I found out today that my ex-husband is divorcing his second wife. Or she's divorcing him. Either way in the game of marriage he'll be a two-time loser and I don't know what to think about that. I'm conflicted.
On the one hand I don't wish him any ill will as he is, and always has been, a really good guy. Mister Excitement? No. Mister Always-Has-The-Right-Thing-To-Say? Uh uh. But Mister Would-Give-You-The-Shirt-Off-His-Back? Oh yeah. And he doesn't deserve to be divorced twice before his fortieth birthday.
However...
(You knew that was coming, right? C'mon, even if I hadn't set you up with my previous comment about being conflicted you had to know that if I'm talking about my ex it isn't going to be all sunshine, ponies and rainbows. Or rainbow colored ponies who shoot sunshine out of their asses.)
He married a twit, plain and simple. No, not me - although, I'm sure he has called me worse than that in his darkest moments and probably out in broad daylight too - but the woman he married after me. I believe their relationship was a knee-jerk reaction to our break-up. I don't think he was really thinking straight when he decided that she was going to be The One.
(If you've ever been divorced and remarried you know that you never, ever (ever ever ever ever ever), want to go through that again. So, if the first one doesn't take then the second one should be the charm. Right? Right??)
(I've already told Mr. C he'd have to do something really horrible to get rid of me 'cause I ain't goin' nowhere, baby. Uh uh.)
So, about this woman. She's got three kids by two different guys - none of them being my ex's - but that's not what makes me think she's a twit. Entirely. It's the other small tidbits of information that I know about her, combined with the kid thing, that made me scoff when I heard they were getting married in the first place. Tidbits of information that I will not share here on this blog because I? Am a lady.
Stop laughing. I always cover my mouth when I sneeze and I almost always feel horrible when I take the Lord's name in vain.
But Jesus H. Christ...
When you marry someone, you profess your undying love and devotion to someone, even if you're fibbing a bit, you hope that the other person is happy in their decision to legally wed you for ever and ever, Amen. You'd like to think that because they picked you their taste is impeccable. You're a catch, dammit.
And by "you" I mean "me".
I'm a catch, dammit.
I may not be sushi-grade tuna but I'm choice salmon. Haddock? Scrod? You'd be lucky to serve me in your restaurant and not as an early bird special.
What was I saying?
My ex went ahead and married this woman and it didn't work and I feel badly for him - but I wonder why, if he had such great choice in women (women that would rip his heart out and stomp on it, but still) why he chose her?
And why am I concerned about this?
Because I care? Sure. Because I was right about their marriage? Okay, yes. Because it's one more thing to question about my twenties and the choices I made?
Uh.........
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And, yes, I'm avoiding the meme that Julie tagged me for. Mainly because it's freaking me right the fuck out. But I will get to it soon, pinky swear.
Also, thank you (again and again and again) for all your kind words and encouragement about Chicky's appointment with EI (didn't I already say that once?). I especially thank those of you who sent me private emails with stories about your personal experiences and those of you who said you had the same fears about your kids but haven't yet contacted the experts. I promise to keep you posted.
(Yeah, like I have a choice. My insecurity trumps my good sense. And my pride.)
Oh! (Christ this is getting long) If you have any interest in how old I think your kid should be before getting a puppy you can go here. Or not. Eh, whatever. I'm flexible.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Paging Dr. Freud. Dr. Jung? Dr. Doug Ross??
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20 comments:
That man on the couch over there is never getting rid of me because no way in hell any other lady is getting all the lawyer benefits without all the student loan HELL.
Shallow, but so painfully true.
I'm still waiting for my ex and his current wife to get divorced. Because I really need to be right about the fact that if he cheated on me, he will cheat on her.
It's been 15 years, though, and I find it doesn't matter as much as it once did. I rarely think about him and when I do, I don't wish them dead, or riddled with std's, or cheating on each other.
Weird, huh?
Oy. That's got to be strange.
But you are most definitely sushi-grade.
YOu are a hot piece, woman. :-)
Oh and its funny that you mention this stuff because I have a friend who recently had talked about how she told the hubby he'd NEVER get rid of HER, EVER.
I had a friend who did that - got married a few months after his divorce only to get a divorce to that one 3 years later (and with another kid)
He was a pretty needed dude - I think, because his mother was a freak and created a mama's boy.
But hey, that's just me thinking out loud.
You are a spider roll!
(Take that for what it's worth -- a whole lot. I am a sushi virgin and I don't know anything about sushi outside of spider rolls, which my BFF says are the best. thing. ever.)
I think my first husband's second wife is good for him. That's a good feeling.
You wrote that post because you are compassionate, caring and empathetic.
Definitely sushi-grade, hon.
Chock full 'o info here lady!
I don't know where to begin.
You are a wonderful person, that's why you care so much about your ex. You can't help it. (and I for one, am happy you got out of that too...)
So, that being said. Don't question your thoughts. They are you. I hope you don't feel guilty for worrying about him. You're too sweet not to worry.
hugs.
Of *course* you're sushi grade. Duh.
Of course you worry about him. He was once a big part of your life. Totally normal. Plus it's always nice to know you were right!
ANd I had to come back and comment again after I read the linked post about your ex.
I could have been in your shoes. I married very young and my husband is from a similar background as your ex, but luckily when he said he wanted more he meant it. The restaurant where he proposed *also* burned down! But luckily they rebuilt it within a few months.
I'm waiting to hear that my ex is gay. It's got to happen sometime.
After today, I'm looking even more forward to stalking you in July for the chance to talk about ex's (briefly), dogs (extensively), and current families (for the rest of the time).
I'm just happy you didn't have kids with your ex. He doesn't seem all together. :D
I'm sad he has to go through a second divorce. I hope he gets through it.
You're sushi grade tuna to me, baby.
And you know how I like the spicy tuna rolls.
*burp* yup, I'm a lady too *scratch scratch*
You're concerned because you are sushi grade.
i wrote a post a long time ago, back in September i think, about a guy hopped up on drugs we ran into at a bachelorette party who professed the best stuff about marriage, ever.
something like that when you do get divorced true love means you are in the front row at their next wedding, cheering them on.
and that's exactly what you are doing. not only sushi grade, but with a side of fine saki.
If you were steak you could be tartare at a 5 star. :)
What a conflict...and I can understand it because you really present it very eloquently. I actually really feel bad for everyone. Hopefully, somehow, in the end it turns out well.
You've got it going in a positive direction, Miss Sushi Grade. ;)
OK..you had me at Dr Doug Ross...*growl*
Anyhow, this post is just another example of what a caring, compassionate person you are. It is too bad he didn't make a better choice.
"I may not be sushi-grade tuna but I'm choice salmon." I really hope you're not saying you're a cold fish. Because I seriously doubt that.
It's very good of you to care about what happens to your ex. Maybe he'll figure out what he wants now.
I'm more of a beef lover myself. Fish tends to smell....not that I'm implying you stink at all.
But you'd definetly be choice Grade A Prime, and not the mad cow variety either...
Your ex was lucky to have you for the time he did. Maybe his third wife will be the charm...
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