Tuesday, January 15, 2008

These are the most precious of all my days

I find myself these days, more often than not, begging Chicky to hurry up. Stop playing with that toy and come over here. Quit stalling and finish your dinner. Please come over here and let me help you with your shirt. You can shake your naked booty another time, just sit on the potty and pee already.

My stress level rises and I raise my voice much more often than I'd like. We're always late for every appointment no matter how early I start the process of leaving the house and that bugs the hell out of me, even though I am a habitual procrastinator myself and am known to be late regularly.

But when there's two willful females living in the same house, something has got to give. And someone's idea of an appropriate timeline is going to be squashed. When one of those willful females is not quite three years old it's the other's timeline that gets heaved out the window, and even if it is met there is no thrill of victory since the not-quite-three year old is not going along willingly. There is no winning, only losing. Losing time, losing patience and losing your cool.

I want so desperately to slow down and enjoy those booty shaking moments more often. I need to learn more patience than I ever thought I could possibly need. But until I do, I'm failing. Or should I say I feel like I'm failing. I know I'm doing the best job I can but there are those days when that's just not enough.

These days are precious. I may have another almost-three year old again but it won't be Chicky. I'll never get these days back and I fear my memories of this time will be filled with Come Here's and Stop That's and Are You Listening To Me's?

The other morning my husband woke me up out of a sound sleep at four in the morning in a panic. He was due at the airport in less than two hours and his car door wouldn't latch. I would have to get up and drive him.

He woke Chicky as I muttered to myself, "I'll wake up and this will be a dream. I'll still be warm in bed. This is just a dream." We all got packed into the car and while Mr. C went to turn off his car he attempted to latch the door one last time. And of course, it worked.

So off to bed went Chicky and I while he drove away.

By 4:30 am she and I were rocking away in the chair in her room. The space was warm and dark and while I stroked her hair to help her calm down enough to go back to sleep she reached up to stroke mine.

She was well on her way to being calm enough to put back into bed, but in the last minutes of that dark morning I chose to continue rocking her warm body instead of rushing back to my cooling bed. It had been months since we had rocked in the stillness of her bedroom. I had forgotten how much I loved that time together.

There will be other times to sleep but few when she'll allow me to cradle her in my arms like the baby she once was. In that moment I had no desire to hurry and rush or admonish her for not paying attention when I was speaking to her. We sat and rocked in silence and every once and a while she would look up and smile at me before laying her head back on my chest. And in that moment there was no stress, only peace.


*With apologies to Duncan Sheik for stealing his lyric for the title of this post.

49 comments:

All Things BD said...

Love that Duncan Sheik song. Glad someone else knows it too.

I know of what you speak. I'm constantly hurrying my girls away from what they're doing, instead of stopping and marveling at it all.

I'm constantly talking over them because what I'm trying to say is SO much more important than listening to their words.

I have no words of wisdom besides I find myself handling things better after voicing my mistakes/bumps in the road or writing them down, getting them out there in the open.

See, you're already there!

JMC said...

There are FIVE willful females in my house, and there have been days when I've yelled myself hoarse. And then there are days where they all pile into the bed with you to watch a movie or something, and it makes up for all the HELL they put you through.

Manic Mommy said...

Yeah, I get it. I get the constant rushing and I get the forgetting about the hurry and enjoying the snuggle. I try and remind myself NOT to rush them when we don't have to. Sometimes it works.

Jozet at Halushki said...

This is beautiful...absolutely beautiful in its truth.

Staying in the moment...I'm always reminding myself to stay in the moment.

Ladybug's Picnic said...

Perfect timing. For me, it's Sesame Street. When I turn the television on, I'm not a mom who can get things done while their kid watches a few blessed moments of tv in peace. My daughter wants to be held and have her hair stroked when the tv is on.

I was complaining about this the other day when I realized I should shut up and enjoy these days where she still lets me hold her. And while I still have the free hands to do so.

JaniceNW said...

As the mother of two teenagers(they are never on time either) all I can say is AMEN Sistah!

daysgoby said...

Oh, Duncan Sheik. Lovely lyrics.

It's so easy to forget, isn't it, that they're growing up while we go about our daily life?

Fix the supper-no, straighten the room-no, do the dishes - whoops, time for bed!

And then she hugs you, and you remember how wonderful this is...yeah. I've been there.

Rima said...

I remember feeling that way before my son was born (my daugher was two and a half at theh time). You start seeing everything in terms of "this is the last time that it will only be the three of us" doing whatever it is you are doing. I'm glad you had that moment, and I hope you have many more.

motherbumper said...

Damn, you captured that one perfectly Mrs. Chicky.

kgirl said...

definitely enjoy those moments. it's just as good, but it's not the same once there are two.
plus, you will NEVER be on time for anything. ever again.

mothergoosemouse said...

Good reminder. Thank you.

flutter said...

This is just so how I imagine it to be a mom.

Rachel said...

I know how you feel. I to have a 3 year old and your post hit way to close to home for me..Thank you for reminding me to slow down as often as I can, we are ALWAYS late too...No matter when we start.

Hannah said...

I was just thinking about this today, as we've managed to be late for work every day this week thank to a very independent 2 1/2 year old who wants to dress himself. And pack his own snack for daycare. And climb up into the minivan himself even though the floor is level with his chest.

I don't slow down enough. I don't allow him to slow down enough. And I do feel like I'm failing, some days. I hear you.

Avalon said...

Oh Mrs C~~~ That made me teary-eyed. I think back to when my Princess was little and everyone around me was telling me to stop and enjoy the moments as they fled quickly. That used to irritate me so. Now I wish i had listened.

Mrs. Chicken said...

Really beautiful, Mrs. Chicky. I find myself in the same state lately, but then I remember that in seven short months there will be another small soul to take my attentions. These moments with just The Poo and me are limited and I'm trying so hard to focus on her and her alone.

We all know how fast the time goes. Thank you for this sweet reminder.

Don Mills Diva said...

Lovely post - it's amazing how the best motherhood moments sneak out of nowhere isn't it?

Phoenix said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. My mother swears to me though, that when your kids are grown, you only remember the good moments, not the crazy stressed out ones. I'm holding her too that.

Heather B. said...

Remember the other day when I mentioned a kick to the ovaries? The first part of this post made me rethink that. Though the second part made me all weepy like. Either way no more kicks to the ovaries for awhile.

Amy U. said...

Stop it, you're making me want one.

Assertagirl

Wendy said...

First, thanks for reminding of one of my favorite songs, Barely Breathing.

Second, sometimes the best moments to remember are the ones when we let go. I am hoping that Sam remembers the moments when we dance around the kitchen, although he is slightly obesessed with Britney. Maybe we will keep that on the DL.

kittenpie said...

Exactly, Mrs. C. We had a couple of months like that, where it was always butting heads, and now her sweetness is that much sweeter, and it is making me realize how much I will miss her small self one day. sniff. I didn't even mind sleeping with her this morning so too-early, because she wanted me to cuddle her, so she could sleep in my arms.

toddlerplanet said...

Peace. Peace. Beautiful post.

Rachel said...

Awe sweetie.
This was so sweet. Isn't it the truth. I wish we could all remember to treasure those moments a bit more instead of rushing off to get our "oh so important" stuff done. Before we know it, we'll be the ones wanting to dawdle and they'll be the ones rushing off or telling us they're too busy, or they're in a hurry.
*sigh*
Thank you for sharing this beautiful and poignant moment of your life.

Nancy said...

So beautiful and poignant. I want to climb in the rocker right now with my little one.

Oh, The Joys said...

Beautiful post, friend.

I tell you... some days I find that place and others I just can't. Sigh. Keep trying, I suppose!

Best,
J

Redneck Mommy said...

I am constantly trying to remind myself to relax and enjoy. It won't be but a blink of an eye before my own kids are out the door and on their own...

Dammit, I need more kids.

Her Bad Mother said...

Oh, I so know. Amid all the madness and noise and haste of our relationship - tiny girl busting at her seams and exhausted, pregnant mother - there is that peace, and it is golden.

mamafabulosity said...

I could have written this myself. Not as eloquently but still. I think this is what every mother feels. I'm constantly worrying that all my daughter will remember of her childhood is me fussing at her for being the wonderful typical kid that she is. I will try to remember to slow down and not worry so much about the little things. Thanks for the reminder.

ewe are here said...

I love those moments...love them.

You captured it perfectly.

Lara said...

i will say this: the times when you can hold her in your arms and soothe her will become less and less frequent as she grows. but if you're lucky, they won't go away - i'm 25 and when i visit my mom she and i still lay together and i rest my head on her chest and she holds me like her baby, which really, i still am.

Mama Snyder said...

what a beautiful post. thanks for the reminder.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Yup, hang on to those moments. My first baby just turned 7 and can barely fit into my lap. Beautiful post.

Ree said...

What a difference between this post and the previous one. You're just looking for balance babe, like we all are.

PetiteMommy said...

What a beautiful and honest post. Trying to really be in the moment everyday is hard but I still try.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm never on time for anything EVER. :)

Fratzels said...

I have those moments too, where all I want to do is rush through it. It's hard, because my time is so limitied anyway - wuite the struggle. Then, you get the chance to slow down and relish is the cuddles. Sounds like it turned out to be a great morning, afterall!

The Domesticator said...

I wish I could remind myself to slow down a little more with my kids, too.

Thankfully, my four year old still likes to be held and cuddled. The other two...not so much anymore.

I am glad you found a serene few moments to spend with your little girl. Sooo much better than going back to a cooling bed! *wink*

Amy said...

Really really wonderful post.

BOSSY said...

Bossy still likes to cradle her kids. Of course she needs a cradle made of reinforced steel.

AnotherMomCreation said...

I love snuggling. And I'll take all the snuggling I can get while I can still get it.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

We should all do this, cherish these moments.

Major Bedhead said...

Thank you for that. I needed it. I've been having far too many of those hurry up days and I really need to slow down and enjoy the time while I have it.

Blog Antagonist said...

I can tell you without equivocation...it's hard to rock a 13 year old.

Kimberly said...

I love this and it really speaks to me. I sometimes feel like the whole first half of my day - which includes getting my TWO willful girls off to preschool or the gym or some other appointment is full of "not nows" and "hurry ups" and "I said put your shoes on NOWS."

I too have been trying to slow down and relish the time but it's not easy. Thanks for another reminder to make a better a effort.

Lisa said...

Beautiful post.

Sometimes "slowing down" is the most difficult thing to do. But I guess we all need to learn that lesson. Those kiddos are good at teaching us that sentiment, yes?

the new girl said...

Honest to goodness.

What a fantastic post.

wheelsonthebus said...

Here from Mrs. Chicken. I think we all feel like this. We have so much to DO, and they have no watches. It is important to stop and appreciate, but it is also important not to feel guilty for getting things done.

Rusti said...

I don't even have kids yet (unless you count the cat and dog??) but it really made me think about the time I do spend with my loved ones now. I need to slow down and enjoy them, instead of always rushing around...

that was a beautiful post Mrs. Chicky.

lildb said...

gosh, T, *sob*

also, you know I know what you are going through, since J is supa-close in age to Chicky, and it is grinding me down to a nub. just GRINDING ME DOWN.

but I got the weeble-wobble chin/cheeks when I read this, and I had to keep bobbing my chin upward in a vain effort to keep from crying, because it's.

just.

so.

true.

*sniffle*