Monday, August 10, 2009

But I'm keeping my black shit

Friday afternoon, in the car:

Me: So, you heard John Hughes died, right?

Him: Who?

Me: [head threatening to explode] John Hughes? The man responsible for The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Planes, Trains and Automobiles and many, MANY other excellent movies? The man who created Duckie and Bender? And "Blane? His name is Blane? That's a major appliance, that's not a name."? The man responsible for the shaping of our formative years?? THAT John Hughes???

Him: Oh yeah, that guy. Yeah, I think I heard something about that. Too bad, huh?

Me: [Boom]

Me: Yes it is too bad that he died - but kind of ironic in a way. I was just writing a post drawing a connection between a character in The Breakfast Club and personal blogging, more specifically my personal blogging...

Him: Come again?

Me: I know, weird, right? But let me explain. You know Allison, how she's always carrying around that big bag...

Him: Allison?

Me: [Boom again] Ally Sheedy?

Him: Right. Go on.

Me: ... She's got that bag and she keeps it really close to her at all times until that scene with Andrew and Brian - sorry, Emilio Estevez and Anthony Michael Hall - where they compare what's in their wallets with each other...

Him: And Anthony Michael Hall's got the bad fake I.D.?

Me: Right! Very good. You were beginning to make me question this whole relationship of ours.

Him:

Me: So, Allison steals Brian's wallet and then gives it back and then the guys start comparing the stuff in their wallets and it's kind of personal and kind of silly but most important - they're connecting on a more intimate level...

Him: High school boys do not connect on an intimate level.

Me: [stink eye] It's a John Hughes movie. The boys are very in touch with their feelings. Kind of. Maybe?

Him: Continue.

Me: Okay, so. Wallets, fake I.D., nudie picture... The whole time Allison is there clutching that bag to her chest like her life depends on it and you can see in her eyes that she wants to share so badly she can hardly stand it but she's been so quiet up until now that she's torn -- Don't give me that look. I've seen the movie so many times, I know that she's torn -- so she asks them, Do you want to see what's in my bag? To which they say, No. Like, emphatically. No. She's weird and there's that whole high school social pecking order thing...

Him: You need to get out more.

Me: [ignoring] Finally she can't take it anymore and she, like, dumps her massive bag out in front of them -- and there is, like, a ton of shit in there. Like, it takes forever to dump everything out of that damn bag of hers - and she has to defend why she carries all that stuff with her at all times while the two guys pick through it with this mixture of disgust and curiosity. And in the end you can tell she's totally relieved that she did it. Like a weight has been lifted off her shoulder. But at the same time she's horrified of what she just did... A woman's bag is a very important, very sacred thing, you know.

Him: Yes, I know.

Me: And in the end it's all worth it. She gets the guy and they kiss and she takes a memento...

Him: That scene always pissed me off. Right, in a fit of superhuman strength she rips the patch off the arm of his jacket? How did she do that? My patches were all sewn on by my mom and there was no way some girl was going to rip those things off with her bare hands.

Me: I think it was ironed on. You're mom really sewed on all your patches? Wow.

Him: Yeah, and you're, like, talking like a teenager, like.

Me:

Him: So how is this like your blog exactly?

Me: Dude! The bag is a metaphor for all my feelings and stories! People everywhere are comfortable sharing bits of themselves online. Don't you see? They're opening up their wallets! They're dumping out their bags! And even though I've been blogging for almost FOUR YEARS I still play things pretty close to the vest, you know? I keep the contents of my bag pretty secret. I stick to the fringe. Lay low. Keep my hair in my eyes.

Him: Are we still speaking in metaphors?

Me: Sort of. I can't wait until these damn bangs grow out. Anyway, now that I've been to a few of these blogging conferences, I've seen people who have shared intimate details of themselves building relationships with others who also aren't afraid to show their emergency underwear, so to speak.

Him: Did you ever think maybe not over sharing is a good thing?

Me: Maybe. I guess I wouldn't like strangers poking through my metaphorical tampons.

Him: Exactly.

Me: And then Andrew tells her she has problems.

Him: Yep.

Me: And then there's the thing of her being a pathological liar.

Him: Uh huh.

Me: And I never did understand why she had to get all pretty for the guy to like her.

Him: Mmm hmm.

Me: Why did she have to get a Molly Ringwald makeover? She was the same girl underneath all that black shit. Molly Ringwald should have let her keep the black shit! She liked the black shit! Although, I do believe the headband was an inspired choice.

Him: We're not talking about your blog anymore, are we?

Me: No, I guess not.

Him: Can we drop this subject then?

Me: Yeah, sure. I guess. But I'm totally, like, blogging about it.

Him: I wouldn't expect anything else. Will you warn me if and when you decide to dump out "your bag"?

Me: Like, totally. And for the record, your mom spent way too much time on your high school jacket. It's kind of troubling, actually. If at anytime you'd like to talk about it...

Him: Drop it.

Me: Okay, Sporto.






32 comments:

Cheryl Lage said...

I am so scratching my scalp over my laptop keyboard to watch the snow right now.

(I'll take your Twitter follow and raise you a blog follow. ;) Like your style, Chicky.)

Mamma said...

I love you for this post. Loving you!

flutter said...

sporto! lol

Heather said...

My husband also did not know who John Hughes was. As if! But then, to add insult to injury, I talked to my mom (she who watches Breakfast Club every time it is on TV) and SHE didn't know who John Hughes was...until I told her. Sheesh.

Heather said...

Also? You could dump out a little of your bag...you don't have to dump it all out. I'd be terrified if I actually dumped out my whole bag. ::shudders::

Lara said...

I'm popping in to say nothing more interesting than, 'I really liked this post.'

But I did. (Really like this post.)

SciFi Dad said...

So what you're saying is your dandruff problem is really severe?

AnnetteK said...

You know when I dumped out my bag last week for the first time ever? Well, my hubs got pretty annoyed about one of the items I dumped, especially after my MIL freaked and called him about it. So yeah, I won't be dumping again for awhile. And I'm keeping all my black shit too. Even the eyeliner.

Amy Sue Nathan @ Suburban Kvetch said...

Oy, I'm exhausted from reading that, but it makes perfect sense. I keep my black shit too, and sometimes I think that is why I'm destined to remain a D-List blogger. The ones who dump their bags get a lot of attention.

Avalon said...

I wouldn't even venture to dump out my change purse, nevermind my entire bag.

Carrie @ Who Knew? said...

No, no, no. She wasn't getting a makeover. She was hiding behind her bangs and black shit and Molly Ringwald was helping her out.

I heart John Hughes! Almost as much as I heart Jake Ryan!

Patois said...

You so totally have to keep your black shit.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Yeah, I like hugging my purse to me, like a security blanket. Great post and my husband would be just as confused.

Although, when he got home from Brazil, I said (excitedly), did you hear that Cameron Crowe died?

Yeah, I suck with names.

Aunt Becky said...

If you lose the black shit, I will cry.

Julie @ The Mom Slant said...

Dumping your purse just makes a mess. I have enough messes created by other people; I don't need to make one myself.

Chibi said...

My Man-Thing didn't clue in to who I was talking about until I started listing movies, too. I rolled my eyes, sighed heavily, stormed to my room, & slammed the door. ;)

Suburb Sierra said...

With every passing year I am convinced I slept through the 80's - and the start of the 90's.

Like, you know?

Molly C said...

I'm a late 80s baby, so it took me a while before I was old enough to see it, but holy crap I love that movie SO MUCH! I forced my little sister to watch it. She complained. Then told me it's her new favorite movie

Lisa said...

There's an idea for a blog post when you've got blogger's block - What's in chicky's purse?

If you give people a few days notice, they could even draw up bingo cards! (Oh sorry. I'm a dork. But you already knew that.)

Mrs. Chicken said...

This post rocked my socks. Like, totally.

PS -- will you also give your underwear to a geek?

TwoBusy said...

I have to admit that it never occurred to me before to think of what I do in terms of "metaphorical tampons."

So... uh... thanks for that. I think.

Manic Mommy said...

I am Sam. Sam I am.

In Sixteen Candles.

Lindsay Jean said...

I really loved this post. I too was a hardcore John Hughes fan, or I thought I was. I felt bad when he died, not just because we lost such a fantastic filmmaker, but because he had been out of the public eye so long and I hadn't really noticed.

I am Ferris Bueller's psychotic sister.

Tara said...

This post really struck a chord with me. I think it's time to dump my bag. And oh, I am totally de-lurking. *waves* Hi!! I read your blog everyday!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

You crack me up. I loved this one.

Issas Crazy World said...

I love this post. Cracking up.

motherbumper said...

I just love you even more after this post. Also, I can apply my lipstick the fun way.... tho' these days more gets on my chin.

Major Bedhead said...

I want a Captain Crunch and sugar sandwich now.

I think I dump my bag out far too frequently, but now that I've started, I can't seem to stop.

Audrey at Barking Mad! said...

Based on this comparison, my purse is a really scary place...or my blog is. Or maybe both are.

Perfect parallel m'dear. The Breakfast Club is my favorite movie of.all.time.

sam {temptingmama} said...

So wait. I'm confused. Are you dumping your bag, or are you just contemplating it? I kinda hope you do ... just not all at once. It can be a little overwhelming.

I'll hold your hand.

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