Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Reunited

I just reunited with my long lost childhood best friend. Literally, we just got off the phone a minute ago. I'm floating with happiness. Floating I tell you, and I don't float.

How can I possibly describe these feelings of affection that I have for a person whom I haven't spoken to (with exception of the day that I attended her father's wake and the time that she attended my mother's) in seven years? It's truly amazing. I had no idea how much I missed her.

This is a person who knew my deepest, darkest 10th grade secrets. The girl who was with me when I bought my first pair of black pumps, the ones I wore with frilly socks and pinch-rolled jeans. She lived down the street from me and we were always finding reasons to go meet in the middle. We were together when we first fell in love with our boyfriends and subsequently got our hearts broken. We complained about our parents and dreamed of a future when we would move out of their houses into our own apartment where we would have fabulous parties and have our boyfriends sleep over whenever we wanted. We drank our first wine coolers together and if one was wearing blue mascara you could be certain the other one was too.

And the only reason that I can remember that Alf quote that I included in my previous post is because it was our little joke. If she called and asked what I was doing I'd say "I'm standing here wearing a blue dress". Then she'd say "I'm coming over, don't go anywhere." To which I replied "I wouldn't, I don't have the shoes." I know it's silly, but now you know why I still remember it fondly. (Serendipitous that she picked today to call me, wouldn't you say?)

We were inseparable.

Then we grew up, and we grew apart as old friends sometimes do.

It started gradually. First, upon returning home after graduating from college, my friend, J., would snicker at my choice of fashion. I had gone grunge and she was still sporting a modified version of the style we wore in the late 80's, but now it was 1994. She was still Def Leppard and I was decidedly Pearl Jam. She laughed at my sandals, calling them Jesus shoes. I told her that the ozone called and it wanted her to stop spraying her hair with Aqua Net.

That was the first rift. Small, yes, but it speaks volumes of the directions our lives were taking.

We both had fiances by this time and soon we would each get married. J. was first. She and her new husband set up house in a nearby town while I was dreaming of getting out. But then I, too, got married and settled into my own new home in my old hometown. Our lives seemed set. J. seemed to like it that way while I was secretly dying inside. But by this point I didn't feel like she was listening when I was trying to tell her that. Or maybe, in hindsight, I wasn't doing a good job of expressing myself.

She and her new husband were hanging around with people I didn't care for and I felt like I was getting pushed out of her life, so I started to back away on my own terms. We were still friends and contacted each other regularly but we were by no means as close as we once were. She got pregnant and I don't remember being there for her as much as I should have been. Then there was the final straw...

After giving birth to her daughter, while still in her hospital room, J. said to me "Now you have to have a baby." I didn't want children at the time and I told her that. She got angry with me. Wasn't this our plan? We were supposed to get married and have children and live close to each other so our kids could grow up together. To me those were the plans of a 15 year old girl. The 25 year old woman I had grown up to be wanted nothing to do with those plans. We didn't speak much after that.

Then I separated from my husband. I was running toward the exit and leaving everything behind. I wanted a clean slate, a new life. When the dust cleared I realized that I didn't really want to leave everything behind. I missed my friend so much, but as the years went on it got harder and harder to pick up the phone to call her. What if she's mad at me? It's been three years, then four, then five... How do you call someone after seven years and pick up where you left off?

But that's exactly what we did. After seeing my sister a week ago and getting my phone number from her she called me today, and it was as if I had been speaking to her every week for the past decade. Nothing had changed. It was wonderful. I told her that and she agreed. She told me that I sounded exactly the same. I think she was crying.

We're going to get together soon and I suspect there will be many tears and hugs when we do. I also suspect we will pick up exactly where we left off with the jokes and the old stories. And I bet that if I bring up Alf and the blue dress she'll know exactly what I mean. Because that's what best friends do.

That just made my heart jump. I have a best friend. Again.

41 comments:

wendy boucher said...

That is an awesome story. It's like finding treasure, only better.

Pattie said...

I don't know if I am premenstral today or what, but this is the second blog today that I am crying over. Wow....loved.this.post.
I can relate to EVERYTHING you have written. Of course, the details are different, but the feelings are the same. It is so hard to lose friendships...to grow apart. I guess that is a harsh reality of life. But, gee, to find the magic in a long lost friend...that is a priceless gift. I will look forward to your post about your face to face reunion. I hope it brings you more joy and happiness.

metro mama said...

I was reunited with a long lost friend a couple of years ago--it's an amazing thing.

Lena said...

Having gone through the "breakup" myself, I'm so happy for you. Adult friendships are so much more difficult to create, so resurrecting an old childhood one is even better.

Just remember, its different now. So, try to have no expectations. Speaking from experience. ;)

Ruth Dynamite said...

Sniff...I love happy endings. Yeah for you!

CrankMama said...

Great story, sis! Ah...I long for a best friend again. Your story is so inspirational.. I think I'll call my old friend now.

radioactive girl said...

I'm so happy for you! I can't wait to hear about your reunion!

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

Wow! That's really cool.

I got in touch with my two best friends from H.S., it wasn't "as cool" as your experience. They're exactly the same, talk the same and still hit on H.S. girls (well, maybe a few years out of H.S.).
Things are different, so that kind of faded.

(Def Leppard! That's funny! We're seeing them in concert with Journey in a few weeks)

Waya said...

I'm so happy for you to have reunited with your bestfiend once again!! That must have been so awesome!! I can't wait to hear about the meeting.

carrie said...

That was so good - so real and beautifully written. So much of what you said reminds me of my best childhood friend and myself who had grand plans for our future families and guess what??? Although my boys came before she was married, and she had her daughter in Florida, she now lives 2 miles away, our daughters are 5 months apart and best buddies!

I am so happy for you and your friend! :0)

Carrie

mothergoosemouse said...

That is fantastic! I really do know how you feel - I reunited with my high school best friend a few years ago to find that we have so much in common, more than I ever expected we would. Like you guys, we went in very different directions for quite a while, and it was hard to let go of the friendship, but it's great to have it back. Different, but great. And better too.

Mother Bumper said...

GAH! That is fantasatic! I just spoke to my BFF this morning for two hours and I love it when that kind of thing happens. And to be reunited after all this time is amazing. Good friendships withstand that type of time and stain. I'm so happy for you.

lildb said...

it's a smiling kinda post. I like it.

and I hope you guys have a fabulous reunion. :)

Poopydigs said...

Wow, what a great story! I'm so glad you got a chance to reunite with your best friend. I wish I could do the same. Some distances are just to far to bridge.

T. said...

Jeez, now I feel better for dogging on you about poor Alf.

Great post. I'm so happy for you. Good friends are the treasures that help us through. I'm glad you are reconnecting with yours.

Have fun and good luck!

Mommy off the Record said...

I am so happy for you. I really miss my best friend from high school. She and I grew apart, but for us it was a more permanent thing. We'll never be the way we were and I get so sad when I think about it. But you - you have another chance and I am SO happy for you. Enjoy getting to know each other again.

mo-wo said...

hoooorayy... doesn't mean you don't need us anymore tho' does it??

I tend to keep to the policy that with the friends that matter it never 'really' matters how long it takes to call. seven years, pshaw

adwina said...

It IS really a beautiful story ... I'm so happy for you.
This post makes me teary..

I also have a best friend when I was in college. We were inseparable too. We had lunch together almost every day (though we didn't took the same classes). And then she had to go abroad :(. I felt like I was all alone. She was, and is still now, a best friend who really knows me. Sometimes she knows me better than I do. So, when she left, I was so sad.

What made me feel very sad was she couldn't make it to my wedding. She was actually in the top list of persons I wanted to be there in my big day.

And then she went back home after 5 years. I've been so happy. But I guess this happiness won't last long :(. She's getting married at the end of this year (hopefully - and of course I'm happy with this news)... but she must stay abroad, again... :(.

So.. I'm really really happy for you.... Cause I know how you feel...

Hope the reunion brings more and more happiness for both of you... and your children too!

Love,
Adwina

Jenny said...

Man...this totally makes me want to find my old best friend.

Sigh...

Anonymous said...

Oh, that's wonderful. It made me cry. You see, I haven't spoken to my high school best friend in five years, after she basically jilted me at the alter when I needed her to stand by me on my wedding day. I haven't forgiven her, but maybe this will push me toward that path...

Pendullum said...

Mrs. Chicky that was such a great story...
Blatantly honest and heartfelt...
It is like you two are sisters that have spats... but a history in your veins...
Good on both of your for recognizing it..
And I can not believe that you guys reconnected after my 'catty Alf' remark.

Michele said...

Very cool story. I think its hard sometimes to get past the baggage and reunite and I am so happy when I hear people do it.

I dont know if I have commented since you changed your layout but I love it.

kittenpie said...

Oh wow, that is so amazing. There are a few people I dream of meeting up with again, but only a couple. I hope it's all good and somehow you've moved to places where you can "get" each other again.

Kristen said...

I actually reunited with my old best friend, too! We knew each other from 2nd grade on. We grew apart right in the middle of high school when I moved 45 minutes away. She recently googled my name, found my email address, and we've been emailing ever since. She lives in NC and I live in FL, so hopefully we can visit each other soon.

Velma said...

So nice! I've recently been reaching out to some old friends who I've lost touch with, so maybe I'll get a phone call today, too.

IzzyMom said...

Oh boy! I can relate to this on so many levels. I have a best friend and we didn't speak for a few years over something that was small and unimportant but symptomatic of other problems & changes in our friendship. I'm so glad you guys are back together :)

JayJenny said...

That's great for you both. It sounds like you both needed a reason to find each other again. I haven't spoken to my best friend from high school in over a year. We had somewhat of a falling out becuase our lives took different directions, but she'll always hold a special spot in my heart. There is nothing like the friend you had in high school who knew all your deepest and darkest secrets. Hopefully we too one day will reunite. Thanks for the happy memories!

Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said...

I had that happen - parents gave the old friend my number, we picked up where it left off ... she wound up being my Matron of Honor. Good stuff! Good for you!
Here's to many ALF quotes!

sunshine scribe said...

This might sound like a completely geeky thing to say but I was on cloud nine as I read your post and even a little misty-eyed. I too just this week reunited with a friend I hadn't seen in 2 years (we were the best of friends since highschool). It is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

Heather said...

How awesome for you! I actually emailed my best friend from grade school when I saw her on my space last week but she hasn't emailed me back. I guess we're just not there yet.

Mom101 said...

This is so so so cool. My best friend then is still my best friend now so I'm lucky that way. But there was one brief best friend in 9th grade, who I ran into 15 years later in a random bar in LA and all the shit, all the reasons we broke up - it wasn't there. Just the "ohmigod remember making out with HIM? What were we thinking!" stuff. It was wonderful.

Congratulations on the reunion. That really is special.

MetroDad said...

That is such a great story. It's amazing how strong those early bonds are, isn't it? It seems so absurd that we could go so long without any contact with a close friend and then pick up like there not a day had passed. This has happened to me several times and I've got to admit that it's been one of the most rewarding and cool things that I never would have suspected. Congrats on the reconnecting with a lost soul. Truly wonderful.

Mama of 2 said...

What a great story!
I know that about a year or so ago I hooked up with my childhood best friend. And like you it was great to regain that friendship that was such an important part of my life.

I hope that you and J continue to foster your friendship.

Dirty Birdie said...

Long lost best friends rock. I recently reconnected with an old friend as well. We're still working out the kinks but it's nice to know she's back.

Blog Antagonist said...

How very cool. Good for you for burying the hatchet and getting back in touch. There are a couple gals I would happily reunite with.

something blue said...

Childhood best friends hold a special space in our hearts. I loved reading about your reconnection. It will be so much fun for the two of you to hangout!

sweatpantsmom said...

What a great story. It's made me want to pick up the phone and reconnect with some of my old friends that I've lost touch with.

I still am friends with two that I've known since kindergarten. We live in different cities, but get together every few months. Our lives have changed but we have a bond that is so unique.

Mamacita Tina said...

There is a special bond we have with friends we grow up with and know our every little secrets. I'm lucky to still hang out with my best friend of 30+ years. Other friends come and go, but she is always there for me. So glad you got that call. HAVE FUN!

jen said...

what a TERRIFIC story. things always come full circle.

Brony said...

That's great. It's wonderful when things work out like that.

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