Saturday, January 27, 2007

Frigid? Maybe hibernation is the answer

By now you might be wondering if Mr. C is still in possession of his testicles after Friday's heating fiasco. I decided to let him keep his balls but I'm reserving the right to use them as punching bags when the mood strikes me. And, no, I'm not speaking figuratively. Here's what he said in response to my bitching about not having heat on the coldest day in the past two years (5 degrees, but -14 with the wind chill):

"I'm sorry. I said I was sorry. What else do you want me to do?"

Hmm, let's see... You could massage my frosty toes until they regain their feeling. That would be a nice start. Some serious groveling, perhaps? Back-rubs for the next few months, without being groped or propositioned for sex. Did any of that happen? In a word, No. I got an apology and a promise that it would never happen again. Yeah, I got that last year. I should have had it printed on a t-shirt because then I would have had something to show for my inconvenience and for my kid's extreme discomfort. He did take over a majority of the housework this weekend, but it's going to take a lot more than folding a load of laundry to get back into my good graces. And my pants.

I thank those of you who offered their homes to Chicky and me during our hour of need. If we ever lose heat again I'll take you up on that offer, but you should know that if it does happen again because my husband had a brain fart I'll be looking for long term housing.

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In other news, I've decided to take a break from my other blog. Every time I go to write something over there, the blink of the cursor just reminds me that I have nothing to say. Nothing to say that hasn't already been said a million times. By me, by others. I'm discouraged, my friends. I don't know if it's the latest crop of students I've had or if this is truly a trend I'll be seeing for a while to come, but I keep getting people in my class who are not only unwilling to do what it takes to train their four-legged companions for the long run but are also unwilling to also start their relationships off on the right foot... Or paw. Whatever. They say they do, but when the chips are down they resort to other avenues and then accuse me of making things difficult for them. And let's face it, positive trainers just don't have the PR that He Who Talks Softly has.

You know who I'm talking about, please don't make me say his name. It hurts me.

If I hear one more person say his name with reverence while questioning my methods (methods, I might add, that have been proven more effective than his in the long run for the every day dog) I might just go use one of those choke collars in a way is what not quite intended. No, not like that. I was actually thinking of using it rectally.

I will continue training for as long as I can take it - gotta think about the business, after all - but I have to take a hiatus from the writing.

(The dog writing. I never get tired of exploiting my kid on this blog.)

I hope to regain my desire to force my opinions on unsuspecting owners via the internet soon. And I sincerely thank all three of Dog Gone Blog's readers for continuing to come back, even though I wasn't very consistent. Bad dog trainer. Bad, bad, bad. That's one of the cardinal rules of training - consistency. See? I'm starting to push my training on you guys, and you didn't even ask for it. There's hope for me after all!

20 comments:

margalit said...

I promise, when we finally get another dog, I will let you train my children (the dog...well, that will be secondary to the children as you well know). I do not like Oprah's favorite dog trainer. I do not believe that his methods will work with many dogs, besides, he likes Oprah and that makes me suspicious. And he's her neighbor, which makes me even more grossed out, for she lives in a bazillion dollar neighborhood. You know what I mean?

And if your spouse screws up on the heat again, you are welcome to long term habitation. Remember, it comes with built in babysitters!

SUEB0B said...

I am so sick of That Person, as well. Every single flipping day I hear about how wooooonderful he is, how he is just so amaaaaaazing....Hey, they don't have to show the episodes where he CAN'T train the dog as soon as he walks in the door...and they never follow up to find out if the vicious dog bit someone's face off two months later...Erg.

jen said...

good for you. i think i know the person you speak of and think there's a bit too much kool aid there. but maybe that's just me.

i thought of you today - i was invited to a one year old DOGGIE birthday. um, yeah. wow.

and you know, that lame ass "what else do you want me to do" response? not so much. but i'll bet he feels pretty bad on the inside.

Mamacita Tina said...

I'm surprised, I thought your honey was more thoughtful than that. A glass of wine sitting near a waiting bubble bath for you while he's scrubbing the floors and toilets?

Waya said...

Bad hubbie!! Oh, I think he should do lots of chores for the next couple of months, and even cook for you too. And yeah, massages are good too.

And I was too late to read that post, but "mi casa es su casa!" I think that's how it goes.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

You are always welcome at our home too....:)

And I know I praised "he who talks softly" in a post a few weeks back...but I was just honestly thinking of how I could retract my statement with something along the lines of "he who talks softly is a douchebag"...and this was days before I read this post...

Any suggestions???...I would KILL to be able to take your class...I am having major issues with my dawg...

mamatulip said...

My husband would have said the same thing. "What else do you want me to do?"

Hmmm...do you have AN HOUR?

T. said...

My husband would not brave to utter the words "What else do you want me to do..." for he knows I would actually answer him.

I'm thinking Mr.Chicky might need a re-education in the ways of how to treat a wife. And as a first class DOG trainer, you are just the one to do it.

Seeing as how he's in the dog house and all.

Mom101 said...

Just caught up on your last post and ai yi yi! I would have checked into a hotel, stat, and faxed that bill right to NYC. Glad you're recovered with only the loss of one or two toes. That's not fun at all.

As for the other blog...it's hard work this blogging business. Especially when it's a blogging business. Some people make it look easy but it's not.

radioactive girl said...

Sometimes I think men don't have the words to express how sorry they are and instead just say "I said I was sorry, what else can I do?" Because they honestly can not think of anything to show you/tell you how sorry they actually are. My husband said those exact words when I tried to talk to him about how I felt abandoned during the cancer stuff. All he really needed to say was he was sorry, but in a way that would make me believe that it was true.

Julie Pippert said...

Oh no, the Dog Blog? I'm sorry you are feeling so disappointed with your experiences. You sort of hinted about it on my dog post so I wondered.

But you know how I feel about training!

Do you just want a break?

Or would suggestions be potentially inspiring? I have a few thoughts...

Okay as for your husband and the heat...

"I'm sorry. I said I was sorry. What else do you want me to do?"

I should print THAT on a t-shirt for my husband!

I can't seem to communicate, "That's not an apology, that's a defense with a 'so can we please please please just SHUT UP about it now' thrown in for insult to injury."

It is a big empathetic failure on his part.

I hope he finds his way back into your good graces soon.

Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said...

Your hubby is still a Fucktard. You're owed gifts. Expensive gifts. Like big, fluffy slippers or something.

Sorry to hear you're folding DGB, I like you better than that whispering MoFo anyway.

Lawyer Mama said...

Mr. Chicky needs to check out the suggestions in response to your last post for ways to make it up to you!

Dirty Birdie said...

But, but, but....i NEED you!!!


{{SOB}}

Lena said...

Wha...? I didn't know that was an advice blog! Advice I need more than anyone else ever in the history of dog owners! Because: Allie. She's ruining my house!

Please let it just be a break.

Sparky Duck said...

ok now im in pain here just thinking about my balls being used as a punching bag

Kevin Charnas said...

Umm...I'm glad that your heat is on and all of that. And um...balls as punching bags? And the choke collar used rectally? woah... Have I told you lately what a wonderful dog trainer I think you are? You're the best, that other (not gonna name) IS CRAP! CRAP I SAY!!!

cooler*doula said...

Compassion, thy name is Mrs Chicky. He got off lightly, I'd say...

dana said...

Balls, punching bags...same difference, right? :)

ewe are here said...

Are you saying he didn't come home with gifts? Seriously?!?

fucktard might still be applicable.

But I'm glad you're warm now.