Monday, January 14, 2008

S-no-w more, please

Question - What's more fun than trying to stuff an excited toddler into full snow gear?

(Besides a root canal or trying to bathe a cat.)

Answer - Watching a pregnant woman trying to stuff her spreading ass and growing belly into her pre-pregnancy snow pants.

Good times.

No matter what I did I could not make Chicky forget that 10 inches of snow had just fallen outside. I even tried "A Charlie Brown Christmas", y'all. And if there's anything that makes a sane woman (relatively speaking) want to drive ice picks through her ears it's those orb-headed implings and their freakish dancing almost a month after Christmas.

Chicky was having none of it, however, so outside we went. After the aforementioned stuffing of the pregnant belly into stretchable nylon, of course. Glad there wasn't anyone else around to witness that.

After the fiftieth time Chicky fell onto her back into the snow and flailed there like a turtle on its shell I was ready to be done. But was she? Noooo. She was ready and raring for more. We had already attempted to make a snowman - which came out more like a snow nipple, wish I had the camera for that one - and thrown at least a hundred snowballs at the dogs. I mean, what more can you do with a basically immobilized toddler in deep snow?

Ooh, I know! Soccer!

The darn kid somehow found a soccer ball buried under the snow and we kicked that around until Lana, the black lab, stole it and ran off. I guess I need to teach that dog to share now too. Sure, I'll just add it to my list of parental life wisdom to impart to those smaller than I.

Ooh, I've got another one. Question - What's more fun than stuffing a toddler into full snow gear?

Answer - Trying to get a fully outfitted toddler in the full throes of a tantrum back into the house and undressed without A. getting kicked, B. getting hit, and C. losing your temper to the point where you're simultaneously yelling at each dog for being little shits and desperately trying to keep flying snow out of your eyes from a very pissed off two year old. And then trying to get your pregnant belly and pregnant butt out of snow pants.

And by "you", I mean me. You can guess what happened but let's just say it wasn't pretty.

She's sleeping now. The dogs are sleeping too. And as soon as I hit Publish I will be sleeping and this morning will be nothing but a memory. One I'm sure the publishers of those cute baby books never had in mind for the pages of their journals.

Perfect blog fodder, though, I just wish I had pictures. Good times, good times.

26 comments:

Rima said...

Yeah, that's a nightmare, alright.

And they always seem to poop in their diaper/need to go potty the very second after you've zipped up the old snowsuit.

Good times, indeed.

Hannah said...

*snicker*

I've taken to wearing hubby's snowpants when I'm forced to take Isaac outside - my baby belly just won't fit in my own gear anymore.

Thank god for daycare. They handle the outdoor play five days a week. Now next winter when I've got the two of them home it may be a different story...

SciFi Dad said...

Trying to figure out if I'm laughing with you or at you...

Everyone who lives with snow has a similar tale... usually (as noted above) involving a poopy diaper or the "I'm in my snowsuit NOW I have to go pee" of a potty trained toddler. But ultimately, despite the yelling and the tantrums and the fatigue, you had fun, right?

And really, does any of the rest of it matter then?

Manic Mommy said...

Similar activities but luckily with dissimilar enjoyment levels. Andy took a day rather than endure another 4 hour commute. That was the story but the real reason is he NEEDED to use his new snowblower. He blew us and three neighbors' houses out before bringing it to his mom's and doing her neighborhood.

It was like watching a toddler find his penis for the first time.

ewe are here said...

hahahahaha

I'm laughing with you. Really. With you.

Seriously, hope you got some sleep. Sounds like a really really rough morning.

Jeff said...

Funny stuff!

All my snowmen seem to come out as nipples too. Of course that's by design, but still.

mamatulip said...

A snow nipple?

LOL!!

Jess Riley said...

Snow nipples! Love it. I hope you got a nap, too. Just reading your post made me crave hot cocoa, a fire, and a fluffy blanket.

Mrs. Chicken said...

And here I was, missing those northeastern snows here on the brown barren prairie. Thanks for curing what ills me!

ps - totally jealous of all the napping that goes on in your house.

kittenpie said...

you're making me so happy right now that mine is not so into snow and cold... And that we got sort of frozenish rain today instead of snow. I do hope you're getting some reward, say chocolate or coffee?

Julie Pippert said...

LOL!

Who needs photos when you can describe it and I can imagine it so well from your words? LOL

mothergoosemouse said...

You're a much nicer mommy than I am. My kids wait until Daddy comes home before playing in the snow.

Oh, The Joys said...

Nothing like a snow nipple to wear a kid out!

Heather said...

I'm laughing because I know your pain all too well. Do they even make maternity snowpants?

jen said...

ah, says the cali girl while tapping her flip flop against the porch. i shall not have any ideas on this but great sympathy.

cape buffalo said...

Snow days are magic.... when you're a kid.

Well, unless you happen to be MY kid.

Hubby returned home in stunned horror when he realized I made kiddo CLEAN (like, dump everything out and start again) HER ROOM during a snow day.

To be fair, she did also have a 4 hour play date during which I cleaned and disinfected my entire kitchen (see today's post to find out why).

~JJ! said...

Snow Nipple...Ha. Classic.

Yeah, I try to avoid the snow at all costs...it's the "Time to go in Tantrum" that really gets me pissed.

These little people are never satisfied.

motherbumper said...

still stuck on snow nipple

still shuddering on the image of stuffing toddler into snow gear - that is what my current nightmares consist of - the pants, the boots, the GODDAMN ZIPPERS FROM HELL! (*deep breath* calm down motherbumper - it's her funtime, not yours).

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

NO PICTURES? I am crushed.

moosh in indy. said...

I added my own part to the story, where the pissed of tantrum throwing toddler slams her head into your jaw causing you to bite your tongue and then they look at YOU as if it was YOUR fault your jaw ran into their flailing head.
*sigh*

Don Mills Diva said...

Soory I couldn't be there. BUt then I got my own taste of this when I endured a massive tantrum trying to get Graham inside before he suffered frostbite last weekend. A passing police car actually backed up and asked if everything was ok! SIgh.

petite gourmand said...

ah yeah..good times indeed.
parents from Florida really don't know how good they've got it!

hope you at least were able to enjoy a bit of a nap after all the snow festivities.

Magpie said...

Oh yes, fun indeed.

I bow down before the daycare teachers for getting 15 toddlers in and out of snow gear TWICE a day in the winter.

Loralee Choate said...

Getting into snowpants NOT pregnant is hideous enough.

Poor thing.

the new girl said...

Snow nipples.

Chilly.

excessive sweating said...

Snow fight is fun.
snow more,snow more.