A sign of the apocalypse

I'm on a lot of retail email lists and gajillions of notifications a day about products and sales flood my inbox. I get so many that I usually delete them all without looking. But the other day one in particular caught my eye. There was a new toy that had won some prestigious editor's award for best toy of 2007.

That piqued my interest. I'm a concerned parent. I only let my kid play with toys that contain only the smallest traces of lead paint.

How many of you parents went out and registered for/bought one of these gymini things before your first child was born?Or how about one of these adorable interactive playmats for your infant's burgeoning curiosity, complete with teethers and soft, crinkly books to help their growing minds learn their 1,2,3s before all the other babies in your playgroup?



Cute, right? I'm willing to bet a lot of you have these things for your babies. Nothing but the best for our kids.

Except they're not for kids. Not the two-legged kind anyway.

Because these:



Are actually supposed to be for these:


To be used like this:



Now I have seen everything.

Some genius thought it would be fantastic to take infant toys and repurpose them for puppies. This is not a new concept by any means, every time I'm in a pet supply store I'm struck by how many toys my dogs and my kid have in common, but to be so blatant about it...

Well, it's no wonder why my classes are always full.

Listen, I'm all for treating your dog like a member of the family. I teach classes specifically designed for the family dog, for chrissake. But to treat your dog like a baby?

You might as well dress him up in one of these:


And please don't call me when your precious wittle baby puppy who you cuddled and loved and treated like a baby grows up to be a couch-eating beast, because I will tell you I told you so.

Then I'll charge you double.

I'm actually a very sympathetic dog trainer. I keep my opinions to myself and only get snarky when I can't hold it in any longer. And to prove how sorry I am to be so tough on you, here's a lovie for you:

Oops, that's actually for your dog. I found that at an online pet store too. Fooled you, though, didn't it? My kid has three just like this.

But my dogs do not. Because they're dogs.

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My family, my dogs, and my snarky butt are all heading off to Cape Cod for a few days. We're going to infiltrate my sister's perfectly clean house and dirty it up with messy paw prints and stinky diapers. She has no idea what's in store for her.

Heh.

In the meantime, if you're new to my blawg feel free to peruse some of my archives. Or you could just read some of the posts I like the best:

2004

Dog is not a four letter word

Dear Friend

Just Me

Alpha Bitch

This will get me kicked out of the sorority for sure

See you all on Friday. Or Saturday. Or September. I may never come home. You'd miss me though, right?