Scene: Trying to put a very sick CC down for a nap this morning. Neither one of us slept last night and she's screaming her little head off because she's overtired and can't breath - which made her even more pissed because she couldn't breath because she was overtired and screaming. And this went on until brain matter started leaking from my ears.
Then I dared try to swipe at her nose with a tissue which caused her to howl like someone possessed. I'm pretty sure her first word was said just then. "Bitch", I think it was.
Nursing is not working, neither is the pacifier (let's face it, it's hard to give a pacifier the love it deserves when your nose is plugged with all manners of ick) and I'm afraid a little demon is about to spring forth from my baby's head if I don't do something drastic. So I sing to her. Believe me, this is drastic.
The problem: I never remember the words to this damn lullabye. The solution: Make it up as I go along.
"Hush little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
If that mockingbird don't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
If that diamond ring don't shine,
Mama's gonna buy you a, uh, valentine.
If that valentine's not.... uh, red?
Mama's gonna buy you a... uh, puppy instead?
If that puppy's fur is not, uh, soft...
(Oh crap, what rhymes with soft? Soft, soft...)
If that puppy's fur is not soft,
Mama's gonna... buy herself some Zoloft."
Monday, January 19, 2009