Playing favorites

Over the past five years I've spent working with dogs and their owners I've realized that there are just going to be those students that I favor over others. Any educator will tell you that it's a slippery slope to pick favorites but my educating experience is a bit different from other traditional teachers and professors in that my students are almost always under the age of five, they have four legs and a tail and are attached by a six foot leash to an adult who is usually over the age of 30.

There's one family in particular that comes to mind. For the past six months I've had the pleasure to work with a family that is just so damn... Nice. Yes, nice. Normally, I go out of my way to not use that word but this is one of those times when the word does not seem trite. The kids, a young girl and a boy, are sweet as can be. The wife and I swap baking recipes and the father sends me YouTube clips that he thinks I'll enjoy. Not to mention their kooky dog who makes me smile every time I see his silly face. Every member of this family of five (including the dog) has left a mark on me that I won't soon forget and I'm lucky enough to have them in another one of my classes right now. I care for this family. I care about what happens to them, right down to their crazy mixed breed rescue dog. They're good, kind people and I want to see them happy and successful, not just with their dog training but in every other aspect of their lives.

The other night after class the husband, lets call him "D", hung around to ask some questions. The week before (I found out through email correspondence with his wife) he was unable to attend class because he was with his mother, who has brain cancer, and I could tell he needed someone to talk to. So we talked long after class had ended. What started as a conversation between teacher and student, to make sure he wasn't screwing up his dog by running back and forth to his mother's home and running her to the hospital (therefore, spending far less time caring for and training his dog), became a therapy session between two people who have the unfortunate bond of shared experiences with cancer.

I told him that I had lost my mother three years ago to cancer and that, along with our short past as friends-with-dogs, was enough to get him to open up about his mother's illness.

His pain was so evident that it broke my heart. He knows that he only has a short amount of time with his mom and like most of us who have, or have had, a close relative or friend with cancer he's trying to work out in his head how he can juggle the pressure of helping his mom while still maintaining some normalcy in his life.

Like I said before D. is a good man, a nice man. Right now he's trying to be everything to everybody, but he can't and I'm sure that's tearing him up. He's doing as much as a man with a job, a wife, two kids, and a dog can do when faced with a parent who has this horrible disease, but I know that it never feels like enough.

Dealing with a loved one with cancer, especially when it gets to the end, means putting your life on hold. I didn't do that as much as I could have when my mother was dying (in my defense, I didn't know how quickly she was declining) but D. is and I made sure to tell him that his time spent with his mother and the love he is showing her are the best gifts he could give to her. Because you never know when the end is coming. You have to live today as if there is no tomorrow.

We both walked away that night happier that we found a connection to each other, but fighting back the tears that we were too tired to shed. I hope that a cure, a magical combination of chemotherapy treatments, will be found in time to save his mom, but if that doesn't happen I hope he'll be content with how he spent this time with her.

With the exception of a cure that's the best thing that any of us dealing with this disease can ask for.

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Do you have a favorite? Charity, that is. If you do - great! - give as much as you can. Donate your time, not just your money. But if you don't yet have a favorite charity please consider helping the American Cancer Society (you Canadians can go here). Give what you can.

If you're like me and you hate sending a check to a faceless charity please take the time to attend just a portion of your local Relay for Life. The face of cancer is as diverse as the types of cancers that are out there, but so much more beautiful. I've written about the Relay for Life in the past, the indelible effect it had on me and the grace that comes from people sharing the bonds of life and survival but the Relay for Life is really something you need to experience for yourself to truly understand. It's a tight knit community that welcomes anyone that has been touched by cancer. You don't even have to have know anyone who has had cancer (I pray that you haven't but it seems everyone knows someone with cancer) you just have to want to help.

To find a Relay for Life close to you go here and type in your zip code, then attend. Show up. Be present. Buy a shirt or dedicate a luminaria to someone who has cancer, both those who are still fighting and those who lost their fight. Walk, even if you're not on a team. Arrive early for the survivor's lap and stay for the luminaria ceremony. Show those around you that you are happy they're alive and that you want to help with their fight. Your presence will be appreciated.

And I promise you your life will be changed.