she's cute!)

~JJ! said...

Two. Yup.

Wait till three..Oh. fun.

Lawyer Mama said...

We're 1 month away from 3 & it's already kicking my butt.

That picture is perfect!

painted maypole said...

heil Chicky.

Binky said...

OH MY GOD, that is freakin' hilarious! I could barely pay attention to what came next because I was laughing too hard at the picture. You should've put it at the end ;)

Lori at Spinning Yellow said...

Oh 3 is definitely a bitch, a cute one, but manic and crazy none the less. I'll stop now because I hate when people say "you think it's hard now, you just wait"

mayberry said...

Yeah. 3. Brace yourself.

My 2's favorite phrase is "RI' NOW!" as in right now. Typically deployed anytime anything is denied. "No, you may not have that Sharpie." "Want dat sssah-pee RI NOW!"

Momish said...

I feel the same way. Slow down, you have your whole life ahead, no need to rush into those three's. It seems like every day is a whirlwind of change, I get so afraid I am missing too much or will forget so much so fast.

kgirl said...

You've got it down. The thing is, I don't know if I want two to speed up or slow down.

Redneck Mommy said...

I liked three...but then I'm looking at it from seven years distant....everything seems wonderful when you compare toddlerhood to preteens...

I'd take a cute little dictator with a syllabic prose problem over the eye-rolling, muttering under their breath that I am getting now...

carrie said...

I am still waiting for my kids to understand that I'm not a tramploine. And they're 10, 8 and 3!!!

Carrie

mo-wo said...

Three? What three? Where did you hear that?

We're all three upstairs in like a month.

I'm sunk

yh said...

See, now I'm not sure if I want one... bf does.. but after reading this.. ummm.. *groan* Maybe that's why I keep kicking him in bed?

Julie said...

Ahhh...I love the photo. And I'm leaving in the 2's right now with G-Man. They are so amazing. And yes...I hear 3's are real assholes.

kara said...

haha! The photo is priceless. Love it.

Emily said...

Three is totally a bitch... but three is also amazing.

Pinks & Blues Girls said...

OMG! I laughed out loud at that dictator photo! That is too funny... too funny!!
Love your post, you always have me cracking up!!
- Audrey
Pinks & Blues Girls

Pendullum said...

She is one adorable dictator...

Three was by far the toughest for us...

and when they get the coordination to wrap their arms around themselves and not budge... Ohhh, that's a special, special time... and the fact that they know everything....and know how to do everything....sends sivers down my spine remembering...
But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

Trenting said...

How adorable is she.. Too cute!

pinks & blues girls said...

Oh my gosh, that picture is TOO funny. Is Chicky's real name, perhaps, Eva Braun!?

Jane, P&B Girls

Nadine said...

Hahahahahaha! That has got to be the funniest picture I have seen in a while.

And I would totally give her a trampoline, looks like she needs one ;)

BOSSY said...

When Bossy's daughter was young everyone thought her name was Naomi because she walked around saying, "No, me!" Fer chrissake.

kittenpie said...

I taught Pumpkinpie the word "Yeah" and she liked it so much it replaced no for a while. Score! But sadly, not forever. Just the other day, when she was having one of those crappy, grumpy, rotten days, she had a flashback-to-two tantrum about wanting to climb into her crib HERSELF. Sigh.

Jenifer said...

Ooooo.... we just met Three, this past Saturday as a matter of fact, and yup, she's a real bitch.

"MOMMY! STOP TALKING TO ME! LEAVE ME ALOOOOONNNNNNEEEEEE!"

Oh yeah, it just gets better!

Kyla said...

Two is equal parts adorable and cranky. Three becomes a three-way with the newcomer dubbed "Attitude". *sigh*

Mommin' It Up! said...

Hmmm yes three was much worse than two for me & my kiddo. He looks more like Castro than Hitler though.
KIDDING!
He actually looks like Mussolini. Which is weird cause we're NOT Italian.

Phoenix said...

I hate to tell you, but three is a real bitch. Enjoy two while you can.

Everytime we say something funny that my niece said last year, she yells at us...like we're making fun of her or something. It's not my fault that Jelly Beans will always be called Jerry Beans from now on.

Absolutly love that picture.

Ms. Huis Herself said...

It can be hard to minimize the no's that come out of your mouth. Here's a couple of tips I've picked up:

Tell them what they can/should do. Instead of "don't run," try, "walk." Turn "don't climb on that" into "get down."

The other one is to ... well, kind of to fake agree. Like, "I want to go to the park RIGHT NOW!" can be met with "You CAN go to the park... _after lunch._" Or "we can go to the park later this week."

I've found these help. It's still my way, not hers, but it sounds more positive. Also, the no's seem to have some more impact when used sparingly.

It's helped with the twos... we'll see how it goes in a week and a half when she turns three...

ali said...

now that, friends, is the best picture i've ever seen!

and it totally sums up the two's. 100%

Angela said...

Best Picture Award right here! LMAO!

Like the suggestions above from Ms. Huis Herself. Think I'll try to adopt some of those myself and get a headstart on the twos.

Lisa said...

Oh she's the cutest little dictator I ever did see! :-)

Christina said...

Love the pic!

Three is coming next month for us. I'm a little scared.

Kim said...

She's adorable! And that's a problem.....just when my kids get on my nerves, and just when Im ready to lose my cool, I see those cute dimples and large cindy-loo-hoo eyes, and I melt.

Mommy off the Record said...

LMAO at that picture. Definitely one for the baby book. Ha!

Damselfly said...

I'm still stuck on the cat being a trampoline part. ;)