Friday, May 30, 2008

And so it goes...

I am not in a good place these days.

Mentally, emotionally, I'm not much fun to be around so I think it's time to step away from the computer until this baby comes and use this opportunity to get my head back on straight.

Control freak is a title I have no problem embracing and I feel as if my body is betraying me.

It's not of course, this is no different a situation than millions of other have found themselves in over the years, and yet... That doesn't make me feel better at all. In this case, misery does not want any company.

Yes, I'm only five days overdue and that's certainly not the end of the world. And there is light at the end of the tunnel as my OB scheduled me to be induced next Wednesday if the baby hasn't made her appearance by then. But I feel as if I've lost control physically, as I cannot force this baby to leave me and enter the world, and the emotional roller coaster I have been riding is more than I can take. I cannot for the life of me figure out what to do but wait (my membranes have been stripped not once, but twice. How it is possible this baby has not just dropped out onto the shower floor is beyond me.) and patience has never been my strong suit.

Even my doctor is amazed by my amazing steel trap-like wonder womb.

Add to this a possible major life change Mr. C and I are about to embark on that is unrelated to this baby and an out-of-the-blue phone call received from an old friend that will require all of my good energy to deal with, as the place she's in right now I can only assume is even darker than the place I am in, not to mention the maddeningly painful contractions and more than a bit of back labor I've had over the past couple of days that has produced nothing and I feel as if I just stepped off a Tilt-a-Whirl. A Tilt-a-Whirl I just spent the past nine+ months riding. I've got to deal with the messy purging before I can feel the solid ground beneath me.

Since I've made a conscious effort to stay away from the phone (sorry, friends, not taking any phone calls. Not even from my dear, sweet, sainted Nana who wants nothing but to make me feel better, but by her very positivity and Oh, it will happen when it happens attitude will surely drive me to homicide.) to save others my wrath, I'll do the same for you.

I very much appreciate your lovely words of encouragement. If I had half a brain I'd better articulate how much every single word and suggestion has meant to me. I love my friends, both in the computer and out, so when I'm my old self, but my old self with a new baby, I'll be back.

Until then I'll be placing a lock on my oven and hiding the sharp objects.

44 comments:

Swistle said...

I love being around people who are no fun to be around. They're so fun to be around.

Also, this is the very reason I hate the "due date" concept. Since 37-42 weeks is ALL an "on time" baby, they shouldn't even CALL it a due date---as if the baby is EARLY before that or LATE after that. It makes every day after the due date PURE TORMENT.

Velma said...

So understandable, that feeling stabby towards everything and everyone. I hope baby is done cooking soon and that the buzzer goes off!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Hmmmm...trying to come up with something POSITIVE for you (b/c we've talked before about "not enjoying" pregnancy)...

racking brain...

Got it! The June birthstone is a LOVELY PEARL.

justmylife said...

So well written. Good luck to you and the new wee one. Rest now for before you know it, rest will be a memory! heh!

S~ said...

Aw, you poor dear. If it makes you feel any better, I seriously doubt it'll be much longer, and hopefully to make up for the long pregnancy, you'll have an easy birth

Ree said...

{{hugs}}

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I feel as if I know you. I am drawn to your blog, and look forward to your posts. You have been in my thoughts frequently these past few days. I am not a mother, so I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I am so happy for you and the path you and your family are on.

Wishing you and yours a relaxing weekend and a safe delivery.

Your anonymous friend.

Diane said...

I've been exactly where you are. Twice. It's awful, but rest assured, you can't be pregnant forever and once the baby comes you will forget how awful all of this was. Keep your spirits (and your feet) up. It will be over soon.

Heather said...

Your pregnancy has been such a pain in the butt, that has to mean that the baby is going to be easy!

Vicki said...

I'm keeping you in my thoughts for an easy delivery; a happy sleeps-all-night-long baby; fast post-delivery healing; and a magnificent future with your wonderful family!

Keep the faith because there's a reason that baby's hanging on so tight. Maybe there's one more detail it needs to iron out before coming out of there?

Or maybe you just have like the BEST womb in history??? Is there a hot tub in there or something...?

Binkytown said...

Hang on there Chicky- This baby is going to be here before you know it. I know it doesn't FEEL like that right now, but you are standing at the very edge of this and you are almost there. Deep breaths babe- You are going to be looking back at this very soon (with a wiggling crying baby who keeps you up at night so lets not lose sight of that fun you are wishing for..) I just realized that you really will be a Chicky Chicky baby- twice the fun!

Ms. Huis Herself said...

Best of luck!

daysgoby said...

We'll be here when you wanna be.

Mac and Cheese said...

Wishing you a quick and painless delivery. Catch you on the flip side.

Anonymous said...

I am two days overdue and feeling your pain. Staying away from the phone is my strategy too. I think the next person to ask me if I am in labor yet will seriously regret it.

Hope yours shows up soon.

cooler*doula said...

Yep, yep. I'm not answering my phone either. Good for you for doing what makes sense. Control where we have it, I say... Exercise it.

Thinking of you. Sending some extra good stuff for your friend.

Yours in the due date zone also
a

mothergoosemouse said...

Looking forward to good news - sooner rather than later, more rather than less.

xo

flutter said...

Chicky girl-

You are remarkable. That you can form coherent thought, much less a blog post when you are overdue makes you wonderwoman.

You will return to the most sparkling version of yourself shortly. In the mean time, cut your divine self some slack and get a massage.

Backpacking Dad said...

So, I'm watching Rocky IV right now, and Rocky is just about to go toe-to-toe with Drago.

And when they touch gloves Drago sneers: "I must break you."

No matter how much you think your new baby is kicking the snot out of you like Dolf smashes Sly, just remember, Rocky wins that fight. And then everybody becomes great friends and the Berlin wall comes down and Gorbechev declares Glasnost.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I've got nothin, just a big fat hug. Sorry you're in a tough spot. Don't these kids realize that being late is torture? (I'll probably write you the same sentence when Chicky is 16).

mo-wo said...

Makes sense.

good luck on house. good luck on babe.. good luck on all manner of new and mysterious upheavals.

sorry I couldn't hold my streak.

Barb @ getupandplay said...

Best wishes during this agonizing waiting! I know you can make it through!

Anonymous said...

Good luck, my dear. It is going to happen soon. And the reward is so worth it.

the new girl said...

All right, baby. Get out and give us our Chicky back!!

xoxo

Carmen said...

I'm thinking of you. I've been there before, and it sucks in so many ways.

It'll be over soon.

I know, I hated that platitude with the passion of 1,000 suns when I was 2 weeks over with my membranes stripped three times, walking around for 6 weeks at 4 cms.

Have a drink. And some ice cream and chocolate, go get a pedicure and your hair colored. You deserve every single minute of pampering.

Carmen, Mom to the Screaming Masses

Kristin said...

Wishing you a safe and speedy delivery and Soon!

xx

Major Bedhead said...

Hang in there, Mrs. Chicky. I don't have any nice platitudes because, well, I hate them. I like the suggestion of wine, chocolate and a pedicure. Sounds like a most excellent idea.

jen said...

good god, babe. it's almost freaking over. i'm so sorry it's hard for you right now.

kittenpie said...

Good for you, honey, taking time when you need it. That alone can be hard to admit to, but you certainly have enough angsting to do and really, practically, there is little we can do to help, especially being so far away. I only hope things get going and run smoothly and we hear good things from you soon. My best wished and crossed fingers are with you, okay? xo.

the mama bird diaries said...

acupuncture? worked for me when i was very late. hang in there. and you don't have to talk to anyone.

Pgoodness said...

sorry, friend. I wish I had a magic solution for you, but alas, I can offer only virtual hugs and hope, that since it's now 2 days later that your babe is breaking free of your steel trap-like wonder womb. wishing you much good energy for all of the things going on right now.

Stimey said...

I'm so sorry. I remember being near my due date and coming downstairs every morning to people asking me, "Anything?" and I just want to knife them.

Good luck! It WILL be over soon, and you will have a wonderful little baby.

Rock the Cradle said...

I'll be thinking about you.

Good luck.

Charline said...

Oh, I am so sorry! I go nuts the last month of pregnancy and I never went late, so I can not even imagine what you're going through. You'll make it, but I feel for you!

mamatulip said...

Hang in there, Mrs. C.

sam said...

I so know where you are right now. I completely and utterly understand. Just know I'm thinking about you!!

petite gourmand said...

long pregnancy hopefully means fast delivery.

good luck!!!!

Julie Pippert said...

(you)

Easy labor, hopefully already here and done safely and well now.

Hang in there on it all. Transitions smooth out.

Kimberly said...

I feel for you. I too think the whole due date concept sucks. They should just give you a range of a few weeks.

I'm thinking of you and looking forward to meeting the new baby. {{{{HUGS}}}}

metro mama said...

Hang in there! We'll be anxiously awaiting the happy news!

Heather said...

Saw the Tweet about the new little one. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Lawyer Mama said...

Due dates suck the big one. If it's any consolation at all, my best friend was due 3 days ago (first baby) and is already over the bend. With a second you should be legally entitled to at least an ontime delivery, damnit!

Hang in there babe. I can't wait to pop over here & see that she's here.

Redneck Mommy said...

I remember the frustration of jumping up and down and wishing for the little parasite I lovingly gestated to fall out of me. Immediately.

No words of wisdom for you.

But take comfort in knowing you are totally hot for a preggo chick.

And that kid has to fall out of it's hiding place soon enough.

Hopefully, it already has.

Smooches,

Christina said...

I remember being nearly a week late last year in May. It was no fun.

At least you're into June now. Tell Mr. C you want a nice string of pearls to match your baby's birthstone.