Sunday, August 16, 2009

Grandma's little helper

While preparing to grind my coffee at Trader Joe's this afternoon a nice older woman approached the adjacent bread section.

"I'm sorry," I said, smiling, moving my cart out of the way. "Let me move this so you can get to those muffins."

"Don't worry about me, honey, nothing's going to stop me from getting to my sweets," she replied with the biggest smile. "What you're doing there is important work. And, ooh! I love that coffee! Good choice."

"Yes, I love this coffee too. I'm kind of addicted to it."

She laughed heartily. "Addicted, yes, I can be that way too. Although, these days I drink more tea. Do you enjoy tea, dear?"

"I do but I have two little ones, so I need my caffeine," I explained with another smile. "These days I seem to drink a ton of it."

"I've been known to overdo it a time or two myself," she confided, chuckling.

She was so likable, so easy to talk to! Such a sweet, grandmotherly type. Wow, I thought, apparently I need to come to Trader Joe's more often. It's the happiest place on earth!

The grinder hummed along.

"How old are your children?"

"Four and fourteen months."

"Ooh, you've got your hands full." Her face was full of understanding. She had been there. Long ago, but she knew where I was coming from. She seemed to be remembering her time as a mother, as she stared off into space for a moment. Okay, a long moment.

"I hope you take care of yourself in other ways," she nicely admonished, snapping back to today. "To keep yourself going? Supplements and, you know, things like that?" She had a curious look on her face.

"I do," I assured her. "I try to take care of myself. Can't keep up with two active kids with just coffee in my system, know what I mean?

"So, where do you get your, um, product?"

"Excuse me?" The grinder was still humming along, and it was fairly loud. Maybe I didn't hear her correctly?"

"You know, your product."

She can't be asking me what I think she's asking me. Can she?

"Uh, that little health food store near the independent book seller?"

"Oh yes, I know the place. There, huh?"

Oh God, what the hell is she getting at? "Yes, they're very nice there. Very helpful. You know, with supplements?" If she is asking me what I think she's asking me, maybe she'll get the hint now. Yeah.

"I'll have to try there, then. Yes, I'll go there now. Right... now. Yes." She turned her head slowly toward the exit.

The coffee machine had run its course and I was standing there, slightly gap jawed.

"Ooo-kay then. Well, nice talking with you."

"Yes," she said, slightly absentmindedly. "Very nice."

And with that she wandered away.

I'm not sure but I think I just send a nice, little old lady to my favorite health food store to ask for drugs. But worse, I'm just sorry I'm not a fly on the wall to see that conversation go down.


Heather said...

Holy sh*t is right! Wow! Floored I am.

Whirlwind said...

So just where is your health food store? (kidding of course).

Um, that's just wrong, so very wrong. Poor old granny!

ClumberKim said...

You should have told her you grow your own.

motherbumper said...

So where exactly is that health food store? (not kidding).

flutter said...

that must be some good "product"

Emily said...

HeeHee...your own little real-life episode of Weeds!

SciFi Dad said...

You should have told her to come by your place around 4.20 in the afternoon.

Lesha said...

Hilarious! Product huh? Odd.

I think I would have been all confused and made her explain. Then I'd feel even more stupid and, well...

Oh, I miss Trader Joes.

She Likes Purple said...

This is like a scene straight out of Weeds!

MARY G said...

What Lesha said. I find this really funny, especially as I am a grandma type who would have no idea where to look for supplements.

Boston Mamas said...

Duuuuuude, all of a sudden I feel the munchies coming on!

This reminds me of when Jon and I lived outside of Washington DC and someone tried to sell us crack outside the grocery store. -Christine

Velma said...

A quote from the Princess Bride seems appropriate:

"I do not theenk that word means what you theenk it means."

Izzymom said...

Something tells me she's going to be a tad disappointed when they hand her a bottle of sublingual vitamin B12.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. Awesome. Nothing like some good 'product' to get ya motivated to play with the kiddos, or anything else for that matter. I so wish I could see the look on their face when she goes inquiring about it!

Magpie said...

Yeah, like Weeds in real life!

Mrs Mommy said...

You should know that there is no way for this post to be any funnier. I mean I actually LOL'd. BIG TIME!

Thank you!

Grizzly Kitteh said...

Reading your post, I couldn't help but think of "that guy" I used to know in college and all the people that used to come and go, taking their turn chilling out on his couch... Then I inserted your little old lady, who appropriately looked like Betty White in my imagination, chilling on the couch, eyes bloodshot, smoke still lingering around the living room.
Best mid-day daydream ever. Thanks for brightening my day!

karengreeners said...

Tell MB that I'm willing to hit the health food store, and I share.

Seriously, my elderly aunt always knew where to get the best smoke.

Although, I'm not sure what kind of 'product' she thought would make you better at mothering. Better at sitting on the couch eating chips, definitely...

VDog said...

What the WHA???

Julie @ The Mom Slant said...


I mean, if you were in Trader Joe's, she couldn't have been talking about Two Buck Chuck, so what else could she have meant?

But still. Holy cow.

Daisy said...

Hm, she's what they might call "young at heart," is she?

ewe are here said...

heh heh

I feel for the health food store clerk she's going to tiptoe around ... gonna confuse the 'ell out of him!

management said...

ehehe! what an adorable for granny to ask. she's an expert.

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