Monday, January 15, 2007

Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch

Once again, the readers of this blog are worth their weight in designer shoes and football play-off wins (and whatever else you non-footwear/non-sport loving people like. Freaks. Who doesn't love shoes and/or football?). Your tear-jerking song suggestions were inspiring, even the country ones. And, no, I will never again admit that I enjoy a country song from time to time, except maybe a Dixie Chicks tune because they're all liberal and rabble rousing and that gets me hot.

Rabble Rousers = Hoootttttttttt. Write it down.

I spent quality time, and most of my coffee money, on iTunes downloading some of those songs, and then a good number of Kleenex were sacrificed all in the name of "research". Hey, what kind of person would I be if I didn't take your advice on this music? Not much of one, I can tell you that. I wouldn't be much of a person and I wouldn't have large, puffy bags under my eyes. I wouldn't be much of a person and I wouldn't have a permanent sniffle. I wouldn't be much of a person and I wouldn't have a slight headache. I wouldn't...

Hey, come to think of it, I kind of resent you all right now.

But tonight I am not weepy. Tonight I am too exhausted to be sentimental, because I started two new training classes this evening and they wiped me right the fuck out.

For you newbies (Hello! Thanks for de-lurking!), I'm a dog trainer. Whoopadeedoo!

I'm so tired, both mentally and physically. Physically because I am out of shape and standing around for three hours while getting yanked around by untrained 80 lb dogs really hurts my back. Mentally because I'm growing tired of repeating myself to a new crop of dog owners. Every eight weeks it's the same thing: No free lunch; be consistent; say what you mean and mean what you say; follow through with your commands; a command is said once, not repeated over and over; don't be stingy with your treats or your praise. Over and over and over again I repeat these words - and not just at the beginning of a new class, but throughout the entire eight weeks - and the names and faces are starting to blur.

How blurry? Tonight I called a girl by her dog's name and her dog by her name. Repeatedly. And that's good for me. Because usually I forget the person's name entirely.

(Hi Bailey's Mom! Hello Max's Dad! Please don't ask me to introduce you to my husband in Stop and Shop, because I will introduce you by your dog's name and breed and then stare blankly until you provide your name and save me from my stupor.)

I'm sorry to you dog owners out there, for my bitching and moaning. I don't expect you to come into class knowing what I know. Because that's not the point of taking a class, right? But would it kill you to do some advanced reading or something? I'm begging here. I would even go so far as to recommend watching a few episodes of that Guy Who Whispers, and that kills me to say because I hate him.

Okay, maybe not hate, but seriously dislike enough to use his book to pick up puppy "accidents", if you catch my drift.

I know it's not your job to make my job easier, but when a grown woman of, oh, let's say 140 lbs gets pulled out of her shoes by a 15 lb Maltese puppy I know I've got my work cut out for me.

True story, I'm afraid to say.

My weariness with dog training is contributing to my reluctance to update Dog Gone Blog. It has curbed my enthusiasm for starting my own business. And my dogs... My poor, neglected babies. They're suffering as well.

Mommmm. We're so boooooored.

Here, honeys, have another cookie. Now stop looking at me like that. You'll get a walk... Someday.

Ooh. Did someone say "cookies"? Yesss.

Is it a break I need? Some time away from the soul sucking neediness (Please help me train my dog or I'll have to send him to the pound and how would you like that on your conscience? Huh? Help. Me.) and the unethical asshats I work for who feel the need to remind me of the thousands of customers they have regardless, or because of, their lies? Yoga? Pilates? Amphetamines, maybe?

I don't have the answer. You probably don't have the answer. (Uh, right? Do you?) My husband just asked me what I was doing and I said "Purging". If you're still here, having made it through the bitching, I thank you.

And now the bitch is done.



Ashley said...

i admire you...i could NOT deal w/ the people! i like dogs but not people. the first time someone did the exact opposite of what i said, i would lose it and get fired.

on your previous post--thanks a real whole lot...i have now sat here and cried all of my proactiv off...and i want to go wake my child up (who cried for 30 minutes prior to falling asleep) and hug her and never let her go. and call and quit both of my jobs so i don't have to be away from her...*sigh*

Jess Riley said...

My hat, if I wore one, would be off to you my dear. Just reading this post is exhausting.

But if it's any consolation, I feel the same way working with adults and NO dogs...

k.thedoula said...

I had a cookie, dog had a biscuit.
We're with ya Chicky.
Big cup of coffee (or caffinated beverage of your choice) to you!

Anonymous said...

I told you that Dixie Chicks song was a tear jerker!

I can't get my dog to stop barking. He barks at everything, all the time. I fear that because we didn't get him until he was four and already had his bad habits, that we will never be able to get him to stop.

Girlplustwo said...

oh, sound tired. i can so totally relate.

i'll bring martinis in the AM. then we'll climb into a car and drive, drive, drive.

wouldn't that be fun....

mo-wo said...

Yeah you need a get-away... I won't do as much for another 18 months.. but I have hope for you. VACATION.

ps.. that forget their name thing cracked up both up over here

Anonymous said...

So, are you saying my tea-cup poodle is NOT the boss??? I'm confused.

LOL! My dogs are 80 and 130 lbs respectively and they don't even pull me out of my shoes. Not that they're well-trained or anything, much like the kids they're spoiled rotten - but no pulling from the shoes is a start, right? ;)

I can't imagine what you go through, there should seriously be a license for pet ownsership (and parenting, but thats another post for another time!).

Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

You need a new purse.

Coach, preferably.

Avalon said...

I hear ya' Mrs C. I bitched about the exact same thing and you were kind enough to have my back in the comments. i take enough classes with my 5 dogs to keep our training center in business for a lifetime. As a matter of fact, my Mom and I went last evening to help with their Delta Society training class. It was the last class before the test and one dog growled and snapped whenever anyone tried to handle it. The owner (an ass) didn't seem to think it was a problem. i wanted to bite her myself!

Anonymous said...

I love that you are a dog trainer.
It makes me smile. I love dogs...You already have given me good advice just from that one paragraph..thank you.

Feel better.

karengreeners said...

freakin most hilarious bitch session i've heard in a long time.
and of course a dog person is allowed to be a bitch.
get it? heh heh.

Anonymous said...

Yes, a vacation is in order, to a place with white sandy beaches, crystal blue waters and a buff cabana boy bringing you tasty drinks with umbrellas in them.

Anonymous said...

My imaginary cabana boy is named "Juan" and he brings me Mai Tais. You can borrow him if you want. ;)

Sparky Duck said...

Another good reason for a cat, I cant even get them to come near me, so thinking I could train them is crazy

wayabetty said...

That's the reason why I will only have gold fish. And how about them Patriots huh?! My hubbie told me this morning that Brady is being seen with Gisele, the model, as in Leonardo's ex. And I told him that Brady can't afford to be distracted right now with the big game coming up. Besides, I thought Brigit was much better looking than Gisele anyway.

Go Pats!! And what a sore loser LT was huh?!

Anonymous said...

I used to teach college freshmen and it was the same thing. Over and over. Semester after semester. Urghhh...I feel your pain.

Pendullum said...

A vacation with your dogs is in order...

ms blue said...

..."don't be stingy with your treats or your praise" - That should be stitched on a pillow.

In the spirit of bitching, a woman, who was not at a cross walk walked in front of my car today. What kind of ego does it take to think that a moving vehicle should stop for this high and mighty piece of work?

I need new shoes.

Redneck Mommy said...

Well, Mrs. Chicky,

You could always drag your hairy, dog loving bottom up north to meet Nixon, The World's Greatest Dog. Ever.

I promise, I won't let him pee on you. You can even bring your dogs. Nixon loves them all. Because I have trained him well!

Quit laughing damnit!

As for the songs, well, consider it a tit for a tat. Because I spent the whole damn day in iTunes downloading your list.

Like I haven't cried enough lately! Here's a suggestion, let's start an list of songs that get the blood pumping when we're pissed at someone.

My suggestion (I always listen to it when my mother in law calls and says she's coming over for tea...) give Idiot by Lisa Marie Presley a listen to.

It's harsh, but it works!

Christina said...

I hear ya. I work with college students, and have to repeat myself 100 times a day. It gets old.

Maybe a break is in order, just to feel more refreshed and think about if this is still what you want to do. Of course, this is advice coming from someone who has changed careers more than once already, and is back in school to do so once again. What can I say? I get bored easily.

But a mini-vacation or a spa day would be a good break, right?

Sandra said...

Sometimes you just really, really need to bitch. Get it all out and then roll in it a bit.

No job or business or whatever is always awesome. Every profession has its crappy parts and its exhaustion point. Its all about finding one that the good stuff outweigh the bad. From what I know about you, I think you have found it and venting and purging is a good way to clear your mind to get back to the good. Aren't I a pollyanna?

If that doesn't work, then pour a stiff drink.

Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said...

Booze helps.
Booze helps a lot.

Anonymous said...

Bitching is good for the soul. But it must be accompanied by chocolate. Lots of chocolate. So if you didn't have that, you might want to go rectify the situation now. I'll wait.

Oh & I just read your song post & I had to close my office door b/c I'm a weepy, sopping mess at work right now. Thanks!

kittenpie said...

God, I hear you. I too feel a need for a break or a change or some excitement or SOMETHING! It's the same stupid kids doing the same stupid things and me reminding them of the same stupid rules EVERY FREAKING DAY at the library and I am so vair vair tired. Let's run away to an island somewhere together for a week, shall we?

Anonymous said...

Vent away, Baby. Vent away!!

Unknown said...

There's nothing like a good bitch session to cleanse the soul!

Bridgermama said...

I really think you need to take a nice midwinter vacation. Seriously, a couple days can make all the difference. In the mean time I hope the blog ranting made you feel a bit better.

Anonymous said...

Which is why there are no non-human animals in my household. As if I don't have enough poop to clean after...

So congrats to you for being a better person than me.

Mama en Fuego said...

I'd say kick the dog, but I don't think that would go over too well....

Seriously though, I understand. You probably have to deal with idiots like my husband who make excuses for the dogs (ie THEIR) bad behavior and expect you to perform some miracle exorsism that will purge the evil bad behavior demons from their beloved pet and turn them into Lassy. Ain't gonna happen bucko.

If my husband complains about the dogs behavior and then disregards all the stuff the trainer told us, one more time, I'm strapping the shock collar on him and putting it on full blast.

BTW I HATE using a shock collar. I think it's shitty and it doesn't work because the dogs are smart enough to know when it's NOT on so they misbehave. I shouldn't have to threaten them with the collar for them to behave. That would be a great topic for the Dog Gone Blog when you get around to doing some new posts.

Alternatives to Shock Therapy for your dog.

Heather said...

Eeek, so now would be a bad time to get your advice on getting one of our dogs to STAY OFF THE DAMN BED and STOP EATING THE CAT FOOD!

All (non) joking aside, I know what work burnout feels like, and hope it passes soon. Also? At our dog park you're a weirdo if you remember anything about the people there other than what dog they belong to. Make 'em wear name tags. :)

moosh in indy. said...

That's why I'm a four legged animal lesbian.
I only like pussys.
(you know, likecats?) Jeesh, I guess you really are tired.

AND WHY IS IT that your nose stays snotty and your eyes stay puffy for days after a good messy cry, it's just not ladylike.

Jonathon Morgan said...

I'm sorry to hear about your stress! In semi-related news, we've been fighting about dogs in our house ever since I brought up the subject last week. I'm thinking about dog-sitting my buddy's labrador just to stay sane.

Her Bad Mother said...

I wish I had an answer, or at least one better than 'liquor'.

Radioactive Tori said...

I can't imagine trying to have a dog and also kids. We just got two guinea pigs and that will do for me.

Maybe you need a vacation to somewhere warm and beachy. I bet that would help. I know it would help me!

Anonymous said...

I love bitch sessions, they make me feel more normal. I have to stop myself daily from writing one and think of something deeper to post instead. Vent away.

The downside to any job is the people. It would be much better if you just had to deal with the dogs and not the owners. My job would be better if I just had to deal with the computers and not the users. The computers I can fix!

Your dogs are adorable and obviously well behaved.

SJINCO said...

Dogs, gotta love em! Their owners, not so much.

Sounds like you just need a break. And that was a nice vent, even I feel better :) Cheer up!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm a dog trainer too, and was searching around for a place to vent and bitch about dog training and found your Blog. I was just bitching and venting to some fellow trainers about some of the weirdo phone calls I get, like the guy who called me today about his PBT. Turns out the PBT is "not aggressive enough" (I kid you NOT!) and the owner is upset because the dog wags his tail at everyone (eight months old). As if the breed couldn't use some diplomats like this dog, which I told the guy! I happen to like most people, although I think the GP is incredibly ingorant about animals, particularly their dogs (a source of frustration for me, but this is my chosen profession so I have to keep my mouth shut and smile) and most I meet really do want the best for their dogs (or they wouldn't have hired me in the first place) - but it's these creeps like this guy that don't hire me and that I couldn't possibly work with that really get to me sometimes.