Monday, May 29, 2006

Ditzy Chick

I don't know if its my advancing age or the line drive I took to the forehead when I was a 14 year old JV softball pitcher, but I have the memory of a slug. Actually, I bet slugs have very long memories relative to their life span, so maybe I should change that comparison to I have a memory like Leonard from Memento. My ability to retain information is almost nonexistent. I should invest in a Polaroid camera and tattoo notes to myself all over my arms, because these days I can't remember what I had for breakfast - or to even have breakfast. So its no surprise that I am terrible at replying to emails (Hi Kvetch! I'll reply soon.) and returning phone calls. I tend to put things aside, promising myself that I will get back to them later on in the day, only to forget them under the pile of other important tasks to remember. Until a week later when, at 3am, I'm jolted awake with the realization that I'm a terrible human being and someone expected me to provide a recipe or a mutual friend's new address. But do I jump out from my under down comforter and dash off a quick note to myself for the morning?

Nooo. That would make sense, wouldn't it?

When the sun rises and I'm immersed in a new day, my thoughts from just a few hours before soon vanish with the morning fog. I know you're probably thinking that I should put a notepad and pen next to the bed, but you've never seen me at 3 in the morning. I am in no shape to speak, never mind write. I'm barely coherent enough to elbow my husband in the ribs when he snores in my ear. Again.

The things I do remember have no rhyme or reason. I'm horrible with dates, but I can sing all the words to "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant". I can recall in vivid detail sitting on the floor of the spare bedroom of my childhood home when I was 3 years old and my mother telling me that I wouldn't be able to play in that room for very much longer because it was going to be the nursery for my soon-to-be-born sister. But I have trouble remembering my sister's home phone number if I don't have the phone in front of me.

(Okay, to my credit I hardly ever call her at home. I always call her at work. Or I just let her call me. See "laziness" below.)

I remember the exact date when my husband proposed - 10/01/01 - but I frequently forget if my wedding anniversary falls on the 30th or 31st of August*. I know, that's horrible. Thankfully, I had it inscribed inside of my wedding band as my own personal cheat sheet. So its not a matter of importance - my anniversary is very important to me - I honestly don't know why I remember the things I do.

My poor memory made school very difficult for me. I knew, even though I studied, when it came time to take a test most of the information that I tried to cram into my head would vanish into thin air by the time I took my seat. Mnemonic aids never worked for me. Well, that's not entirely true. "Roy G. Biv" and "Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge" are ingrained in my memory forever. But I'd really rather forget "Shirley MacLaine Vomits Every Morning, Jimmy Stewart Usually Never Pukes" if it means thinking of Aurora Greenway blowing chunks to remember the order of the planets.

Some, and I stress the word some, of my forgetfulness can be attributed to laziness. Like the thank you notes I've been meaning to write to friends and family for Chicky's birthday presents. Every week I intend to sit down with those damn notes and get them off of my to-do list, but something (blogs) gets in the way and I end up absorbed in (blogs) something else and forget, yet again, to write those thank-you's because I was busy doing other things (blogs). I think my family is considering writing me out of their wills.

I could probably continue on with life in my own airheaded way and get along just fine with only the occasional comment from friends about my ditzyness, but now I'm a Mama. And Mama's are supposed to remember everything. Birthdays, anniversaries, a whole summer of cook-outs and graduation parties. Doctor's appointments, the dogs and cats vaccination schedules, playgroups, presents for major holidays. When to buy new shoes for the baby when she grows out of the old ones (Damn. I've got to go shoe shopping with Chicky today. Shoot. Gotta write that down.), what her favorite foods are and which two vegetables she'll eat. I can barely remember to put on clean underwear but I have to remember to brush my baby's teeth and give her fluoride drops everyday. Its enough to make Wonder Woman cry Uncle! And all she had to do was remember where the hell she parked her invisible plane. Who the hell put me in charge of the family schedule? Fuck a duck, I've got to remember to make a schedule!

If I could just remember where I put my date book.


*I just checked my wedding band - my anniversary is August 31st. Thank God for jewelry!


(Crouton Boy - I didn't forget the Meme you tagged me for! I'll do it in a day or two. Promise.)

38 comments:

mothergoosemouse said...

Mrs. Chicky, I have a ridiculously good memory for most things, but birthdays escape me. I forgot my oldest and dearest friend's birthday last weekend. Ouch. She was gracious about it, but I still felt awful.

Ironically, she's the one who told me about the movie "Memento".

radioactive girl said...

I have a terrible memory for dates, but remember all sorts of crazy stuff too. I blame it on my 4 kids. I believe while pregnant, they sucked my brains right out of my head. I am a perpetual list maker, but then I forget I have the lists until I find piles of them all over the house and wonder what the hell they were for. I'm not sure if lists are the answer for me! Anyway, you made me laugh today!

motherhooduncensored said...

I actually have a great memory for all things useless (particularly Hollywood trivia and other randomness) as well as names, birthdays, etc... However, I've become a little more selective as to what I allow to stay stuck in there.

I can, however, recite the books of the bible at a very rapid pace, as well as sing the 12 cranial nerves to the tune of My Favorite Things. Some things are hard to forget (plus they're my drunken bar tricks... I know, I need to work on that).

Christina said...

See, I have an organizer also to help me in my chronic forgetfulness. Too bad I never remember to write anything in it.

I suffer from total memory loss as well. I am horrible at responding to e-mails, and the piles of clutter in our house grow everyday as I set things aside "to sort through later". It never happens.

I wish I could say there's a solution, but I haven't found it yet. Every day for me is trying to keep my head above water, keep the bills paid on time, and not forget the important stuff.

Kristen said...

I have always had a pretty good memory- until I got pregnant. And the bad memory thing stuck with me after I had Leah. Or did it? LOL.

bubandpie said...

Mrs. Chicky, are you maybe related to my husband?

I was thinking the other day about one of my favourite professors, and I realized that I can't remember a single thing she taught me about literary theory, but I do recall that her daughter stuck a pea up her nose and that she had two sisters in England on welfare. Priorities, priorities.

J's Mommy said...

Oh boy can I relate. I've never had a really good memory. Every time my hubby recalls a time when he was 4 or 5 playing with his brothers, I am amazed at the detail with which he tells the stories. I can't remember where I left my keys, my shoes, my daughter's school papers, and my taxes from 2002. It's just not fair.

kittenpie said...

Trust me when I say it may not be you - I am known for a great memory, but all kinds of things are slipping now that I'm juggling so much. It's information overload, is what it is.

And oh yeah, I have to make myself a doctor's appointment...

Kristin said...

I hear you... my anniversary is the 27th and it is currently marked in my calendar on the 23rd... shocking, really.

I am big on lists. Lists save me.

liberalbanana said...

I need to use the phrase "Fuck a duck" much more often.

Jess Riley said...

I feel like I'm getting progressively more forgetful/absentminded/stupid as the years go on. Without a "To-do" list, I'd just wander from room to room all day wondering what the hell I was doing.

carrie said...

I am with ya! I can remember my childhood phone number and all of my friends phone #s from way back when, but I can't remember to feed the darn fish! Go Figure!

Mommy off the Record said...

I am soooo forgetful it's not even funny. I've actually considered looking into herbal remedies for this problem. I've even gotten my son's birthday confused with his due date. Is it June 25th or June 28th?

Not good. Not good at all.

carrie said...

Oh, one more thing - I think it is some sort of symdrome that nobody warned us about!

What would the name be? "You-remember-stupid-sh*t-aholic" or "Whats-for-dinner-again-heimers"?

MrsFortune said...

You just have so much very important, tremendously relevant information occupying space in your brain that other things fall out. Like that Shirley McLaine thing. I always learned "My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas." But yours is catchier.

Nancy said...

I am so the same way. I can identify almost any song from the 70s, 80s, and 90s in the first several bars, and sometimes even sing all the lyrics. I can remember my phone number from the house I lived in growing up. But ask me my cell phone number, how many years I've been married, the list of 10 things I'm supposed to get from the store... nada. I like to blame it on the pregnancy and mamahood, but I don't honestly know what the reason is for being so forgetful about stuff. Well, at least I'm in good company. :-)

Lisa said...

I'm like that too. There have been plenty of times I sent someone two Christmas cards or Two thank-you notes cause I can't remember if I sent them something...

So yeah, I know what you mean. :-)

Izzy said...

Dude. I'm so with you. My retention skills are terrible!

mommy on the verge said...

I forgot that I had written a huge check, but forgot to check my balance, which was ZERO!! Yes, it's not fun to live with forgetful people!

sunshine scribe said...

Where the hell did I go to school? Instead of Shirely vomit we learned "Man Very Early Made Jars Stand Up Nearly Perpendicular". That's just stupid.

Without a list I'd probably not even remember to get dressed in the morning. List. List. List. I once had a photographic memory but since I had a kid I lost half my brain cells during breast feeding I swear .. he sucked them all out and now mama is a ditzy chick too :)

Pattie said...

Mrs. Chicky: You are not alone in the bad memory department. I call my sister frequently and I still have to look up her number!

Oh and I can never remember how old I am...

Marcie said...

Chiming in to say "me too!" I have to stop and think how old all my kids are sometimes. And many times I've put the milk back into the cupboard. DUH. I run around on auto pilot way too much.

Jess said...

Agreed-fuck a duck is now going to be brought into my daily conversation....with adults *of course* ;)
My memory is iffy. I am big on lists, but forget to look at them.
I had a Palm Pilot, but dropped it and it never came back on.
I had a day planner, but again...would forget to look at it.
I love me some stickies...and on a good (?) week will have maybe 50 stuck all over the place, including my car. ;)

Nicole said...

I used to have a very good memory. Then, I had kids. I blame it on them!

sunshine scribe said...

Congrats on being named a perfect post! Well deserved indeed :)

Kvetch said...

Look at ME in bold in your post. HA! Ok, now I'll go finish reading. And yeah, don't worry about me here in Mayberry being run around in circles by three crazy dogs. Take your time! ;-)

Ruth Dynamite said...

I find myself saying, "Oh...right" about a million times a day. Like, "Oh...right, it's a weekday. That means you have school" or "Oh...right, you have a field trip today and I'm the chaperone." I'm right there with you, Mrs. Chicky.

Carrcakes said...

You are not alone. I recently received an email from a very upset friend. Apparently she has sent me five emails that I have yet to respond to. Things just slip our minds, we can't help it. Fuck the duck, I love it. I laughed out loud.

Mama C-ta said...

I used to think my memory was bad until I noticed how horrible my husband's is lately. He's clearly tuning me out. Don't blame him!

At least you remember that the date is even on the inside of your band!

Binky said...

Thank you for reminding me that there are about 5 calls I should be making right now. Of course, I'll just keep reading blogs. That's how it goes.

Kevin Charnas said...

I was going to write something here...but now, I've forgotten what I wanted to say.

amen.

MommaK said...

My wedding anniversary is August 31st too!! Wow...that's cool.

I was just popping over to say congrats on your award today ;)

something blue said...

I spent 17 years growing up in the Canadian province of "Sally And Sam Kiss At The Church Hall Every Wednesday AfterNoon."

I used to think I had the memory of an elephant but now it's all slipping away or being repopulated with useless tidbits.

Tattoos are cool but you'll find more room on post it notes.

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