Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I'm a terrible, selfish person and I'm going to Hell

I'm sure you know the drill, dear reader. When you're single you get asked "When are you going to find a boy/girlfriend?". When you're finally in a committed relationship you get "When are you getting married?". And when you're finally married, when the ink isn't even dry on your marriage license yet, you inevitably hear "When are you having children?". The hubby and I made it very clear that we would be married for at least a year before we even got pregnant. And when we did we got the usual questions - boy or girl, name of the baby, epidural or natural, are you ever going to stop puking and put on some weight, blah, blah, blah.

When the child arrived I thought we were done with the prying questions about our life for a while. I thought I would be the one asking questions. "How do I get this demon child to sleep!" was one that came up a lot. "How far can a crying newborn fly when thrown from an open window?" was one that I often asked but, strangely, I never got an answer. I was not prepared for how soon after the birth of our blessed offspring that we would hear "So, when are you having another one?" Another one? Let me put a band-aid on my cracked and bleeding nipples then I'll grab the hubby and we'll start making another one. Why not two or three.

Actually, it was not so much a question as an assumption. Whenever I was having a particularly hard time with Julia I would always hear that the next time, with the NEXT ONE it would be easier. I don't remember signing up for a second one just yet, if ever! Right now I enjoy having one and I've made it perfectly clear on several thousand occasions to my husband that a second one was not on my priority list. And, to his credit, he is okay with having one child. Though, I never rule anything out - I've learned the hard way to never say never - but, honestly, right now I don't want a second one. I know this makes me a horrible person... How could I possibly leave my dear, beloved baby an only child!! Well, I'll tell ya.

For starters - Growing up my sister and I had a ridiculously close relationship, especially for two girls who were four years apart. Adults wept when they saw us together, particularly when they compared us to their own spawn. We're still extremely close, she is undoubtedly my best friend. She was at the birth of my daughter. She held my right leg while the husband was holding the left. Well, typically, lightning doesn't strike twice. I don't think I could deal with having two kids who did not have the same fantastic relationship that my sister and I share. I realize that I could have kids who love each other, that probably won't maim, or at least cause long term physical damage to each other. But there are other reasons too. I like my life the way it is. I like having some time with my hubby. I like the idea of taking vacations as a family, or paying for college without having to sell more than one organ. And I hate feeling pressured to have another baby. I was that kid that if you tried to force me to say the sky was blue, I would say it was red.

My family is less than thrilled with my decision. Even my sister-in-law, my dear, sweet, ridiculously smart, DOCTOR, sister-in-law thinks that if we only have one baby then Julia will grow up to be spoiled. Talk about unfair. I love my sister-in-law, don't get me wrong, but I expected more from her. For now I guess I'll just smile and nod whenever anyone suggests that the next baby will be a piece of cake compared to the first. It will be 'cause I'm not having one and you can't make me. So nnnaaahh.

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