It's the Thursday before a holiday weekend - except for you Canadians, happy belated Canada Day! - and we here in the North East are experiencing a pattern of weather that I like to affectionately call A Hundred Pounds of Shit in a Five Pound Bag.
Too harsh? You should have seen what I deleted.
No one has any desire to do anything but stare slack-jawed out the window at the rain and thunder and wish for Mother Nature to throw us a freaking bone already and give us just a little peak of sun. Except for you in those states that actually have sun, but I don't feel like thinking about you right now. I may say something... unpleasant.
Anyway. In honor of the rain (seriously, I think I just saw a chipmunk on a tree bark boat go floating down my driveway) it's audience participation day! Oh goody!
I'd like to know what you would take with you on an ark.
Think of it as Ark-fest 2009. Or "Ark 2.0 - The New Millenium :
Moses Noah* Returns. And this time he's pissed". Or something like that.
I would of course take my computer. I'd Twitter the whole thing -
Day 2, This isn't too bad. We're all getting along. Even the donkey's are cooperating. Hope we don't run out of carrots.The second thing I would bring is toilet paper. This isn't the BC's, people. We can put a man on the moon, we can certainly install terlets for the humans.
Day 11 - Okay, what the hell is that stench? I'm looking at you, elephants.
Day 19 - Planning on inviting the pigs to the lido deck for "dinner". Craving bacon.
Day 36 - Hey! Is that land? Nope, whale. FAIL. (Get it? Fail Whale? HA!)
And the third thing I would bring is John Krasinski. He would be my "Plus 1". We could repopulate the earth with adorablely lanky babies who would have their father's quirky dry wit and my love of shoes. You can thank me later, world.
So, what would you bring on the ark when the flood waters finally overtake us? And they will. Oh yes, they will.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA...*cough**choke**gag**cough* Ahem... BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
(And yes, I know I'm supposed to bring my husband and kids. But I've been stuck in the house with these people for days on end. After this last month? They're fending for themselves.)
*Yeah, yeah... I said Moses, not Noah. Honest mistake. I mean, I know Moses and Noah didn't have anything to do with each other, but wouldn't that have worked out excellent for each? Hey, Moses. God's sending this great flood somethingorother to teach us all a lesson. How's that parting of the seas thing you've been working on? *looking over his shoulder* Wanna give it a go, uh, now? Moses? Where you going?
Seven years of Catholic school right here, baby.