Thursday, February 14, 2008

Stick and stones may break my bones, but it's my credit card that is really going to suffer

The final installment of The Birth of a Chicky will have to wait so that I may tell all you pet owners and potential pet owners something REALLY important.

Get pet insurance NOW.

Even if you don't have a pet, insure a stuffed animal just to make sure you'll have that damned insurance once you get a pet. I'm not joking about this in the slightest.

My darling Fisher has bladder stones. He's probably in pain - which is the amazing thing about these animals. You could hit them in the head with a rock and they'd hardly flinch. Though I don't recommend testing that theory - and more than likely has been for some time. The stones were probably caused by an infection, what kind of infection we have no idea yet, and he'll be on an expensive antibiotic and a special food for the next month to try to dissolve the stones and rid him of the infection. If the diet doesn't work he'll need surgery. Very, very expensive surgery.

Oh, and we can't give him any food but the prescription diet. No treats, no cleaning up after Chicky's lunch, no special cookies. Nothing. Just his special food that apparently tastes like ass. For a labrador that's right on par with toenail extraction without anesthesia. Or being forced to listen to Yanni albums. Labradors hate Yanni. I hear they like Jimmy Buffet a lot but that new age crap is just not for them.

Anyway.

Cost to my credit card in just the last week for numerous tests, medication and food: Almost $800.

Do you know what I could do with $800?

Picture me, alone, sipping a virgin dacquari on a warm sandy beach far, far away from veterinarians and stinky dogs with bladder stones. My protruding belly and ever growing backside firmly planted in a comfortable lounge chair while a cabana boy named Juan brings me fresh fruit and rubs my feet while he tells me how incredibly sexy pregnant women are.

Although, I'd probably have to pay extra for that last bit. It would be worth it though.

I guess I'm going to need more readers of this here blog to pay for poor Fisher's medical treatment. I wonder how people feel about cat porn?


Oh yeah. You like that, don't you big boy? My name is Nina but you can call me Jaba the Cat. You like your pussy cats full figured, don't you?


Dude, that is so wrong. I can't even look at you. But if you put on some Cheeseburger in Paradise and gave me a cookie this whole thing would be forgotten.


30 comments:

Manic Mommy said...

My SIL's dog had bladder stones and after all the treatment and surgery, she was in it for about five grand. Yes, you heard me right. And - the dog is on the super-special diet with the super-special food and if my kids so much as drop a cheez-it, I obsess that they're going to kill poor Molly.

Also? Guys who think pregnant women are sexy (aside from husbands, who loved you before) are right up there with the cat p0rn guys.

Angela said...

I hear you on the dog insurance (still haven't gotten it, but man I wish I had BEFORE we needed it). Our dog Abbey ruptured her ACL in one knee back around 2002. And then in 2005 she did the OTHER knee! 1,000 bucks each!

Lucky for her those both happened before we had a baby because honestly if it happened now I truly don't know what we'd do but I can't imagine spending that much when things are already tight.

Good luck to Fisher. Hope the antibiotics and food do the trick for him!

Blog Antagonist said...

We looked into pet insurance a couple years ago, after our cat was mauled and developed an infection that went nearly to the bone. It cost us $1200 to patch him up. And then another $200 to restitch him when he tore it open.

But it's really not very cost effective. We have three cats and that was like $150 dollars a month. For PET insurance! So, we just decided to put some money away each month for emergency pet expenses. At least that way, it's not money down the drain.

Poor Fisher. I hope he gets better soon and it doesn't cost you a whole lot more money.

Alex Elliot said...

I'm so sorry Mrs. Chicky. I hope your doggie gets better soon. If it makes you feel better, we did have pet insurance and they wouldn't cover most of our cat's bladder problems so we didn't get it with our dog. I should also add that we got the insurance when our cat was a kitten.

margalit said...

I've heard from VERY reliable informants that pet insurance is a bad deal. They cover MUCH less than you think they do, and it's expensive. When Worthless Pet had his kidney problems a few years back it cost me $1500 for a 2 night stay in the hospital and NO surgery, and the pet insurance would have paid about $200 for the whole deal.

So do some due diligence before you invest in it.

Hugs.

Mayberry said...

Aww. Poor Fisher. I'm glad you have a diagnosis now, though.

Clink said...

aww Poor pup!!! My heart goes out to him and your credit card...I had a cat with a $400 hairball a few months ago!
You are going to get some very interesting traffic from google for full figured comment! bahaha

motherbumper said...

You're a bad girl Jaba, aren't you? Tell me more Jaba... mmmmmmmm cat porn.

Anyhow, I second your message - GET THEE INSURANCE! Says the woman who coughed up 1200 bucks for the cat's "crystals in urine" which is nothing like being peed on by someone who drank cristal.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

Poor things! But I cracked up at the post.

Heather said...

Gee, I was all relaxing with Juan hearing how sexy I am being pregnant and all, then you throw in the cat porn.

Of course I laughed.

You're too much.

Sorry about the vet bill and the doggie owies though.

flutter said...

You totally crack my shit up

kittenpie said...

Hey, I'll join you on that beachy paradise, and even chip in the extra for foot rubs for us both, okay? We're about to sell our old house, I'm sure I'll be good for it soon. 'Cause that sounds about like heaven right now. Fucking snow.

Mamma said...

Poor pup!!

Poor you.

Kyla said...

I want me some people insurance first. LOL. ;)

kelly said...

i have a boston terrier who ended up with a gouge out of his eye ball from another dog and that cost me-- $2500 to fix. seriously. that includes surgery and 4 days in the hospital. every time they put a drop in his eye, it was $15 (no lie) that happened 3 times a day. we couldn't keep him home because i had just had a c-section a week before the problem and he was a strong wiggly man. we just got a boxer and we are definitely getting insurance for him. worth every penny. good luck with him! poor baby :(

pgoodness said...

Glad you at least have a diagnosis for Fisher! I hear you on the cash though - geez! Checking into pet insurance options, or at least asking my vet to start siphoning money from my bank account each month so we can keep our animals healthy!

Major Bedhead said...

I hope the ass food and expensive drugs do the trick. Poor puppy.

I have less than no money which is why my two pets will be my last two pets for the foreseeable future. I live in fear that one of them will get sick. I'd have to sell a kidney or something....

mothergoosemouse said...

If we ever have another purebred pet, I will insist on insurance. We've shelled out the big bucks too, and it's painful.

Here's hoping the diet works and no surgery is required.

Crunchy Carpets said...

i know..after $3000 for cat colon removal..a lifetime of thyroid drugs for a previous cat...I feel your pain...and your dedication.

Poor pooch..and yeah about the head bashing thing..you gotta wonder.

Stimey said...

I can't even tell you how much I spent on two (!) ACL surgeries for a rottweiler I used to have. And then she developed IBS, which involved a lot of special food. And I had a cat that needed $800 of dental work. I could go on and on and on.

I also used to work for a vet and saw all the money people used to pay.

But bladder stones sounds less bad than other things, right? I'm sorry about his pain, but hopefully he'll be all good again soon.

IsDihara said...

I've been reading your blog for a short while now and every single time you post, it is like you are taking a page right out of my book!

We have been feeling remorse for not buying pet insurance, ever since our 5 1/2 year old beagle mix became acutely anemic. [The full medical term is: Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia -- first degree (primary) if you care to look it up on the Internet.] IMHA have a looonng, expensive recovery period! And there is always the possibility of a relapse. *groan*

Anyway! Love reading your blog and thanks for making me laugh, cry, smirk and giggle. Keep writing, please. I'll keep reading!

Kizz said...

Well, this is doable, right? Not perfect, certainly, but doable. Sigh. Back in the days when I was making maybe $300 a week gross if I was having a good freelance week my dog had to be hospitalized at the emergency vet for a few nights. $1500 just for that part. GAH!

I like the idea of putting the pet insurance money away in a fund for these kinds of emergencies. I might try that.

Glad to hear that the F bomb is going to be OK. Sorry that they (pussy) cat is having to pimp herself out to cure him.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

YEE-OUCH! We watched almost $3000 drain away for our poor cat who died two months later. It was worth it to get that extra time, but I really can't think about the money as 'real'---it'd hurt too bad. I will definitely look into pet insurance if we ever get a new young pet. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my 16yo cat doesn't come up with major vet bills on her own.

Sorry your guy is so sick. Sorry it is going to cost you a fortune.

Hannah said...

Just getting two kittens spayed / neutered, microchipped, and needled has cost me close to $600 this month. And they're healthy.

I know vets are important but honestly, sometimes...

I can't WAIT to see the increased traffic stats about the full-figured comment. :)

Avalon said...

Awwwwwwww. Poor Fisher's got a broken peeper. He is a very good and stoic boy, and I'm sure he will agree to all sorts of doggie porn pics when he's feeling better.

Hopefully, they don't charge by the stone.

Julie Pippert said...

YOUCH!

To your poor doggie and your poor wallet.

You know I feel your pain. I was wishing for that insurance this past month. Now our dog is uninsurable.

We've dropped nearly $3000 THIS MONTH on the dog. And...to the good. But it hurt. A lot.

And now? OUR FENCE FELL, and we didn't know and he escaped and got lost last night. Found now thank goodness.

fooped said...

Having collected a few too many animals- of course some with special needs - I have looked into pet insurance as well.

It's not goign to help if your pet is already sick, and I think it's fairly costly. I'd agree with the person who said it might be more useful to take that money and stick it in a savings account.

Me? I like to eliminate the middle man and just throw piles of money out with the empty dog and cat food containers. Lord the little blighters are spendy.

Love to your stinky doggie!

Lawyer Mama said...

I am so disturbed! But if it pays for your doggie's surgery, it's all worth it.

I have to admit it never even occurred to me to pimp out my cats to pay for Pandy's hospital stay.

Yeah, totally getting pet health insurance. Pandy's stay cost about $1200. Ouch.

Redneck Mommy said...

Pussy p0rn. Only you, my friend. Only you.

Tell Fisher to be a good dog and eat. If only so you'll stop pimping out the cat.

Jeff said...

Oh man, that sucks royally. He seems like a nice dog though. Just be thankful you don't have to put him through college.