Friday, May 08, 2009

I hate Mother's Day and I don't think I'm the only one

I hate Mother's Day.

There, I said it. I hate this damn "holiday". I hate being reminded that my mom isn't around anymore. I hate every PR pitch about it that finds its way into my inbox (but I do take a perverse satisfaction out of deleting each and every one without even opening them. Take that, suckas.). I hate the media blitz surrounding this upcoming Sunday. I hate the television commercials with the happy smiling family and the "You rock, Mom!" recordable greeting cards. I hate going into a Hallmark store and being assaulted with colorful drawings of tulips and sappy sentimental reminders to "Remember Mom!!" with multiple exclamation points. I even hate the exclamation points because they're associated with the sentiment. And I generally like exclamation points. But this week I'd like to forget that bit of punctuation exists.

Yeah, that's hate for you.

I've sat down this week to try to write at least 10 different posts about Mother's Day and they all went straight into the trash after the first few painful lines. I've tried to write one post in particular, even working on four or five drafts of a story I feel needs to be written, only to put it aside to revisit at another, less brittle time. Mostly I've just skulked around the internet or avoided it, and other forms of communication, all together until I can act less like a person you'd like to jab with a pointy stick. That should happen sometime on Monday.... Maybe. I make no promises so have your pointy sticks ready just in case.

While I spent this week sighing and sulking I got to thinking - I can't be alone in my hatred for Mother's Day, can I? There must be others out there who feel the same. I cannot believe I'm the only one because, dude, that would be bad.

So I decided to start an online I Hate Mother's Day support group. Mostly to make myself feel better but also, because I love you. Yes you, over there throwing darts at that FTD florist mailer.

How about it? If you hate Mother's Day for ANY REASON let me know in the comments. And please leave your reason for hating it. Maybe your husband buys crap gifts, or no gifts at all, for you and you're pretty close to shoving him in front of a bus. Maybe your wife makes a ridiculously big deal about being honored and you'd like to shove her in front of a bus. Maybe your mother is a shrew and it kills you to suck it up and play nice for one day out of the year and you'd like to.... You know. Bus. Shove. Splat.

(All metaphorically speaking, of course. We at Chicky Chicky Baby do not endorse the shoving of loved ones in front of buses. Sub-compacts, maybe. But not buses.)

Whatever the reason, leave it here and I'll keep an ongoing link list of those (or do it anonymously, this is a safe place) who dare to say:

"I hate Mother's Day and I'm not going to take it anymore!!"

Hey there, I just used exclamation points. I must be feeling better already.

(Even if you slightly dislike Mother's Day, you can share that too. Misery meet company, company meet misery. Aw look at that, they're hitting it off already.)

-------------

Wow, who knew so many of you hated Mother's Day?

Hello to all of you who Googled "I Hate Mother's Day" and found yourself here. You're in good company so even if you don't feel like leaving a comment (and I know you're there, I can see you. Hi! *waving*), pull up a seat and grab a cup of joe (It's dark, strong and slightly bitter - just like I like my men) because there are a LOT of us.

As promised, these are the people (so far, it's not too late to join the party) who had no problem declaring their hatred for Mother's Day, not including the bunches of commenters who decided to be anonymous (Hey, they have their reasons. I don't judge.):

Misconceptions about Conception
The New Girl
Jodifur
The Redneck Mommy
Flutter
My Bliss
Outdoor Dogs
Amber
Foop

And these are the ones who are just kind of "Eh, whatever. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I have trouble deciding what I want for lunch":

Red Headed Wonder
Southern Domestic Goddess
All Things BD
A Moment Captured
KittenPie
Write From Karen
Barking Mad
Spinning Yellow
BOSSY

122 comments:

Traci said...

Chicky...found your blog a few months ago and love it. I lost my Mom 5 months ago to colon cancer and this is my first Mother's Day without her. I could care less about Mother's Day for me because I know my kids love me and I don't need an artificial day to confirm it (same way I feel about V-Day). Dag nabbit...I'm just tired of crying in the car all week!

Karen said...

I don't so much hate Mother's Day, as I was extremely disappointed in it last year. (And I'm coming at this as a new mother, not as a daughter.) Last year was my first Mother's Day, when my baby was 2 months old. At 38 years old and having wanted a baby for many many years, I was thrilled and excited about it and looking forward to being treated special.

My boyfriend/now husband put way more effort into treating his mom rather than me. (Surprised her and went to church with her and the baby, brought a corsage, and lots of gifts.) He did get me some small gifts, but they were of the kind that looked suspiciously last minute.

I tried to shrug it off, and I never told him that I was disappointed. I am grateful that his mother is close and loves to babysit and she is a dear woman, and at 80 years old won't be around forever. However, I DID make a huge deal out of Father's Day last year, so maybe he'll get the hint.

On the other hand, sleeping in is a wonderful gift, too.

As a daughter, my mom is now in a nursing home with Alzheimers, so in many ways, I no longer have her with me, so the day is bittersweet.

RHW said...

I'm in the same boat as Karen - had a 4 month old last year and was really looking forward to Mother's Day. The first few months as a mom had been difficult in several ways. All I really wanted was some validation/recognition from my husband that hadn't been forthcoming while I was pregnant or after my daughter's birth.

I didn't get it. Some pancakes and a mostly diaper changing free day. It was a big milestone for me and now the occasion seems tainted - I'm dreading Mother's Day a bit as I'm bracing myself for further disappointment.

Anonymous said...

I hate mother's day, but for reason's that are polar opposite of yours. I hate feeling obligated to honor my mother and buy her a gift because she made my life hell. Still makes my life hell. And then when I give her the ultimatum that I will not put up with her bad behavior anymore because I am 30 years old and I refuse to submit to her cruel manipulation I receive phone messages of her crying and trying to justify her behavior. She does not deserve cards or flowers or chocolates, she was never motherly to me and yet I still forked out $50 to get her a gift because its just easier to fake it than to deal with the fallout if I chose not to.

Mama Kayla said...

I love your blog...majorly. I am always so excited when you give an update. However, I can't say that I hate Mother's Day yet since this one will be the first one that I get to experience AS a mother. hehe I'll let you know how it goes....

Amy Sue Nathan said...

Check back with me on Father's Day when I have to share that day with my fatherless children.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I don't hate Mother's Day----I kind of like having my kids appear at my bedside with breakfast at 7am. But, hell, I'm easy to please---some coffee, pancakes and a hand-drawn card, and I'm good to go. My mom had it tough though---her mom died when she was only 5, so I always think about those people who don't have a mom to hug at this holiday.

My Father's Day is your Mother's Day b/c I miss my dad so damn much on that holiday. Thank goodness I can channel my energy into the "kids' gift" for my husband.

Sasha said...

As someone who lost their mother at age 2, its always been a meaningless day for me. I confess, that as I've gotten older a slight resentment/hatred of it has grown. Its very painful to watch TV during this period when every second ad shows a mother with her children, and knowing I never got the opportunity to do that.
Hearing what everyone else did for Mothers Day, again, can be hard. I still remember in first grade having to make a different card than all the other children because I had no mother to make a mothers day card for.
I hope that one day, perhaps when I have my own children, that it'll become a more positive experience.

S said...

I hate Mothers Day for a few reasons. First, my mother's birthday is May 2, so I am usually in the position of having to get her two presents within a very short time span. This wouldn't be so bad except that my mother is exceptionally hard to shop for.

Second, although I love my mother very much and we have a good relationship, it is not a typical "hearts and flowers," Hallmark-y type relationship. It's always been hard to find a card that "fits."

Third, though my father married his wife when I was an 18-year-old college sophomore, each year I am expected to send a card to my stepmother and call her. While I don't dislike my stepmom, I don't think of her as a mother. (Mind you, she has her own children and grandchildren, so it's not as though she'd be "forgotten" but for me.) Yet another awkward card-buying situation and an awkward phone call, too.

Finally, I am not a mother, and I hate it when people wish me a Happy Mothers Day. I've never appreciated it, and now that I have been struggling with infertility for the past several months, it's actually painful to hear.

Down with Mothers Day! It hurts many, mothers and non-mothers. We should all show our appreciation for our moms on a regular basis anyway!

Cassie said...

I don't hate mother's day, which is surprising. I used to hate it with a passion and would cry every year in school when it was time for Mother's Day crafts (my mom passed when I was 8). Also, my husband sucks at gifts and is guaranteed to either ignore the day altogether or buy me something that he actually wants. like a video game. *sigh*

All Things BD said...

I am constantly disappointed in the treatment I get on Mother's Day, especially in regard to what my husband conveys to my kids.

My solution? I DITCHED them. Bought a plane ticket to Los Angeles, and went to visit MY MOM by myself. Have fun on Mother's Day honey getting up and dealing with your children BY YOURSELF.

No, not bitter much. Happy to be away in sunny, somewhat smoky California.

the new girl said...

I so TOTALLY hate mother's day.

I'm glad that my kid isn't old enough to want to do something special for me yet. When she gets there, I'll try to buck up for her sake but until then? Meh. I hate it.

I hate it because my mom is gone, too. And that? Makes me BITTAH at those commercials and crap.

jodifur said...

I hate mothers day b/c it is always the day before or the day after or ON my b-day and I'm sorry, but can't I just have a b-day. We always celebrate my b-day AND mothers day with my whole family and I just want my own b-day damn it!

I sound like a toddler.

Mom101 said...

Oh Chicky, I am feeling for you. It's Valentine's for single people, Christmas for Jews, Arbor day for tree-haters.

I only hope that one day the kids help you reclaim the day and make it as happy was you want it.

Cate said...

right there with you, chicky.

Ericka said...

this year, it sucks. one, my grandmother just died. and two, i live 12 hours away from my mom, who is an only child. so she's trying to handle all the fun stuff, like bills and grams' house and estate by herself. dad and my brother are there, but it's different. i should be there. and i can't be and the whole thing just sucks rocks.

Redneck Mommy said...

I hate Mother's Day. Loathe it. Abhor it.

Why?

Well partly because of my own shittastic relationship with my mother.

But mostly (alright, really) because it reminds me of my son.

I was his mother.

He isn't here anymore.

And there will never be a mother's day when I don't spend the day wondering if I didn't protect him enough, care for him enough, do anything enough to change the fate of that fateful night.

How can I celebrate motherhood when one of my brood is forever gone, reminding me that in some way or another, I will always feel like I failed.

Failed at mothering him.

Fuck I hate mother's day.

kittenpie said...

I don't hate it so much as feel awkward about it because we're supposed to be all "I love you, mom" and we just don't do that in my family, and I am ambivalent about it, anyhow.

And for myself, I find it awkward, too, because what I really need is time AWAY from my family, but it seems churlish to celebrate their love for me by running away from them... so how is it different to spend a day with them? How is that somethign for me? See, churlish, right? And awkward.

flutter said...

I am a birthmom, and every damned mother's day is a reminder that I was too fucked up to keep my kid.

Becky said...

Yep - I hate Mother's Day too. My mom passed away 11 years ago next week. The last time I spoke to her was on freakin' Mother's Day. No joke. Sounds like a Lifetime movie, I know. Whah.

This weekend is always a bittersweet one. My kids want nothing more than to celebrate me - WITH me. To celebrate from Friday with all of their made at school art projects all the way to Sunday with breakfast in bed attempts (or talk of). All I want is to drink or sleep away the weekend - pretend it doesn't exist. The crappy thing is my kids deserve to celebrate - just like I want to be able to celebrate MY mom. Why can't we just ban the "holiday" completely? You are so right Chicky, it would eliminate the problem!

My husband swears he was open to instruction, so that I could have the perfect Mother's Day. Hah! Well meaning, but not possible.

Anonymous said...

i hate mother's day too. my mom died in 1985 when i was 10 years old. now i'm 34 and i don't have kids of my own...though i do want them, i just can't seem to have them. all the mother's day crap just depresses me because i have absolutely no reason to celebrate or be happy on that day. i'm sick of the tv commercials shoving the holiday down my throat every 5 minutes. i'm getting sick of all the posts from my friends who are new mothers and gearing up to celebrate. it makes me feel sick. no one thinks of the people who don't have moms anymore. no one thinks of those who desperately want kids and can't have them. i'm just going to stay in on sunday because i know that if i go out i'm going to want to punch people in the face. i can't wait for sunday to be over...and i HATE wishing my life away...

Amo said...

I have spent the last two days crying and hiding from my kids because of this stupid holiday. My mom died last October and we moved 6 hours away in December. I have honestly, never felt so alone. Couple that with my husband working 12-hour shifts, 6 days a week for the last 3 weeks and you get a pretty screwed up person.

I HATE THIS HOLIDAY. Now, more than ever.

And I can't even read the comments because I'm crying enough already.

URGGGGGH.

(I do feel a little better for the vent. Thanks.)

Lisa said...

I hate/love Mothers' Day. I hate having to "honor" a woman who hated being my mother and so never did it right. So I choose to honor her as a human being, in a small way, but I am really a motherless daughter. I love the day because of the adorable way that the littles get into making and hiding things. I love the way that the olders can express their feelings towards me. I feel proud of them and me on this day. And that's another thing. My own, never wished me a happy day. Never acknowledged that I too, had given birth. Seven times. She always acted like the day was just for her. I feel sorry for her now. But it has taken so many,many years to stop feeling sorry for me, because of her. But it's all perspective, and I got it!! God Bless all the nurturers, keep 'em strong!!

Write From Karen said...

I don't hate it, I just feel uncomfortable with it.

I'm no one special. I'm simply me - take it or leave it. I feel uncomfortable putting people in a position where they feel obligated to do something uncharacteristic, like buy me a mushy card when they wouldn't have done so otherwise. Or to feel like they have to buy me something when I'm perfectly happy not receiving anything - a simple, heartfelt "thanks mom," or "I love you mom," is all I ever really want.

I feel uncomfortable that people feel obligated to make me feel special when I should already be secure enough in myself to not NEED that validation.

I don't like being the center of attention for simply being me, or doing what I should, or need, to do. I'm a mom, that's my job. And I'm doing it the best way I know how.

But I'm lucky. My guys are fantastic. Every day is Mother's Day for me because they always make me feel appreciated. I realize that not every one is that lucky - that a lot of people like the holiday because it IS a reminder to clueless loved ones about their role in the family.

All of these holidays that put pressure on people to do something out-of-character make me uncomfortable - Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, even my birthday. It's like we're forcing our loved ones to (grudgingly) admit that we're awesome.

And we're simply ... real.

Instead of setting aside specific holidays that retailers can cheapen, perhaps we should work on making every day the best it can possibly be. Every day should be a holiday because life is precious.

But what do I know, I'm just an ordinary, boring, run-of-the-mill flawed human being. And I'm okay with that.

Wow, thanks for allowing me to get that off my chest.

Michele Horne said...

I don't hate it at all. I rather enjoy it. But, ironically, it enjoy it most when my husband takes the kids and just gives me alone time! That is the best present of all.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

I intensely dislike the dreaded question that never fails to pop up about a week before MD; "So um, what do you want for Mother's Day?" and then the pressure to go out and find me something, because I never know. Seriously, I never know how to answer that. Oiy!

Despite your hatred of the day, I'm going to go ahead and wish you....

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Anonymous said...

I hate mother's day. I have a mom that never loved me or chose me first for anything, yet when she has no other choices to choose from, expects me to drop everyting and run to her just to tell people she did something for mother's day. She has made my life hell many times over. I wish she would just leave me alone. I have no love for her. I used to feel sorry for her. Now I'm tired of feeling sorry for her. I'm a mother myself now and I try to do the opposite of everything my mom did with me so that one day, my daughter might actually know what love feels like.

Amber said...

I hate Mother's Day. I hate it much more since I had my own children. Because now I am balancing my expectations, my mother's expectations, AND my mother-in-law's expectations. None of which are remotely met. So everyone ends up feeling unappreciated and angry.

I also seriously dislike the way that motherhood is romanticized on Mother's Day. Moms are held up like perfect angels who give and give and give and never expect anything in return. You know what? I don't want to be that person, or that mom. And I don't want to be made to feel guilty for that. If my children fail to compose odes to my maternal perfection, that's fine with me because I will at least have my sanity left.

I will take my sanity over a stupid commercial holiday any day of the week.

Lori at Spinning Yellow said...

I don't like Mother's Day because I feel torn between doing what I want as a mom and doing what my mom wants. Who's holiday is it, anyway? And, I never know what to do about my MIL, either. Do I send her a card, too? Someone always feels slighted.

furiousBall said...

I just love my Mom.

foop said...

I hate Mother's Day just like I hate all contrived, Hallmark holidays. I ESPECIALLY hate mother's day because I am divorced and society doesn't seem to remember that single mom's exist. All of the marketing images of happy, smiling, well groomed MARRIED moms and dads make me want to storm a greeting card board room with a whole basket of pointy sticks.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Ah, that felt good).

Katie said...

I'm not a fan. It's too much pressure 'do what YOU want' but who's going to do what my mother wants and my MIL? If we don't do what she plans we don't see her then I have guilt. Why me and not her son? He did try to plan something with her and his brothers but she's too busy THEN can't we do something like. . . at 6PM when I just want to lay on the couch and be glad the day is over?

kgirl said...

I'll be writing this post come father's day.

BOSSY said...

Bossy is not a fan of Mother's Day either. Fer christsake.

Mom of a crazy 17-month-old said...

Chicky, that's been my nickname too since I was a baby and had peach-fuzz hair. Great nickname. It makes me warm and fuzzy any time a family member uses it.

I found your blog by googling "I hate Mother's Day".

Thanks for your thoughts. I liked reading all the comments too. The whole thing made me feel better.

Anonymous said...

MD is the worst day. I'm 34, happily married, but have no babies, & no hope for one. ALL my co-workers do nothing but talk about their kids all day long. My 98-year old grandma died last September, so this will be my 1st moms day without her. MY mom & my mom-in-law do nothing but ask, on a daily basis, why they aren't grandparents yet, & my husband won't even discuss the option of having a child--he is too selfish--self admitted. So WHY do we have to celebrate mom's day? Who knows. Maybe if I liked my own mom, I wouldn't mind. But really, the thought of a day that seems to be specifically engineered to feel like I knife right through my heart is well, just that. I'm glad I'm not alone in hating mom's day. To all the mom's out there who love their kids, good for you. To all those women out there who like to say things like, "you wouldn't understand unless you had a child of your own", I hope you choke on your crappy mothers day cake.

Teeeeenuuhhh Ayeee said...

Hey whoever blogs here at Chicky Chicky Baby,
I just googled I hate Mother's Day and came to your thing.
I lost my mom last year to domestic violence from my dad, now i'm in foster care and hate my dad for doing that to my mommy. I'm pissed. Glad to know other people are as fucking sick of this holiday as I am, for whatever reasons they may have. I know there are so many people out there who love getting a chance to celebrate their mom's, because I know I used to be one of them, so I can't totally bitch out this holiday, but I know I hate it for personal reasons.

Whatever your blog humored me and made me feel less alienated, so thanks:)

Surfergirl said...

I hate mother's day, not because of my Mom. She is great! It is because of my Ex and his mother.
I have two boy who are teenagers when we were going through our divorce, we got a divorce because he was abusive to me, he wanted me to be like his mother... I always said he should have married her instead of me. BUT, I wanted to be nice and let the boys go visit their father. OF course at the time I had no money, just getting out of a marriage where my ex did not want me to work I had just gotten a job, when I left he drained all checking and saving accounts, so it left me struggleing. Oh well, that is another story. When the kids got there my ex and his mother showered them with all kinds of gifts and money, so the kids called me and told me that they have decided to live with my ex and his mother. So now I face every mothers day with hurt and tears . I absolutly HATE this day. My kids don't even have the courtesy to call their mom on Mothers day. I am the one who spent hours up with them making sure they were okay when they were sick. I was the one who took them to their ball games, wiped their tears, listening to their break ups and heart aches.I guess all of that does not count when you do not have the money your ex does. I will be so glad when they finally get out on their own and see the truth of all the BS that my ex and his mother are not all that they seem to be. They are just really mean people, and I truly think that my youngest is starting to see this now and my oldest does not really care as long as they give him all that he wants.

It's okay though, whatever comes around goes around.

I hope she has a great day pretending to be the mother of mine and my ex husbands children.
she messed up so bad on her two kids she needs to use mine to make up for the mistakes.
I get my kids all summer so hopefully they will see the light this summer. If not I guess I will spend another year in tears.

Thanks for the support group. I sure needed this, this morning. Even if no one reads all of this it is great to just let it out.

Anonymous said...

Thanks everybody for posting and expressing your thoughts! One thing I'm realizing from reading what you have to say is that we all have it in some peaceful part of us to make ourselves feel better if we just accept that what we are feeling is true for us.

OregonMom said...

Here is it is...My mother punished us endlessly when we did not meet her expectations on MD.

I have raised biological, step and adopted children. Each one seems to have a different outlook on what they should do on MD. I have no expectations and sometimes they surprise me and sometimes they make me weep with sadness.

This year tends to be more on the weepy side. Obviously, if I am searching "I hate Mother's Day" things are not going that well.

I seem to love and enjoy my life every other day...this one is just creates anxiety.

Ree said...

Mother's Day to me means having to eat another far-to-fattening breakfast AND call my mother who I just spent 3 hours with yesterday for no reason.

It means that I get accused of double-dipping because my birthday is so close to the 2nd Sunday in May.

I can take it or leave it. I'm not my husband's mother and my kid is a sweetie any day of the year.

Amanda said...

Meh, kind of annoyed with it.

iluvmerengue said...

I HATE, HATE, HATE Mother's day!!! I actually wanted to know if others did too so I did a search.

I'm having another rotten one, this time not because my 2 (adult children) forgot it, it's because they have never given me what really matters to me: consideration, understanding, real love in other words. On top, my mother died last August and even though our relationship was not the best, at least we did care about each other.

My children and I have not had a good relationship for a number of years, they like to put all the blame on me because in recent years (during which I've been sick and depressed) I've ran out of patience and have been "telling it like it is" and sometimes during an argument I've gotten carried away by my anger and said hurtful words, BUT what about all those year during which I was very loving and sacrificial, bringing them up as a low-income single mother btw? And even now, helping in any way I can?

I actually ended up sick due to too much stress while working, studying (to try to give them a better life which wasn't to happen...) and doing everything, with hardly any help from them in the way of chores and no "support circle" since my family lived far away. Heck, other teenagers would go and get a little job to help with their expenses but mine were "too good" for McDonalds or the places that would actually hire them, so they didn't work until after high school and then wanted to use all the money on themselves even if I was struggling (but I put my foot down and demanded a little help).

There's been years they've forgotten MD completely or remembered at the last minute and given me some leftover crap they found at Walgreen's. The only times I got anything worthwhile was when my daughter finally "got it" and began asking me beforehand what I needed. Were it not for the fact that they are very liberal spending on themselves or when they have to buy gifts for their friends, I'd never even expect anything from them but to show me they love me and today I returned their gifts because I refuse to settle for less than what I need and I feel brokenhearted.

I know that won't really make things better but at this point I don't care. Every time I see those women "dying" to have a child I'd like to tell them that sometimes, no matter how good a mother you are, motherhood is more pain than joy. I fear that all they're thinking about is that cute helpless baby and the little children who adore their Mom.

Mine did, I still have their hand-made cards to prove it. But now that I'm less than perfect, can't work or live a normal life I guess I'm no the mother they wish they had. Well, guess what even if they're "good" generally speaking, they're NOT the children I wish I had so it goes both ways!

Ah, and with their father having been a deadbeat who opted to completely disappear from their lives 8 years ago, I actually feel they should've treated me special also on Father's Day!

P.S. Surfergirl, I DO feel your pain, wish you lived in FL, we could be friends!

Jennifer said...

I hate Mother's Day because unless your husband was raised by a mother who actually taught him to be a thoughtful person, we get no gifts. I made my own breakfast and dinner yesterday. BUT, when Father's Day rolls around, you better believe I make sure the girls have taken care of him and shown him their appreciation of him! No cake or anything for me. That's ok, no one is home today and I can go buy my own cake and eat the whole damn thing myself!!!!

Spring B. said...

I dreaded this Mother's Day. DREADED it. I cried everyday last week; Friday & Saturday brought on the sobbing, I can't breathe, cries, which are far worse than the silent tears. This was my first Mother's Day without my mom and it's strange to realize, yet again, that she's no longer here and it sucks donkey balls (which she would smack me for saying). Granted, the day wasn't as horrible as I expected, but still, HATED it. I will say that my husband tried to make it better; I just wish I could explain to him that he can't. Unless he can bring her back to me, it's not going to be better. Thanks for this post and for making me realize I'm not alone in my hatred for the day.

Assertagirl said...

At times, I've hated how Mother's Day is loaded with a huge sense of obligation. This year my mom lives out in another province so there was less expectation that I'd "out-do" last year. A simple card and a phone call seemed to make my mom happy.

Anonymous said...

I freaking hate Mother's Day and Father's Day too. If a person is special or celebrated then it applies to every day of life, not on some contrived day. It also creates an expectation of performance out of me and everyone else. Another opportunity for me or others to fall short at something. Complete crap. I hate these days from a child's point of view and also from the perspective of a parent.

Stephanie said...

I'm suprised more women aren't saying they hate Mother's Day because they don't or can't have kids. That's why I hate it. Moms are not more special than regular women! When is Women-Who-Want-To-Be-A-Mother-More-Than-Anything-Day-But-Are-Too-Ugly-To-Get-Married Day??

Debs said...

I seriously dislike Mothers day. there are a few reasons. One is that my birthday falls on Mothers day every few years. the other is rather depressing so i wont put it here.

catherine said...

I hate Mother's Day because i) it was my very unhappily married parent's wedding anniversary as well and therefore was one of those damned-if-you-do-and-bloody-well-damned-if-you-don't kind of days AND ii) because my first Mother's Day my daughter was two weeks old and my husband left that afternoon for THREE months of field work in Northern Ontario.

Chickenbells said...

I don't hate Mother's Day all the way, but only because I've always wanted kids (and don't have any yet and still holding out for the dream) and in my family, we celebrate it as more of a female recognition day...

I do HATE a comment left on a social site by a "friend" that said, " I want to wish all My friends that are mothers a Blessed day May God!! Bless you!!! It's awesome when God allows you to partake in creation!!!!!!!!!!!" Which made me feel very NOT awesome because apparently I'm not special enough to have God "LET" me participate in creation...

And I always thought I was creative.

Anonymous said...

I hate mothers day too! And birthdays, but that is another post!

I haven't seen my mother, in approximately 15 years on mothers day. (there was once a long time ago, but can't remember the details...)

I used to have to HOST the festivities for my Mother in law every year, and stress out about what to buy her, but she is not, nor will she ever be, my mother! I don't buy my mother things, that's just not the way we do it!

I hosted, planned, cooked, bought groceries, cleaned for the event, and no one would even bother to help clean up afterwards. So after beating my head against a wall for about 7 years, I stopped hosting!

Now we still go, but someone else hosts, usually my mother in law herself, because no one in that family will have it at their place! But this year, I gave my mother in law the gift that I bought myself for mothers day, because my husband doesn't buy me anything! So she has MY GIFT, and I have nothing but guilt for not buying her something, for thinking that husband should be buying her something, for buying her something too cheap, for not buying her something, every year it is a different guilt, but guilt none the less, and so I hate the occasion all together! I HATE spending the day with her, resentful that I don't ever get the CHANCE to spend it with mine! I see my parents about 5-6 times a year, and my in laws way too often!

I want no stresses about mothers day, fathers day, or birthdays!

Anonymous said...

I Googled "I Hate Mother's Day" and found you! Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!

I joined the ranks of the Mother's Day haters twenty years ago when my mom died of cancer. Every MD is a horrible reminder that she is gone.
Adding to my anguish was my desire to have a child of my own. Now that I'm in my 40's it's not even possible anymore. That makes it
truly hurtful when people wish me a Happy Mother's Day.

Anonymous said...

I also hate Mother's Day. It's a constant reminder of the pain my mother caused over the years, the fact that she is somewhere, likely on a diet of alcohol and self-loathing, and without her kids because she destroyed everything beautiful in her life. I am sad for her, I am sad for my brother and I am sad for myself and especially sad for my kids.
Every Mother's Day I think of her for days and it consumes me and makes me miserable, depressed and incredibly sad.

courtney said...

I'm late to the game, but I'm also a serious hater of mother's day. Lame holiday. I lost my mom at 14, got yelled at by my stepmom for not honoring her on mother's day at 16 and have generally hated it ever since then. This year was my first mother's day as a mother myself and I was all amped thinking it was going to be awesome and finally not so shit-tastic. Then my mother-in-law, who throws a big bbq bash every year for the day, decided she was tired of hosting and she wasn't doing anything at all. Gee. Thanks. Assholes.

BOSSY said...

Not so fast, Bossy always knows what she wants for lunch. Food. Lots.

Anonymous said...

I hate Mother's Day because I was supposed to be a mother by now and I married someone who was never ready and by the time he was ready, a miscarriage and radioactive iodine treatment later and the window was closed for me. I knew we waited too long and I spent 15 of my last reproductive years with someone who just didn't get it.

I feel less than invisible on Mother's Day, like if you are not a mother, you are defective and somehow less than every other woman who is. I feel the pain of it 364 days of the year only 1000x worse on that day.

I found this site from last year's Mother's Day because even though it is only February, I am already dreading and hating Mother's Day.

Anonymous said...

ok...so..today is mothers day and before i started to read this i hated mothers day, hence why ive ended up on this website. My mum died 2 and half yrs ago very suddenly and I dont think I will ever get over it. The more I read everyones posts, the more it saddens me, I now feel guilty for even thinking that I hate mothers day. My mummy was an amazing woman and how could I ever hate her? I now dont think that its mothers day that I hate, its all the crap and fuss up to it that I hate. I work in retail and every where I go in the shopping centre, it is plastered in things to do with mothers day. Every channel I switch on, it is advertising mothers day...what about those who dont have their mothers? they clearly dont understand? Even my own friends and boyfriend dont understand? 1 friend has text me and my bf hasnt even asked if im ok? maybe im bein selfish and stupid but today is actually SHIT!!!

Anonymous said...

I hate mother's day! One should not assume every mother is June Cleaver and therefore deserving of gifts and praise.
Some mothers hated being mothers and spend their entire lives letting their children know how their very existance has ruined Momma's life.
My mother was the eptiome a neglectful, unloving, abusive, sorry excuse for a parent.
No folks, don't just assume because someone gave birth to children they deserve to be celebrated. It just aint so!

Anonymous said...

I feel exactly the way the anonymous poster from 4/22 does. My mother was pure evil and she made my life a living hell. My first memory is of having to come to her to receive a brutal beating. She actually made me come to her to get hit, telling me that if I did, she would be nice but if I didn't,....

My crime? Coloring outside my coloring book and on the floor by accident. I was three, if that.

She alternated between neglecting me terribly and smothering me with rules, restrictions and stinging criticisms. To this day, I don't believe I know what it is like to be loved as I have never been able to accept it from anyone after being denied it for so many painful years.

I HATE Mother's Day. It makes me physically sick.

Anonymous said...

Mother's Day used to reduce me to an emotional wreck do to the fact that I couldn't have children and my own mother was a drunken, abusive, neglectful, bat shit crazy slut. Who I was expected to shower with love on this "special day" or some passive aggressive subtle abuse would take place. I am taking her to brunch this year, after she asked me to come live with her and then she decided she wanted me to leave. I am doing it because it is easier than going through the tension of not doing it. However, the only result of mother's day is to make my relationship with my mother worse, because I hate myself for the hypocrisy. The truth is I am planning to move to another state and not leave a forwarding address. So I hope this will be the last time. The woman has always made me sick. I am ending it.

Anonymous said...

i googled "i hate mother's day" too. Nice to see others here.

My mom died 8 years ago. I miss her just fine every day all by myself without having to see all those "remember Mom!" commercials on the TV for a friggin month leading up to the big day.

I also found myself pregnant about two years ago and enjoyed the thrill of my husband telling me that if I had a baby, it would ruin his life.... so I was pretty much coerced into aborting it. I'm 42 years old now and he had a vasectomy since then, so I guess I'll never be a mom to anyone. I question my decision every day just fine all by myself without having to see all those "your kids love you!" commercials on the TV for a friggin month leading up to the big day.

I fucking HATE mother's day.

falconfour said...

Hey there! Yeah, I googled "I hate mother's day" too. I'm getting so goddamn sick of the constant advertising for this god-forsaken holiday, yet I understand why it's there, and why people appreciate their mothers - even though I, being 23 (almost 24) years old, can honestly say, with little to no reservation, that I literally have no mother to be thankful for. Perhaps I once had one, and of course I couldn't be brought into this hateful, painfully moronic, blind, and ignorant world without her... but she no longer exists to me. For that matter I really have no family to speak of either (father's day is just as dull, but at least I know I lost my dad, not in a "written off" sort of way, but, quite simply, deceased).

My "mother", whom is still alive and I wouldn't mind if she read this, is a cruel, heartless bitch. No thanks to her, I've become an extremely skilled geek, able to fix damn near anything and figure out how to operate anything in minutes. She rarely embraced any part of it. She would consider me lazy for spending all day in my room figuring out how things work and fixing things. She would give me maybe half an hour of "actually being at home" time each day - not that being at home (and not sleeping) actually meant spending time with me - and those times spent with me were quite often spent yelling about something I didn't do during the day (chores, etc). Pretty much everything I learned about interacting with people and society I learned online, thanks to her wonderful lack of support.

After she kicked me out and literally made me homeless, living in my car, there were two, maybe three times a year we'd see each other - Christmas, and her birthday (which, if I missed or forgot, she would intentionally "forget" my Christmas present/s). Our "meetings" were really ever just an analysis session, as she would scope out my every move and criticize me on everything - not putting the napkin in my lap, not opening the door for her, not standing in the right place in the restaurant. Perhaps the quintessential moment of our disconnection came on Christmas morning, when, out of nowhere, she decided that I didn't pass her rigorous series of tests, and demanded that I return the $50 check she gave me for Christmas. I had just received a $400 check from another source. So I shredded it, made a video of it and posted it on YouTube (since her iPhone couldn't play the video for some reason), and pretty much disowned her for life.

And I've become completely emotionally disconnected from this woman. I can honestly say that I would "try to find time in my schedule" to visit her in the hospital if she became deathly ill. I simply don't care anymore. She's caused so much grief in my life, that I've had to pull myself out of... I simply can't call her "mother".

And there has been no replacement. No other person to stand in and call "mother". Only myself. Me and my one best friend are the only family I really have. So when I see crap for mother's day, it's only a sharp, frustrating reminder that I really have none. And the last thing I want to do is "show my thanks to my mother". Maybe I can do that by sending her a box full of shit.

Anonymous said...

I hate Mother's Day too, 1, because my mom also died from cancer, and 2, because I'm unfortunately not a mother and wonder if I'll EVER get to be one. Therefore, the holiday has no place for me in it. This will be the 5th Mother's Day that my mom hasn't been around. To me, Mother's Day feels like a huge party (the kind that occurred during high school or college years) that everyone and their Grandma is invited to except for the lowest of outcasts...and I'm not on that invite list.

On top of that, I am baby obsessed and wish more than ANYTHING to get pregnant. I have two big hindrances (well, three actually): 1, fertility problems; 2, no partner that wants a baby with me, no boyfriend, nothing; and 3, people keep underestimating me and telling me I'm "not ready" when in fact I am. I'm not 18...I'm 28, solid career, finances in order, responsible, not a partyer...I wish people would at least RESPECT my wishes to be a mother goddarnit! Also, I HAD a boyfriend but the reason we broke up was because after 2 yrs, my boyfriend was STILL not ready to propose to me or even DISCUSS babies in the future. So now I'm single, waiting for empty promises from a few new guys who can't even bother to stay true on their plans with me, let alone want a kid with me. :( I...hate...Mother's Day.

Anonymous said...

Why pretend that on that day you respect motherhood. My family treats me like a slave,I dont want to pretend on that day to make them feel better.

Anonymous said...

My mother started abusing me when i was 7 pyhsical abuse and started playin disapearing games then to. Before that when i was toddler i was either put in room with dogs while she groomed them, droped at tv comercail audition or droped at grandparents this was in late 80's. If i could give an honest card on this bs holiday it would say: thanks for giving birth to me i owe you that but if you hadn't smoked maybe my twin would be here to. You abandoned me called me a lair after the finger of you know who went you know where you hit me gave away my twins name to little half sister took her my little sister who younger then me but older then half sister and little half brother left them in cabbin before that you told me to keep certain true facts a secret. When we had gotten it so i could take care of sibs and had settled into routine you pop in and pretend to be hero disrupted the 3 of us moved newest of baby in leavin your bf alone so disrupted 6 lifes i was over 18 was almost done with high school and could've manged house hold just fine as matter of fact i had been except paying bills wich wouldnt have been hard with what i would've gotten from goverment cause of dad's death plus what grandma left me and sissy we would've moved into nicer place closer to things and proably could've hired some 1 to clean for us. So thanks alot for ruing my life time and time again. The little ones felt like they were mine then you snatched them away by playing hero. i had been caring for them for so long i had become their mother and I didn't hurt them like I know you do. Amanda-Beth

Anonymous said...

I detest Mother's Day with a passion! First, My mother passed away in 1989 and we were never that close. Yes, Every Mothers Day, I would send a card and gift plus make that painful phone call where I would hear her gripe and whine... Now that I have 2 grown sons, who appear to be doing the same thing, without the card and/or gift. They prefer to spend any extra money on themselves. My plans this year??? Relax with a couple bottles of wine, some chocolate, and a good book, hoping the hype goes away!

ccnsl said...

I had a really poor relationship with my mother and celebrating mother's day really sent me into a spiral of depression. Added to it the many years we went when we could not seem to get pregnant and each year we had to go to church and hear all the talks about wonderful mothers.

MAKING PEACE WITH MOTHER'S DAY - i realized that the same people who came up with the idea of Valentines Day felt that it worked so good (go to store and buy things - message) that they wanted to repeat it but had to call it something else. We don't get all gushy and hear the message so loud when Father's Day comes along - they added that just to balance out Mother's Day. The Flower and Candy and Card group really got into the act - it was not set out to honor Mother's. It was not always a commercialization day like it is today.

belle said...

oh yeah!!!! :) i googled mother's day when your baby is dead.... and ended up here.

guess that tells you why mother's day isn't my favorite huh? :)

but out of my 8 kids, only 4 are standing on this earth. i just buried a very beautiful, full term, very wanted baby girl.

yeah, mother's day isn't very fun right now.

skateBettyT said...

I also googled "I hate mother's day" and found your site.

I hate it because my soon-to-be-ex (on Monday it will be final) kept forgetting the day. Despite the calendar reminders. Despite him working in retail. I stressed how important it was to me because we tried for 4.5 years to have our son. From 2006 until now, and forever probably, he's yet to do anything.

I hate it because my boyfriend (whom I just had a son by in March) has chosen to work. My oldest son will be with his father for the weekend, my boyfriend will be gone, and it'll just be me and the newest one. Alone.

I hate it because my mom is not deserving of the title.

I wish the day was over already.

Anonymous said...

Another "I hate Mother's Day" googler here. Sigh. I never thought I'd find another holiday I resented as much as Valentine's Day when I was in high school. It feels too mean-spirited to whine about on facebook. I love my Mom, and have no problem spending the day with her and buying a card/gift. Sadly, my mother-in-law passed away 2 years ago, so it's hard on my husband. But the worst part is, it seems like every time I look around, another friend, or co-worker, or complete stranger is pregnant. Some with their second child. Last year, while crying at a sappy commercial, I vowed to get to celebrate Mother's Day this year, and it's been nothing but heartache. Everyone is soooo damn happy. It sucks to want something so badly and still be so far away from it. We've been married for 5 years already. I'm almost 30, with additional health problems, and I'm terrified it won't happen for us. I just can't wait for Monday.

Anonymous said...

i completely agree with ur post. i have always hated mothers day. i get to watch my friends and everyone be with there mothers on that day when i dont even remember my mother. i am 20 years old and my mommy died when i was 4. even though its been almost 16 years i still have a very hard time on mothers day and im tired of the ads and everything just constantly making me cry.

Anonymous said...

Googled and found this blog. Hate Mother's Day. Don't need a day to remind me of the burden I've borne alone. Left ex-husband due to domestic violence then raised 3 kids as a disabled single mom. Not a damned one appreciated it enough to make anything decent of themselves, despite best efforts from me and others who invested in them. I don't want material gifts from my kids. Just want them to stand firmly on their own feet. Frankly, my children have let me down. If I had my life to relive, it would be childfree. Not to sound harsh, but those without children have no clue what they have been spared. God bless those of you who have wonderful, productive children who make you proud. But motherhood is hell on earth for many of us. We just can't openly say so because we can't bear being crucified any more than we already have -- by the very ones we gave birth to. =(

And, this is the 1st MD without my own mom.

I wish Mother's day would just go the hell away.

Anonymous said...

Googled and found this blog. Hate Mother's Day. Don't need a day to remind me of the burden I've borne alone. Left ex-husband due to domestic violence then raised 3 kids as a disabled single mom. Not a damned one appreciated it enough to make anything decent of themselves, despite best efforts from me and others who invested in them. I don't want material gifts from my kids. Just want them to stand firmly on their own feet. Frankly, my children have let me down. If I had my life to relive, it would be childfree. Not to sound harsh, but those without children have no clue what they have been spared. God bless those of you who have wonderful, productive children who make you proud. But motherhood is hell on earth for many of us. We just can't openly say so because we can't bear being crucified any more than we already have -- by the very ones we gave birth to. =(

And, this is the 1st MD without my own mom.

I wish Mother's day would just go the hell away.

Anonymous said...

Wow, this is a thought provoking series of comments. I find all family-related holidays forced, sickeningly corporate and generally depressing. I don't enjoy a close relationship with my family and after forty-some years am in therapy trying to dump the personal baggage they gifted to me. However, I find it interesting to read the comments from others who dislike the day for different reasons. Well, at least it will be over soon for another year.

Anonymous said...

WOW - amazed that so many people feel this way, and comforted to find out that they do!

My own mother died 2 years ago after along and painful battle with Parkinson's disease. Even though I loved her, she was always emotionally distant, somewhat cool - not forthcoming with emotions or conversation.

I have 2 wonderful children of my own, but Mother's Day reminds of so many things that aren't wonderful... like how I may have passed along that heritage and how I now have a 12 & 15 year old who don't "gush" over with love or show much appreciation for me - just because I'm their Mom.

As I get older, I feel less and less guilty about wanting to spend the day alone. A break from daily demands is what I want and need more than anything. I'm also in an unhappy marriage and with a man who has never been into celebrating holidays or occasions. As a result, he has never told the kids, "Let's do something special for Mom today!" - so not much has ever been done.

I'll be glad when it's over.....

Anonymous said...

On the night before this dreaded "holiday" I am one who googled "I hate mothers day." My mom is not dead but she has done everything possible to try to kill me without just putting me out of my misery by blowing my brains out.
Am i wrong in being tired of being responsible for her well being. i thought that was her job to take care of me. Of course things dont seem to change so i got her a gift and sent it through the mail only to get a hateful text today. Those phone calls mentioned previously, those are all too common as well. So I am the bad daughter right becuase i did that purely out of obligation? Well at least she got something in the proper month. When I was in rehab dealing with stuff I inherited from her she sent me a birthday card. I remember that July day . . . I was born in March.

Jason said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jason said...

To paraphrase the saying often used towards dead-beat dads... "Any woman can be a mother. It takes a special woman to be a mom."
My mother was NOT a special woman. 7 kids, 5 fathers. She left 4 kids behind with their fathers, including me. 2 others she abandoned twice. My dad, after marrying her and learning they were at an orphanage, convinced her to get them back and adopted them himself. She left him after a mining accident left him paralyzed for life. She only ended up raising her youngest. That poor one is now in her 30s, never had a job nor a (official) boyfriend and has basically been raised to take care of her and her last husband in their golden years. On the day of my dads funeral, she called asking about the furniture she left behind 20 years earlier, as her and her soon to be new husband packed what fit in a pick up and went out west, leaving everything behind. Having seen a letter from her to my dad and her other ex-husband begging for money, I just hung up. Haven't talked to her since. 15 years. Sure I get curious at times, but haven't bothered. She is dead to me, not that she was ever really there at anytime anyways.

So yeah, I hate Mother's Day.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely hate Mother's Day and I'm so glad I found this site. I'm the oldest of four I didn't grow up with my siblings because of my mother's alcoholism and mental illness, they were brought up in foster care. I hate the fact that she was blessed and lucky enough to be reunited with them and doesn't acknowledge not one of them. Even if I'm on the phone with my brothers or sister and ask her to say hi she won't do it. I was the only one who grew up with the family so she acts as if I'm her only child which sucks. For years I've seen what her alcoholism and mental illness has done to her and its not pretty. She's very unstable, cannot keep a job so she doesn't attempt to work now. She's been with the same guy for over 16 years because he's mental like her and supports her financially but she treats him like shit. Sometimes I wish I was adopted like my siblings were, at least they came up in a stable home. I on the other hand, was dragged through all her bullshit, her anger issues, manipulation, homlessness, not being spoken to for months because of an argument she started. We are not speaking now because once again she's trying to drag me into another problem of hers. At 28 years old enough is enough, I'm tired of raising my mother. I finally have my own place and it feels so good to wake up to peace and quiet everyday. I'm no longer awaken by yelling, fighting or woken up in the middle of the night by the smell of bleach and pine sol. She's homeless once again because she got herself evicted from her apartment for harassing a neighbor, she also did some jail time for it. Once again, her boyfriend and I helped her get out and this was after months of not speaking to her because she called the cops on me for standing up for myself when she started a fight with me, kicked me out of her place and threw almost everything I had in the trash. Even after the years of putting up with her shit I still went out of my way to do something for her on mother's day and got my feelings hurt every single time. She never appreciated anything I bought her. The last straw was a couple years ago when I made reservations at a nice soul food restaurant and she refused to go. I told her I would be charged for cancelling at the last minute and all she said was she'll give me the money for it, so I went to the restaurant and ate alone. I hate this time of year because all of my coworkers ask me what my plans are and when I tell them nothing they look at me like I'm crazy. I also hate the day after because I have to listen to how fabulous everyone's mother's day was and mine was shitty as usual. I don't have kids and I don't plan to have them any time soon, but if I ever do I know what type of mother not to be, that's all thanks to the no good so called mother of mine. So yeah, fuck mother's day.

Anonymous said...

Uncommonly Goode

My mother died 15 years ago today. My daughter walked out of my life 4 years ago today. I hate Mothers Day!

Anonymous said...

My mother died 12 years ago. I am 14. Yes do the math and you can see that I did not get to know my mother. I often wonder why she had to go so soon. I never had that true mother-son bond that all of my friends seem to obtain from their mothers. I do have a step-mom that I can not stand and I often ask myself: "Does she really deserve this holiday?" Me and my siblings all agree that she does not. Even still we get her a present just to make our dad happy. She has not been a good mom to say the least. I miss my biological mom truly and I love mothers day in the fact that I can reflect on my real mothers life and love for her children.

Sabrina said...

After reading all the contrived mush on Facebook I Googled "I Hate Mother's Day" and found your blog - good stuff! I even posted the link
for others to check out.

I'm adopted and never knew my birth mom...always wondered what she thinks about today. My adopted mo passed away 25 years ago, she was a good lady and I miss her. I'm not a mom and so here we are..........

Thanks to everyone who shared and especially to those who feel better after venting!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you! I googled 'I hate mothers day' thinking I was the only one. I would fall under the 'my mother is a shrew' category, and I have always hated this stupid holiday.

Anonymous said...

motherless daughter since 9/daughterless mother way too long...yeah I hate it..and btw....a FEW of these comments are really petty...grow up and be grateful for what you have.

Anonymous said...

I still have my Mom. I am 54 and she has been living with us for the last 5 years...she is now 95 and I take care of her. I love my Mom, but I hate Mothers Day. My husband lost his Mom 12 years ago and each year it seems to get worse on Mothers day. He is depressed and even though I cooked Mom a nice meal, I was so depressed that I couldn't even enjoy it. He ends up sleeping most of the day. I have lost my Dad, and yet on Fathers Day, he is all happy, cause his Dad is still alive. I suppose I adopted his Dad for mine, since mine is departed. Now I just don't feel like celebrating either one of them. I'll be glad when we both don't have parents and we can just ignore both holidays. I feel better being able to write this. I used to love both holiday's cause I would either have dinner with my parents or send them a card. Oh, well times change and sometimes you just have to move on. I am to the point that death comes to everyone sooner or later, and you have to make the best of what you have now, cause it might not be here tomorrow, or even later today. It might be best to enjoy others having a good Mother's day and even if yours is not here or was a bad mother, all mothers are not like that. I just hate being around people who are depressed, cause it brings me down so fast. Then it takes me days to recover, even if they instantly happy the next day. Thanks for the chance to get this off my chest.

Anonymous said...

I also wound up here after googling "I hate Mother's Day." Mostly I hate it because my own mother wasn't the kind of mom I'd wish on anyone ... selfish, erratic, inconsistent, mentally unstable, violent, manipulative... I left home after I turned 17 and removed my sister when she was 15. The people in my life who were most nuturing and caring to me were not my own parents. I also hate the holiday because of the assumption that all mothers are to be revered, especially when some of the best women I've ever known aren't mothers at all. I am also choosing not be a biological mother, and I resent this idea that mothers are exalted to a higher level for just having popped out a kid. Being a good mom takes so much more, afterall. I just read this Salon article too (http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/05/08/hate_mothers_day_anne_lamott), and I thought she also said it well.

Thanks for making me feel better about HATING Mother's Day!!

Phiaska said...

I'm a googler also. I just wrote about a six page rant on why i hate mother's day in this comment, but deleted it. Suffice to say I lost a whole weekend making a bunch of women who I think are already a little to demanding and entitled feel like they were entitled to that entitlement and it end up costing us over $500.

I hate Mother's Day.

Anonymous said...

It's been 2 days and "Mother's Day" is still on my nerves. Not to say I don't love my Mother, but it goes further than that. I will never have kids. Being an Aunt is the most I will ever be, yet I handle all the Mother Shit for the year. No matter how much you love or care for a child, they always remember that Mother on Mother's Day. So, try to feel blessed that there is a kid out there that calls you Mom, Mother, Mama...... This "Aunt" crap is always forgotten. Let me lift myself up and get on with this life that I have been given. There needs to be a day for those people that are actually there everyday for Mothers, Fathers, kids, friends, sisters, and brothers. Well, screw it, someone is calling and I'm sure it's not just to say hello, but "help me...." Good luck people. Life gives us choices, Make a good one.

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Anonymous said...

I hate mothers day for all the peeps that don't have a mother around. Mine is thankfully in tip top shape, but I feel for all the people that have their senses assaulted by the commercialisation of mothers day. My mum gets it :)

Anonymous said...

I also googled I hate mothers day but the reasons listed here make me feel like a jerk. My birthday is May 10th and every year it's all but forgotten in favor of mothers day. My mom works 3 jobs to support my dads dream of starting a restaurant, she's a wonderful woman that puts up with more than anyone should be expected to and never asks for anything more than her family around her for mothers day and maybe a hanging flower basket. So to all of you with better reasons than me for hating mothers day I wish you all the love and luck there is.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe that by googling "I hate mother's day", I actually came up with a hit! And here I thought I was the only one.

I hate mother's day because while I absolutely adore my mother, I cannot stand buying gifts for her. I don't like shopping to begin with, so I always end up waiting until the last moment to do anything about it. I know, I know.... Doesn't help. But the woman has EVERYTHING! And what she doesn't have, I can't afford! Can I wrap a can of beanie weenies?

I hate mother's day because there's absolutely no difference to how my family treats me than at any other point of the year. They squabble. They complain. They expect mommy to do and provide EVERYTHING. Gifts? Ha. Cards? Nope. Breakfast in bed? Puh-lease (not that I would want that anyway - that's gross!). Flowers? Achoo. Dinner? Whatcha making, mom? OH BUT WAIT!!!!!! Father's Day and THEIR birthdays? Cake, Cards, Favorite dinner, gifts - all expected. And heaven help the poor mommy who forgets even one of those: "You love her better than you love me." Yep, that's right. Get over it bub. She at least brushes her teeth on mother's day.

Mostly, though, I hate mother's day because while I know that I'm supposed to be thankful for the noise and the sticky hands and the lame, last-minute oh-crap-mommy-is-pissed-because-we-didn't-do-anything-for-mother's-day gifts the truth is, all I REALLY want for mother's day is to be left alone. And yet, I can't REALLY say that can I? Because that makes me a bad mommy.

R said...

Thanks for this blog discussion. I hate Mother's Day because I have been so hurt and disappointed by it over the years. One year, when the kids were very little, my husband took us on a day trip to a place I love and we all had a wonderful day together. SInce then, everyone has been too busy to spend the day with me, there's soccer games to referee, soccer games to play in, video games, yada yada yada. I don't even get a card. I get the obligatory phone call, but no one can take a moment from their lives to spend time with me, which is really all I want. I hate Mother's Day!

Anonymous said...

I hate, hate, hate mother's day! I hate going to church and listening to how every other mother never missed a sporting event, dance or musical recital...ya da ya da, and is the best mother ever! I hate reading funny newspaper articles about how imperfect we are as mothers but they love us anyway. I hate feeling like I have to be the perfect mom for a least one day when I really just want a nap. I hate people asking me what I want for dinner, or for gifts. I want them to figure it out! I have to think of dinner every other day of the year! I hate feeling guilty that I hate mother's day. I feel guilty that I am making my kids and husband sad because I hate it.I hate that I can't think about my own mom because all I think about is how much I hate Mother's Day. I hate feeling guilty that I am not happy because I have a beautiful family and my sister/friend/insert relation here/ does not and really would love to change places with me. I hate that every other day of the year I can see this but on Mother's Day I just want to run way. I hate that I feel like my children's problems are my fault and that I am supposed to be OK with them no matter what but there are things I just can't accept and that makes me a bad mom for not accepting them as they are and also for not raising them to be better. Have I gone on long enough? If you haven't figured it out...I hate Mother's Day!

Anonymous said...

Now that I got that out (see above) I feel a little better.Thank,

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to join the ranks with all you other Mother's Day haters. We might be a minority but there are plenty of us. I'm glad not to be alone. Every year is the same non-existent effort on my husbands part to recognize my efforts and sacrifices I make for our family. I'm thankful that my oldest is finally old enough to go to school where the teachers have the kids make something because that is all I get. I feel like a very low maintenance wife and I ask for very little so why is it on birthdays, valentines and mothers day (all holiday's really)I get left in the cold. All I asked for this year was for my husband to not sleep all day and to spend time with me. And where is he? In the freaking bed that I'm about ready to set on fire.
Why do I do this to myself every year? If I could just erase any expectation or hope from my mind I would not be disappointed. I'm tired of feeling unappreciated and crying over stupid things like this. It's so hard when it is in your face for weeks leading up to the day. And I admit I'm completely jealous of nearly all of my girlfriends who have attentive husbands I just hate them all today. Is there anywhere on this Earth to hide from Mother's Day? BTW I liked the idea one of you ladies had of leaving town. Sounds lovely.

jenny said...

Just for fun I googled "I hate mother's day" and, wow, I am not alone! Why do I hate mothers day? Because I raised someone else's children and she takes all the credit as "a good single mom". (Her words, not mine) I watch as women who are entirely irresponsible get to take credit for the way their children turn out because they are The Mom. I am bitter and angry. I see women who mother someone elses children and yet have none of their own be "left out" of the special day. Pooey. Don't get me started on Fathers Day! Maybe these holidays should be called Baby Mama Day and Baby Daddy Day......

RS said...

I am joining all the rest of you MD haters here.

I have four adult children, and ten grandchildren.

Will any of them think enough of me to come spend time with me. NO

Will any of them think in advance enough to put a card in the mail. NO

Will any of them think of sending flowers? One! She lives on the west coast and never fails to make her momma feel special every day.

Will any of them shoot off a Text message that says " happy MD". Yep, thats all I can hope for. They can't even be bothered to call.

Its the same for my Birthday, Anniversary, Fathers Day, you name it. They are so caught up in their own lives, they never consider those that gave them life.

I don't care what any of you haters think of your Parents. They did give you a place on this earth and deserve to be recognized.

Anonymous said...

I hate Mother's Day also, but I appreciated reading everyone else's comments because I now have a better perspective on the day.

After reading some of the heartbreaking posts, especially from the people who have either lost a mother, yearn to be a mother, or were left wounded and bleeding by an abusive mother, I feel much less inclined to be hurt that my two adult kids don't acknowledge the day with a card or a gift. However,they DO call, and because of this site and reading the heartache others have to endure on Mother's Day, I now am grateful that my kids remember to do even that much.

The bottom line is, they owe me nothing. It was my privilege to be their mother and in return I've learned tons of things from raising them that have caused me to mature as a person (and a lot of that maturing came as a direct result of much heartache and disappointment I suffered because of choices they made during their teen years). But to expect them to 'honor' me on some special day seems (at least to me) to be contrived, pressure-filled and meaningless. I never wanted them to do anything for me out of guilt or obligation - what would be the value of that? - and after reading some of the horrendous accounts of how some women feel compelled to fake celebration of a mother or mother-in-law simply because 'the day' demands they do so or because it's expected of them makes me cringe.

Thanks to this site, I am re-thinking Mother's Day now that I've been made aware of how many women suffer (often silently) on this day. Next year I want to be much more sensitive to those around me who have nothing to celebrate and try to make the day special for them, instead of feeling sorry for myself. I think that's the only way to make it truly meaningful, at least for me.

Stacey said...

Thank god I'm not the only one! I just wish it could stop after the kids give me their presents and a cup of tea. No, I have to go, after buying my mother a present (who btw does no real mothering anymore, just comments, from the side on what I should be doing or letting me down when any real "mothering" comes up!) while not getting a present from my husband because he doesn't "believe" in Mother's Day. I have to go out, spend more money, wait around for food, be ultimately disapointed by the food, and count the minutes till I can leave because guess what? Three boys can't really sit still in a cafe!
My kids still whinge, fight, complain, they still need feeding and bottoms wiped. So much expectation for one day!!!
I wish I could just say, thanks, but I'll just stay home! It's what I wanted anyway!

Anonymous said...

Like many of you that have commented.....I googled "I hate Mothers Day" because I am having my yearly feeling of I wish Monday would hurry up and get here and that dreadful Sunday would be over again until next year.

I lost my two natural children due to a genetic disorder. I later adopted a child but that turned out to be a total nightmare. This child has so many problems and has put me through total hell. In my attempt to deal with his issues and do what I thought best for my child my own mother turned on me and tried to prove in court that I was unfit. It has been over 12 yrs now and we are still estranged. She hurt me to the core due to her refusal to face the issues that my son had and instead blamed me.

Yes, this is the most painful day of my life every year. I failed as a Mother and my Mother failed me. Instead of support I get nothing. Is it Monday yet?

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this forum - Yes, I hate mother's day. Where to begin? Mother's Day is the culmination of all those sickening e-mails you get all year that encourage you to pat yourself on the back if you are the most self-sacrificing individual on the planet. You know the ones I'm talking about - all about how you sacrificed your body, your finances, your sleep etc etc and wouldn't trade it for the world blah blah blah. I love my kids and I loved rearing them and I wouldn't change that for anything. What irks me is here we are in the 21st century and as women the message we hear and repeat to each other is that the only way we are valuable, the only way we are "good" mothers is if we sacrificed EVERYTHING for our children. We're not allowed to be normal fallible human beings, no sir, as soon as we give birth we're forced to climb up on that pedestal and we damned well better earn our place there. Now we can pat ourselves on the back on facebook by changing our status to some "if you wore a pony tail instead of a salon cut and carried a diaper bag instead of designer bag....." etc. For God's sake get OVER yourself. Our mothers did not behave this way (those of us who are middle aged). My mother is 82 years old and the mother of seven. She got pregnant over and over again presumably because birth control was not available to her or she was too embarrassed to even talk to her doctor about it. She stayed at home and raised her kids, it's what women did in the 50 and 60s. Because most did not have other options they had no qualms about, GASP! complaining sometimes and they did not pretend that they were saints. Can we only feel good about ourselves by making ourselves out to be martyrs or queens or the queen of martyrs? I got pregnant at 18 quit college got a full time job, married the father ....had another son, got divorced, went back to school... Most of us are not the saints we are portrayed to be on mother's day nor the perfect women we are supposed to be according to the media, movies, hallmark etc. We are simply women who by choice or by "accident" became mothers and raised our kids the best we could. Most, if not all of us, love them dearly, but made a lot of mistakes. Our kids know this, why should they have to pretend that we are perfect one day per year? Seriously, I blame advertisers who want to sell stuff and the women who perpetuate the myth of motherhood, (i.e. that it equals perfection). I for one would love to see or even receive the following mother's day card: "Dear Mom, I know you got knocked up your first semester of college, thanks for keeping me and being the best mom you could under difficult circumstances. Love "the reason you HAD to get married" :) LOL.

Anonymous said...

How I HATE Mothers Day and Fathers Day. DEAR GOD!!! I'm not a Mom, didn't happen for me. I loved my Mom but HATED being in a position for trying to find that F'ING perfect gift on Mom's Day.

I hate that everyone expects or assumes that I'm a MOM. Why do people assume this? Why do people even care. Why are people 'sorry' I never had children? I'm sorrier that they are stupid!!!

Anonymous said...

Also, I'd like to confess that I park in the parking spots that are marked "Parent with Child". 1) who made that a rule 2) who the hell has to comply with that rule 3) it's hardly my fault you have kids and have no room to get in/get out of your car. Those signs just KILL me every time. You're a parent, not handicapped.

Anonymous said...

I despise Mother's Day, even though I'm a married mom of 4 healthy kids. My reasons for hating it are not as good as some of yours, but hate it I do; all the same.

1) My mother is/was a controlling, manipulative; martyr-act-pulling nueurotic individual. In fact, I moved to Bulgaria when I was 20 mainly to get the hell away from her. She used to pull guilt-trips on my hapless father when I was a kid on mother's day, because he "only" bought her a Whitman's Sampler. (What the hell was he supposed to buy??) Idiots. No, I do not go through the motions like some of you nice people -- I have made it clear to her that I do not celebrate "fake" holidays like Mother's Day. Period.

2) I do not like cut flowers. AT ALL. Biggest, hugest waste of money I can think of; yet my husband, EVERY SINGLE BIRTHDAY, Valentine's Day, and Mother's Day, runs out at the last minute and wates $40 on these stupid roses, so I can stick them in a vase and let them die in 2 days. Gee, thanks. (Never quite got the point of that.) 16 years of marriage and he still doesn't get it (nor does he even know what kind of chocolate I like, for that matter). It's gotten to the point where I dread it. I don't even smile and pretend to like it anymore. Roses have come to symbolize, to me, "Here you go. I put absolutely no thought into this whatsoever, but so I can feel like I'm doing my "Good Husband Duty", I went out and put $40 worth of flowers on the credit card." Just thinking about it gives me a knot in my stomach.

Oh there are no words to describe how much I hate Mother's Day. Even more than Valentine's Day. And I'm starting to have an irrational hatred of flowers, especially roses.

Anonymous said...

I hate Mother's day because of family splits and my unwed daughter that has 4 kids. I never raised then that way and it has split my family. Its a stupid day. I wish there was no such holiday

Carlenne said...

I hate Mother's Day because as long as I can remember, my mom made us do some huge day-long activity. A day at a hotel with a pool, a day at the zoo, a day - a WHOLE DAY. It wasn't bad as a younger person, either before I was married or just married. Then there was the mother-in-law to consider (at least she just wanted lunch or dinner). But then I was a mom and I wanted something different and shorter. But no... my mom still wanted to do some all day "celebration". How do you tell her no when she thinks everyone wants to do it?

So now, I truly hate Mother's Day becuase it means you have to kow-tow to whatever your mom wants to make you do for as long as she wants you to do it.

For the record, I'm fine if my kids chose not to get me a card, or present, etc. Just provide dinner - that's all I ask! And yes, PB&J is great!

Anonymous said...

Mother's day sucks because 1) my Mom is no longer here. 2) my family refuses to celebrate me, even though I spend every breath trying to make their lives great. and 3) My husband must feel the same way they do.

Anonymous said...

I have always hated Mother's Day. My own normally undemanding mother always wanted something big. Usually she herded us to the country club, dominating most of the day. That would leave my Borderline Personality Disorder mother-in-law, who would punish with her silence or sweet but cutting remarks if we spent one more minute with my family. We were like yo-yos, going back and forth between houses, trying to please everybody. We never were able to please ourselves, even after I became a mother.

Now my mother's phone calls start a week or more in advance, wondering just who will come home, where we will eat, etc. She makes subtle suggestions of gifts, adding at the end, "Don't get me anything. You are a mother too!"

It is silly to name days for people, forcing family get-togethers, forcing gift buying. When I heard about Grandparents Day, I cringed and refused even to acknowledge it. Next thing you know there will be Aunt's Day, Uncle's Day, Best Friend's Day, etc. Ugh.

It should be enough that I take my mother to her doctor's appointments, to lunch, and invite her to come for meals on a regular basis. I show her I love her when I call her most days to check on her. I do not need the pressure of a day named by someone years ago to make my mother feel special.

By the way, I hate Valentines Day & Christmas too. The former is just silly. The latter has become a magnification of all the above with pressure coming from all directions.

Anonymous said...

I hate mothers day too, but for very different reasons. My Mom is still with us (thank God because I don't know what I would do without her). However, this year, she is struggling because she lost her mother (my Grandmother), so she wants nothing to do with Mother day. Which is good, because neither do I.
Almost exactly one year ago I lost my first child at 24 weeks after struggling with infertility. I want to be a Mother more than anything and I am at the point where I know I must realize it may never happen for me. I am surrounded by pregnant people and happy mothers. I want to be happy for them. I try so hard to put on that happy face, but it is all fake.

Anonymous said...

I hate, absoltely HATE any day that implies that I should feel special. I do not and never have, and rarely have my family members ever seen to it that I should feel this way. I can count on one hand the times someone has 'done something' for me, just plain ole me, and I HATE it. I am tired, tired, tired of doing for others, although I know this is the right thing to do, and so I do it. I believe this with my heart and should, but would love to feel special, even for just one day in my life. I hate my birthday, also. I have told people, asked my family for things to do, suggested things to do, but it just never seems to happen, or at least as they imply "to my satisfaction". No, I do not want to plan everything for the day, I do not want to BEG for things that I would do for others without even batting an eyelash, and I dO NOT understand why they won't do certain things for me. I have offered to pay my children to perform certain tasks that I do not know how to do (computer, cleaning, etc), but no motivation for them to do it even then. I have begged my husband for years to just give me, please, one day, any day, where he wakes up and tells me he planned something for me because I am special. Anything, but just for me because I am worth something. I was raised in a very no frills family meaning we didn't spend money on such foolishness or frivolity. OK, so is that why a gift of something (other than flowers that I then have to arrange in a vase) would mean so much. Or is it the idea that my darn husband would care enough about the day to tell the kids to come home for it. Hell, my dear son didn't even think he had to call for Easter. I gave these kids so much of myself and am blessed by them, but I am selfish now. i need to feel special and loved by someone. I give to my mother, moth in law, family, friends.I give and give but don't have anything left to give and I DREAD, just absolutely DREAD the thought of knowing how I will feel on the rotten day. I just wish it was over.

Anonymous said...

I just found this post! I HATE mothers day!!!! My awesome Mother has passed - i have no children of my own but i am a step mom who gets treated like CRAP! last year my husband and step son said NOTHING to me - even though i do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and i work out side the home! I take my step son to the doctor's appts. cheeer him on at his school and sports events, my step son lives with us and there is no support from his mom but i get NO recognition and i wont be able to hav eany children of my own - i get told 'how sad for you - your mom is dead and you have no children of your own mothers say must be hard' i just looked at them - i wanted to pop them in the head - but i just said i am ok - but no it kills me - thanks for letting me vent i HATE mothers day with all my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I was raised by grandparents who are now dead, my husband's mother is estranged from us. I hate Mother's Day and all other phony hallmark holidays. A cup of tea any day, a hug from one of my children for no reason at all -this is rewarding. Forced jollity and phony sentiments? No, thank you!

StacyJL said...

I am so glad I am not alone. I am a stay at home mom. Last year I threw my husband a 40th birthday party the night before Mothers Day. He had taken a new job, relocated to a new city and was home for our last weekend before we all moved to the new city. He moved in January, so I had been on my own with the kids, during the week, since he moved. In the past, Mothers Day had been hit or miss. This particular year was beyond a miss, it was non existent. Nothing at all. My children even sent him pictures of ideas they wanted to do or purchase - no reaction. Now, I simply want to forget this stupid holiday exists. I know I am a good mom. It's all I do. I love being a mom. It just stinks that some of my friends who do nothing but nap all day, while their kids are at school, get these huge days of celebrating being a mom and I get nothing. How can I just skip this day, along with my birthday (I got a candy bar), from the year?

Anonymous said...

Thank god I found this post. I also hate this holiday. Okay, in reality, I hate all holidays. But not celebrating them sucks too. I am very close to my mom, she is my best friend. But for a long time holidays got screwed up in my family. I had a father who played mind games on holidays then an older brother who did the same damn thing on every holiday after my father left. Now that my brother isn't in our life as much and we do have the chance to make holidays nice, we cant. They are forced and miserable and never go right. But I would love to really celebrate my mom, I would! But the holiday in general from Mother's Day to 4th of July to Halloween to Christmas to New Years are soured by bad memories and experiences that still haven't left us. If you find a cure, let me know.

Anonymous said...

I F*****G HATE MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!
(I hope that's clear enough for you).
To try to make this short and sweet, I suffer from PTSD because of what my
biological mother allowed to happen. She LIED ABOUT ME, IN COURT, UNDER OATH, TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD (and yes, going to court was in relation to the things that she allowed to happen). So, needless to say, I HATE, LOATHE AND DESPISE any and all references to Mother's day, and I wear black on Mother's day because, obviously, my biological mother is dead to me. I hope this gives people at least a rough idea of why I really, REALLY, F*****G HATE MOTHER'S DAY.

Anonymous said...

I wish I had a mother or children to annoy me on mother's day....

Anonymous said...

Freaking HATE mothers day!!!!

I have a horrible mother who was never really motherly at all. While growing up, I befriended other peoples mothers ( my boyfiends mom or maybe a friends mom) just to soothe that empty spot that had always been there. As I grew into a young adult and had a child of my own I tried to have a positive relationship with the witch named Barbara. Well wouldn't you know no good deed goes unpunished. The Barbara witch used her money and resources to make my life suck as much as she could!! At one point she got into my custody battle that I was going through with my exhusband and hired a private invetigator to follow me. The witch lost with the ex-asshole and the private investigator turned up nothing for his 8 months of following. Now I know that a stranger on the street helped me and cared about my safety, while witch Barbara tried so very hard to break me. That blood thicker than water saying is crap!!!!
The only way for me to get over it was to grieve as if she ( and my alcholic father) had died, and that's what I did!! Yeah I won't say I didn't have nightmares for awhile, and I also learned that grieving for my father was much harder than the witch. He was never there, I mean he lived with us but he started a buisness, fished offshore all the time, and owned a hunt club about 2 hrs away. When he was home he was drunk!! But a happy drunk, thank god for that!!!

Ok back to mothers day....I am a mom of 2 wonderful boys. They live with me and so I see them everyday and I feel like I am the best mom I can be for them. I cook, clean, wipe noses and change diapers just like every mom. I'm not looking for them to make a big deal about mothers day. Somehow every mothers day goes to shit??? I don't know why but its always a bad day with some kind of arguing or mishap, somehow this happens in my life that holidays are drama and arguing. Maybe its me that doesn't like holidays or its destined to be crap but my mothers day wish is for the holiday to just go away, that way when it turns to shit, it would be like any other day and not mothers day going to shit. Because even though I don't like the holiday somewhere in my heart longs for a loving, quiet, sleepy day.

Anonymous said...

I got given up for adoption by one shitty mother and fell into the cold hearted abusive hands of another. Yeah. I hate mother's day

Anonymous said...

so glad I found this site so I can vent! I hate mother's day. it has never been a good day for me. one daughter avoids coming over, any way she can. never get a card from her, rarely a gift(its always in the mail, been waiting about 10 years now for it to arrive. she absolutely ruins it. gave her so much love when she was growing up and all I ever wanted was the respect to simply acknowledge her love for me on this day. she is 38 years old. never gonna happen. the other daughter is very sweet. but I have so much bitterness for the first daughter, I probably ruin the day for her. I have begged, bitched, and not spoken to her for her behavior...nothing matters. I wish they would do away with the stupid day. and was so surprised to find so many other Mothers in my shoes. this year she is "sick" & can't come in. plus, of course, no card in the mail today & everyone is posting on facebook all the sweet things their children have done! its something every year. you'd think i'd get over it, but no, every year I get so upset! there I've said it & I feel better. not really, think i'll just go to bed.

Anonymous said...

I have reached the year that I have endured twice as many Mother's Days without my Mother than I was able to celebrate with her (she died when I was 15). I never had any children of my own, and this year I'm starting menopause, and am in a somewhat loveless relationship, so I doubt I'll ever have children.

Mother's Day is just an annual reminder of things I don't have and wish desperately I did. I don't begrudge anyone who has something to celebrate today, but I am jealous as hell of them.

This morning, one of my co-workers, who knows that I don't have any children, texted me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. It took me over an hour to compose myself after reading it. If only she understood just how insensitive that 3 word text was.