Wednesday, April 12, 2006

A letter...

April 12, 2006

To: Mr. Chicky
From: Mrs. Chicky's psyche - a subsidiary of the General Electric Company



Dear Mr. Chicky,

We have been hired to speak on behalf of our client, one Mrs. Chicky (a.k.a Mama), and address some of her concerns. Apparently, on 4/11/06, you questioned your wife, Mrs. Chicky (who, from here on, will be referred to as "Mrs. C") about why she did not take your daughter, one Chicky Baby, outside for a walk on a beautiful spring day. This may have escaped your notice, but our client has informed us that it has been bothering her ever since.

If we can speak frankly, Mrs. C has been feeling a little overwhelmed. She wants to make it abundantly clear that she is incredibly thankful that she has the opportunity to stay home and take care of Chicky Baby, but the pressure as well as the monotony is starting to take their toll on her well-being. As you are probably aware the state of your home, from a cleanliness perspective, has taken a turn for the worse. Mrs. C apologizes for that and she has assured us that situation will be rectified. However, she wanted to make perfectly clear that since she is the main caretaker of the inside of the house [including but not limited to: vacuuming, moping, dusting, dishes, bed-making, laundry, cleaning of the bathrooms, general pet care and maintenance, as well as overall straightening-up, diaper-genie emptying, etc.] she would like to be cut a little "slack". Because not only does she take care of those chores on a daily/weekly basis, but she is also responsible for approximately 90% of the child care. Individually each job could be considered full-time positions. But together they make for a very, very long day.

Mrs. C has told us that she would love to exercise more, for her physical as well as emotional well-being, but Chicky Baby's normal routine of sleeping, eating, whining, playing, demanding, pooping, etc. is ever so slightly changing (apparently sleeping less to allow more time for whining and demanding) and Mrs. C is still trying to adjust to it. Mrs. C has also told us that although she knows your comment about getting outside was out of concern for her happiness and not, let us repeat, not because you felt she should lose weight or firm up, it still struck a chord. Therefore, our client has a few demands:

First, although she appreciates you telling her "like it is", she would enjoy it if sometimes you would tell her things she would like to hear instead of things you think she needs to hear for her own good. As an example, you could try saying "I like the well-worn denim look." Instead of "When was the last time you changed your clothes?"

Second, Mrs. C is stretched horribly thin. Not only does she constantly worry about things such as: Is it okay to park Chicky Baby in front of Elmo so our client can have a bit of piece? Is Chicky Baby having enough individual playtime as well as constructive time outside the home with her baby buddies to further along her development? But other things like: The dogs aren't being sufficiently exercised causing behavioral problems in the home. When was the last time the cats were fed? If Chicky Baby's knees are always dirty due to the fact that our client hasn't washed the floor in a week, does that make her a bad mother? With all these concerns swirling around in her head, your small comments about her getting a job outside of the home are not appreciated. Cut it out.

Third, Although our client is thrilled that you've been taking a much more active roll in Chicky Baby's care and the upkeep of the home, Mrs. C really would like it if you got around to finally finishing your guest bathroom. The two types of linoleum and the askew towel bar combined with the half-painted trim is a little embarrassing.


If, after reading this, you have any concerns of your own we would appreciate it if you spoke directly with our client. Frankly, this passive-aggressive thing is really screwing with us. In closing, our client would like to reiterate that she is thrilled with how much progress she has seen from you. She has told us several times that she wouldn't trade you in, even if Brad Pitt came calling....

But, if you don't give our client a full day off soon she's thinking of leaving you to go stalk George Clooney in Lake Como.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Chicky's Psyche, Esq.

18 comments:

poopydigs said...

Hahahha. thanks for making my morning. can you write a letter like this for my husband? But, please, include a "dog poop" clause.

Christina said...

Awww...you do need a day off! Tell hubby he can name the day, but you're taking a day off in the next month to pamper yourself, and he can take care of the house and child and pets for one day.

Or force him to read my blog entry from this weekend. Leaving the entry on the screen for him to find isn't enough, I think. :)

HeatherJ said...

Well said. It is funny the double standard that the mama gets whether she works at home taking care of the baby or works away from home. My husband cleans some at home but I still come home from work and get full kid duty and cleaning up at the end of the day. When it was the other way around I cleaned up and took care of the kids during the day and had kid duty and night. My husband is a great help, but it is always a strange split among parental duties.

J's Mommy said...

This is a really great post. I'm totally thinking of copying it and drafting a letter to J's daddy!! Well said Mrs. C!!

Kristin said...

Hi-
I am new to your blog (random linked her from the Crazy/Hip Blog Mamas) and I just want to ask if your psyche is for rent... I would like a letter to include the words "3 dumb dogs" and "3 children" and "your mother".

Thanks!

Mrs. Chicky said...

Digs - If you would like a letter for your husband I would be happy to write it for you. Especially with the poop clause!

Christina - Maybe I should print out the blog entry of yours and tape it to his forehead.

HeatherJ - Yeah, the Hubby and I have to work on that division of labor thing.

J's Mommy - Thanks. Glad you liked it.

Kristin - Welcome! Hope to see you around here again soon. My schizophrenic psyche is for rent, especially to people who have 3 dogs (and 3 kids and a mother-in-law who might be staying with her).

reluctant housewife said...

Can you give me your lawyer's number?

Also, I've tagged you. Sorry.

Pattie said...

Wow, what a great post! My husband needs to read this.

something blue said...

That was awesome!

I could never let my husband (who loves your blog as much as me) read this because he'll think that I should be on diaper genie duty. I've got him trained to remove all smelly things from the house.

sunshine scribe said...

I LOVED that post. Could you write one for my husband - I think they may have been separated at birth.

So funny.

Carrcakes said...

Don't lie, you know you'd leave him for angelina in a heartbeat.

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh boy have I been there. I don't have anything witty to add, just a ton of empathy. It's really hard to work out the division of labor when one parent stays at home. I dunno though...something tells me that a woman wouldn't assume that a stay at home dad is automatically responsible for everything other than bringing home the bacon.

Very clever post though. Obviously, I'm not the only one who identifies!

mo-wo said...

WHAT -- you do not empty the Diaper Genie! Upon the arrival of a young'in it is only prudent make clear assignment of certain tasks to your parenting associate. That would include Diaper Genie... this is a semi-mechanical, low screw up factor task suitable for the associate parent. Other suggestions I have for task assignment to those providing lesser childcare allotment: all last minute shopping; two grocery store trips a week; in our case, catboxes (once you pick that up in pregnancy who wants to give it up), dishwasher emptying whenever it remains full and the parent associate is in the domicle... and more, I have much much more.

I loved this post.

Chaotic Mom said...

I absolutely LOVED this letter. Very insightful, very creative. ;)

Elizabeth said...

I could have written this exact same letter. Please tell my husband that letting our five-month old daughter sit in her bouncy seat and watch Jack's Big Music Show while I read a few blogs does not mean I'm slacking off. Great post.

Jess said...

Another newbie to your blog and have to agree that the letter was brilliant!
I would also need a dog poop clause, a cat box clause and perhaps a "please sleep on your side of the bed clause".

Great blog!

Beth said...

I'm new here. Link off of Sunshine Scribe.

I'd like to put in an order for a letter as well. But could mine include getting out of my parents house? Or at least cutting me some "slack" for feeling like a lousy teenager for the remainder of our stay here.

Very creative and very well written. The green-eyed monster is showing itself. Wish I had your talent.

Bobita said...

LOVE THIS!

I actually have an email that I sent to my husband that sounds very much like this post...except mine is a bit more hostile and angry...I could use your skill and wit when it comes to composing such letters!