Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said "By the power of the Internet"

If you will indulge me for a moment. I need your help, Internets.

Ahem.

Mr. C and I are going on a short trip in a few weeks. It's one of those performance reward trips that large corporations hand out once in a blue moon to select employees. Apparently, if you work non-stop and kiss the right ass you get recognized along with a bunch of other shmucks who sold their soul to the company machine and you get a free trip to some place warm. Who knew?

(I'm just kidding, dear. You're not a shmuck.)

Anyway, in the past these get-aways, retreats if you will, were held on Caribbean islands, the Bahamas, and Hawaii. This year? Phoenix.

Fucking Phoenix, Arizona.

I'm a-twitter with excitement.

Aside from the nervousness of leaving my child behind for the first time since her conception I have a very important dilemma that needs the wisdom of the internet to solve. My sanity depends on what advice you have for me.

I don't know what to wear.

It's not funny. Stop laughing. I'm serious.

It's being held at a luxury resort in the desert where temperatures during the day rise well into the 90s, but during the night dip down into the 50s and 60s. Our first evening there we're to take part in an "authentic Western Ho-down"...

(insert your favorite joke about hos here)

...and on the last evening we're being trucked out into the desert for "dinner and dancing under the stars". Sounds lovely, right?

Wrong. Dead wrong. So wrong.

In our information packet it says about this dinner: "Women are encouraged to wear comfortable, flat shoes" and... That's it. That's all it says in reference to the dress code. I'm drawing a complete blank here and that scares me. Because there we will be, one of the token techie guys and his stay at home house wife with a bunch of bazillionaire, testosterone-laden sales guys and their botoxed trophy wives.

Okay, I may have gone a bit far with that last part. They're not bazillionaires.

I really don't want to get this wrong. There's nothing that will make me run for the safety of my bed faster than showing up somewhere improperly attired. So, what would you wear if you were in my place? Remember, 90 degrees during the day and 50 to 60 degrees at night. Outside. In the desert. I have no idea if it's dressy but I think it's fair to assume that jeans would be frowned upon. I need the whole outfit - pants, top, shoes.

Oh, and if you could recommend a good place to find bathing suits that will fit my freakishly long torso but will also contain my saddle bags, that would be great too.

Now that that has been said I can get back to more frivolous things, like keeping Eternia safe from the evil clutches of Skeletor. And cleaning my bathroom in my baggy sweatpants.

I thank you in advance.

(And to my readers in the Phoenix area, I'm sure it's lovely out there. But it's not the ocean and I was really looking forward to turquoise water, fruity island drinks, and cabana boys in skimpy bathing suits. Exchanging cabana boys for cactus was a bit of a blow.)

40 comments:

Tessa said...

LOL you slay me. A nice pair of black slacks and a pretty log sleeved blouse with some color coordinated flats would be a good choice. That was you're not TOO overdressed or underdressed AND prepared for the cool temps in the desert. :)

If I knew your sizes I'd personal shop for you and send you links. (Hint Hint)

Jacquie said...

Well if "women are encouraged to wear comfortable, flat shoes" maybe that is the dress code and it's a nudist resort?? ;-)

Seriously though hope you have fun, I remember all to well leaving my girls for the 1st time.

Avalon said...

I just worry that flat shoes will not be sufficient when battling the Rattlesnakes that come out for evening dinners in the desert.

I worry a lot about things like that.

Magpie said...

What Tessa said. Black pants and a nice top. And a sweater or a throw for the cold.

dodo said...

sorry - I can't help at all with clothesy things, i hopeless on that front. just wanted to relay sympathy at the dress code squirmyness.

Tabba said...

I agree with the blank pants, nice top and sweater. The flat shoes thing? I think what they're *trying* to say is not to wear hot, sweet heels in case you crack your ankle on a desert rock while dancing under the stars. But I could be dead wrong.
Although, the last time I was in a desert, I would NOT want to be wearing nice heels.

Lisa said...

Congrats on your top Mom blog award. How very exciting. So happy for you!

And I hope the trip is fun. (Have no clue on bathing suits. If I could wear turtlenecks and long pants always, I would. Sorry, I have no clue...)

nutmeg said...

Maybe you could borrow IzzyMom's Easter outfit!

Her Bad Mother said...

Black. All black, right down to the ballerina flats.

Works for me.

Smiling Mom said...

http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/category.jhtml?id=cat170182&navAction=jump


JCrew has a mix and match thing for bathing suits. I'm looking at the tankini and boy-shorts...

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I can't wait to see you in nothin' but flat shoes on the desert....Take plenty o' pictures.

Seriously, just be yourself...the botox blunders will be jealous of you.
And if you need to wear comfy, flat shoes then what would you wear with them? Jeans and a tee or capris etc...(in my opinion) but I'm always underdressed!!!

Ok I'll shut up..I'm no help.

Blog Antagonist said...

I live in Atl, we have 90 degrees plus for about 8 months out of the year. It's a tad more humid here than Arizona, but otherwise pretty similar.

So. Black, white or navy capris with a nice camisole top and a light sweater for evening is a combo that can't fail. Also, Old Navy has some really cute dresses that can really straddle the line between casual and semi-dressed up.

Remember, layers are the key when temperatures fluctuate. Find one or two patterned pieces and then layer with solids.

Land's End has a great selection of swimsuits for all body types. They aren't cheap, but they're well worth it.

Good luck and have fun! (tic)

Cate said...

Land's End for bathing suits. Check out the faille tankini suits. I've gotten a few, one from LE and then the rest for cheaper on eBay.

No clue on the rest of it. Hoedown? Eek.

Emily Snipes said...

I bet you have a better time than you think you will. I've been to a resort in Arizona and it was super-posh! The flat shoes are because the terrain can be uneven. Not a lot of flat sidewalks inside the resort area - lot's of natural landscape. (Which is very beautiful!)

I imagine jeans would be alright for some of your stay. Especially the western ho-down! Dress it up with a nice top. I'd say a nice dress with sweater/jacket for the dance under the stars.

Take pics & be sure to show us!!!!

In the Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I agree with the girls above. Lands End for a bathing suit. I take the easy way out and order about 5 of them and then try them on in the comfort of my (dimly lit) bedroom in front of my (tilted so as to make me look skinny) mirror...

kgirl said...

This definitely calls for something gingham. Maybe a crinoline.
Have you got a bonnet?

Jennifer said...

Layers! Cardigan sweater over lightweight shirt/tank. Love everyone's idea of black pants or capris.

Have a great time!

crazymumma said...

I'm gonna mess things up here. A skirt with a black top. Then a beautiful cardigan or wrap style piss elegant poncho. Poncho can have some colour, a pashmina perhaps?

Flats ok, but bejewel them a bit, let your freak flag fly thru your shoes. And some bling.

have a great time!

margalit said...

There is a bathing suit place right near me that caters to 'different' body types. They sell separates and all sorts of suits for special circumstances, from the pear shaped to mastectomy to very well endowed.

The thing is, nobody can remember the name of it, but I can tell you where it is. I think it MIGHT be beachfront property or something like that, but I just can't remember.

The Evil one (my mother) lives in Aridzona. They dress very Lily Pulitzer cheery and summery there. Lots of 'indian influenced' things. You can borrow my turquioise antique jewelry if you want. Nice jeans are fine for evenings. You can bring a few sweaters to just throw over your little sundresses. That's fine. Or a jacket. During the day I'd go with capris and cotton tops. No really casual stuff like your Hendriz T-shirt. Seesucker (how DO you spell that?), cotton sheeting, light colors. NOthing dark, black, etc. It gets hot, but it's very dry heat. Remember to bring lots of lotion and sun block.

Mamma said...

I have to do the FL conference circuit each year with a similar crowd. Very intimidating.

I'd recommend sundresses with sweaters that you can wear over them inside and in the evening. I just saw a number of them at J. Crew the other day. And they'll go well with cute flats. Steve Madden has a number of cute printed flats out right now. You could always pair the dresses with some strappy heels for the inside events.

As for the ho-down...I say a cute dress or skirt (or black pants) with a denim jacket (sleeves turned up) to get that western feel. Maybe not a cotton scarf around your neck for an "authentic" feel?

Shoot. It's much easier to do this for someone else.

Have fun!!

jen said...

go with the sassy scrunched up cowboy hat and jeans.

actually, i don't know what the hell i am talking about. i have no fashion sense. and you hate the mall.

it's a pickle.

Julie Pippert said...

Okay I am fresh from the fashion show. Here's what all us gals in the Hotter Than Hell climes will be wearing this summer (that being next week):

City shorts. These are long, just below the knee. Not to be confused with capris, or pedal pushers. Those are so 2006. LOL

Colors: Black, butter yellow, and white

Pair with: (Day) Printed tee with short sleeve solid cropped wrap (tie)

(Day) one-piece sweater vest/shirt combo

(Day) Long tank with lace shirt over (sounds err...but looked great)

Evening: Three button flair blazer that hits at hip and is fitted at waist (color: neutral) (can also pair with wrap sweater)

Shoes: go with plain Mary Janes (black)

If you budge from the city and resort:

Jeans are too heavy and hot, too uncomfortable in heat and hiking IMO.

Instead, go for my favorite: REI hiking pants (lightweight) also TravelSmith version (their vented shirts are awesome for hiking in heat...have SPF in the clothes and built in venting for coolness while protecting you). The hiking pants can unzip into shorts too. Boy were these a lifesaver in Costa Rica.

If you ride horses for God's sake do not wear jeans unless you like chafed thighs for a year or you happen to have Western style jeans with no inseam.

Wear comfy stretchy pants with NO FLAIR and no inseam to ride. Get down and stretch often if you are unused to riding.

Don't go hiking in new boots. And don't dress like a cowboy unless you enjoy snickers behind your back.

Good grief, it's Phoenix, not the Wild West. That's as fashion conscious as Dallas.

Take a dress (the wrap sort are the top fashion I guess) or a skirt. Skirts right now apparently are straight at top, little flair with pleats (kick style) at base and hit just below knee.

Or just as popular are dressy pant suits.

Mine was gold. I know, sounds err but you had to see it.

HTH!

Redneck Mommy said...

Ha,ha, laughing my ass off at imagining you at a hoe down. Are ya gonna square dance too? (I freaking rock at square dancing!!)

I'm not gonna give you fashion tips, cuz I am sorta tipsy and I figure you're hot enough to pull off anything...

(That was me complimenting you...see, I can play nice.)

I always think cream slacks and a dressy top looks nice, but then I'm the chick who thinks the more tats and metal hanging out of my body makes me look cute so maybe you should just ignore me.

Just do what I do...have a few cocktails and you will feel FABULOUS. No matter what you wear.

Those botox beyotches don't have anything on you my darlin.

Just remember to shave those stumps of yours.

carrie said...

It is no coincidence that I took my first ever post-baby trip to Arizona for a wedding when my oldest was only 9 months old! Oh, the terror!

Anyway, dresses, dresses and more dresses. They're breezy.

And no joke, Land's End sent me a catalog (go online and check it out) with the cutest swimsuits in it - made to fit all kinds of torsos!

Good luck, and have fun.

Carrie

Pendullum said...

You are going on a trip!!!
and away fromthe Baby!
Alone with your husband...
and you will have adult company with adult themed events!!!
Whatever you wear, you will pull it off with style and finesse...
And flat shoes or not...you will be under the stars... in comfortable shoes... and waking up in the morning when you want to...
You will eat a warm meal that was prepared for you by someone else...
You will be able to have a long shower and slowly get ready...
Sounds like a great trip no matter where you are going...
Enjoy enjoy!!!!
And bring back endless stories!!!

Barbara said...

Congrats on the trip. Don't know if you've traveled a lot, but remember to pack things that mix and match. Try to stay in the same color family. All neutrals work best. Black with white, and maybe something in your favorite bright for an accent. Navy or taupe also work well, but black is easiest. Accessories like a scarf, light sweater and a different tank will really change your look, as will different jewelry, if you are into that. I agree with everyone that said layers. I live in FL, so it is usually HOT, but something light for the A/C is handy, and it does get cooler in AZ.
My SIL lives in Phoenix, and the resorts are fabulous. There are pools and drinks with umbrellas! It may not be a beach, but it will be close enough (after said umbrella drinks)! Have a great time!

Kyla said...

Do you know any other wives who are going/have gone and can give you an idea of what normal dress usually is? I'd be freaking too. *lol*

Jenny said...

You can't go wrong with black. Or is it pink?

Damn. I'm no help at all.

How about linen? I've never owned any personally but it always sounds so ritzy.

Ruth Dynamite said...

No worries, Mrs. C! Keep it simple. Wear layers. You will be surprised at how much fun Phoenix in April can be!

Bones said...

I'll tell you one thing. whoever said "but its a dry heat" was full of shite. 112 is just plain hot. Wear linnen.

babylamb said...

Howdy! and welcome to the Sunshine state...I think you should go buy yourself some cowboy boots, a 10 gallon hat and a pair of tight jeans. You would fit right in... J/k I live in AZ. A lot of us wear capri's during the day unless you have the legs for shorts with some nice sandles. It hasn't been getting very cold out here so in the evening if you were to wear a sweater you should be find. If you are going to the dessert I would recommend some closed shoes. I hate dirty feet.

cape buffalo said...

at the natick mall, there's a place called 'water water everywhere'... it's kind of under build a bear. it's where i bought my last suit. it was insanely expensive but the store has nice suits at a time when most places are still getting their bathing suits onto the racks.

honey, we can do umbrella drinks and sand. i'll pick you up and take you to revere.

moosh in indy. said...

Find some little gay man in Banana Republic, Nordstrom or Ann Taylor and give them free range. I have several on speed dial for this exact situation.

Dirty Birdie said...

Well, you'll want to wear your chaps so that when you are riding your horse in to town to visit the general store you won't get cut up by cactus. Don't forget your six shooter either, it gets a little wild out here. You may want to consider learning how to chew and spit tobacco since we do a lot of that our saloons. And don't worry we won't sell you to the Mexican's, unless of course you have blond hair and blue eyes and know how to cook with lots of lard, in that case you're going for top dollar baby. WOOOO!

Dirty Birdie said...

Oh and an authenic wester ho-down? PPPPAAAAALEASE. My authenic western ho-down features Dos XX beer, home made quacamole, margarita's and sittin by the pool. I don't know that this truckin out to the desert shit is.

Dirty Birdie said...

p.s.s. No black. Black aborbs heat. I woul wear something light that breathes, like linen or cotton capri's. A 3/4 sleeve blouse and nice sandals or flats. Some not so sky high wedge heals would look very cute. Don't forget to wear sunscreen. You may not think you're getting a lot of sun but you will. Sunglasses are a must, it gets really bright and if it's a little breezy it will help keep dust out of your eyes. If you wear contacts bring some rewetting drops. Chapstick. A LIGHT sweater. It doesn't get THAT chilly at night in April. Layers are good.

E-mail me if you want some more advise or bounce some ideas off me. I'm a native. ; )

flutter said...

I live in Scottsdale and I will tell you this:

gauchos, skirts and short sleeves are your friends. Also, sunscreen, lotion, and lip balm. If you come out in my direction (east valley) I'll give you a massage! I are one of them therapists, you know *grin*

You'll be fine, it's no tropical locale, but there are worse places.

Damselfly said...

I'm pretty sure the hoedown equals jeans, unless you like fluffy, long skirts.

Or maybe they meant "ho, down!"

Have fun and try not to worry what everyone else is wearing. You know people will be dressed from one end of the fashion spectrum to the other.....

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Sigh, I have nothing new to offer, I'm just stuck on the idea of going away with the kids. We're on year 6 without a 'sans kids' vacation for the two of us. We're taking my mom on vacation this summer just so we can go out to dinner alone for a change!

Anyway, have fun and don't worry about clothes---if you were going to LA, now THAT is when you fret.

Di said...

Light material dress, something simple or go all out and be the hot mama. I know what you mean, not the same as say.. Hawaii! Enjoy yourself!