Chicky is staying overnight with my in-laws again today. I don't know who was anticipating this visit more, me or her. I need the break, but she's so done with being cooped up in the house I thought first thing this morning she might go sit on the curb, bag in hand, to wait for her grandpa to come pick her up.
These visits have been a huge help to me but they may never have been arranged had Mr. C not coordinated them. I don't ask for help. Ever. I don't know how to ask someone to help me and I'm even worse at accepting help when it's offered. I can't even tell you how much effort it took to ask my father-in-law to drive me to the hospital last week.
I've been offered help from some of my fellow New England Mamas (and I thank you all!) but when it came time to reply I was stuck. What do I say?
That was a rhetorical question. I know what to say - please and thank you. But that mental wall goes up and I can't. It has nothing to do with the person offering and everything to do with me being a psychotic control freak.
Psychotic control freak - party of one. Yep, that's me.
Well, I didn't reply and I feel really horrible about that. Is it pride? Stubbornness? A combination of the two is probably closer to the truth. Be tough, put your best face forward and never let them see you sweat... Or something like that. I've watched so much television in the last few weeks I'm getting reality confused with advertisements. All I know is that Snuggle the fabric softener spokes-bear is my friend. And puppies can sleep on reams of soft toilet paper.
Anyway, I'm going to have to start accepting help. Mr. C is taking a new position within his company and climbing that ladder will take him away from home a lot more. Right now, as I type this (and watch Dustin Pedroia hit a lead-off home run for my beloved Red Sox - yay!) he's rubbing elbows with some mucky mucks at a bar after a long day of impressing them with his mad skills instead of being home, making me Rice A Roni and rubbing my feet.
(Side note: Yooooooouuuuuuuuuk!)
I'm also going to have to learn to swallow my pride because playing the strong girl is getting a little lonely. When you're laid up on the couch and your only source of conversation is a two-year old, a couple of dogs and Jabba the Cat, you start to miss people your own age. Hell, you start to miss your own species.
Not that Nina the Wonder Lump isn't a fabulous listener. I'm just saying.
(Never offend an obese cat. She could smother me in my sleep with her massive weight.)
(Oh, one more thing... How much do Red Sox fans love that Manny is so good at being Manny?)
What was I saying about being lonely? I've got the vision of Jason Varitek's thighs to keep me warm.
(And to all you Rockies fans out there - good luck and may the best team win. Which I know is easy to say when my team is winning 3-0 in the first inning but I really mean it. Honest.)
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Hardly leaving the house + watching an important baseball game = Huh?
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39 comments:
My husband travels all the time - all the freaking time - so I definitely know what it's like to hang out exclusively with a 19 month old and my friends in the TV who work at General Hospital.
If you need or want help of any kind (really!) or company (seriously!) just yell. But really loud so I can here you over here in the Merrimack Valley :)
Yoooooouuuuuuuuk!
I think it's good that you're watching the game. I think you could try to think of accepting help as being part of a team. Lord knows it takes a village just to get any one of us through the day so when someone's offering to help it's just the sac fly you need to follow your lead off double, you know?
Anything we can do from out here in the ether, just let us know.
Also, PAPI! PAPI! PAPI!
For you, I'm rooting for the Red Sox! As for asking for help, you and I are so alike I can't tell you. I'm also the strong girl -- the one who doesn't need help, who pushes through the things that need to be done. And then I realize later that maybe if I had asked for a little relief it would have helped.
It's OK to ask for a little help every now and then. If I lived near you, I'd be there in a heart beat.
For you I am rooting Red Sox, too :)
It's so much easier to watch the Red Sox when the games are like this.
I totally hear you on the help thing. It's like you need people to just show up and do it, rather than making kind offers. I have never been able to respond to "let me know if you need anything".
i'd gladly loan you varitek if i could.
sweets, asking for help makes us stronger. it's that simple.
If it helps, you aren't asking.
We're offering.
And doesn't this game ROCK!!!!
I feel you kindred spirit. Keep your eye on that cat. It makes you a better mommy to have a break and rejuvenate.
Oh girl! I agree...Get some people in there to at least entertain you! Come on..Take them up on getting you something you can keep down to eat! LOL Good luck...I really hope you are feeling better and that the night off gives you really good rest.
Girl, if I had a car anymore (I don't..it's dead in the burbs) I would drive right over to help you. But you know I'm stuck on the couch every day, all day, forever. So if you can drive and wanna watch daytime tv together.... you know how to find me.
13-1. Snicker. Moron Tim McGarver (will someone shut him UP) says that the Rox are gonna win tonight's game. That guy needs drugs.
Manny, oh manny. He can do no wrong in my book. Laziest outfielder in history, but he can make a catch look effortless.
Dustin! He's adorable.
Youk! He's a neighbor. So is JD Drew. And of course, Jason V. I love living here. 5 Sox players right in the 'hood. Can you go wrong?
First, your parentheses. That came across as sincere. Really good job. ;)
Second, I get you, I do, about the not wanting to ask for help. I did get over the hump. A friend finally convinced me people don't offer unless they can and want to. And that my chance to help back would come sometime. It was just friendship.
It's okay. Take the help offered.
It's good for everyone.
But oh I do understand.
Julie
Using My Words
I'd like to just repeat Punditmom's sentiment...I wish I could come over and keep you company! A friend of mine was over the other day with her new baby, and I was apologizing that lunch was just soup and a sandwich and she said she was just so thrilled that she didn't have to make it. I never thought of it that way...
It can be hard to ask for help when you're used to be self-sufficient and the one who holds everything together, but you can't help others if you don't help yourself first!
Mrs C~~~ I hear ya' about not wanting to ask for help, or not even wanting to accept it when it's offered, but being so sick and caring for a toddler.....well, something's gotta give.
And anyway, what grandparent in their right mind wouldn't want some extra time with Chicky? They are probably in their glory, hiding your Zofran when they come to pick her up!
Oh, I like help. I seek help. I need help.
If I were in your (somewhat ghastly) situation, I'd be lying there with a wrist pressed to my forehead whimpering.
I don't know how you do it.
Jen said it perfectly. Accepting help makes us stronger.
God bless the in-laws (now there's something you don't hear everyday).
I worked through each of my first two pregnancies. It was far easier to sit down at a desk and have everyone from co-workers to clients ask me how I felt and didn't I look great. Stay at home motherhood is isolating and physically demanding. Think of it as best for your present and future children to say "can you please...?"
Just say the word and this just-outside-Boston mama bring you to RC's 2-year-old playgroup where you'll have a room full of mommies ooh-ing and ahh-ing over you.
Maybe the "help" you need is just for the NEM's to come over and watch the baseball and eat rice r roni with you.
Here in Canada's Maritimes we are all Boston fans from way back... used to be Sox games were the only ones we could get on TV. Soooo...
Woot! Crazy game, I couldn't believe the carnage.
Asking for help is so hard for me, I hear you. I have found that every time I bend and ask, it gets a little easier.
I send you sincere thoughts of 'get well soon!'. And really, you should ask for help when you need it, it's okay.
It's really okay.
And I'm a Rockies fan because I live in Colorado and wowzer! The game last night was brutal to watch on my end.....
May the best team win.
I totally understand this, because I am the same. Misterpie is always suggesting I ask his mother for help. Wha? Has he not met me? My mother is always offering me help. Uh, no, it would be more draining to accept the help than just doing it myself. I know this dilemma intimately, my dear.
Still, if I were near, I'd be trying to push help on you anyhow, because you're right - you could use some right about now, just to get through the worst of it. I know you'd feel embarrassed afterwards, but we could never speak of it again, as if it never happened. Kind of like that last ngiht in Chicago, when you were hurling when we came to say goodbye...
And, um, are we talking about baseball here? I'm guessing?
Gotcha. Me and my boyz will be BARGING (oops-that word totally looks like BARFING--my bad) in on you and little Chicky one of these days!
(Did I scare ya?)
(Kidding. I promise I'll call first.)
Was that game a complete ass-kicking or what? I watched and hoped it was helping you feel better.
I am sooooooo bad at asking or taking help - it was hell after B was born and I stupidily didn't ask or take offers. While I understand your stance, I say bite it and take what is given (if it is from good people, nothing is expected in return).
I'm not very good at asking for help either. I feel funny about accepting it, like I don't really deserve it or that people don't really mean it.
I know you don't want to ask, but really, if I can do anything, please let me know. A visit, more Rice A Roni, a Yankees *spit* wastebasket for the pukeage? Let me know.
Bossy has learned over time that asking people for help creates the intimacy we all need. Without that, we're all just acquaintances. Yooooooouuuuuuuuuk.
I also cannot ask for help. I'd rather cut my hands off than ask.
Why is that when there are so many people who want to help.
It is not a good character flaw to have.
Perhaps it's a New England thing, this not asking for help. I've got it too. I think it's a combination of not wanting to put anyone out and not wanting to be indebted to anyone. And because I feel that way, I assume others do too, and thus I tend not to offer help as much. This would be fine except that I seem to be surrounded by totally selfless and generous people (they must not be native New Englanders--hmm, now that I think about it, they usually aren't) who make me look like an insensitive bitch in comparison. Sigh. Well, I'm glad that at least you and I have an understanding :)
Here's the thing though...if it were a friend of yours and not you and they asked for help, would you help?
If the answer was yes, which I sense it was, then you should ask them for some help. Cause I'm sure they'd help. Hell, if I was your friend, I'd just show up. But I'm a brat like that.
I hope you feel better soon.
Hey, did you see the commercial where the dog shakes and turns into dozens of puppies? It was so funny.
Asking for help is really hard for me too. Right before I had my second son, a friend of mine advised me to take people up on it not only because I needed it, but it really does make people feel good to help out. Particularly with close friends, they can feel powerless to help you, but if you let them drop off a meal, it makes everyone happy.
That's it. I'm calling Oprah. She always seems to know what to do in these situations.
Don't be surprised if me and Gail and Oprah show up one day with all kinds of pampering goodies - like fluffy foot rests and gourmet organic gingerale from France. You'll simply have no choice but to sit back with your Le Gingerale while Oprah fluffs your foot pillow and Gail fans you and I perform interpretive dance to poetry I recite. Only THEN will you relax.
My husband is gone all the time and it sucks. If I lived nearby I'd come over and make you rice-a-roni (the san francisco treat) but you'd have to find someone else to rub your feet.
I don't do feet.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, my grandma used to say. I'm not sure of the exact meaning of that adage, but it just seems appropriate for your situation. That's my two cents.
Go Red Sox!!!
I have a hard time accepting help, too.
Well, I am offering you virtual babysitting services AND a hot dish for the fam (understanding that you wouldn't be able to keep it down). Really, I wish I were an East Coaster and could help. Moms need to stick together.
Repeat after me: "Sure! Thanks."
Don't make me go all Stepford Casserole Brigade on your ass. You live two minutes away from me. I'll do it. I have ways.
Look at it this way, if people are offering to help them and you turn them down you may end up hurting their feelings. And you don't want that now, do you? Think of it as doing them a favor. ;)
Yeah. There's a reason I weighed less than 100 lbs. upon graduating from my university. I was too stubborn to ask my parents for money. I hated feeling needy. Gives me the creeps just remembering it.
So I lived on soft pretzels for a while. You got a problem with that?
Offer's still up. I'm here. Or there. Or wherever. Need anything from Trader Joe's?
I'd rather gnaw off my own arm than ask for help. I get it. Even when I need to go to the ER I have a hard time asking my husband for help.
But it doesn't it feel so much better when you actually suck it up and let people help you? (((HUGS))) If I was up in your neck of the woods, I'd just show up on your doorstep (stalker like) and save you the trouble of asking.
Oh, how about them Red Sox huh? I DO know how hard it is when he hubbie's traveling, so I'm glad you're accepting help now. I'm so glad no more baseball b/c I need to get some zzzzzzzzzzz's!!
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