Sunday, May 06, 2007

Blue Roses

I'm not a hypochondriac. It's hard to be one when you're afraid of the doctor. But I suppose I have as many hypochondriac-like tendencies as the next person who has lost a loved one to cancer at a young age. Which is to say, I fucking freak out whenever I'm hit with some strange affliction that I wasn't expecting, but then I hide in my room and refuse to let my husband coerce me into going to my primary care physician. I just don't want to know, Doc. Save your sympathetic look and let me die of pleurisy in peace. Preferably on a chaise lounge, with my lap covered with a warm blanket, as I sit on a veranda overlooking a tranquil lake in the south of France.

So, as you can see I never give a second thought to any illness I may have contracted. But a couple of days ago the cough I had just gotten over came back. Along with the hacking cough (And the phlegm! Oh, the phlegm.) I'm extremely tired and I have lower back pain - which is different from the usual back pain I'm constantly plagued with. I know my body pretty well and this cough does not follow any predictable pattern of sickness that I've had in the past. After my last trip to the doctor, and how unconcerned she was with the illness that knocked me on my ass for a week, I'm not going back to have her ask me the same questions only to discount all my answers. I'd rather treat myself with plants I find in my backyard. I hear dandelion tea is good for what ails you. That's what my grandfather used to say. He's dead now, but still...

(Ooh, death humor. You're not laughing, are you? Thought so.)

I'm not going to go on, bitching and moaning about being sick, but have any of you had anything like this? Could this be allergies or something? I know as I get older (oh, how it pains me to say that. Older. Shudder.) I'm more susceptible to spring allergies and pollen. But, good lord, this cough is beating me down. Another day of this and I'm going to start sounding like Harvey Fierstein and I kind of need my voice to get through the day. My kid doesn't know the sign for "Take that nasty chew toy out of your mouth and give it back to the dog".

I'm starting to feel so poorly that I couldn't even care less about Roger Clemens, Anti-Christ. That should tell you how bad off I am right now.

I'm bypassing a visit to WebMD all together and going straight to my biggest source of information. You. You've helped me out in the past* so I have high hopes for this solution. No pressure, I'm just putting my life in your hands. That's all.

So, give it to me straight. How much longer do I have?

*Sorry for the poor follow-up. You guys gave me some great advice when I asked about what I should wear into the desert. At the hoe-down I passed on the cowboy hat and boots - a lot of others didn't, but they should have - and wore a cargo skirt from Banana Republic and a top from Target (bad picture. bad, bad picture). And wouldn't you know, the skirt kept me from being able to get my picture taken on the fake bucking bull. Aw, shucks.

The night of the dinner in the desert I wore flax colored linen pants and a silk top like this one (although, mine was had a brownish-grayish pattern). I was neither under dressed or over dressed. Oh, and I wore wedge heels. Screw the people who said that women should wear flat shoes. First of all, we weren't hiking in the freaking desert, we were sitting down for dinner. And second, you should have seen some of the heels that some of the other women wore. I don't know where the hell they thought they were going but from the imprints in the dirt you could see just where they had been.


Her Bad Mother said...

Oh, I so know how you feel. Not at the moment, but I've been there. When I had my chest pains, I thought that I was a goner.

You've got a long, long time ahead of you, only some of which will be spent sick and tired.


Her Bad Mother said...

Oh, almost forgot - could just be post-viral infection. I had a cough that lingered for WEEKS and that's what my doctor told me. Weakened respiratory system, from viruses, just kinda stays sicky for a while. Very normal.

Also, for me, spring allergies just wreak havoc on my respiratory system. I can feel sick for weeks without allergy meds.

Wendy said...

I just come off of a 6 week bout of allergies, at least that is what the 2 doctors I went to never said but hinted to. It sucked. I didnt have any back pain or cough, though. Mainly, it was headaches in the middle of my head, sore throat, eyepressure and a feeling of wanting to die or just lay down and never wake up again.

Any lower back pain I have had (mine will come on suddenly and be very painful, making it hard to walk) was cure with a trip to the back doctor (you know what I am talking about, please dont make me spell it). A couple of adjustments and I am fine.

Hope you are better soon. I hate doctors, too, because they think they know everything. However, I need to get the meds to knock out the sickness. A necessary evil in my book.

P.S. I thought for sure that my headache was due to the tumor growing in my head. I was mentally writing my good-bye letters the whole time.

karengreeners said...

what? no gingham?

feel better cowgirl.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

good lord. feel better! i hate illness but particlarly the lingering mystery ones drive me nuts.

i swear.

motherbumper said...

Yes, whatever it is, it's going around and around and around and bad. I really do feel for you. I still have this "come outta nowwhere" choking cough that makes me lose control of bodily functions (ok, I haven't messed myself... yet) and it's been weeks I tell you, WEEKS. You are going to live and I've found that lemon ginger tea has been helping. Mind you, I've had to pee a gazillion times a day but oh so worth it. Take care Mrs. Chicky.

Lawyer Mama said...

Well, I was coughing like that and then it turned into a dry hacking cough and my husband finally dragged me to the doctor at gunpoint. Turned out I have bronchitis. Great fun.

Like Motherbumper, I've practically been mainlining tea and that does help. But, yeah, a lot of time wasted in the bathroom.

Hope you feel better soon! There's nothing worse than a cough that keeps you awake at night.

Kevin Charnas said...

Oh Mrs. Chicky, I'm sorry to hear this...

As I grow older (and better...although my body is falling apart), I'm developing more allergies, which are taking on weird forms. Nothing really cool, like Jasmine pollen making my penis grow to extraordinary lengths and girths, but more like - certain food allergies have developed and they're in the form of coughing and sneezing profusely. I never knew that food allergies (even gluten, which is in everything, just about) could do such things.

All of a sudden, I can't drink milk, or eat much cheese. If I eat too much dairy (barely any), I'm wheezing like I have lung disease.

And also perfumes, colognes, candle scents, they're knocking me down and spankin' my ass.

Allergies can be REALLY weird. So, it may be food related? I dunno. Just trying to help.

I'll tell you who really helped me was Satan.

Seriously, I went to see an M.D. who was also a Homeopathic doctor. He had an understanding of both worlds and was more evolved in his approach. He really helped.

Kevin Charnas said...

And I hope that you feel better RIGHT NOW!!!

I'm sending you my best.

Julie Pippert said...

Kudos on slipping in the Tennesee Williams ref!

Listen, someday if you want I'll go all hypochondriac and link you to my sad health post about a year ago on my blog.

I went from Mostly Normal to Terrifyingly Allergic to everything (I take zantac every day to reduce allergic reactions, like anaphylactic kids can't eat peanuts or they might kill me sheesh louise it's pitiful).

Learned a lot about health in the last year.

Anywho...lingering cough like that from a chest infection can be temporary "asthma." Has your doc does the respiratory test?

Sometimes just a short stint of meds will clear it up quickly.

But I'm no MD and don't play one on the internet.

Go follow-up. Get well.

And feel better!

It stinks to be sick! Sorry!

SUEB0B said...

Is it a barking cough? Then it is allergies.

Tuesday Girl said...

Have we been seperated at birth? I am so scared of doctors, and test results and hospitals (oh my!) since my Father died of cancer at age 52 after being diagnosed with cancer 6 weeks earlier.

As for Clememns well my husband is in mourning.

Major Bedhead said...

I've had a cough for weeks, too. Just the lingering affects of a sinus infection and head cold.

This is gross, but what colour is the goop you're coughing up? Clear is ok, green-ish, yellow-ish is not good and you should go back to the doctor-that-sucks.

What worries me even more than the cough and the back pain is the total non-caring about Clemens. Seriously, get yourself checked out for that one. Pretty soon you'll be forgiving Johnny Damon and wondering why we don't acquire Alex Rodriguez. And that way, madness lies.

Feel better. Get the good cough medicine, the kind they keep behind the counter.

mommiebear2 said...

Im totally going to suggest allergies. I get this horrible hackin like I have been smoking for 50 years cough with my allergies. I hoe that you feel better soon.

Blog Antagonist said...

I'm a chronic doctor avoider as well, and I usually have to convince myself that I'm at death's door before I'll actually go. Husband was very sick about a month ago, and just would not get better.

I had to finally drag his ass into the urgent care clinic by force (he was too weak to fend me off by that time) and he had all kinds of infections. Sinus infection, upper respiratory infection, you name it.

He got two kinds of antibiotics, steroids, flonase and some cough syrup with, I mean codeine in it.

He was feeling a bzillion times better after only two doses of meds.

Go to the doctor, get some antibiotics and get better!!

Unknown said...

Allergies. It's a really bad season here for allergies. Symptoms include, but are not restricted to:

phlegm blobs the size of boulders
coughing that similates TB
backache from popping ribs while coughing
headache that feels like top of head is coming off while coughing
sinuses filled with cement
sore throat from dripping phlegm
every bone in body aches from being ripped apart by coughing.

Sound familiar? Yeah.

Get yourself just about every possible for allergies and sit back and enjoy the rest of spring. Heh. It sucks, doesn't it.

But look on the bright side. We don't have to pay 28 million bucks for a fat, nasty primadonna, right? Yankees suck.

Girlplustwo said...

i don't know, chick..i think the clemens news is making you sick. i really do. it's so stupid, i'm sick.

seriously, friend. am worried for you, only because i want you to be well.

so be well already.

Creative-Type Dad said...

Buy a giant bubble and move in. That's my advice. I'm actually in one now...

Feel better!

S said...

I've had a rough time with allergies over the last few weeks:

chronic sore throat
post-nasal drip that does not stop

That said, hie thee to a doctor, girl, because what if your symptoms do require antibiotics?


wayabetty said...

Oh, I had this nagging cough that lasted for weeks and couldn't take anything since I'm pregnant, and not to forget the leakages due to all the coughing too!! The hubbie had it too and he got some prescription cough med from the doc and it was cleared up in a day or two.

Hope you'll feel better very very soon!

Binky said...

You didn't ride the bull?!?!?

I am so disappointed in you ;)

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, you're sick, I'm sick... well, together we could infect the free world...Bwhahaha!

I hope you get better soon. This infection has been kicking my ass and I couldn't imagine having to take care of a young child while ill.

Me, I just ring a bell and have Fric and Frac serve me. Gotta love having little slaves, I mean, a nine and ten year old.

Radioactive Tori said...

The new backache is probably from the coughing, don't you think? However, I would see a doctor. I am not one to scare people on purpose/unnecessarily, but when I thought I just had a nagging cold, I really had thyroid cancer. Just saying...I can't sit here and watch you avoid doctors and not mention that. I am definitely not saying I think you have cancer, but maybe you need an antibiotic to kick this thing for good?

Hope you feel better soon!

Kyla said...

Feel better. If it doesn't clear up soon, go ahead and make the dreaded trek to the doctor. You never want to ignore something that lingers.

Em said...

Oh you have reached a new level of desperation if you are asking ME for health advice. I avoid doctors when possible and use Advil to cure all my ills.

Jill Urbane, The Mentor Mom said...

Sounds familiar. I had all those symptoms. I finally couldn't take it any more (only because I was unable to taste food...that's where I draw the line) and went to the doctor only to be told I had bronchitis and a sinus infection. Seven power pills later and I was a new woman. Hope you feel better soon :)

Kara said...

A desert spider crawled in your ear while you were poolside (you didn't notice at time because of all the fake boobies) and you are incubating a mutant desert spider army in your lumbar region.

Once they hatch and take over the western suburbs, you wanna hit the bars?

Ruth Dynamite said...

Definitely sounds like bird flu.

Ruth Dynamite said...

KIDDING! I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's just that you're "Mrs. Chicky" and all. I couldn't help myself. Sorry.

It's probably allergies.

Be well. Take it easy. Drink some tea with honey (that always helps) and eat some chocolate (that can't hurt).

Anonymous said...

Whatever went around this year did that to me too...I was so worn out from being sick, I almost forgot what it was like to feel well...Nightly shots of nyquil helped, but it just had to go away on it's own...sorry Mama!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I should have to get a prescription before I go to Web MD. It seriously makes me nuts. I'm convinced I have COPD right now and am ready to start typing my will.

BTW, there is a very weird strep that was going around---I never had a fever but just felt exhausted all the time. (this doesn't really explain the cough, but thought I'd mention it). Feel better!!!

Amie Adams said...

You're not even upset about The Rocket? Wow! You must feel bad.

I have the same cough (see we Yankee/Sox fans can have something in common). If we're dying I don't want to know. But maybe they can have a memorial service for us at BlogHer.

Hope you're better soon!

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