June ROFL Awards

Hello there. Metro Mama here. It’s my turn to water Chicky’s plants and feed the dogs. You didn’t think she’d take off and leave you without any laughs did you!

Here are the June ROFL awards. Enjoy!

Oh, The Joys awarded Mamma Loves

Julie Pippert awarded Arkie Mama

Salad Days Chronicles awarded My Mommy's Place

O Mama Mia awarded Filtering Life

Bub and Pie awarded Mimi on the Breach

Cheeze Whiz and Mustard awarded Here In Idaho

Ali Martell awarded i am bossy

Her Bad Mother awarded Gingajoy

Um... Uh... Er... Yeah

From the bottom of my cold, dead heart and all the way down to the ends of my freakishly long toes I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for my Gram. I wish that I could say that they all kick started a miracle, I really do, but they didn't.

Instead of being sent to that hospital 45 minutes away from her home Gram was, instead, sent to Mass General in Boston. Not an easy drive for my aunt, the woman who is honorary caretaker and chauffeur for my grandmother.

(If my mom was still around it would have been her doing all the driving and speaking with the doctors. My aunt calls me often to curse my mother for leaving her. She says it with a smile, but curses nonetheless.)

Gram was admitted this evening and tomorrow they'll do a battery of tests to determine what's going on with the 8 inch "growth" on her pelvis. They believe it's ovarian cancer but the doctors won't commit to that diagnosis just yet.

Oh yeah, and the cat still hasn't shown up. Also, I've learned just how weird some of my neighbors are. Bonus.

So no miracle yet, but those thoughts and prayers could still help. Thank you for them all.

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On a happier note, Sarah thinks I rock. More specifically, she thinks I'm a rockin' girl blogger. I don't feel so rockin' right now but who am I to argue with my new real life friend?

Apparently, this is one of those pay-it-forward deal-ios. These things always make me feel like I'm playing favorites but in this case I really don't give a hairy rat's ass. Call it a popularity contest, blahdee blahdee blahdee, but I'm of the opinion that there are some rockin' chicks out there in blogland and they deserve to be recognized. Dammit.

1. Blog Antagonist - She doesn't know it but she's talked me off of more proverbial ledges than any other blogger. She's my idol, I want to be just like her if I ever decide to grow up. For now, I'll just consider her my big sister on the web. And the woman can write. If you don't visit her blog regularly you really should because when she's a big time published author us lucky readers will be able to say we knew her when.

2. Mama Tulip - Because we've experienced the same loss we're bound for all eternity. A bit much? I don't think so.

3. Redneck Mommy - T is the shit. She's a tough betch who will undoubtedly kick my ass if I don't keep her in alcohol at Blogher. And did I mention that I'm rooming with that tatooed and pierced freak (says the woman who calls her sister "dirtbag" as a sign of true and deep affection)? Pray for me. I may never return. I may not want to, we may just run away together.

4. Binky of 24/7 - My scrod, another woman who can write circles around me. And I love her for it. She can render me speechless with the smallest of paragraph and.... See? I don't know what else to say. She's just that good.

5. Jenny of Mama Drama and now the Bloggess - She's so fantastic that I may have to move to Texas just to stalk her. You think I'm joking. I'm not that funny. She's that funny.

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One more thing, if you have a dog who is afraid of thunderstorms or fireworks I have a new post up at Dog Gone Blog about it.

Now, if you don't mind, I think I may just go get drunk now.

May ROFL awards

I don't know what it was about May but I am in serious need for some funny and I hope you are too.

My nomination for a May ROFL Award needs to be read to be appreciated, because if I told you that the post was about a conversation between a Jug 'O Pee and a container of orange juice you'd probably want to check my medicine cabinet for opiates.

I'm nominating The New Girl's latest post What You Missed While You Were Sleeping (yes it's from two days ago and that, my friends, is procrastinating at its finest) for this month's ROFL Award. That lady is fuh-uh-uh-nee. And very pregnant. Go give her some love.

Here's the list of nominees for May's ROFL Awards. Please support your local blog humor and take a gander at some of these witty posts.

(As always, if you'd like to be added to the ROFL email list to get notifications and information about upcoming awards please email me at Chicky Chicky Baby 2 at yahoo dot com or my partner in slapstick Metro Mama at Metro Mama at hotmail dot com.)

Congratulations to this month's nominees!

Metro Mama awarded The Kids are Alright

Slouching Towards 40 awarded Where's My Cape

Mommy Off the Record awarded Mama Tulip

Marcia's Take Charge Blog awarded Ali la Loca

Oh, The Joys awarded I Am Bossy

Not So Sage awarded Under the Mad Hat

Polliwog's Pond awarded Absolutely Bananas

I Obsess and Under the Mad Hat awarded Mary Murtz

Mrs. Incredible awarded Kevin Charnas

Queen of Mayhem awarded Mom O Matic

Cheaper Than Therapy awarded Jonniker

A Child is Born awarded The New Girl

Fenicle awarded Oh, The Joys

April ROFL Awards

It's the first Friday of the month and you know what that means, right?

No, it's not trash day.

Well, it is in my neighborhood... But that's not the point.* It's time for the ROFL Awards!

(please, hold your applause until the end.)



My nomination for this month goes to a man after my own heart. A man who understands me, who gets me where I live. A man who knows that the R's at the end of some words are totally optional. I can respect that in a person, which is why I'm nominating Piglet of Fire and his post about Massachusetts slang - which was impressive in its amount of great Boston speak as well as in its length. Another trait I can admire in a man.

What?

Congratulations to Piglet of Fire and the rest of this month's nominees!



Crank Mama awarded Redneck Mommy

The Kids are Alright awarded Mama Tulip

Polliwog awarded Bobbarama

J.D.’s Daze awarded Ambulance Driver

Kyla awarded Mad Hatter

Bub and Pie awarded Write About Here

Ali Martell awarded Redneck Mommy



*I promise I will post a list of guidelines for the ROFLs and link to them from my sidebar really soon. Unfortunately, I seem to have caught the procrastination bug. I think I caught it back in 1981 but it's a pesky little bugger and I can't seem to shake it.

If you'd like to be included on the email list for the ROFLs please send an email to Chicky Chicky Baby 2 at Yahoo dot com. If you sent me an email already please resend it to the above address. I'm trying to get better organized so I'm carrying separate emails with the hope that I'll finally stop burying things. Not that you care, but I know people have sent me emails about the ROFLs and now I can't find them and it's really making me cranky. It's the ROFLs for chrissake. I should be laughing, not throwing a whiny hissy fit. I could do both but not only do I procrastinate but I also can't multi-task.

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And before I have to send out (another) belated birthday card I have to wish Mr. Big Dubya a happy, and hopefully not incontinent, 40th birthday.

I thought long and hard about what virtual present I would give to the big guy. A package of Depends? Nah, I'm sure he has plenty already. I hear he buys in bulk.

When I was watching House the other night I thought, "A walker! With painted flames!" Then I thought it might be too showy for the birthday boy. People might think he was trying to, uh, compensate for other areas. Then again, he does refer to himself as Mr. BIG Dubya.

Then I came across this. True, it's from the women's department but I hear the Big Dub has maintained his girlish figure quite well. He can bring his sexy back and show his support for the greatest team ever.
Happy Birthday, Mr. Big Dubya!

You got peanut butter on my meme. You got meme in my peanut butter

Can't. Think. Still. Recovering. From. Springing forward. Changing clocks. Body. Messed. Up.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Combine the time change with the fact that it has been beeee-yooo-teee-fullll this week and the result is now I have no brain activity. None. Hook me up to a machine and you'll see a stick figure dozing where the squigly lines should be. Or the Peanut Butter Jelly guy.

But I must frolic and be merry, for tomorrow it will snow. F*cking New England weather.

Thankfully I was tagged for a couple of memes so I don't have to hurt myself by thinking too hard. Not that some thought was not required of these particular ones. No, quite contrary. I was tagged by PDX Mama to participate in Kristen's brilliant "Real Mothers" meme and I really had to work the ol' brain to come up with something. Then it came to me.

Real Mothers rock the baseball cap. Bad hair day be damned. Plus? Opening day in less than a month, baby!

Real mothers also tag others to participate in memes. So I tag fellow Sox lover Cape Buffalo, and my New England sisters Binky and Waya, and my friend from the south Blog Antagonist (though I don't know if she does memes, but I'm hopeful).

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Next up in the mememeMEmememe department, Ali tagged me for a musical meme. The guidelines are: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what they are. They must be songs you are presently enjoying. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

Okey Dokey, Smokey. I must warn you, I'm all over the place here.

1. Little Sparrow - Dolly Parton. I've been into the folk thing lately and Dolly has her roots firmly in folk/bluegrass. You're going to have to look for this one yourself since I can't find it anywhere on the internet.

2. You know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse. Hype. Warranted.

3. What Goes Around - Justin Timberlake. That's right, baby. You bring your sexy back here to mama.

4. I'm Shipping Up to Boston - Dropkick Murphys. Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe I need some gritty, kick-you-in-the-face music. Nothing wrong with bagpipes and the occasional size 11 to the chin.

5. Smile - Nat King Cole. I used to sing this to Chicky when she was really small and really colicky. It worked occasionally. I've worked it back into my repertoire for those moments when she needs some soothing.

6. Sweet Pea - Amos Lee (sorry, no link to the song. Just his website). Quickly becoming one of my favorite scoop-Chicky-up-and-dance songs. I may dance like a wounded chicken but she doesn't seem to mind.

7. Rick James - Jude. It's almost 10 years old but it's still one of my favorite songs. (Warning: the clip doesn't really do it justice. It's sucks actually. Makes me wonder why I like the song so much. Then I hear it on my iPod and it makes me want to dance like a wounded chicken. Now, that's a good song.)

I tag Mama Tulip, Jana, Mr. Big Dubya, MotherBumper, Jenny, Kevin, and Fairly Odd Mother. Now get to it, my iPod depends on you.

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And finally, Mrs. Chicken thoughtfully bestowed upon me the great honor of the Thinking Bloggers award. Normally my brain is spinning constantly, but this past week? Not so much. So it seems funny to be getting this award now. But I'll take it. No, really. Give it back. Take your dirty mitts off of my award. I'll start thinking again. Sometime soon. Really.

Ooh, that's purdy.

But this award is like playing hot potato. Once you get it you need to pass it on to others that make you think. Which means I had to think about who I wanted to give this to. And now my head hurts.

I hereby pass this award on to those who refuse to let me drone out to their pretty words but instead make me flex my cranial muscle:

Mother-Woman
Christina from A Mommy Story
Mike at Cry it Out
Kristin at Eva Las Vegas
Julie at MotherGooseMouse

Enjoy your award, ladies and gent. Wear it in good health.


Now after all that linking and a-meme-ing I need to go back to bed. Or go sit in the sun. Guess which one I'll be doing?

Well, spank my a** and call me Susie

With all the talk about sickness and dying and being one with our colons I almost completely forgot to mention that I, along with the delightful Metro Mama (as well as the goddess IzzyMom), have been handed the reigns of the ROFL awards from the oh-so-pregnant Mommy Off the Record.

(There were a lot of people mentioned in that last paragraph. Could be confusing. Let me break it down...)

I NEED HUMOR!!!

PLEASE SEND ME SOMETHING FUNNY!!!

Today is your last day to get in your nominations for the February ROFL Awards. So if someone tickled your funny bone or made you spit coffee out of your nose last month show that person your gratitude with a ROFL Award. Send your nominations to me at Chicky Chicky Baby at Hotmail dot Com by the end of today.

Winners will be announced on Friday.

That is all.

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Okay, that's not all. I lied. I stupidly assumed that y'all knew the rules - and you know what happens when one assumes something. It makes one a huge butt head.

The Rules:

- I already mentioned the whole getting your nomination to me by the end of today. Like, midnight Eastern time, or before I drag my ass out of bed in the morning tomorrow. Something like that.
- The post has to be an original, written post. Please no videos, reprinted jokes, or picture posts.
- When sending your nomination please send me the link to the specific post you want nominated as well as your URL. Secret admirers are great and all, but they have no place here.