Tuesday, March 03, 2009

This is NOTHING like being a Deadhead.

You've heard about The 30 Day Shred, right?

Jillian Michaels? Biggest Loser? She who will kick your ass back and forth 'til Sunday because she wants you to be the best and most sore person you can be?

Yeah, that one.

That psycho hose beast woman has me by the short and curlies. I am her bitch bitch.

Let me back up.

There I was Sunday evening, sipping a glass of wine and eating cookies - and I will interrupt here to say Duuuuuh. Because on any given night you might find me sipping wine and eating cookies. I may have well said I was breathing and blinking - when I got very interested in a Twitter conversation Kristen started about getting a group together to do The Shred. Blame it on the wine, blame it on the cookie crumbs covering my muffin top... hell, blame it on the bossa nova, but I was all Hell Yes! I too want to SHRED!

I had no idea what the Shred entailed but when you have that rosy glow in your belly and a flush on your cheeks that only comes from the one-two punch of vino and tasty treats peddled by Girl Scouts shredding your body seems like a really good idea.

(Also, she named it the Shredheads. Which to my wine soaked brain sounded a helluva lot like Deadheads and I flashed back to my youth - quickly mind you, because have you ever been to a Dead concert? Yeah, poof. My memory, it ain't so good - and I immediately thought of special brownies.

Mmmm, special brownies.

Now you know why I get stuck on so many tangents.)

That good idea in the light of day? When sober? Come to find out, notsomuch.

But if my girls can do it then dammit, so can I. How bad could it be?

[Insert maniacal laughter of those who have done the Shred here]

I'm on day 2 and my thighs have not hurt this much since way back in the day when I was playing high school basketball and our sadistic coach made us do suicides until our legs spontaneously tore from our bodies and picketed outside the gym in protest. If I didn't have a support group I don't think I would keep going. Thanks to Kristen there are others out there at this very moment, shredding.

Viva la Shredheads!

Join us. Really, it's not so bad.


If you don't want to join, at least lend some moral support. Gifts of cookies are also appreciated.

Here are my starting stats:

Code name: Miss Mary Sunshine

Tag Line: Jillian Michaels can kiss my flabby ass. (Alternate tag - This sucks sweaty donkey balls)

Weight: 136lbs

Goal: I'd like to take my girls to the beach this summer. In a bathing suit. Do I really need to say more?

Diet Plan: Eat less cookies. Bitch. Eat less chocolate. Moan. Drink less wine. Whine.

Rules: Eat better. Try not to kill anyone.

Shred Plan: Level one. 3lb hand weights (started with 5lb and I can't lift my arms. I'm typing with my nose.)


Amanda said...

Effin' kill it, mama. She is worth every ache.

B, Esq. said...

I JUST got the 30 day shred (well, I got it a month ago, but I just did it for the first time). Holy crap, I could barely walk up and down the stairs for two days! But, I guess gettin' shredded isn't free or so she says. Let's just say that my speed is the girl on the right doing the even easier Level One moves.
Every morning when I get done feeding the baby, I talk myself into/out of doing it....
you might inspire me to be more diligent!
(PS. loved the Jesus Chicky post!)

Dorothy said...

Good luck ladies the more stressed I get the more I eat...no exercize is going to help me till I stop filling my face.

Dorothy from grammology

Heather said...

I am not going to lie, this shred scares me, but I want to see more.

Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

You're typing with your nose? Even mine hurts.

Seriously though. I can barely walk. I look like someone just {ahem} me in the [ahem].

I fear tomorrow.

Briya said...

I totally want to try it but I'm scared, because even though I've heard rave reviews...Pain is not my verb.

Tell me in a week how you're doing.

mo-wo said...

those mommer-swim-suits are deplorable. good luck.

Elle Dubya said...

that evil little disc is sitting in my dvd player just waiting to mock me.

Elle Dubya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jen said...

I'm pretty sure its not recommended for those who are currently pregnant but you can be once this baby is out I'll be trying it. Good Luck!!!

karengreeners said...

I have to admit, the shredhead thing almost reeled me in, but then I inhaled and thought better of it.

d e v a n said...

I just did a level 2 workout this morning. It's still hard but it gets better! If you can get through 4 consecutive days, you will feel MUCH BETTER. Trust me!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

I was doing the shred a while back and really need to get back to doing it. The first time I did it, I couldn't get off the toilet the next day. My legs gave out completely.

Tania said...

I want nothing more than for you to succeed. Let me take those cookies from you just to help out.

Hera said...

That is so funny because I was all set to go buy the DVD last weekend and I found it on Demand for free along with a bunch of her other stuff. I couldn't move for or workout for two days. I plan on doing the Shred 3 days a week in between my other workouts of yoga/pilates and my AirClimber. Seriously though - she is sort of scary no? haha well Happy Shredding!

Blog Antagonist said...

I'm honestly not trying to kill your enthusiasm, but...it's really not good for your body to start out with something that intense.

You could easily injure yourself. And believe me, it takes weeks, sometimes months to recover from a torn muscle or ligament.

Some pain is good. But if you're in so much pain you can't move or function, you've overdone it and need to take it down a notch.

I started with two lbs handweights and gradually worked up. I'm at 12 lbs now.

Once I tried to do Gunnar Peterson's bun battle without having done any lower body work beforehand and I couldn't walk for a week. Not good.

That said...good on ya for being motivated! I tell this to everyone, but honestly, Leslie Sansone's WATP is JUST as effective as the hardcore stuff with less risk of injury or cerebral accident. (kidding, but only a little). In 2005 I lost 60 lbs doing her workouts plus Pilates 3 times a week.

Okay, lecture done. Sorry. I really don't mean to discourage you. Just be careful!

Mandy said...

The last line made me burst out laughing in the office. Way to blow my "I'm busy with important internet stuff" blog reading cover.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Right there with you girl. I keep saying this is a "good pain". Plus, those 'helper girls' have such killer abs, I must keep doing this.

Julie Marsh said...

Your diet plan is the same as my diet plan.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like fun. Well if fun = exercise. Which it usually doesn't. Okay so it sounds like a good idea? Well if good idea = no cookies or wine and moving with lots of energy.
Wait, now I'm confused. What is the point of this again? Too be miserable without cookies and wine? Screw that! =)

ClumberKim said...

I'm blaming the bossa nova too, even though your current weight is my goal! And I'm wussing out and getting 2 pound weights because the 3 pound ones are too hard. Wussy wuss wuss.

Patois42 said...

It's fun to watch everyone do this. From afar.

Michelle said...

I found the workouts on Youtube. It's day 2, and my pecs are killing me. I had no idea my tits were so weak. :(

kittenpie said...

I am thinking I'm going to do this in July, when Misterpie is home and can look after the Bun while I do it. Plus, by then I will be not quite so weak, since I will have had some time to be working on the warm weather extensive walking plan.