Monday, January 19, 2009

Laugh if you want but it totally worked

Scene: Trying to put a very sick CC down for a nap this morning. Neither one of us slept last night and she's screaming her little head off because she's overtired and can't breath - which made her even more pissed because she couldn't breath because she was overtired and screaming. And this went on until brain matter started leaking from my ears.

Then I dared try to swipe at her nose with a tissue which caused her to howl like someone possessed. I'm pretty sure her first word was said just then. "Bitch", I think it was.

Nursing is not working, neither is the pacifier (let's face it, it's hard to give a pacifier the love it deserves when your nose is plugged with all manners of ick) and I'm afraid a little demon is about to spring forth from my baby's head if I don't do something drastic. So I sing to her. Believe me, this is drastic.

The problem: I never remember the words to this damn lullabye. The solution: Make it up as I go along.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

If that mockingbird don't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

If that diamond ring don't shine,
Mama's gonna buy you a, uh, valentine.

If that valentine's not.... uh, red?
Mama's gonna buy you a... uh, puppy instead?

If that puppy's fur is not, uh, soft...

(Oh crap, what rhymes with soft? Soft, soft...)

If that puppy's fur is not soft,
Mama's gonna... buy herself some Zoloft."


MARY G said...

Oh my! Much sympathy.
If that diamond ring proves glass
Daddy's gonna buy you a looking glass
And if that looking glass gets broke
Daddy's gonna buy you a billy goat.

I think, anyway.
Yours is a lot better.

Chris O said...

My singing always made the kids cry harder.

I remember the days with the booger baster, sucking the snot out of the kid's nose.

Patois42 said...

I always made it four verses in before the true words escaped me. What I did notice is they didn't care if it rhymed!

Hope she's better soon.

karengreeners said...

you're gonna want to copyright that version.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Mary G - A billy goat? Who the heck wants a billy goat? Hey kid, if you go to bed I'll buy you an animal who will chew your clothes and head butt you. This is going to bother me all day.

Briya said...

Hey, at least in YOUR version everybody ends up happy. ;)

SciFi Dad said...

If you had fallen off the rails sooner (if that diamond ring turns brass), we'd be reading about Mommy's ass.

ScientistMother said...

OOOH it sucks when they're sick! Monkey was sick with a icky nose recently as well. I had forgotten, but steam works really well!

Anonymous said...

Apparently the billy goat was for pulling (a cart? lots of carts going on in this song).

And if that billy goat don't pull,
Mama's gonna buy you a cart & bull.
And if that cart & bull turn over,
Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover. And if that dog named Rover won't bark, Mama's gonna buy you a horse & cart. And if that horse & cart fall down, you'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

It's a weird song. Your version's much better.


Heather said...

Ha! I make up words too. I think you're much more creative though.

Julie Marsh said...

That is the one single lullabye I do know, and even still, I like yours better.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

This was always one of my favorite bedtime songs when they were younger and I too made up the rhymes as I went along (never did get to Zoloft though! Brilliant!)

Manic Mommy said...

What rhymes with klonopin?

I feel your pain; my almost four year old baby has a cough that only kicks into full gear when he's horizontal. Neither of us has slept in two nights. said...

omg, that is my favorite song to make up words to. It's like an improv acting exercise.

If that diamond ring should break,
Mommas gonna buy you a chocolate cake.

If that chocolate cake gets eat,
Mommas going make you smell her feet.

I like your ending best, though, lol.

motherbumper said...

For the record: this is the only lullaby I know besides Frere Jacques and now I'll probably only remember your version. And that doesn't bother me one bit.

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the sickies. Hopefully they pass soon. I find it humorous about the song lyrics. Our 3.5 year old likes to make up his own lyrics to the song. I sing the verse until i get to "mommy's going to buy you a..." and he fills in the rest. We laugh and giggle and call it a night.

Feel better. Get some rest. Saline spray and a nose sucker bulb!!! If you can get near the lil darling :)

Magpie said...

LOL - I can't ever remember the words to that either, but I never ended up at Zoloft.

Anonymous said...

way to go, you got the easy one! (but it's brilliant!) and what's left for the rest of us? prozac, xanax, cymbalta, and effexor-bah!
may the healing be swift and long-lasting!

petite gourmand said...

oh it's the worst when they have colds and can't breathe and can't clear their tiny nose.

it also sucks when they actually learn to "clear" their nose on their own but unfortunately it ends up on the furniture.
good times.

furiousBall said...

what rhymes with lexapro?

The Estrogen Files said...

Awesome new verse. I need that here...

Pgoodness said...


I actually rewrote that song for my first born because I didn't like the original words. Luckily, since he never slept long, I had many hours to refine and "perfect" it. :)

Anonymous said...

i think i just sing the same first two lines over and over. but then do the words really matter?! Especially if they end with Zoloft! Very funny!

Anonymous said...

ahhahahaahahah - I was just telling my sister that today - I never remember the words either but the my little ladies always want to hear it so i just make it up as I go and change the words every time... I don't think it is the words, but the tune that makes them happy... or so I tell myself... :)

the new girl said...

I'm impressed. You're just like Wayne Brady, yo.

Amo said...

I didn't even know that many words...

My poor kids only got Jingle Bells. Year-round. Still.

The upside, is that in preschool my 2 year old was 'the best singer' in his Christmas pageant. (Thank God it was Jingle Bells...)

Anonymous said...

That's all kinds of awesome. *snort*

kittenpie said...

A tip, if I may? hijack the tune entirely, and make up ALL your own words. Then you can sing whatever you want. Like to Brahms Lullaby, "Mister Bun, go to sleep, your mommy is tired. It's been a long day, and I'm tired, sop please go-o-o to sleep!"

Anonymous said...

hush little baby don't say a word nana's gonna buy you a mocking bird
if that mocking bird don't sing
nana's gonna buy you a diamond ring
if that diamond ring turns brass
nana's gonna buy you a looking glass
if that looking glass should break
nana's gonna bake you a chocolate cake
when that chocolate cakes all gone
nana's gonna sing you another song..
hush little baby don't you cry
nana's gonna sing you a lullaby