Thursday, May 31, 2007

Go, Speed Racer

I got pulled over by a police officer the other day for speeding. It's been forever since I last got pulled over by a cop because since becoming a mother I've gotten pokey in my driving. It's not like I have anywhere especially important to get to in a hurry. Play group? Pssh. If I'm late that's just a few minutes less I have to pretend to care about where little Timmy's mom got those fabulous organic crackers she brought for snack time.

Yeah, the playgroup thing. It's wearing thin. Thankfully it's almost summer and soon I won't have to deal with all that, at least until fall. I'll deal with the dread then.

What was my point?

Oh, yeah. Me. Surly police officer. Toddler in the back seat asking, "Who dat? Who dat, Mama? Who DAT??". Flashing blue lights. Less than 400 yards away from my house. Good times.

And did I mention that my mother in law was about fifteen minutes away? Or that I still hadn't fed my kid her dinner? Or the dogs theirs? And that I had to be at work in less than an hour?

So I was a-speeding.

Yes, the normally pokey little Mrs. Chicky was putting the pedal to the metal - I can admit that - because I had less than an hour to take my kid with me to make copies for my class and get back home. You would think that after the last fiasco at the copy place I wouldn't have procrastinated this long. But you if you thought that you obviously don't know me too well. I am the Queen of Procrastination. The High Sovereign of the land of Dilly, Dally, and Dawdle.

(But this trip did go 100% better than the last. Why? Rice cakes and a stroller. Who knew?)

The officer who pulled me over told me I was going 45 in a posted 30 MPH zone. Which was crap - that was the jackass who was riding my ass who pulled off onto another street just as the cop hit his blues - but who was I to argue?

So there we sat, me trying to explain to Chicky what was going on while trying not to look at the clock, waiting for the officer to deliver my sentence. The minutes ticked away.

Okay, don't have time to make her chicken for dinner. Alright, now I won't have time to make mac and cheese. Well, maybe I'll have time to make her a hot dog, but no vegetables. Fine, I'll just throw some Cheerios on the floor and let Chicky and the dogs have at it.

All that waiting and he gave me a warning. A warning! Hurrah! (But, c'mon, wtf. He made me wait all that time for a warning) Now I'll let you, gentle reader, decide why Officer McGrumpy only gave me a warning:

a. His computer wasn't working so he didn't know that I was wanted in three states.
b. He liked that I was wearing a Red Sox cap - yes, I live in that thing - and felt a kinship with a fellow member of Red Sox Nation.
c. The dumb blonde Gee, Officer, I didn't know I was speeding hee hee act worked like a charm.
d. He thinks moms, especially those who don't care enough to do their own hair, are hot.
e. He saw the police sticker (given to me by my FIL, the retired Lieutenant) in my window.

I don't really know why he didn't give me a ticket, though I suspect it was probably E, all I know is that as soon as he was out of sight I hauled ass back home (I know, I know) and got Chicky some food just as my MIL pulled up in front of my house. Crisis barely averted. I promise, next time I won't wait so long before having to get to the copy store. Unless my loyal subjects decide to make me the high priestess of Shilly-Shally and Stall. I bet I wouldn't have to worry about playgroup then.


Pendullum said...

My husband got pulled over with my daughter in the back...and my kid just started to cry... She started to wail, her daddy, her daddy was going to jjjjjaaaaaaail!!!!!!
My Daddy is a a verrrrryy Baaaaddddd Boooyyyy!

The cop gave him the ticket...(But my husband was more miffed at the fact that he was not speeding and the cop misread the speed limit... So he had to calm my daughter , after to the cop left as there was no consoling her with the cop there,tell her the officer was wrong...And he had to go to court to fight the ticket...) Good times!~

Avalon said...

You don't think it was the nervous breakdown you had in the car?? The wailing and keening about " My MIL is coming.....the kid, the dogs, the cleaning.......YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND". It wasn't that?

I guess I'll go with E then.

Anonymous said...

It's always a nice feeling getting only a warning for a speeding ticket. LOL, but the waiting... enough to drive a person (more) nuts!

Glad you beat the MIL to the house!

J. A. Blackburn said...

at least you only got a warning, although it sounds like the waiting was punishment enough. I need to get me one of those Police stickers for my car!!!

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Avalon - freaking out about the inconsequential is something I do mainly on my blog. I'm pretty sure he didn't have a clue about my horrible plight.

metro mama said...

Yep, probably E. Could have been worse, he could have held you up AND ticketed you!

Anonymous said...

I got pulled over for speeding with 3 kids in the van last year. We were singing along to the CARS soundtrack and I got pinched! My son was SO tickled - MOMMY! We've never gotten stopped by a POLICEMAN before!"

Shuddup kid. $300. later!


Anonymous said...

Now I'm jealous. I got pinched by the coppers while trying to get home before my husband arrived home from work. (So he wouldn't know that I don't spend all my time folding laundry and scrubbing toilets...Suckah!)

Ahem. I had Bug in the back (yes, this was a while ago) and he was CRANKY.

The cop took his sweet ass time, nailed me for 200 smackers and to add insult to injury, told me to hurry up and go home to feed my kid.

No lie. HURRY UP. After he snagged me for speeding.

And then he offered my son a lollipop.


Sarahviz said...

I'm still stuck on the organic crackers. As in, not colored goldfish? Whoa.

We need to have our own playgroup, Mrs. Chicky. With wine. And only non-organic products.

Magpie said...

Yes, playgroup with wine and Cheez Doodles! I've never gotten a speeding ticket; my husband is dying for it to happen because he has gotten rather a lot of them (as have both of his parents and one sister, it runs in the family)!

Trena said...

Glad to know I'm not the only one that is less than enthused with the playgroup idea. Luckily Owen is still young enough that I don't feel too badly in not actively seeking out a group--in another six months though...
Guess I better start developing a taste for organic crackers now.

OhTheJoys said...

I'm glad you didn't get the ticket, but dying to know how your daughter fared against to dogs in the fight for the cheerios.

Jennifer said...

Nice job weezling out of the ticket! Glad crisis was narrowly averted.

Unknown said...

Why? You wanna know WHY? You live in MA. They NEVER give out moving violations unless you've had 6 DUIs and just killed some nun in a sidewalk. They always give out warnings. Why do you THINK there are so many Massholes on the road.

FWIW, I've gotten warnings for driving an unregistered car with an out-of-state license 3 years after I moved here. That's how silly it is.

Julie Pippert said...

Congrats on the averted crisis...a warning, woo hoo!

You should also feel damn lucky all Chicky said was Who dat? ;)

In my house, the two year old would win the Cheerios on the floor contest, edging out the two cats, dog, and older sister. Who are your odds on?

Her Bad Mother said...

I LURVE that you're a speed racer. Penelope Pitstop, maybe?

flutter said...

ooooooh dear. The wonders of barely squeaking out of a ticket

Anonymous said...

E. It's part of the code. I have deserved many, many tickets in the last few years, but have got zero. Yayaya, I know. the injustices in the world. But I don't get tickets. And I'm grateful. So, if you mentioned your FIL who was a LT, then you were off scott free! :-)

Damselfly said...

Ooh, lucky one. Maybe it was F, all of the above?

Just how do you explain the police to a toddler?

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Same thing happened to me not 1/4 mile from my house---I was going 40 in a 25 MPH zone (25?!?!? WTF, who drives 25???!!!). Glad you also just got a warning.

Janean said...

Hey! Who CARES what the reason is? You skipped! AWESOME.

I got two tickets in ONE WEEK last summer. Had to do with the fact that I got my new little red hot rod. And the fact that I have a lead foot. BIGTIME.

So I wrote one court WAAAAY over in East state and I told them I couldn't pay. THey said "Ok, just don't get a ticket for six month and we'll write it off."
They didn't know I had just gotten one FIVE days before. ;P


I'm trying to behave myself now.

ewe are here said...

Ooh. I'd take the warning any day. I got pulled over for (supposedly) rolling through a stop sign just a couple of weeks before I moved to the UK. The cop lectured me -he was not very nice about it, probably because I was convinced he was wrong and I said so- but did let me off with a warning.

wayabetty said...

I too have a "lead foot" and the hubbie calls me Mario, as in the race driver. But I'm not going to jinx myself here. We probably get one while rushing to the hospital to give birth this week some time.

All I can say is that you're lucky it wasn't a...woman cop!!