Why my child will never get into Harvard

Thud.

Picture in your head the sound of an unripe melon hitting the floor after being dropped 3 1/2 feet and you still won't be close to the sickening sound of Julia's head hitting the floor after falling off of my bed. The very same bed that the hubby put her on while we were putting together some clothes to bring to the drycleaner. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of pink and Aaron diving across the bed. Like a bad movie he yelled "Nnnnnoooooooooooo" like in slow motion - and then there was the thud. Actually, it was more like THUD. I'm sure I will never forget that sound for the rest of my life. She's fine, thank God. She cried immediately after falling so she didn't lose consciousness, and she has a bump on her forehead and a bruise but she's happy and smiley now. I'm not. I woke up on at least 6 different occasions last night with bad dreams.

I think Aaron feels worse about it today than Julia does. Especially since I warned him to watch her closely because she moves so quickly these days. But, as he told me later, he "only turned his back for a second".

Its a learning experience, he said.

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE?

No, a learning experience is having her roll off of the couch (yeah, that one was my fault). The couch is only about a foot and a half high, two feet tops. The bed is ridiculously high. Like waist high. Like I needed a step stool to get into it after I came home from the hospital after delivering her high. And the floor is hard wood, not carpeted. And she's MY BABY! I've never been so scared in all my life.

I forgive him, of course I do. It was a mistake and he's learned from it. But I'll never let him forget it. Every time she comes home with a bad grade, or a low score on her SAT, or some moron of a boyfriend I'll remind my hubby that its his fault because he turned his back for a second. Until then, we'll just nickname her "Lumpy". See - I can laugh about it now.

Oh no, I mean - yay!

My blog was added to themomsalon.com - Holy Crap. That means people might actually read this. I mean people besides the hubby who checks in on it from time to time (how's that for passive-aggressive couplehood?). Up until now I wrote this for myself thinking maybe someone occasionally would stumble upon my blog or maybe I would share it with a friend or two. I don't know what made me send the link to The Mom Salon, vanity maybe. Possibly my inner voyeur. Actually, I think it was the wine.

If you, dear reader, decide to take a few minutes to read this I hope you enjoy what I've written. Remember please that I'm not a writer. I use this medium to organize my cluttered mind, with hope that I can chronicle this new life I have embarked upon as a Mom. This is not an easy thing for me to do, since the jumble in my head gets in the way sometimes. I know what I write here is not new or different and I'm not the first new Mom to think or do these things. But this is a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy. And if you don't enjoy it, too damn bad. Because I write this for myself. So nah, nah.

Packing it away

I want to preface this post with this statement... As of this point I STILL don't want a second child. I'm not ruling anything out (as I've mentioned before) I just can't imagine doing it again. But I'm going to miss baby clothes. Oh my God how I love baby clothes. I love folding little t-shirts and washing little baby jeans. I love dressing my baby girl in fashionable clothes purchased for her by her fabulous aunts. I'm drawn to Gymboree and Baby Gap as I breeze by Ann Taylor and Banana Republic. I look like a schlub but my child is dressed to the nines.

This all hit me yesterday as I was packing up Julia's 3-6 month clothes to make room for all her 6-12 month clothes she got for Christmas. I'm sure most Mom's feel this way especially after putting away outfits that were worn once or not at all. Some still had the tags still on them! That killed me. If my Mom were still alive I'd get a lecture on how I should have had Julia wear them at least once. There's a story in my family about an Easter Sunday when I was 1 and my Mom made me wear a purple faux fur Easter outfit even though it was an unseasonable 75 degrees and I was screaming from the discomfort. But, dammit, that outfit was bought for me by my Grandmother and it was expensive and I was wearing it whether I liked it or not. So there.

Anyway, I put the clothes away thinking I'll keep them for my sister if she ever has a little girl. Or for friends with new babies, hand-me-downs are always welcome. You just never know what those clothes could be used for.

But my little Buhbba is getting bigger, she's growing up. Now she's crawling soon she'll be walking and after that she'll be leaving for college. That's what it feels like - Right? I know I was just packing away baby clothes but it felt like I was closing a chapter of my life. The only good thing about Julia growing up... More trips to Baby Gap!

What did you do for Christmas?

Okay so I wasn't totally truthful about why I was so stressed about the child being sick. The reason was we were about to embark on our first trip to Florida for Christmas and a sick infant on a plane was more than I thought I could bear. She got a little bit better before we left and, I have to say, she did remarkably well on the plane ride down. I'm not sure how the guy next to me felt about having a woman nursing her baby, ever so discreetly, under an airplane blanket - but, hey, I'll never see him again. And despite the lack of a napping schedule, Julia was a very happy baby for the 4 days we were in Florida. Disaster averted. Phew.

Julia met her cousin Charlie for the first time on this trip and oh how she loved him. She loves her cousin Sam too, but he's 6 and Charlie is 2 and much closer in age and most of the time willing to play with her. Aaron's sister and her family live in Minnesota so we don't see them much, maybe twice a year if we're lucky, so it was great to be with them. And the fact that she's a doctor and gives wonderful advice if asked doesn't hurt either. Its times like this vacation that I really wish they lived closer. I'm so used to having all my family live within driving distance that its hard to have such wonderful people (the boys included) live so far away. It would be wonderful if Julia could have her cousins nearby to grow up with.

Speaking of children growing up with other children, the subject of a second child was narrowly diverted during this trip mainly because I kept my big trap shut and didn't jump head first into the conversation. It was brought up and I let it die. Please give me my pat on the back now.

We stayed at the home of my mother-in-law's friend, Bert, and his partner Marvin. I couldn't accurately describe either of them, so I'm not even going to try. I will say that I enjoyed meeting them (finally!) and the hubby and I were very grateful for their hospitality. It can't be easy to open your home to four adults and a baby (Aaron's sister and brother-in-law and the boys stayed at a hotel). We swam in their pool and ate their food and woke them up much earlier than I'm sure they were used to getting up. They were extremely gracious and fabulous, and I'm not just saying that because Bert contributed to Julia's college fund. Thank you Uncle Bert.

Even though I missed my family I can honestly say that we had a wonderful time and I'm almost sorry that I was so doom and gloom about the whole idea. Almost, because Julia was screaming on the plane ride home and I was soo happy when the whole ordeal was over. It was hard leaving 75 degrees and sunny for 35 degrees and cloudy, but its always good to be home.

Take a deep breath

I knew it was coming, it was inevitable. Julia has her first bad cold. Ugh. It started yesterday with a slight cough, and then she got worse about 1am this morning with more coughing and sniffling. She was really restless, but she put herself right back to sleep and didn't wake up until 6:30am (that's my girl!) Today, though, its full blown coughing, sneezing, goopy nose (love those snot bubbles) and a fever. I know that 1 cold in 8 months of life isn't bad. It's got to be the breastfeeding, because I'm certainly not following after her wiping her down with anti-bacterial wipes or Lysol-ing every surface of my house on a regular basis. I'm just not that kind of mom. But (and the hubby will attest to this) I am a stress-bag. And I am stressing a bit over this cold.

But in my defense I feel I have good reason. First, this is her first cold and her first real fever (102.8! Ack!) and I'm not sure I'm doing everything correctly. I've given her Tylenol and put her in a cool bath and now she's (restlessly) sleeping. Tomorrow we'll go see the doctor. But, hey, I'm a new mom and we all feel like we're failures from time to time. Right? Second, Christmas is coming. Trips to see the relatives, festivities that will wear her and me out, etcetera, etcetera. Third, and this is the topper, I think my dog Lana just had a seizure. Here I am all by myself (the hubby is at a x-mas party) with a sick child and a dog who's having a seizure. Great.

Julia comes first but Fisher and Lana were my first babies. They are very important to me and I worry about their well-being. Tonight I had to hope that my dog got better on her own because I obviously couldn't leave the baby and there's no such thing as doggie ambulances in my neck of the woods. Luckily she did, she's curled up on the couch next to me as I write this and tomorrow I'll call the vet to have her examined (we'll schedule that around a trip to the doctor's office and preparing for Christmas because I apparently have more than 24 hours in my day). But for a minute, that felt like an HOUR, I had good reason to stress out. And stress out I did. Now I'm drinking a glass of wine, de-stressing with my dog asleep next to me, the baby asleep upstairs, and waiting for the hubby to come home. And he will PAY if he dares to call me a stress-bag.

The times they are a-changin'

The other day I finally broke down and purchased an iPod. When I took it out of the box I held it in my hands and just looked at it for a while. Then I caressed the white plastic, played with the menu options, and (once I had finally figured out how to get the software working correctly - don't ask, that's another story entirely) downloaded a few songs. The convenience is astonishing. Whenever I hear a song on the radio that I like I can download it to my new iPod instead of buying the whole album, saving myself about $14. Its like the good old days of cassette singles only cheaper and better quality. But I'm torn. Am I sacrificing the total music experience for the ease of a small piece of technology?

I grew up with albums - that's vinyl for those of you born after 1984, not cassettes. First it was my parent's records... Pink Floyd, Cream, The Beatles, and my favorite Big Brother and the Holding Company "Cheap Thrills". Some of my favorite memories from childhood are of listening to those albums for hours. When I couldn't convince my Mom or Dad to put a record on for me I would stare at the album covers, particularly Big Brother's famous "Cheap Thrills" album cover designed by R. Crumb. When I was old enough to have my own albums and record player I had moved into my musical theater phase - Grease, Annie, Sound of Music. The first albums I bought with my own money when I was a pre-teen - and I'm almost embarrassed to admit this - were Men at Work and Bonnie Tyler. I can't believe that my Mom didn't throw them out the window after hearing "Who Can it be Now" or "Total Eclipse of the Heart" for the 200th time! Soon after cassettes became all the rage (great for taping songs off the radio - our own early version of Napster) and then it was CDs, but I never gave up on vinyl entirely.

A few years ago the hubby bought me a record player. You know, one of those players that looks like an old-fashioned record player but isn't. I was really excited because now I could take all those albums out of storage and listen to them again. I hadn't gotten around to replacing them with CDs so it felt like I was visiting some old friends. The first one I grabbed was, you guessed it, "Cheap Thrills". The artwork was still spectacular and the distinct smell of plastic and cardboard was still there. Then I put it on the player, cued up the needle... and the quality sucked. It didn't just suck, it S-U-C-K-E-D. It was scratchy and the sound was horrible. Soon after I went out and bought the CD. And soon after I finish writing this, it will be in my iPod.

I'm sad because I feel like my daughter will be missing out on some of the things that used to make music special. Gone are the days of album art, at least in the mass media. When was the last time you really looked at a CD cover? I'm still going to hold on to my records and, when she's old enough to understand, I'll pull them out of storage and show her what Mama used to listen to when she was a little girl. And then we'll listen to their music on our iPods, because records sound really bad in comparison!

Why didn't anyone tell me?

When you're pregnant for the first time you're warned about, oh, 50% of what's in store for you during and after childbirth. I completely understand now that some things I had to experience for myself. There was just no way for anyone to accurately put into words some of the things my body and my psyche was going to go through. Sure, other mothers can tell you that you'll be sleep deprived. But no one can prepare you for the sheer mental and physical exhaustion you will go through when caring for a newborn. Especially when you are breastfeeding (That's a pearl of wisdom from one new mother to any potential mothers out there that they don't put in the books. You won't sleep... EVER. Or at least until your baby learns that you're not a walking, talking pacifier).

The closest source of true mommy wisdom were from this book and this book. And, even though it was mentioned in the second book I feel it is my duty to drive the point home about one particularly disturbing part of postpartum. Are you ready? Okay, here goes nothing.... That thick and lovely hair you got while carrying your little bundle of joy during pregnancy will fall out IN CLUMPS about 3 to 4 months after you deliver. Big, nasty, clumps. You will have gobs of hair all over your house, in the sink, in the shower, in you BABY'S MOUTH. You will only have to look at a hair brush and out will pop 15 more strands. I shed more than my cats and dogs combined. Its disgusting.

The shedding lasted about 3 months and I didn't have very thick hair to begin with. And I did notice my hair getting thinner and thinner, as I rushed to the mirror after a particularly large clump came out I was convinced I would have a bald patch on top of my skull. But it wasn't too bad until it started growing back. Now I look like a Chia Pet. The top of my forehead is covered in one inch baby hairs that stick straight up and there's no amount of hairspray that will make them stay down. Try as I might with my spray, my brush and my hairdryer the little suckers won't lie flat.

So if you're in the mall or the grocery store with your baby bump and your thick pregnancy hair and you spot a woman with bags under her eyes, Cheerios stuck to her sweatshirt, and what looks like a hair cut that went horribly wrong please give her a smile. Because that woman could be you one day.

I'm not worthy

The hubby, the child and I just arrived home from attending a festive holiday shindig at a friend's home. The house was decorated beautifully, and there was good food and drink for all. It was a wonderful party. Oh, and did I mention she invited 183 people?

I'll give you a moment, dear reader, to let this sink in.

183 people. Can you get your mind around that?

I'll give you another minute.

Did I mention she was a new mother to a 6 month old?

Need another second?

Oh my God... They invited 183 people!! And 128 ACCEPTED the invitation!! That means its possible that 128 friends, relatives, neighbors, kids and babes-in-arms were in their home in a 6 hour time period. 128 PEOPLE IN THEIR HOME!!! I'm lucky if in a 24 hour period I can vacuum my house, load the dishwasher, shower and do my hair, and get the child out of her pajamas and dressed in suitable clothing. Besides, I don't think I even know 183 people, never mind like them enough to invite them to my home. I bow at her feet.

I'm such a slacker. I think I'll take a nap.

I'm a terrible, selfish person and I'm going to Hell

I'm sure you know the drill, dear reader. When you're single you get asked "When are you going to find a boy/girlfriend?". When you're finally in a committed relationship you get "When are you getting married?". And when you're finally married, when the ink isn't even dry on your marriage license yet, you inevitably hear "When are you having children?". The hubby and I made it very clear that we would be married for at least a year before we even got pregnant. And when we did we got the usual questions - boy or girl, name of the baby, epidural or natural, are you ever going to stop puking and put on some weight, blah, blah, blah.

When the child arrived I thought we were done with the prying questions about our life for a while. I thought I would be the one asking questions. "How do I get this demon child to sleep!" was one that came up a lot. "How far can a crying newborn fly when thrown from an open window?" was one that I often asked but, strangely, I never got an answer. I was not prepared for how soon after the birth of our blessed offspring that we would hear "So, when are you having another one?" Another one? Let me put a band-aid on my cracked and bleeding nipples then I'll grab the hubby and we'll start making another one. Why not two or three.

Actually, it was not so much a question as an assumption. Whenever I was having a particularly hard time with Julia I would always hear that the next time, with the NEXT ONE it would be easier. I don't remember signing up for a second one just yet, if ever! Right now I enjoy having one and I've made it perfectly clear on several thousand occasions to my husband that a second one was not on my priority list. And, to his credit, he is okay with having one child. Though, I never rule anything out - I've learned the hard way to never say never - but, honestly, right now I don't want a second one. I know this makes me a horrible person... How could I possibly leave my dear, beloved baby an only child!! Well, I'll tell ya.

For starters - Growing up my sister and I had a ridiculously close relationship, especially for two girls who were four years apart. Adults wept when they saw us together, particularly when they compared us to their own spawn. We're still extremely close, she is undoubtedly my best friend. She was at the birth of my daughter. She held my right leg while the husband was holding the left. Well, typically, lightning doesn't strike twice. I don't think I could deal with having two kids who did not have the same fantastic relationship that my sister and I share. I realize that I could have kids who love each other, that probably won't maim, or at least cause long term physical damage to each other. But there are other reasons too. I like my life the way it is. I like having some time with my hubby. I like the idea of taking vacations as a family, or paying for college without having to sell more than one organ. And I hate feeling pressured to have another baby. I was that kid that if you tried to force me to say the sky was blue, I would say it was red.

My family is less than thrilled with my decision. Even my sister-in-law, my dear, sweet, ridiculously smart, DOCTOR, sister-in-law thinks that if we only have one baby then Julia will grow up to be spoiled. Talk about unfair. I love my sister-in-law, don't get me wrong, but I expected more from her. For now I guess I'll just smile and nod whenever anyone suggests that the next baby will be a piece of cake compared to the first. It will be 'cause I'm not having one and you can't make me. So nnnaaahh.

I'm slacking

Its been a while since I've posted. I blame it on the holiday, the baby, the fact that the husband took last week off from work. But really its because I'm a procrastinator and I'm lazy. I create all sorts of entries in my head but the thought of getting them out of there and onto a computer screen is daunting. This is why I was such a terrible student in High School and College. I knew what I wanted to do, what I wanted to write but I just couldn't get it out of my head. By the time I took up a pen or sat in front of a typewriter (yep, I did most of my COLLEGE papers on a typewriter. I was afraid of computers then. Stupid, stupid, stupid.) I couldn't keep up with the deluge of thoughts coming from my brain. So, even though I was very clear of thought, I was a mess on paper. I know I should get one of those mini tape recorders to record my thoughts and then transfer them to paper or computer, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. They say procrastination is a sign of perfectionism (is that even a word? It is now.), that most people who are procrastinators are so fearful of getting it wrong. So they put it off and put it off until they are forced to do it NOW. Yeah, I'm going with that. I'm not lazy. I'm a perfectionist. My family is so proud.

_______________________________________________________________

The child got her first teeth recently. One last week and one this week. I didn't think there could be anything as sharp as puppy teeth - boy, was I wrong. She's figuring out what she can do with them, like chew on her spoon when I'm trying to feed her. As long as she doesn't try out those new chompers when she's nursing, we'll be okay. I have to say, she came through this new teeth thing pretty well - very little pain (as far as I know, she still can't talk - slacker.) and very little fussing. When she seemed a little cranky we decided to skip the Tylenol and went straight to the Tequila. It seemed to work well.
Just kidding. I wanted an excuse to post this picture. She'll hate me when she's old enough to see this blog, but that's what being a parent is all about. To make her happy I'll post another one.
Pretty soon I'll be taking the dog's chew toys out of Julia's mouth. Oh what fun we'll have then.

On my mind...

Thoughts while watching "The Biggest Loser" and finding it disturbing to think Matt is sorta cute for an overly emotional former wrestler...

I no longer think the child sounds like a monkey at dinner time (except when she's screaming, then she sounds like a Howler Monkey). Now I believe she sounds like Frankenstein when she wants her food shoved in her mouth faster than I can scoop it out of the bowl. "Huh, HUHHH, Hnnnn, Huh! Mmmmm, Hnnn."

What criteria do you have to meet to become a photographer at one of those chain family photo places in the mall? There are no words to accurately convey how I feel about this.

Am I the only one psyched up for the National Dog Show on Thanksgiving Day? Probably, huh?

I love Starbuck's new Gingerbread Latte. Loooove it.

Why does my husband insist on reading aloud to me from whatever it is he's reading and finds interesting at that moment when clearly I'm completely engrossed in whatever I'm reading at that moment?

Mmmmm... Red meat. Fleshy, oozing, melt in your mouth beef. It's not just what's for dinner. It also pisses off the hard-core vegetarians. That makes me happy.

I don't care what the hubby says, yes I do enjoy treating my daughter like a little doll that I can play dress-up with. And I'm not ashamed of that.

Way to go, Gov. Mitt, I'm sure the alcohol distributors will be happy to contribute to your presidential campaign now.

The guy who plays Dr. House is crazy sexy-ugly. Scratch that, he's just sexy. Is there a female equivalent for sexy-ugly?

Baby Update

The child turned 7 months yesterday. I have to say I am really enjoying this age, she's a lot of fun. Julia is now up on her hands and knees rocking back and forth. She'll be crawling any day now (goodbye couch, you've always been there for me. I'll sit with you again one day). She's got a mega-watt smile and she charms everyone she meets - as long as they don't try to hold her! She rolls like crazy and usually ends up under the couch (I'll try to post a photo of that when I have a change to upload it). Apparently there was a skit on SNL about the baby Swiffer, but we just call it fleecy pajamas. No need to vacum under the couch, let the kid roll and do all the work for you!
She's a champion sleeper finally - can you hear the Hallelujiah Chorus? I can, every time I get a full night sleep. And she's a fantastic eater. If you put food in front of her it will disappear in no time flat. If she could say "More!" she would, but for now she'll just have to grunt like a hungry monkey (no lie, she sounds like a monkey). I wonder where she gets that insatiable appetite? Hmmm. She now eats applesauce, bananas, pears (her favorite), squash, sweet potatos, green beans, peas, mangos (her second favorite), carrots, mashed potatos, cereal (she loves her oatmeal), yogurt, cheerios and toast. The dogs were very happy when we started with the cheerios since more end up on the floor than in her mouth. We tried pureed turkey the other day (gotta get her ready for Thanksgiving) and I thought for sure she would hate it. After the first bite there was a great sucking noise and I was left with an empty bowl and a grunting monkey-baby.
She still loves bath time, especially since toys are now involved. But if you try to pour water over her head you will soon incur the wrath of Cranky Baby's even more evil twin, Screaming Baby. She lets me do goofy things with her hair, though - much to Aaron's chagrin. :)

High-Pressure Sales Pitch

When did navigating the mall become an Olympic sport? The first floor Giant Slalom - between Macy's and the food court.

I went to the mall the other day to buy my daughter a Christmas outfit. I innocently thought that I could put Julia in her stroller, wheel her over to the store of my choice, buy the outfit and then leave. Silly Mommy. Now you have to do the bob and weave through a different breed of shopping - the Mall Kiosks. Ah, the good old days of the mall - popping into to different stores with little interuption. Sure, you'd occassionally run into a particularly cheeky sales person who worked for commission, but for the most part you could browse in relative peace. Now there are vendors lined down the center of the mall aisles selling everything from Tupperware to t-shirts to fake hair. Also, stuffed animals, jewelry and - get this - replacement windows! (I don't know about you but when I think of windows, I think of heading to my local mall.) And if this wasn't bad enough, now you get accosted every 5 feet by another person from one of these kiosks, like barkers in a carnival - "Ma'am, I'd like to talk to you about your cell phone plan." Or, "Ma'am could I give you this?" (Whatever "this" was!! I have no idea, I didn't give them the opportunity.)

Now, I'm constantly on the lookout - as a new Mom I guess I have a bullseye on my forehead, so I've learned to walk very fast. But I almost got caught the day we were looking for the Christmas outfit... As we were heading to the mall exit the baby chucked her toy off the side of the stroller (Shocking!). Up ahead I saw that I was spotted by a kiosk employee. I had to make a quick decision - save ourselves, leave the toy and incur the wrath of Cranky Baby or try to grab it without getting roped into a 15 minute sales pitch. This was not much of a choice, so I leaned down, swiped the toy off the floor and continued walking in one fluid motion. It was beautiful. As I sailed past I heard the man say "Ma'am, are you interested in a music CD customized with your baby's name?" Are you kidding me? But I gave him my most gracious smile and a "No, thank you" and we were outta there before he could say anymore.

We'll have to go back again, but I know what to look out for now. Swerve left around the cell phones, right around the electronic place and left again by the Christmas ornaments. But since I'm postpartum, maybe I should stop by the fake hair - I could use some!

Mother of the Year?

My daughter, Julia, is 6 months old - which means I have been a SAHM for 6 months. Actually, 6 months and 12 days, but who's counting? I have spent the past 6 months changing diapers. I have spent the past 6 months nursing. I have spent the past 6 months amusing an infant. I have spent the past 6 months slowly losing my mind.
Yesterday I found my salvation. The laptop I ordered arrived in the mail and with it my new connection to the outside world. Hallelujah!! Now I can check and send email whenever I feel like it. I can create a blog, or check on world events. Hell, I can find out who Paris Hilton is dating now instead of waiting for Access Hollywood to come on.
Now, because of the new computer, the infant I've spent 6 consecutive months caring for non-stop is making a very effective lint roller on my floor. The very same floor that I usually vaccum once a day to make sure my daughter is not covered with dog hair. (As a matter of fact, the dogs who produce all that hair are amusing the child - sort of a screwed up baby/doggy daycare). But that was before the computer. Now I will allow her to roll across the floor - Thank you Dell, I love my new computer. I let my eyes leave the monitor just often enough to ensure the dogs have not completely covered her with their saliva. I've even put the laptop down long enough to stop her from rolling under the couch. These are the only reasons that I have removed this laptop from my lap. I am so engrossed in wireless technology that even George Clooney on Oprah will not make me put this blessed piece of machinery down.
I know I will have to stop soon... this "me" time cannot last forever. But for the next few minutes I will enjoy my new friend. I think I will give my new computer a name... George, perhaps. Instead of watching Oprah, I think I'll find a George Clooney website.

How do I love my daughter...

How do I love my daughter, let me count the ways...

Poopy Diapers

Spot cleaning little onsies because diapers couldn't hold all that poop.

Breast Feeding

Cleaning spit up and starting over again.

Bottle strike

Getting out of bed at 1am or 3am or 4am to nurse her back to sleep.

Dealing with her fear of strangers. Actually, her fear of everyone who isn't me!

Listening to a screaming baby who thrashes in her crib because she doesn't want to nap.

Fighting with myself over whether to go to her or not because said baby is still screaming after 15 minutes, only to have her fall soundly asleep 2 minutes later.

One word - COLIC!!!

but then there's...

Little feet and hands

fat cheeks

that freshly washed baby smell

baby sighs

mamamamamamamamama

the first time she smiled, rolled over, sat up on her own, slept through the night

her beautiful blue eyes that look at me with complete love and trust

I love being a Mom

my first entry

This is my first entry in my new blog. I'm not sure what I think about this blogging thing yet, but I'll let you know! Gotta run, the baby's hungry. :)