Tuesday, November 28, 2006

It's a magic number

Sometimes life steps in when you need something and delivers it to you on a silver platter. In some cases you don't realize the gift you've been given, and in others you're left staggering by the subtle kick upside the head.

Today life, fate, whatever you want to call it, stepped in and gave me my much needed respite in the form of a broken utility pole, toppled (funny enough, since it was 62 degrees yesterday) by a snowplow this morning, that caused us to be without power for at least three hours. Those quiet hours were not used to vacuum, wash clothes, or surf the net due to the lack of power, but were used to catch up on my reading and resting.

Thank you sir, may I have another?

The power is now on and life as I know it continues, and it's a damn good thing because I have to pimp my time on Motherhood Uncensored's BlogTalkRadio tonight.

blog radio

10 - 11pm EST, check your local listings for details.

I'm really sticking my neck out there this time, taking the unpopular side of a touchy subject: To stop at one child or press on for more. I'm speaking up for those who think that one is not the loneliest number and have decided to raise an only child. Or, as I like to think of Chicky Baby, my one and only.

I do hope you'll join Lena from Cheeky Lotus and me on Kristen's show tonight, even if you disagree with my side (because I do like intelligent debate. Really. I do.) but especially if you're feeling like having a one child family is for you but you're afraid to speak up about it for fear of being lambasted and labeled a selfish person.

Yeah, I've been in that position a few times. A few too many times.

If you can't listen and/or participate in tonight's show I do hope you'll share with me your feelings about only children. Were you an only child? Are you raising an only child? Do you think my soul should be thrown to the hounds of hell to be chewed on and shat upon for all eternity for possibly never providing my child with a sibling?

We're open and accepting of all opinions here at Casa de Chicky. The only thing I ask is that you be nice and bring your intelligent thoughts to this public table. Please no "People who only have one child suck ass. Neener neener neener." because your comment will be mysteriously eaten by the nasty comment garbage disposal. I had it installed this morning before the power outage for this very occasion.

Hope to hear from you tonight!


Run ANC said...

This is a hot topic in our household because we are at the point where it's DO or DON'T. If The Boy's health cooperates, I will be checking back in tonight!

ewe are here said...

I'm cooking Number 2, but that's because we want two. With the emphasis on *want*.

Every family is different; that's a good thing. And it's a decision that should be entirely up to you and your husband; third parties should butt out.

leeleebailey said...

we're a one child family. we both grew up with 5 kid in each of our families. knew that we'd never want more than 2. had the 1 and i mainly decided we're done. i'm the one that went through the 40 weeks of pregnancy hell. i'm the one who stayed home with major PPD. while we both work, i'm the major care giver in our family. after watching my own family grow up and kind of implode on itself, i think that for me, and my spouse and our one and only, its just a better fit. we want to be able to put him through college, help him out on things like that. i hope he doesn't hold it against us when he's older. i always thought it would be cool to be an only child. one of my best friends was. it seems like her parents gave her lots of opportunities to be around lots of other kids. and that's what we're attempting to do as well. even moving back "home" to be near to cousins, aunts, uncles, grandma, etc.

i have friends with multiples, and i stand in awe. i just don't think i was built for that. i don't know how they do it. but i do think its up to parents to make the decision. and i don't like it when people give me a bad rap for an only child. i don't give them crap for having multiples.

oh well.

just my two cents anyways! :)

Lara said...

i totally agree that it's up to you. there are obviously pros and cons to both sides, not just for you as the parent, but for the child/children as well. personally, i loved having siblings, and i would love to have lots of kids to give them the same kinds of experiences i had. but i also acknowledge that there are good things about being an only child too, and my now-ex fiance was an only child, and was convinced it was a great way to grow up. totally different for everyone, and people should just respect others' ability to choose what is best for their families. so i support you wholeheartedly for your opinion and any choice you make for yourself, because only you and mr. chicky can decide what is best for the casa de chicky.


Anonymous said...

I'll be there tonight.

We've got two. Kyle and I each have siblings - mine is younger, his are older. While he was adamant that he wanted more than one (hell, if only I'd cooperate, he'd be willing to have ten more), I set my limit at two. And I stand by that decision.

One is wonderful. Two is wonderful too, but the chaos increases exponentially. If you dig chaos - as some do - then the more the merrier! But if chaos makes you want to slit your wrists, then for everyone's sake, I can understand wanting to minimize it.

Radioactive Tori said...

I feel like everyone knows what is best for them better than some random opinionated stranger does! I think both ways are good, but in different ways. I have four kids who are each others best friends. BUT since I have four, I have less time for them individually and also less time for them to have their friends over. I bet they get the same amount of attention as if I only had one, but from each other in addition to myself.

If I only had one, I could help out in the classroom more and be on every field trip, but since I have four, they learn to share my love and time. Either way is good, there isn't anything inherently good or bad about any particular choice. If I could, I might have a million more, but then maybe I wouldn't enjoy them so much. We stopped at four for health reasons (my cancer) but now I feel like it is a good choice anyway. It feels right to us.

I did what is right for me, and my best friend stopped at one because that is what was right for her. I certainly wouldn't want someone to have more kids just because someone said they "should"! I think it is great when people know how many kids they want to have and are honest about it even though people are sometimes judgemental. Good for you for having one, good for me for having four, good for everyone who loves and cares for the kids they bring into the world.

Girlplustwo said...

i can't make the call (bummer) but am with madame chick...one is not the loneliest number...

i vote one.

club one moms.

there, let's get it started.

Bea said...

I can't believe the way people take dogmatic positions on this issue (not your lovely commenters, of course - but other people). It's really just none of my business how many children somebody decides to have.

My mother was an only child, and she disproves every stereotype - she's not selfish or inflexible - she's less like that than anybody I know. The only time she has really regretted being an only child was when her parents died, because then she was dealing with it on her own. She does have a close relationship with her cousins, though, and that helped.

The cousin issue was decisive for me - my children will not have any cousins, on either side, so I did feel a responsibility to have more than one - I didn't want Bub to be the only child of his generation, to be left completely on his own when hubby and I are gone. I'm scared sometimes to stop at two for that same reason - what if something happens to one sibling and the other is left alone? But clearly that logic could be extended indefinitely - it's more of an impulse than a clearly thought out position. So although I did feel a sense of obligation, as well as desire, to have a second child, I would never apply that to anyone else's family.

Good luck with the debate! I haven't been able to get that radio thing-y to work, but I'm tempted to try again.

Kate said...

I'm the "accident" child - only girl behind two brothers, 8 and 10 years my senior. My parents defintely did a double take when I came along. I grew up feeling much like an only child and I feel totally pissed off, jilted, mentally scarred..... Just kiddin'! One is a fine number! Nothing wrong with that. It actually really helped me grow up to be very independent and socially outgoing.

You are a really funny writer! Will try to tune in tonight.

Anonymous said...

I don't think I'll be able to tune in, but I commend you for standing up for what you believe.

Don't let others form your family and values, you know what is right and although it may appear that there are more families with more than one child, I'll bet you won't feel as lonely as you may think!! Regardless of how many kids I have, I don't judge people on how many children they choose to bring into the world (although I am in awe of the people with, like 10 kids - how in the world do they go on vacation??? Rent the whole plane?? But that's their choice!).

Good luck, and have fun!


carrie said...

I am not "anonymous" - don't know what happened there!


Anonymous said...

I am really going to try and listen to his one...I am soooo on the fence about this topic. I can't wait to hear you girls...

Anonymous said...

Ooooooooooooooooooo! We're a one-and-out family here with a vasectomy to seal the deal. You'll be speaking for me! (Remember, I have my own machine gun ... no pressure!)

Binky said...

That should be an interesting show. I plan on listening in. If my husband was home, I'd have him call in, because he can go on all day about how blissful it was being an only child. He truly love, love, loved it.

PunditMom said...

I don't think I can stay up that late, but I am with you on holding at one. There are a lot of reasons that's the right call for us, so don't worry about others giving you grief, CM, there are others doing the same thing!

Susan Gets Native said...

It's up to each individual couple.

ms blue said...

I was so excited to talk to you three amazing, intelligent women, that my brain seemed to turn off. What I meant to say is up on my blog.

It was truly delightful to hear your voice and say hi!

Anonymous said...

I only have one. I wanted 2 or 3 but my body can't handle more. I almost died in labor and had a horribly difficult pregnancy with my son. We've gone through the stage where he BEGGED for a sibling. That hurt. He's a lil bit of a social misfit being around adults more than kids for the majority of his life. He's got the most well developed sense of humor for a 6 year old though. I always wanted more than one child, but now, I can't imagine having more. He gets all the attention, time and love he wants/needs (and then some heh) and I can't imagine taking any of that away from him and having to give it to another child. One was the right number for ME, even if I didn't always realize that.

Creative-Type Dad said...

That is quite a topic - one my wife and I have a lot.
The only no-siblings adults we know are a little weird. Well, not all of them, just most of them.

In the end we decided to "maybe" have another. When my wife's mom passed, she's gotten very close to her sisters.

Anonymous said...

Great topic! We haven't decided totally but we're leaning toward only-child-dom. And we're totally cool with that.

I just wish people would stop telling me that I HAVE to have another to make it fair for Hailey.

Girl About Town said...

Hi! I'm new to your blog via Motherhood Uncensored.

We are raising an only child and the amount of disdain I get from people is just amazing. I never realised that having an only child would make you such a target. These days, I try and let the comments run off my back a little bit more, but they still hurt.

Live and let live, people - live and let live!!

[Down off my soapbox now, lol!]

Avalon said...

*Only* here! I was the only child of a single mother. I also only have 1 child. I loved being an only. I never felt cheated because I didn't have siblings. I relished peace and privacy. My daughter, who will be 23 next week says the same thing. If I had had the means to have more, i may have, but this was how life worked out.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I missed the show! ughh! I'm so terrible with remembering things.

Jenifer said...

I don't think having one child is selfish. As a matter of fact shortly aftyerv the birth of my son I felt selfish for having 2. Like I had forced my daughter to share my attention so I could have more love.

Now that the post partum hormones have past, I feel like all size families are great big or small. Personally I like big but that's just me.... and at 4 kids planning on 5 some days I question my sanity!!