Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Out of the mouths of skinny babes

Scene: My bathroom.

Our heroine (that would be me) steps out of her shower after quickly washing off the sweat from that morning's power walk. The one where she pushed more than 40 pounds of child plus a big ass stroller up and down some tricky hills for a couple of miles.

Okay, not super tricky, and not necessarily bigger than your average hill, but they seemed that way to me.

Fine. They were probably no bigger than your average ANT hill. But to me they were my Everest.

Anyway...

Our heroine steps out of her shower and steps in front of the mirror to survey the damage her recent childbirth and crazed cookie consumption did to her once smokin' bod.

Okay, maybe not smokin', but definitely doable. If you catch my drift.

Anyway...

Next to her sits her three year old daughter. A vision in a cat hair covered t-shirt and that morning's breakfast still on her cheeks.

Woman [sighing and making faces at herself in the mirror while grabbing at her love handles and stomach roll]:
I'm fat and I don't like it one bit.

Child [playing with cheap Mardi Gras-type beads while sitting on a pile of towels that need to be washed, chanting]: Fat Mommy, Fat Mommy. Fat Mommy, Fat Mommy. [pausing to assess] Yep, you're fat Mommy.

Woman: You're not supposed to agree with me. You're supposed to tell me you think I'm beautiful no matter what.

Child [thinking]: Hmmm. You're beautiful, Mommy.

Woman: Thanks, hon.

Child [dancing away]: And fat. No matter what.


34 comments:

Diana said...

Hahaha! Does that ever sound just like something my daughters - yep, both of them - would say to me. *sigh*

They're so honest. So. Brutally. Honest.

mothergoosemouse said...

Fat. No matter what.

That's exactly how I've been feeling for the last 6+ months.

SciFi Dad said...

Score! for Chicky Chicky.

kgirl said...

as far as i'm concerned, the issue is that we are never able to shower alone.

Domestic Extraordinaire said...

*snort*

Gosh, gotta love the Chicky.

Binky said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! That is hilarious. I live for these kind of lines out of The Boss, even when they come at my expense.

But you should be proud of yourself for powerwalking multiple miles. You'll get back into shape, no doubt.

Issas Crazy World said...

We have stricken the word fat from our house for this reason alone. Call me an asshat, but not fat.

Holly said...

Hahaha. Chicky is too funny.

Good for you for walking all those hills.

Manic Mommy said...

RC caught me hopping into the shower the other day: Mommy, you've got a bum! A BIG bum.

STFU, kid.

Pgoodness said...

I'm sorry, but I can't stop laughing here...literally can't.stop.laughing. That kid is too smart for her own good, and I swear one of my kids could/would say the same damn thing to me.

Lindsay said...

LOL.. gotta love kids and their brutal honesty! I am very impressed with your ability to walk up Everest with your stroller...!

Devan said...

lol
d gave me a similar comment a few weeks ago. Not good for the ego, but good for the motivation. :)

Kimberly said...

Oh Chicky! Just keep pushing that stroller up those hills. You'll show her.

By the way, BTDT the day my daughter told me my "big butt" would pop her inflatable pool. ::sigh::

Blog Antagonist said...

Well, um, she needs some work on her diplomacy skills, but she's still cute as can be.

You're not fat. You're just...empty. Pretty soon your body will figure it out and snap back.

That's what they say, right? RIGHT??

Heather said...

Tee hee hee! I've been on the receiving end of comments like that.

ScientistMother said...

Oh my Goodness! You deserve an award for that! So here you go!

Not Afraid To Use It said...

I am waiting for that to happen to me. Esp. as I am on my second piece of pizza and it is nearly 10pm. Sigh.

Munchkins and Music said...

Aww darn kids. Gotta love em!

Avalon said...

Mrs C~~~~ I tried really, really hard not to laugh at that.

Really.

kittenpie said...

I'm with kgirl on this.
Can't see you as fat, can only see little Chicky as being funny.

venezia came from chickenliver.wordpress.com said...

Really this is okay and funny?

I don't see the humor, I see you teaching your child futrue self image problems. I also see a child who has been listening to you say you're fat more than once. I see a child that needs to taught to say beautful things, like love, I love you mommy...not fat mommy.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

I'm pretty sure she meant "phat". It's just that she can't spell yet.

You're totally phat.

No matter what.

Redneck Mommy said...

Ya. I'm with Jenny.

You're totally phat.

Besides, I'd do you in a New York second. And I have great taste.

Suebob said...

Have you seen Y's Community Keynote from BlogHer?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4b1d0GoIG2s&e

carrie said...

It's okay - Katie pats my mushy stomach and says "I did that," and I say, "yes, yes you did." :)

Larissa said...

I feel your pain, hon... the other day, Greyson had a moment where he decided that he had nothing better to do than poke at my belly and giggle that it was "squishy." Followed up by a questioning, "Does it wiggle like Jell-o?"

Ugh.

BTW, I added you to my blogroll! =)

Julie Pippert said...

Oh the LOVE!

Annie said...

Oh yeah! Nothing like the unconditional love of a child, and the brutal honesty :)

Just found you via Twitter.

Kate said...

LOL... yeah apparently I've got a "fat butt" according to the peanut gallery.

Velma said...

PHAT, no matter what. Right?

Nadine said...

Hahaha! Monkey called me an elephant the other day. It was quite disturbing.

Wendee said...

LMBO! oh my god! I can relate though. The ONE time I actually do some shopping for ME! Of course I have 4 children with me and have to take them all into the extra large change room. I am about to try on a pair of pants when my daugther asks me (very loudly of course) "why are your panties are sooooo big!?" As if that were not bad enough....my other daughters tell her (also very loudly) "Because Mom has a really big bum!" Gee...thanx kids! We went straight more...did not try anything else on, did not go to the checkout, did not pass go and collect $200.

Wendee said...

lol went straight home not MORE!

**note to self - proof read BEFORE posting!

Rusti said...

I tried to smother the chuckle - but was unsucessful... can't wait to have those conversations with my own little one... in a few years :)